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Life Is God’s to Give and God’s to Take

Today is Sanctity of Life Sunday – a day when many believers in Christ focus on the sacredness of life from conception through old age. Let’s look at what Scripture has to say about the value of human life, when it starts, and who has the right to end it:

  • For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them. Psalm 139:13-16
  • do not kill the innocent and righteous, for I will not acquit the wicked. Exodus 23:7
  • “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations.” Jeremiah 1:5
  • When men strive together and hit a pregnant woman, so that her children come out, but there is no harm, the one who hit her shall surely be fined, as the woman’s husband shall impose on him, and he shall pay as the judges determine. But if there is harm, then you shall pay life for life, eye for eye, tooth for tooth, hand for hand, foot for foot, burn for burn, wound for wound, stripe for stripe. Exodus 21:22-25

(verses about murder)

God forms and ordains every human life. Yes, He involves human parents, but He is ultimately the Creator of life. A fertilized egg has all of the DNA of a whole person. Obviously, this embryo grows into a full-term baby.

(You can track the growth of a baby during every week of pregnancy here to see how amazing God’s work is that is hidden in the womb.)

I know our culture has tried to convince us of a number of things like:

  • a baby isn’t a real person, it’s just a mass of tissue.
  • a mom’s right to choose is more important than her baby’s right to live even if a baby is a real human being.
  • children are inconvenient and burdensome and may be discarded.
  • abortion is no big deal.
  • an unborn baby isn’t a person until it is born.

The truth of God’s Word is that:

  • God creates babies in their mothers’  wombs. God alone has the authority to create life and to bring about death (Psalm 139:13-16).
  • God knows every life of every person He will ever create and how many days He has ordained for them to live (Jeremiah 1:5).
  • Each life is precious to God (Exodus 20:13).
  • Children are a blessing and a “heritage from the Lord” (Psalm 127:3)..
  • Sex is for marriage only, sex outside of marriage is sin in God’s eyes and is destructive to our relationships (Hebrews 13:4).
  • It is a parent’s duty to protect and provide for his/her children (2 Corinthians 12:14).

Some of you may be considering an abortion now or may think about it in the future. Please, please study what the Bible says about the sanctity of human life and be sure you understand God’s perspective on abortion before going through with one.

I believe that if a mother’s life is endangered, and both the mother and baby are going to be lost, there are times when abortion may be required to save the mother’s life if both can’t be saved – although some moms may choose to save the baby instead if that is an option.

There is forgiveness available in Christ for all sins, including abortion – but if you haven’t had an abortion yet, you can spare yourself so much pain, guilt, shame, and depression by seeking to honor God with this baby’s life and by asking God for His wisdom and provision for you and this precious baby. Avoiding sin is always the best way to go, even if it is difficult. 

Some of you have had abortions in the past – I pray that if you are in that situation, you might turn to Christ and find forgiveness and healing in His blood on the cross that He shed for you. You are not beyond the reach of Jesus! You are precious in His sight. He can save and heal you, my precious friend! If you need to talk about how you can experience the grace, forgiveness, and gift of eternal life available through Jesus, please let me know. 🙂 We can hash through this together.

“Talk about countercultural. In a world where everything revolves around yourself—protect yourself, promote yourself, comfort yourself, and take care of yourself—Jesus says, “Crucify yourself. Put aside all self-preservation in order to live for God’s glorification, no matter what that means for you in the culture around you.”
― David Platt, Counter Culture: A Compassionate Call to Counter Culture in a World of Poverty, Same-Sex Marriage, Racism, Sex Slavery, Immigration, Abortion, Persecution, Orphans and Pornography


To me, the abortion issue is pretty black and white. Where this issue gets even more tricky, in my view now as a pharmacist and mom – is – what does God think about birth control pills? When I was in pharmacy school, they taught us that estrogen/progesterone pills “always prevented ovulation” so the mechanism of action was always to prevent conception. I took the pill without question for years earlier in our marriage. I also never even questioned the idea of birth control.

Now, in the medical community, we know that sometimes ovulation does happen with the pill – even the estrogen/progesterone combo pill. We already knew that ovulation occurs at times with progesterone only pills. For many of us, that brings up a host of ethical and moral questions:

  • What does God think about this? Does He look at this as abortion? How can we know for sure?
  • Is it wrong to try to prevent implantation?
  • Is it wrong to try to prevent conception?
  • Does God approve of any birth control methods? If so, which ones and under what circumstances?
  • What are my motivations in wanting to prevent pregnancy in marriage?

