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Can You Pray Too Much for Your Marriage?

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I think a common temptation when we are struggling in our marriages is for us to focus so much on praying for our husbands and our marriages – those things are almost all we pray about. However, I don’t think this is going to be a healthy, productive approach long term.

Scripture does admonish us to “pray without ceasing” 1 Thes. 5:17. And Jesus encourages us to pray with perseverance in the parable of the persistent widow (Luke 18:1-8). But I think it is interesting that in the “Model Prayer” Jesus gives us, He prays for each thing once. He also mentioned before His example prayer that pagans think they will be heard because of their many words and vain repetitions (He calls it, “babbling”), and that we are not to be like them, because our Father knows what we need before we ask (Matthew 6:5-16).

Of course, it is important to pray for our husbands – IF we are in a place of being filled with God’s Spirit and we have right motives.

But there is so much more to our relationship with Christ than this one issue! I have seen a lot of wives who spend almost every waking moment praying fervently for their husbands to come to Christ or praying for their marriage to be restored. And while these things are good to pray – I think there needs to be a balance.

Jesus says, “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” Matthew 11:28-30

When we are praying in deep faith, full of God’s Spirit – we will experience God’s peace. We may have fervency and urgency. But we will also have God’s peace as we trust Him.

Obsession Is Different from Fervent Prayer:

What if someone you love dearly kept asking you for something he really wants over and over. What if that is the ONLY thing he ever talks about with you? What if every single time you see your child or husband, he says, “I REALLY want to go to the zoo! I want to go today! Please take me right now!”

Obviously, going to the zoo could be a wonderful thing. It could enrich everyone’s life and be a pleasurable experience and a bonding experience. But – how would you feel about that being the only conversation he ever has with you? Wouldn’t you appreciate your loved one talking with you about other things, asking how you are, enjoying supper together, and doing lots of other things together, too? There is much more to a close relationship than one person constantly asking the other for something.

Here is something that may be shocking – but I have noticed it in my own life:

If there is something I REALLY want and I constantly want to pray about it and nothing else – that may be a sign that this particular thing may be more important to me than Christ is. If I am more obsessed with God fixing my marriage than my knowing God more – this thing may be an idol.

It is possible to make healing our marriage, having a godly marriage, our husband’s salvation, feeling loved by our husbands, our happiness, romance, or anything else into an idol. Sometimes we pray constantly about something because we want it more than anything in the world and we are terrified to face the idea of not having what we want. Faith is about seeking God’s will far above our own and “dying to” our own will. That is what Jesus means about that those who want to be His disciples “take up their cross daily and follow” Him (Luke 9:23).

We can and should pray for the good things we desire. But at the same time – we need to be able to hold everything in this life very loosely and cling to Christ alone. Prayer is primarily about real relationship with Christ – it is not mostly about us asking for what we want or getting what we want. Are we able to be content in Jesus – even if we don’t get this thing that we want so much? Are we willing to trust God’s love, sovereignty, goodness, timing, and wisdom? Will we rest in Him rather than constantly battle and try to tell Him what to do as we are filled with worry and fear? Praying out of worry and fear rather than faith is not real praying because we are not really trusting God. We are trusting our praying and ourselves.

Everything that does not come from faith is sin. Romans 14:23b

Am I really looking to God and seeking His will far above my own, or are my motives only to get what I want and what I think is best? If I realize my prayers are more about obsession and worry or fueled by fear – I may want to ask someone else, a strong prayer warrior that I know – to pray for my husband and I may want to take a break for a bit in order to ask God to help me purify my motives. I may need to focus on the rest of my relationship with God for awhile.

Am I Nagging God?

I think another way we could describe “worry praying” would be “nagging.”

  • “God, be sure you do this!”
  • “God, don’t forget. You need to do this for me.”
  • “Lord, You haven’t done this thing for me yet. Why aren’t you doing what I want you to do? It needs to be done right now!”

It is similar, I think, to when we nag our husbands. We don’t nag out of faith, do we? We nag because we DON’T believe they will take care of something, not because we DO believe the will take care of it. We ask once, usually, if we truly do believe they will take care of the issue.

We can pray persistently – every day for many years if necessary – in a way that honors God and is from faith. To do this, we must watch our motives and be sure we are really putting our faith in God and nothing we are doing and that we trust Him fully.

