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"If I Become a Godly Wife – Will I Be Me?" – by ContentinChrist


ContentinChrist answers a wife’s question about losing herself if she trusts God fully and about how God can love us unconditionally if He wants us to change:

You will be more *you* than you ever have been, when you give yourself fully to God and allow Him control of your life. I know it doesn’t seem like that, but it’s true.

I don’t know if I would look like it as God wanting you to change. The fact is the old you is gone if you have truly put your trust only and totally in Christ for your salvation. If that is true, then your sinful self (your flesh) has been crucified, dead and buried and you have been raised to new life in Christ (Romans 6). What God asks of us, then, is to live from the truth of this reality (Christ in you, with the personality, gifts, talents, etc. that He has given you). Until you begin to believe what He has said about you (you are loved completely and totally and are safe in and with Him, you are righteous in Christ, you are secure in Christ, etc., etc.) you will not have joy and peace because there is no joy and peace apart from Christ. You have to embrace all that Christ is in and for you for you to experience the freedom that Christ has already purchased for you.

I promise you, there is nothing to fear with this beautiful God who loves you. Yes, you will experience trials and yes, there will be suffering. He does not lie to us about that (isn’t that great? You can totally trust Him because He doesn’t sugar-coat things!). But, the reality is we are going to face lots of trials in this life – either way.

Not putting yourself in God’s hands doesn’t remove you from the trials and sufferings of this life.

It just removes you from the blessing of resting in His love and sovereignty…and unfortunately, it sets us up for even further suffering because we determine to do it our way and hold on to control – and have to experience the painful consequences of our own way of doing things. God is too good and loves you too much to let you stay there. Oh, and let me just bluntly call it like it is….Satan is flat-out lying to you. Sometimes, it helps just to bring that out right into the light. He is trying to convince you that if you trust God totally, then God will require and demand of you more than you can give, or that God will test you with untold horrors. (I understand because I have bought into the same lies at times….and still hear the whispers of them at times).

If you are truly one of His, He absolutely will bring you to a place of surrender. If I were you, I’d just trust that simple fact right now. Don’t try to force it, don’t feel condemned for not being able to “be where you should be” right now. Just simply tell him, “Lord, I want this in my life but I cannot do it. I can’t even surrender to You totally. But You have promised You will complete the good work You began in me and I trust You for that.”

Guess what? With a prayer like that, you have surrendered. Surrender is just handing it over to God….He will do the rest. All He asks is that you are willing.

Sometimes, I have to pray prayers like “God, I am willing to be made willing.” That’s all I have to offer Him and it’s enough. He delights in our admitting that what we have to offer in and of ourselves is inadequate. He is the Source of it all.

I’m excited for you because He’s already begun the work!!! So many of us have been there and yes, it feels crazy scary. But, God has you. Just relax and rest in Him. He is so good. Believe it.

Isaiah 43:18-19: “Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.”


I Don’t Want to Lose My Voice, My Power  or My Identity

I Will Not Be a Second Class Citizen! – by The Restored Wife

Do You Have to Lose Yourself or Be Fake to Be a Godly Wife?

Dying to Self

25 Ways to Respect Myself

Giving All of Myself to Christ – a Prayer

Submitting to Christ Is about Holding the Things of This World Loosely

Confronting Our Husbands about Their Sin

What Headship/Biblical Submission Look Like at Our House


15 thoughts on “"If I Become a Godly Wife – Will I Be Me?" – by ContentinChrist

    1. Aliene,

      It’s so great to hear from you, my sweet friend! Glad you were able to see that you didn’t have to lose yourself – that we can become more and more our most authentic selves as we allow Christ to have control instead of the flesh.

      Much love!

  1. Also love “I am willing to be made willing.” Makes me think of Mark 9:24, which I have prayed and meditated on often. I am astonished every day by the woman God is helping me become – still myself but molded and shaped to become better, little by little!

  2. I remembered this morning after reading this that God revealed some things to me several months ago with regard to the idea of surrendering to Him when I was going through an internal struggle. He brought to mind the verse
    2 Timothy 1:12: “I know Him whom I have believed, and am persuaded that He is able to keep that which I have committed unto Him against that day.”

    Up until that time, I had believed that there were certain things that I wasn’t “surrendered” on and didn’t know how to get to that place. It was something I had struggled and thought about for years leading up to this point.

    God showed me that verse and it was like a lightbulb went on for me that my part is merely to keep trusting God in every area of my life – that He would do the work. I give myself up to Him to to do whatever He wants in my life to get me to the place He wants me to be – that is surrender.

    God also led me to this chapter of an Andrew Murray book (The Believer’s New Life) that totally confirmed what I thought He was saying to me by His Spirit (but a concept that I wasn’t hearing much about from other Christians).

    Excerpt from that chapter: “You often pray and strive against a sin in vain. It is because-although this too is done with God’s help–you want to be the person who overcomes. No, entrust the matter wholly to Jesus, “the battle is not yours, but God’s.” Leave it in His hands. Believe in Him to do it for you. “This is the victory that overcometh the world, even your faith.” But you must first place it wholly out of your hands and into His.