These are tough questions. They are important things for us to question and with which we must wrestle in prayer and come to God-honoring decisions as individuals and married couples. I don’t claim to have all of the answers to these questions, but I think they are things about which we need to think, pray, and seek God’s wisdom rather than us just accepting what our culture embraces.

Much love to each of you!


The Birth Control Issue – by Peacefulwife

What Does the Bible Say about Abortion? – from Got Questions?

How Can I Find Healing and Recovery after an Abortion? – from Got Questions?

What Does the Bible Say about Euthanasia and Assisted Suicide? – from Got Questions?

What Does the Bible Say about Birth Control? – from Got Questions?

David Platt sermons about abortion

The Most Important Question in the Abortion Debate – David Platt video

John Piper – all resources on abortion at

John Piper – all resources on birth control

Focus on the Family’s Position Statement on Birth Control


42 thoughts on “Life Is God’s to Give and God’s to Take

  1. I’m not sure I agree that a baby should be aborted if one or both lives are in danger. That’s where wisdom should of been used as well as NFP. But thankfully I understand that those situations are so rare. If it were me then I would choose to let the baby live instead of me. I’ve lived my life, the baby hasn’t had a chance. Anywho, great post April.

    1. Anon M,

      I guess I am thinking about situations where the baby couldn’t survive either way – like a tubal pregnancy, for example. But if a baby could be viable – a mom could certainly choose to save the baby and sacrifice herself. Yes, that would be a matter of prayer and God’s wisdom.

      1. I know Dr’s here would tell a woman with an ectopic pregnancy that they would try and transfer the baby to the uterus.but most of the time that fails. Instead they may remove the Fallopian tube, depending on its condition.

  2. April, this is a very serious and important post and I hope I am not being too rude by submitting an off-topic comment. But, I would really like to ask for your prayers. I am not doing very well.

    I seem to be getting sucked down into a vortex of depression and dissatisfaction with my life. I’ve made so many very bad choices – like marrying an abusive drug addict who did not know God (I thought things would improve, but instead they got much worse), like dropping out of university so that I have no way to earn a living, like moving out to the middle of nowhere to a run-down house where I am isolated and miserable.(My husband loves the isolation because he is anti-social but the rest of us hate it.) Like giving up my beloved hobbies when I was younger (music, art, writing) and focusing so completely on my husband and children that I lost myself entirely.

    All my choices have turned out to be bad ones. And at the center of it all is my bad marriage, which makes me the most miserable of all. I know that I could endure even our poverty, even our humiliating house, if my husband was kind and loving. But he does not love me at all, I am only a useful object to him, and lately he has been so angry and abusive towards me that I just feel like I can’t bear my own life. I can’t bear that he talks to me like I’m worthless trash in front of our children. The sneers on his face are so hateful – I can’t bear to see that hateful look one more time. I have seen him look at me with disgust like I am a worthless piece of garbage THOUSANDS of times by now…I just can’t take it any longer.

    I have been seeking God will all my heart and asking for His guidance, and the answer I seem to be getting is that I have been way too much of a pushover over the years. I have been a doormat out of fear of my husband’s wrath. I believe God has been telling me that the time has come for me to stand up for what is right, to speak the truth in love, to find some courage and dignity. In large part it was your blog that helped me see this – I have read a lot of older posts and it has helped me to see that I have been going overboard with respect and submission. I have been turning a blind eye to serious sin because I was afraid to rock the boat.

    I don’t yet know if God wants me to actually separate from him, and certainly this seems impossible since we are so very broke. But I do feel He wants me to get strong enough to speak the truth in love, to let my husband know very firmly that the way he treats me is not okay. His drug addiction is not okay. So I would like to ask for prayers for strength and wisdom. Because right now, I just feel so downtrodden…I don’t know how I can go on. I feel like my life is such a mess it is hopeless, I should just crawl into a hole and die. I feel that I have ruined my life completely. I am too old to start over, I am bound to this man for life, and I just have no hope.

    Thank you.

    1. I would also like to add, that I am reading the book you often mention – Absolute Surrender – and I’m getting so much from it. Thank you. I want very much now to surrender myself to God, so that I don’t make any more mistakes. When I am in control of my life, I only make mistakes. I want to be filled with the Holy Spirit and to live a life of love and goodness so that some good might come from my life.

      Many of the mistakes I made in the past, were sinful. The wages of sin are death; so I deserve my current misery. My marriage actually came about through sin – I disobeyed my parents about dating my husband, then moved in with him – and got pregnant. Then we got married because it was the right thing to do. I actually knew at the time that I was not loved, but I didn’t see anything else to do. So my marriage is rotten now, it is only what I deserve. I sinned, now I am suffering the consequences of that sin. Perhaps I should stop trying to improve my marriage at all. Aren’t I trying to avert justice?