Praying in Faith:

God is sovereign, I can lay my husband and my marriage at His feet and He will work in those areas. I don’t have to pray every waking moment about a particular issue. If my motives are impure, selfish, fearful, or unbelieving – my prayer is  not going to be very effective anyway. If I am cherishing any sin in my heart, and not walking in obedience to God by His Spirit empowering me – my prayer will also not be very effective. The question is, do I really trust God to handle this, or do I trust myself? Do I think I have to pray a certain number of times or things will not work out right? Do I think this is all about trusting something I can do, or am I fully trusting God’s sovereignty and provision?

We will have emotions. We may cry out to God with sadness, grief, and sorrow over the situations we face. We may start to feel fear – and then give that to God and determine to trust Him. But as we trust Him – His perfect love will cast out all of our fear (1 John 4:18). We will not have to be overcome with negative emotions – but can lay them before God and then rest in His peace and even in His joy in the midst of trials.

My Journey:

I know that for me, at the beginning of my journey, I had to stop praying for God’ to change Greg for awhile. I had been demanding for years that God change him. So, for a long time, the only things I would pray for Greg were prayers of thanksgiving for the good things about Greg and for God to bless him and accomplish His will in Greg’s life. I stopped praying for what I wanted and began to pray for God’s will.

God may have a different approach for you – so it is important to be sensitive to His voice. It is possible that it could be wise to limit your prayer time for your husband to 15 minutes per day if you tend to obsess or “worry pray” where you are really just worrying, not trusting God. Part of praying is that we lay down the weight of the burden at God’s feet and we don’t carry it ourselves. He does the heavy lifting. We can’t carry that kind of weight on our shoulders.

Prayer is the most incredible privilege we have as children of God in Christ! Prayer can and should include:

  • Praise to God!!!!
  • Thanksgiving for all of the blessings we have
  • Confession of all known sin every day or as soon as we notice the sinful thoughts, motives, words, or actions
  • Praying for ourselves to grow in Christ, to mature and deepen in our faith, for God to show us any wrong thinking, for His Spirit to regenerate our hearts and transform us by His power, for greater faith, for greater trust in Christ, claiming the promises of God’s Word, desiring obedience and greater holiness
  • Praying for others – not just our husbands, but our children, our extended families, our church, our state, our nation, our government leaders, the church around the world, persecuted believers, the poor, the oppressed, the orphans/widows, for unbelievers to come to Christ, for healing for people we know who are ill, for the world, for God’s kingdom to come, etc…

We also desperately need lots of time to feast on God’s Word, to digest His truth and love, to sit as His feet, to get to know Him more, to listen to His voice, to absorb His goodness, and to allow Him to restore our souls. We can’t pray from a position of power if we are depleted. We can’t pray effectively if we are not filled with the Spirit. We MUST nurture a full and vibrant relationship with Christ. He must be the top priority. Then our prayers will be powerful and effective as He gives us the ability to live in obedience and to trust Him by faith.

RELATED:

My Secret Idol – My Husband’s Salvation

Praying for Your Husband So That God Will Hear

Submission (to Christ) Means Holding the Things of This World Loosely

How to Stay Filled with the Holy Spirit

There Must Be More to This Journey Than Just Prayer!

Posts about How to Pray

 

37 thoughts on “Can You Pray Too Much for Your Marriage?

  1. Thank you for this topic. I have been consumed with the state of my marriage and husband 24/7. My thoughts have taken this trial on in an obsessive way. I heard something last week that hit home. A women in a healing class I take said ” I made my problems my God.”
    I have been exhausted in every sense for over a year regarding my marriage. I have been in a constant state of distress. I hand my marriage and husband over to God, then take it back. Over and over. Worry prayer is a good way to describe this. I also feel it as a sense of begging prayer.

    My focus needs to be who I am in God, building my relationship with him, blessing my children, strengthening my professional life, blessing others, keeping my heart in a state of thankfulness, staying away from fear and what ifs.

    I bet Satan loves to see us turn prayers into obsessions! You are right about feeling depleted. Prayers and energy for God are not strong when feeling depleted and defeated.

    Thank you for another great blog.

    1. Betsy,

      It is so easy for our lives to be completely consumed by our problems, our marital tension, our husband’s issues… but that is not a healthy way to operate. That is us attempting to handle things in our own strength rather than living in the power of God’s Spirit. It is definitely EXHAUSTING, stressful, anxiety-producing, and depressing! I am sure we have all been there. I know I have!