    Learn from Paul to set your confidence only on the power of Jesus. I am persuaded that He is able to keep my pledge. You have an Almighty Jesus to keep you. Faith keeps itself occupied only with His omnipotence. Let your faith be especially strengthened in what God is able to do for you. Expect, with certainty, that He will do great and glorious things for you, entirely above your own strength. See in the Holy Scriptures how constantly the power of God was the foundation for the trust of His people. Take these words and hide them in your heart. Let the power of Jesus fill your soul. Ask only, “What is my Jesus able to do?” What you really trust Him with, He is able to keep.”

    Just wanted to share that as I feel it kind of goes along with some of what I was saying. It’s such a freeing place to be to really know and rest in God’s working in my life. “The One who called you is faithful and He will do it.”

    1. ContentinChrist,

      WOW! I haven’t read that book by Andrew Murray – but loved his books Absolute Surrender and Humility. Thank you for sharing this lightbulb moment for you and for this powerful quote!

      Such a blessing!

  3. April, thank you so much for this post !

    Today, I was lead to think that I need to surrender and give all control to God. I’m thankful He helps me become a better person every day, but I can not still surrender completely.

    I also love the prayer “God, I am willing to be made willing.”

    In some of your posts, April, you wrote that this journey is all about us and our relationship with God, and that it has nothing to do with our husbands. I think I’m starting to see that.

    The road is long, but thanks to Jesus (and all the ladies here), I’m not alone 🙂

    1. Ev,

      I’m so excited that you are beginning to see more of the depth of this journey – and how it is ultimately all about us and Christ. Sometimes surrendering is a process of letting go over time. There are more layers God shows us – and we never “arrive.” Meaning, we must each take up our cross daily. We surrender all daily. But some times are more monumental than others.

      Here is a quote by one of my favorite authors, Andrew Murray:

      “He that loves not his brother whom he has seen, how can he love God whom he has not seen?” 1 John 4:20.
      What a solemn thought, that our love to God will be measured by our everyday intercourse with men and the love it displays; and that our love to God will be found to be a delusion, except its truth is proved in standing the test of daily life with our fellowmen. It is even so with our humility. It is easy to think we humble ourselves before God: humility towards men will be the only sufficient proof that our humility before God is real; that humility has taken up its abode in us; and become our very nature; that we actually, like Christ, have made ourselves of no reputation. When in the presence of God lowliness of heart has become, not a posture we pray to Him, but the very spirit of our life, it will manifest itself in all our bearing towards our brethren. The lesson is one of deep import: the only humility that is really ours is not that which we try to show before God in prayer, but that which we carry with us, and carry out, in our ordinary conduct; the insignficances of daily life are the importances and the tests of eternity, because they prove what really is the spirit that possesses us. It is in our most unguarded moments that we really show and see what we are. To know the humble man, to know how the humble man behaves, you must follow him in the common course of daily life.

      Much love to you! I know God will continue the good work He has begun in you. 🙂

      1. Thank you for sharing this quote, April. it’s so deep and beautiful. I will meditate on it. I want to learn to love my husband better and with the right motives. And I know I can not do it without being surrendered to God.

        This quote makes me think of Philippians 2 : 6 Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage; 7 rather, he made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to death.

        I think I’m more ready to become a servant to righteousness; and live in submission to Christ as Lord. I feel it a bit. I know it will be hard, but as you said in one of your responses to me “with Him in charge and His Spirit filling us, all things are possible!”

      2. Thank you April.

        I have been struggling deeper than ever over the past few weeks.God is showing me my mountain of sin. I prayed He would. I am learning. He is revealing my sin, the lies I have been believing AND reacting to in my marriage. I have felt so hopeless because I want so much to be changed and then I’m faced with a daily situation and I fall.

        There had been a glimmer in the back of my mind (maybe a still small voice?) that has the thought that maybe I’m to rest and let Him do it. It is the deepest struggle I have ever been in. (I’m sure once I am absolutely surrendered God has an amazing unbelievable plans for me) but it’s the “getting thru” that I’m in right now.

        The other day my husband came to apologize for some horrible words spoken in an argument that has kept us apart for days. I reacted very wrong. When he left the room, I asked God, “Why did I get so angry again?” I had already talked to God about forgiving him. God showed me I was believing a lie from Satan – a fear of this happening again. FEAR.

        Then God reminded me that He didn’t give me fear but a sound mind, power, and love. What a revelation. It showed me the deep deception I have been living in and listening to. There are so many times I have reacted to my husband and even my children out of lies and fears in my head. It has totally robbed and stripped me of all God has for me. I have been very prideful and selfish and lacking self control due to fear. That same fear is keeping me from absolute surrender to God. This post has helped me see even more.

        Thank you April. Praise God!

      3. April, I just wanted to thank you for your encouragement, to follow Jesus, and thank you for the quote. So true and beautiful. (I replied, but I suppose my message went in to the spam) 🙂

        Thanks again !

        1. Ev,

          I couldn’t find your other comment in spam. 🙁 I think something is happening to some comments this week, there seems to be a glitch. 🙁 I am glad this comment came through! I am so glad this was a blessing. 🙂

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