      1. Laura,

        Thankfully, in Christ – there is grace. There is forgiveness for past sin when we repent. You may still have consequences – like being married to a man who wasn’t the best choice. But that doesn’t mean you can’t experience the healing, grace, mercy, forgiveness, power, and promises of God! We all deserve hell. That is what we all deserve because we are all wretched sinners. But Jesus took on the wrath of God against our sin. All of it. He endured all of the penalty your sins and my sins deserved. He paid the debt in full with His blood. We are now washed clean by His blood and when God looks at us He sees Jesus’ holiness and righteousness and perfection. It is ALL Him!

        You can receive God’s love and goodness now. You can repent of your past sins and turn from them and turn to God in total faith and trust. All of the promises and the Word of God apply to you as much as to any other believer. I want to see you think rightly about God, yourself, and God’s good plans for you!

    2. Laura,

      I really want to encourage you to reach out for help to resources in your area and godly counsel in your area who might pray with you and help you find resources if it is time for you to separate from your husband and if so, how to handle this in a wise, godly, healthy way. It is definitely possible to take submission and respect to an unhealthy extreme where you give up your own dignity, self-respect, and personhood. That is not what I understand godly femininity to be.

      I agree that abuse is not okay. Drug addiction is not okay. Your hope is in Christ! You DO have hope! Is there a trusted pastor you can talk to? Or would you consider reaching out to the counselors at Focus on the Family online? Could you contact Celebrate Recovery or The Salvation Army?

      I m praying for you, my dear sister!

    3. Laura,

      as I was praying this morning your name came to mind as I had read another of your posts before and had prayed for you then. I am sorry to hear that you are still feeling depressed and discouraged. I very much understand many of the things you have said. I also married an abusive man against everyone elses better judgement and also overlooking all the sin going on as we dated. I have also felt that now I had to suffer the consequences of my wrong choices and also felt there was no hope. I still struggle with so much regret.

      I became pregnant a year after marriage and that was when I had actually really contemplated having an abortion because the situation was so abusive and I wanted to leave. I continued to read marriage books and thought all I needed to do was just submit more to keep him happy. Much of the time it helped but I was focusing on keeping my husband happy more than God. That is idolatry.

      I am glad you also see that God must come first and that we can go too far in submission to our husbands, especially when they are not following God at all. I have prayed that you will have clear guidance as I also pray for it for myself. There is no longer abuse in my marriage however there are many issues and I am open to where God leads me as I seek to honor Him. It is clear that your situation is becoming destructive to you and as April has encouraged you, I also encourage you to call someone who can help.

      I understand the confusion but I now know that God wants His children safe and sane and provides a way out. It does not mean you are giving up on your husband or your marriage. That was how I felt but it really isn’t. In fact it can be a big step in the right direction. You are not responsible for your husband’s condition and addiction and so you need to seek help for yourself and your children so you can be in healthy frame of mind. Is it possible to stay with family at all? Has anyone spoken to him about his addiction or abuse other than you?

      1. Thank you M, and April, for your prayers. They mean a great deal to me.

        You are both telling me I need to ask for help. I understand that there are people out there who would talk to me – but I just don’t see what anyone could do to help my situation in a practical sort of way.

        I could theoretically go to my parents for a while, but I already did that once (2014) for a couple of weeks, and it was awful. They do not have the patience to have 5 kids living in their basement. They yelled at the kids constantly and we are all so stressed out that I went back home even though no real change had occurred.

        My husband might leave if I asked him to, but the only 2 people he could stay with is his brother, who hangs out with thugs and is in and out of jail, and his dad, who is the one who sells him his weed and who lives in a house with a bunch of cocaine addicts. (And this is part of the problem. My husband thinks that since his entire family is into hard drugs, and he only smokes weed and drinks booze, that he is actually very responsible and that *I* have mental problems that I see it as an issue.)

        My soul is just ACHING that THIS is the family I married into – my poor children.

        We have no money at all. If I were to leave for any length of time I’d have to go on welfare, since I have no education or way to support 5 kids. They would then force my husband to give me child support (rightly), and then we would have to declare bankruptcy and lose our house. Because right now his income doesn’t even pay the bills here. He already calculated this in the past (when he was trying to kick me out when I stopped having sex with him during a particularly abusive period) – that if I were to move out and take the government benefits with me (that everyone with kids gets in our country) – he could no longer pay for the house. This was in early 2015, and when he realized he needed me to stay or he would lose the house, he stopped trying to kick me out.