      Jesus said, “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” Matthew 11:28-30

      When we are praying in deep faith, filled with God’s Spirit – we will experience God’s peace. We may have fervency, intensity, love, passion, and urgency. But we will also have God’s peace as we trust Him. There is a separation that will occur between us and the problem. We lay the problem down and we do not keep picking it up. We let God carry the weight of the burden.

      I’m so glad God used this post to shine a bit of light on your situation! I know that you need much more spiritual nourishment in Christ and that you will be able to pray from a position of great strength and power in Christ as you focus on your walk with Him and being filled with His Spirit.

      I can’t wait to see His plans for you, my dear sister!

  2. I added a bit more:

    We will have emotions. We may cry out to God with sadness, grief, and sorrow over the situations we face. We may start to feel fear – and then give that to God and determine to trust Him. But as we trust Him – His perfect love will cast out all of our fear (1 John 4:18). We will not have to be overcome with negative emotions – but can lay them before God and then rest in His peace and even in His joy in the midst of trials.

  3. This is crazy that you just wrote this post this morning. Just now I was praying for my something several times over and over and I asked myself/God if I should I pray for something over and over again? Then a half hour later I check my email and I see that you posted this post.

    It’s amazing how God answered my question so quickly through your blog post! That made my day 🙂

    1. The Surrendered Girl,

      I think it is amazing how God works out His perfect timing. Love it!!

      To me, it is interesting to look at the model prayer Jesus gave to us. He prayed for each thing once. He also talked about that pagans think they will be heard for their many words and constant repetition, but that God already knows what we need.

      There needs to be a balance. We can pray for something often. But we don’t have to obsess. We can trust God with that thing or person and leave it with Him. If I am anxious and fearful and praying over and over the same thing every few seconds or minutes – that is where I personally think I need to stop and look at my motives and where my faith is.

      Is my faith in God? Do I really trust Him to handle this? Or do I believe that my prayers are the main thing and that this situation can’t be resolved unless I pray a certain number of times – as if it all really depends on me and what I do, not on God?

      Much love to you! 🙂

  4. I think another way we could describe “worry praying” would be “nagging.”

    “God, be sure you do this!”
    “God, don’t forget. You need to do this for me.”
    “Lord, You haven’t done this thing for me yet. Why aren’t you doing what I want you to do? It needs to be done right now!”

    It is similar, I think, to when we nag our husbands. We don’t nag out of faith, do we? We nag our husbands because we DON’T believe they will take care of something, not because we DO believe the will take care of it. We ask once, usually, if we truly do believe they will take care of the issue.

  5. Excellent, April! Remember a few weeks ago when I asked in the comments how to know the line between working on being a respectful wife/praying for marriage vs. making that an idol? Well, this post just cleared that issue up for good. If my prayer and fasting time is centered on my marriage, then it is an idol. Even things done for good, things we learn here in your blog, can be an idol.
    I love how you made this clear! Let God use you, my sister😊

    1. blessed,

      YAY! I’m so glad God used this post to speak to you and that it helped to clarify things. Thank you of letting me know!

      Yes, if the prayer and fasting is mostly about your marriage – not so much about God – that is a sign that it is time to do some soul searching.

      We can make ANYTHING into an idol. It is rather scary – because we don’t even realize we are doing it.

  6. This is very good, thank you, April. The other day I was walking laps in my neighborhood and realized that I had spent so much time just thinking about my situation. I decided I would spend one lap focused on praying for others. Guess what? I got around to the end of the lap and realized I’d only prayed maybe a quarter of it. :/ Thankfully, God has brought me out of the turmoil of spirit that I was having at that time…

    In a season of suffering right now, I’m finding the prayers God is answering big time are anything focused on me! (Show me my sin, Lord – work on my bitterness, etc.). It is amazing how many times He has met me in the last few weeks with His Word, a thought from the Spirit, a sermon on the radio, a song that I hadn’t heard before, etc. that confirms what He’s trying to plant deep in me.

    I am finding myself praying things like “Don’t let this end, Lord, until You are done with me.” Or, when I am ruminating on past hurts, etc. (struggling with bitterness or unforgiveness), desperate prayers that He will deliver me from that.

    I do like the distinction you are making of worrying/nagging prayer verses genuine prayer. I think sometimes, there are seasons where we pray more intensely for a particular thing (our marriage, our spouses, etc.) , but agree with you, April, that the nature of our prayers when we are in right submission to God look very different in those times than when we are praying from selfish motives and with a heart of pride and lack of humility. I think (and know you would agree) that God is very pleased with our pouring our hearts out to Him – all of our pain and tears, casting all our cares on Him, but submitted to His will (which usually means a laying down of our life in the particular situation). So, for some women who are in intense battles in their marriages, I believe there will be LOTS of praying. But, the key is casting those cares on God so that we can receive His comfort, get our needs met by Him and get His opinion and viewpoint on the situation that we are currently seeing from a worldly point of view.