        I have talked to a counselor privately, and she told me I needed to get a job and save up some money (ha) so I would have some power in the situation. In theory I agree but I have young children to care for. I have no education. Working at a gas station is not going to even pay for daycare for my kids, let alone give me a savings account. Besides, my depression is so bad at times I have the energy of a slug. Some days I feel like I ran a marathon just to get out of bed. I can’t see myself working on my feet all day without collapsing completely. Living in an abusive, unloving relationship for nearly 20 years, with crushing poverty besides, has really taken a toll on me.

        Every important choice I ever had before me, I chose wrongly, and now my life is ruined and hopeless. I would never take my life because my children need me and I love them so much. But sometimes I really wish I had never been born. I took the life God gave me, and destroyed it. I had so much going for me when I was young, talents and dreams, and I threw it all away because I was lonely and this handsome guy gave me some attention…

        So I don’t reach out for help, because I fear no mortal can help me. It’s a miracle I need. Sorry for carrying on so much, I just wanted to clarify why I wasn’t going to a pastor or the Salvation Army or a woman’s shelter. I just don’t think they can help me.

        1. Laura,

          You are in a TOUGH situation. And you do need a miracle – for which I am praying! But just because you go to a pastor, or The Salvation Army, or a women’s shelter does not mean you have to do anything they say. You can research and find out if there might be some other options. They are used to helping women in very similar situations every day.

          Let’s pray that God will show you the resources you need. What a mess – the family your husband is from. No wonder this seems normal and acceptable to him. 🙁 SO heartbreaking!

          God is not done with you, my precious sister! The final chapter has not been written in your story. God can make something beautiful from your life and your husband’s life. Let’s focus on what He wants to do from this point forward!

          Are you able to be on Facebook? I have a support group for wives there where a number of wives are in similar situations – would you be interested in joining? I can’t remember if I asked you about that before? My apologies if I have!

          How is your time with God going? No matter what you do – stay or leave – I want to see you healing spiritually. Are you hashing through your fears and any lies and replacing them with the truth of God’s Word? What are you praying for?

          Do you have any medical issues that are contributing to your exhaustion?

          God IS able to help you! You are not alone!

          1. Thank you. I do not have a Facebook account but I appreciate the invitation.

            My time with God is going all right, I guess, although I feel like maybe He doesn’t want to listen to my prayers when I feel such despair and lack of faith. I am still praying though – for wisdom and guidance mostly, also that God would help me to stay strong and have faith, and to be a better wife and mother. I also pray that God would change my husband’s heart and take away his desire for drugs, that he would turn him from an angry, selfish boy into a loving, mature man of God. (And when I pray that I feel silly because I know I’m asking for the moon.)

            A lot of the time though, I feel so low I can’t muster any prayer except “God, help me.”

            Medical issues – I do have mild anemia but I don’t believe it’s bad enough to be making me exhausted (and I am already on an iron supplement). During the periods of time here and there when my husband acted loving and kind, and I began to feel hope for the future, I noticed a rather remarkable spike in my energy levels and in the amount of work I could do in a day. But when things are bad (which is almost always) and he is acting abusive or cold, it drags me down until I have no energy at all because I realize that nothing will ever change and I will never be able to trust him. He will always lie and break his promises, unleash his fury on me whenever he feels like it, put his addictions before his family, and I will be at his mercy forever and never have any security or peace in life.

            1. Laura,

              You are in a very difficult situation. God is aware of that. It is okay to have feelings and to be broken and to not know what to do. It is okay to take all of this mess to God and lay it at His feet and say, “I can’t do this, Lord! I give it all to You! I know only You can make something beautiful from all of this – from me, from my husband, form our family, and our decisions. I am totally dependent on You. It is way beyond my ability to fix. I trust You as completely as I know how. I give You control and Lordship as completely as I can. Change me. Heal me. Change my husband and heal him. You love us both with an everlasting love. You created us to bring glory to You. We have not been bringing glory to You as we should. I know You can change that. I know You can help us to get rid of any sin and lies and that You can help us build our lives on Your Word and on Christ alone. I know You can make something so glorious from our lives. We are desperately in need of Your touch in our family and in our home. I call out to You with all the faith I have. Increase my faith, Lord! Build my faith. Open my eyes to see more and more of who You are! I want and need You! I want to know and love You more. Cleanse me of anything that is not of You. Let Your blazing Light of truth shine into the darkest places in my soul. Help me tear out the gangrene and rot. Rebuild my life with Your purity, love, truth, wisdom, and strength. I am Your temple. Make me beautiful in Your sight. I know that You don’t want this life for either of us. You don’t want me to be paralyzed by depression, doubt, fear, and discouragement. Satan has me trapped and ensnared. Set me free and let me experience Your glorious freedom, Lord! You don’t want my husband to be ensnared by his addictions and to destroy our family. You want him to love You wholeheartedly and to walk in holiness and obedience for Your glory. The enemy has him trapped. Set him free, Lord! Set him free from the devil’s lies and his snares! I resist Satan and his work in my home and family. I submit myself fully to Christ as Lord to be called according to Your purposes, to be used in Your kingdom, to be loved with the most unfathomable love!

              I am now a daughter of the King of kings and Lord of lords! I am not longer a slave to sin and lies. I am no longer ensnared by the enemy. I am a co-heir with Christ. All that He has done for me – His death on my behalf, His resurrection, His victory over sin, His seat beside the Father in heaven – all belongs to me. All that Jesus has and all that He is is mine! All that I have and all that I am is His! Let me walk in the Light each moment, Lord! Shine on me. Fill me. I embrace and receive all that You have for me. I reject anything that is not of You. Show me the lies I have believed. Show me my warped thinking and any ungodly thinking. Help me to replace it all with the truth of God’s Word! Make me new. Renew my mind and my heart. I am a new creation in Jesus Christ! The old has passed away. I am now dead to my sinful nature and to this world. I am alive to God in Christ! Let me sing your praises with all my heart! Let me feast on Your Word, Lord. Let me sit at Your feet and just absorb Your beauty, Your love, Your goodness, and Your majesty. Make me the woman You desire me to be. Make my husband the man You desire him to be.

              In the Name and power of Christ Jesus, my Lord,

              You have worth because you are created by God in His very image and because of what Jesus has done for you and His love for you. Your worth, my precious sister, is not found in what your husband thinks or says or what he does. Yes, it would be awesome if he were healed and he were living in submission to Christ. That is my prayer for him! But even if he is walking in sin and addiction – he cannot take away anything that God has for you. He can’t rob you of the treasures you have in Christ. He can’t thwart God’s plans for you. He can’t stop the Holy Spirit from filling you and filling the whole house. He can’t stop your prayers. He can’t stop God’s Spirit from doing anything He wants to do. Allow God’s kindness, goodness, mercy, and love to motivate you. Allow Christ to be the object of your hope. Your hope is not in your husband. Even if he were healed today, he can’t meet the deepest needs of your heart. Only Jesus can do that!

              You are not asking for the moon to ask for your husband to be healed of his addiction and set free in Christ. You are asking for God’s will for his life. God loves him more than you ever will and God desires him to come to repentance and to live a life that honors Him. This is completely appropriate for you to pray!

              You have the choice not to allow him to drag you down. His emotions and choices are his. But you belong to Christ. You are not dependent on your husband’s moods. You can have God’s peace and joy every moment no matter what your husband does. Just like Cinderella sang and was filled with joy and hope because she knew real love from her father, even when she was being mistreated by her stepmother and stepsisters – you can know the real love of your Father and you can be filled with His joy and hope.

              Seek God with all your heart. Fill your heart and mind with His Word, His praises, and thanksgiving. Allow His Spirit to pour healing, hope, blessing, and love into your home. Be a wide open pipe through which the Spirit of God blasts into your home and family like Niagra Falls. Not that you will be preaching at your husband or trying to win him over with words. He may not respond to words – but he will notice the power of God in your life and he will be amazed, confused, and eventually – convicted. Still, no matter what he does – you can be overflowing with the Living Water of Christ. You can pour all of this goodness and love and truth into your precious children.

              You are not at your husband’s mercy. You are at God’s mercy. You may not be able to trust your husband right now – but you CAN trust God! He is your Source. He is your security. He is your peace. He is these things for me, too. Not my husband. No human can be our source of real security or peace. Only Jesus can do that.

              Much love to you!

              1. Thank you. The prayer you took the time to write for me is very helpful. Sometimes when I feel so desperate and broken, it’s really hard to know how to pray. I will definitely use that in my daily prayers from now on.

                Yes, I hear what you are saying about having the choice to be dragged down, or not. This makes sense on an intellectual level – but in practice, oh my is it ever hard. Especially when there is so much other crappy stuff going on in my life. There is no way I could remain cheerful in these circumstances without God’s help. But I will start asking for that more specifically.

                Thanks again April. You are a blessing to so many.

              2. Laura,

                It is definitely possible to be so spiritually, emotionally, and physically spent that you can’t even pray for yourself. Definitely use this and pray through it, my precious sister!

                It will take time, prayer, practice, and the power of God’s Spirit most of all – but He can certainly empower you to be overflowing with His Spirit, His Life, Love, joy, peace, and the resources and riches of heaven even in the midst of this fiery trial.

                Much love to you!