    April, I just realized that my posts can sometimes seem like I’m trying to get across points you haven’t already made, but I know you’ve made these points….I guess it’s my way of processing what I’ve read and giving those same points from a different perspective. I hope that’s o.k. and also how they are coming across! 🙂

    1. Jennifer,

      I love that you are processing verbally like that. I think writing out what you are processing helps a lot with learning. And I think hearing a different take on the same concept can help other wives, too. Sometimes one person will say something slightly differently – and it will be just the thing that helps everything “click” for another wife.

      Thank you for sharing what God is doing and the insights you have!

      Much love to you!

  7. Hello April,

    This topic is exactly what I needed to hear today! Since my husband left the weeks ago today, I’ve been feeling very down today in particular. I had been praying and trying to fight back fear when I started reading this and realized I was “worry praying.” Not all of my prayers have been this way but more than I care to admit. It’s been a difficult process to trust God and rest in Him as well as start to root out all of my idols.

    Thank you for addressing this. I pray God draws me ever closer to Him and that He blesses you and your family abundantly.

    God bless,

    Dawn

  8. (I have not read all of the comments regarding this post, so if I repeat, please forgive 🙂

    Again, peacefulwife speaks such good words–such confirmation! An additional thought…

    A good test I have seen is “am I praying in fear or in faith?” If it is in fear, He will not answer it. I learned this greatly when praying for my grown children, and then recently when praying for my husband.
    I realized this one day when I had committed to pray for a friend’s daughter who was going off to college. I posted her name on my refrigerator as a reminder. After a couple of days i realized I had been praying such strong, and very thought provoking, strategic prayers, compared to those of my own children as simply pleas and, usually with tears. I then saw the difference of praying out of fear rather than faith. That’s when I decided to ask others to pray for my children, and I would, in turn, pray for theirs. I think this might also be a good practice in praying for our husbands.

    1. mission61,

      I do think we can let emotions get us entangled sometimes when we pray for our own husbands or families. That was an interesting test. I noticed in the past that I prayed much more bold prayers for people that weren’t in my immediate family – and then realized, I could pray for my family like that, too! Duh! 🙂

      Love this!!! Thank you for sharing.

    1. Brianna George,

      I’m so glad this was a blessing. I think this is something we often don’t see and can be blind to. I know I was for so many years. We think we are praying fervently – but we are really just worrying and not trusting God.

      May God empower each of us to repent of any worry and unbelief and learn to truly seek Him and to truly pray fervently in the power of His Spirit working in us. 🙂

  9. This really is a great post. One problem with too much desperate praying is that we aren’t being quiet enough to listen. Often God is trying to answer me but He can’t get a word in edgewise because I am too busy pleading my case. Sometimes we really are called to just “be still and know that I Am.”

    I remember praying for God to change my husband and He kept telling me “your husband is not the problem.” It was very convicting and probably sounds a bit harsh, but really it wasn’t. The moment I accepted that answer, it was as if a huge weight had been lifted off of me. I was no longer responsible for trying to change my husband or for trying to control him.

    1. insasntiybytes22,

      True! Well, when we are not really trusting God, but trusting the mechanics of our saying words over and over again… we can’t hear God’s still small voice. Yes! There are many times when we need to be still and know that God is Lord!

      Thank you for sharing about what God said to you. Praise God that you were willing to eventually receive His words and for all that He has done and is doing will do in your life! WOOHOO!!! LOVE THIS!

  10. Thank you so much for this post April! I am going through a difficult time right now dealing with my husband telling me he hasn’t been happy for a long time and leaving me. We get along well and I’ve tried my very best to work on allowing God to change me into a more humble and respectful person and less controlling. However, I found I have been focusing on ‘begging’ instead of truly praying that God will soften my husband’s heart and restore my marriage. This has really helped me and I will try my best to focus my prayers on others and drawing closer to God. Thank you!

    1. BN,

      I am so very sorry to hear about how painful things are right now! I wish I could give you a big hug!

      But how I praise God that He is speaking and you are listening. That is a GOOD thing!

      Some other posts that may be helpful:

      When Your Husband Says, “I’m Done!”