              3. Hi Laura.

                I have just read through your situation and am thinking of you. A scripture just came to me that has helped me when I felt like I couldn’t go on, it is Psalm 142:3. It says “When my spirit was overwhelmed within me, Then You knew my path.”

                Often I have felt overwhelmed with my situation, but even when we cannot see the path forward God knows that path. This has encouraged me often.

              4. Wow what a powerful prayer of truth! I will have to copy and re-read this myself if you don’t mind? So easy for us to be filled with lies from the enemy especially in abusive situations that have been going on for so long. I have found amazing change in my life since clinging to His word. The lies are being replaced, my faith is being restored. I still don’t know what the future holds for my marriage but I now know that God is in his rightful place in my life and in my heart. He makes all things new!

              5. M,

                Of course you may use this prayer. 🙂 I’m glad it is a blessing. I am excited about what God is doing in your heart! I pray for His wisdom and provision for you and for His healing for you and your husband, my dear sister!

            2. Dear Laura,
              I am so sorry that you go through such difficult times. Currently my husband and I are unemployed, and listening to Joel Osteen preaching helps me a lot. His sermons are quite short and practical, but really encouraging! Check him out on YouTube! God bless you abundantly!

              1. Anna,

                Thanks so much for reaching out to Laura. I love to see our sisters encouraging one another! 🙂

                Great job!

                I personally cannot recommend Joel Osteen because I believe he teaches more of a health/wealth/prosperity gospel that seems to discount the suffering and persecution that God’s Word promises will happen for those who follow Christ. But I would highly recommend David Platt, John Piper, Wayne Grudem, or Francis Chan.

                Much love!!!!

              2. April,

                Yes, I understand your concerns, and it’s not good if we take Osteen’s teachings to extremes, but I like the fact that he encourages people to take their focus off their problems and concentrate on the greatness of God and that we should be thankful to Him already that He is in control, nonetheless 🙂

              3. Anna,

                I do agree with focusing on God’s character, goodness, and greatness and on His ability to provide and to bring good from our struggles, pain, and trials. 🙂

                Much love to you!

        2. Laura,

          I understand the position you are in with not being able to do things in a practical sense right now. Three times I tried to leave my husband but the first 2 times I had no money, no job, no references etc as everything was in my husband’s name. The last time I did have money but had a severe injury and was unable to walk for months. Things were a mess as my husband was abusive toward me.

          He does not have a substance addiction but he has a disorder called NPD a form of narcissism. In many ways it is an addiction and they will say and do almost anything to get what they NEED. It doesn’t matter who they lie to or betray in the process. They also don’t think they even have a problem even though there is all this evidence. They turn on anyone who does not go along with what they say or believe. It’s really destructive. Just like your situation the problem is also his family. They are used to this type of behavior and think its normal! It doesn’t matter what anyone else says.

          I have felt crazy and hopeless for years over this. I do believe only God can help heal my husband. Why I’m sharing this with you is that I feel the pain you are going through and have been there over and over. What you describe about your energy is the same for me. When there was hope I felt so much better. The bible speaks of how a broken spirit dries the bones. A broken spirit can lead to spiritual death as well as physical breakdown. I almost lost faith during these times when I had no words to say.

          The thing is that we can have hope even when things are so wrong. Try not to think too far ahead as it becomes overwhelming. His grace is sufficient for each day. Seek Him each day even if its short prayers. Meditating of a few verses. Playing worship songs. Continuously feed the spirit and replace the thoughts from the enemy that are lies. Also dear sister miracles do happen and I am praying for this for you. I couldn’t leave my situation but God did intervene and my husband had a wake up call. Is he healed and turned to God? I don’t think so but he had to change his ways to be part of our lives. God has changed me however and He is my only hope whatever happens.

          I truly pray your hope will be restored. Much love to you dear sister.

          1. Bless you, M. I am so sorry to hear your husband has NPD. This is such an evil, destructive disorder. I can only imagine the pain you have suffered at his hands throughout the years. I have read a lot about it because here were times I thought maybe my husband had NPD. I came to the conclusion that he probably does not, rather he displays many of the symptoms of NPD, like extreme arrogance and grandiose delusions, and not having empathy for others. I think the majority of arrogant, abusive people are really feeling a lot of intense pain and shame deep inside, and it makes them create these delusions as a way of coping. They also lash out at others to make themselves feel superior and are blind to the pain they are causing others. I know that although he has claimed before that he is a part of “the upper echelon of humanity,” actually my husband in truth has a very low opinion of himself. Once in a while he will express this, which is why I concluded he does not really have NPD – his delusions come and go as a coping mechanism when he is feeling threatened in some way.

            M, I’m going to start praying for you and your husband, if you don’t mind. I agree with you that only God can heal your husband. Psychologists say that NPD cannot be cured; and they themselves cannot cure it. It is at its heart a very serious spiritual condition fueled by intense shame and fear, and no one but God Himself could heal it. Even though your husband has already had a wake up call, I will pray that God will heal his heart entirely and allow him to love his family the way he should – and that you will have your strength and hope renewed day by day.

            I hear what you’re saying about how a broken spirit dries the bones. So, so true. I appreciate the advice to not look too far ahead and try to nourish my spirit one day at a time. I will try my best to do that.

            Thanks again for your kind words. Much love to you.

            1. Hi Laura,

              I was reading through the comments and saw your story. I’m so sorry for the pain you’re experiencing in your marriage.

              I, too, am married to a man who struggles with addiction. I thought if I had just made a better decision on who I married, or if I had better boundaries, or if I did or said the right things, then all this wouldn’t have happened. I felt, deep down, that I had control over my life. I felt a huge load crushing me and struggled with anxiety daily. I felt that if I pleased people, God, my parents, my husband, that I could make everything ok.

              I started attending a Celebrate Recovery group last year after finding pills my husband had been hiding. I knew at that point that I couldn’t deny his problem any longer, so I sought my own support. Over the past year God has opened my eyes to so many things. He has shown me His grace and love. He has given me hope and joy. I used to pray for God to lead me through my husband… that my husband would be the leader of our home. And God showed me that He was leading me… although not in the way I had expected. I believe God wanted me to go to Celebrate Recovery to work on things in my own heart… and He used my husband’s struggles to get me there. God wanted to show me that He is good, that we can trust Him with our lives, that He loves us, and that He can use the hard times in life to grow us closer to Him. I am so thankful for the ways God has changed me. I don’t feel ruled by my anxiety to control any longer. My life is by no means perfect and my husband is not in recovery yet. But God has given me His peace and joy.

              I pray that God will shower you in His grace and that He would work a miracle in your home. I know He is capable of doing miracles because He has definitely done one in my own heart.

              Much love to you.

              1. Thank you so much Beth, for sharing your encouraging story with me. I’m glad to hear you have found peace and joy in spite of your husband’s addictions. I hope there is peace and joy in my future too, although it’s hard to imagine right now. Thank you very much for your prayers, too…a miracle is just what I need. 🙂

                I wish there was a Celebrate Recovery group closer to me – the closest one is a two hour drive away (one way). Not doable. I’m not sure if would be a good idea anyway though, as I attempted to go to Al-Anon in the past and my husband just about went off the deep end – he got SUPER abusive and controlling – which I realize now was from shame, and fear. He thought the purpose of the group was to help women to leave their “douchebag husbands” – even though I explained that was not it, it was to help me cope emotionally with his drinking. But he wouldn’t believe me.

                Anyway, thanks again for your support Beth. I have prayed for you today as well, that God would bring a miracle to your house too – that he would touch your husband’s heart and remove his desire for drugs entirely, and that He would teach him to love his family as Christ loves His church.

            2. Laura,

              Thankyou for your reply and I really appreciate prayers for my situation. Also for physical healing! I know prayers from others are amazing as there have been times God has just lifted me out of a heavy hopeless feeling when I couldn’t even pray for myself and I just know it was others praying for me. I will continue to pray for you and your family. That God will increase in your life and the problems decrease in comparison. For strength day by day and renewed hope. Also that you would know how cherished and loved you are by God. How amazing is it that we even have a relationship with our Creator!

              Yes you are absolutely right with NPD or abusers actually suffering deep pain and shame inside. That is exactly my husband. He has admitted and it is obvious since I have known him so long that he actually has a very low self image and actually doesn’t know who he is so has created a false self. Until I understood this disorder I used to be shocked and confused by the lack of empathy and also very frustrated and the hypocrisy and many faces to others. I now have much more understanding and only because God answered prayers and revealed it to me. I never even new what it meant prior. However I had always recognized the symptoms and experienced abuse before getting married but still went ahead. However thankfully God can and does still use these situations and poor choices for our good if we seek Him and turn away from our own sin. I’ve grown through all of this spiritually although it has been painful. I know there is so much good in store for you also as you are walking with Him. I know I have been strengthened and had renewed hope just from this blog alone as April and other woman have ministered to me and known I am not alone in marriage struggles. We bear one another’s burdens.

              Will continue to pray for you.

              Much love,

              1. Megan,
                Yes, I have been there too – just felt too hopeless to even pray, but felt the heaviness gradually go away when others were praying for me. You are right, we should carry each others’ burdens, and this is one way we can do that. Thank you for your prayers and I will continue to pray for you, too – and thanks for letting me know your real name!

                If you feel comfortable, could you please let me know what sort of injury you sustained, to help me know how to pray?

                Yes, these men with extremely low self image create a false self. I see our husbands have the same kind of personality whether the are diagnosed with NPD or not. I feel embarrassed sometimes when we are out and he’s acting so boastful – other people will think he’s soooo arrogant – but I know that in truth he loathes himself. Sometimes, when he is feeling comfortable enough to share his true feelings with me, he says the most vicious things about himself imaginable. A little bit of shame is healthy (it helps us to improve), but the amount he has is toxic. Both his parents abandoned him at various times in his childhood, so I can understand where it comes from. I thought that my love would heal him – but that was ME being arrogant as a young woman – only God can heal this kind of inner sickness.

                I am very glad that I came to this blog looking for prayers and support. I have found them, and today I do feel a little bit more hopeful. I thank God that April has made this blog available for those of us who are in desperate situations in our marriages. I feel so much love here.

              2. Laura,

                You are deeply loved here. 🙂 And precious to us and to God. Praying for wisdom for you and for God’s provision and healing for you, your husband, and your children.

              3. Thank you. You brought tears to my eyes. I know this sounds cheesy, but I haven’t really had any real love in this life from other people, except from my children. I have tried so hard to earn it but it never worked. So what you said means a lot to me. 🙂

              4. Laura,

                You are most welcome. I pray you will continue to always experience real, lasting love from God through people and through me here. It is much easier to face the challenges in life when we are grounded in the love of God and in the love of our brothers and sisters in Christ.

              5. M, I would like to speak with you some more but I’ve hijacked this post enough…if you feel comfortable it would be great if you could email me at dillpicklechip at yahoo dot ca. No pressure. 🙂


              6. Hi Laura, I was thinking of giving you my email also so that would be great as I don’t have facebook. I will send you an email. Keep in mind that I am in a different time zone as I am in Australia. Hope you are doing well:)

  3. Hi April, I feel like God has placed this on my heart recently but wasn’t sure if he had and what he wants me to do about it. Then I thought I’d take a look at your blog and found this post. I almost had an abortion years ago even as a Christian. I am SO thankful I could not go through with it. It is really sad how culture treats it like a minor procedure, no big deal. I do worry what I would do if I fell pregnant as I have a pelvic condition that has caused a disability, an issue with my pubic symphysis. I have been told by Doctors to avoid falling pregnant again and we have 1 daughter. We have never used birth control methods only natural methods. I see how blessed we are to have 1 healthy girl when I know so many who can’t have children. It has made me sad when a non Christian friend of mine who had multiple abortions while other friends of mine were desperate to have a child. Then that friend who had had a number of abortions decided now i want a child and fell pregnant almost immediately. It seemed so unfair to me. Anyway thanks for posting on this important topic.

    1. M,

      Thank you so much for sharing your story! I believe God will use it to bless other women. I’m so glad you chose not to have an abortion. I praise God of your healthy girl!

      Much love to you!

  4. People say that It is okay to abort a child if it is rape or incest. I have three adopted children from Thailand. My oldest who is now 30 came to us when he was 2 years old. His mother was raped. He majored in Criminal Justice and has a job as a security guard. He is a Christian and plays an active role in his church. He is married to a beautiful Christian girl. My daughter has been with us for 24 years. She is now 26. Her mother got pregnant out of wedlock at 15. My daughter is now a social worker for the elderly and leads a discipleship group for young women at her church. My youngest son, Stephen who is now 24 years old has been with us since he was five. His mother was a prostitute in Thailand. She died with HIV/AIDS when Stephen was four months old. He also was born with the disease, but God healed him. He has a heart for missions work and he wants to be a missionary around the world. ABORTION IS WRONG NO MATTER WHAT!

    1. Abigail Adams,

      Thanks for sharing your story! This is awesome!!!!

      I agree that I don’t believe Scripture justifies abortion in cases of rape or incest. The innocent baby does not deserve to die and God has purposes for every person’s life. How I praise God for what He has done in your children’s lives.

      In cases where there is an ectopic pregnancy and both mother and child will die, I believe it would make sense and be honoring to God to try to save the mother. Other cases later in pregnancy, in various medical emergencies, perhaps the mother or baby could be spared if they cannot both be spared. This will require God’s wisdom and is a situation I wish no parent ever had to face.

      I’m so thankful that every baby is precious to God and every human life is precious in His sight. I pray we will embrace the sacredness of each life. Your story is such a testimony to this truth!

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