      Don’t Wait! – the recommendations in this post will be a blessing to your walk with Christ no matter what your husband is doing, my dear sister!

      I’m here if you want to talk some more. I am honored to walk beside you on this journey. Praying for God’s healing for you both and for God’s healing for your marriage – but most of all His greatest glory!

  11. Thanks for this reminder April. I’m still so double-minded in my prayers. I’m like the Pharisees, Matthew 15 :7-8 :
    You hypocrites! Isaiah was right when he prophesied about you: 8 “‘These people honor me with their lips,_ but their hearts are far from me.

    There are still so many areas of my heart that need to change. I started to finally see that I can’t trust myself and asked God to reach inside, deep within my heart, to find what it is that has me captive and He showed me that my deepest sin is still pride. Last week, for the first time in my life I saw my mistakes and felt ugly. The roots are much deeper than I thought.

    In this period of learning to trust and have faith in God and not in my husband or in myself, my husband is thinking again about separation and asks me what I’m thinking about our marriage. My impression is that he is trying to make me give up on the marriage like he already did. I told him that I was thinking very deeply about some things he said in the past and that I would communicate my thoughts to him in some time. I said also that I love him (he thinks that I don’t love him and that I stay because of the marriage). I try still to do my best, to serve him, compliment him, give him gifts and some space. He communicates also very little with me in the house, and I have a hard time talking to him. He says he doesn’t want a marriage that is old fashioned, meaning he isn’t for a marriage where two peoples stay together forever. I do not want to give up. I do not know what God’s will is, but I do not want to give up. I pray God to change me.

    So, I would like to apologize to my husband for the many things I did in the past. I got actually an advice through an e-mail (by a marriage counselor) to write an appology letter where I will have to describe my mistakes, but also, and more importantly, describe my spouse’s feelings and their experience of my mistakes. I will have to feel his hurt. He says that this appology could be quite healing for a spouse.

    Would it be possible to talk through some things with you April on this blog?

    I’m so thankful for your ministry.

    1. Ev,

      You are welcome to share with me – either on the blog or you can private message me on my Peacefulwife Blog FB page or on my Youtube account, “April Cassidy.” Would that work?

      I’m so glad you are seeking Christ and that you want Him to change you!
      Much love to you, my dear sister!

  12. Gary,

    Your comments always bring joy to my heart. I LOVE to see what God is doing in your soul!!!! WOOHOO!

    What an incredible treasure that you are hearing God’s voice so clearly and seeking to obey Him even when it is costly and painful, even though it means giving up everything you want.

    I found a new book this week – a free download is available here – by Andrew Murray called Absolute Surrender. I am only 15 pages in, and already, this man has CHALLENGED me to go much deeper in my faith. That is exactly what I want to do – to depend on the sufficiency of Christ and to put Him first, period. No matter the cost. I want to be completely yielded and obedient to Him and I want all that He has for me – the trials, the pain, the pruning, the refining, and the blessings. Because I know that in those trials and the times of suffering is where the greatest treasures and most precious moments with God will be found. How I long to be faithful to Him! I have been rebuked by the Lord a number of times. I want to be VERY quick to listen and obey Him when that happens!

    Thank you so much for sharing, our brother!

    1. Gary,

      I am trying to remember what book it was – maybe Sacred Marriage by Gary Thomas – but there was a story of a husband in a similar situation, although not separated. The wife wanted a divorce and hated living with her husband. He would pray with her every night and she would roll her eyes in disrespect. She turned down all of his loving gestures. For months. Until one day she realized the love that was hers and how hatefully she was responding and that she would be crazy to walk away from a love like that.

      I imagine, that may be in God’s plans for your marriage one day, too. But regardless of your wife’s response, my prayer is for you to live in and abide fully in Christ and that you might walk in obedience and faithfulness to Him – seeking only to please Him.

      1. My husband is the one who wants a divorce and has stood very firm that I am abusive and mean. He treats me with hostility when I make any attempt to discuss our marriage or circumstances that need to be discussed. I have asked God for forgiveness and he has granted me that. I have repented, asked for forgiveness from my husband, admitted my failings to no avail. He has dug his heels in that divorce is the best option. How do I remain a peaceful wife and trust in God’s plan when the one I share a home with and parent two Boys treats me with such disdain?

        1. hopeful,

          I’m glad you repented to God and to your husband. That is awesome! It will take a lot of time if your husband believes you are abusive and mean for him to see that God is truly changing you. Like – many months or years, most likely. If you truly have been abusive, it will take a lot of time and a new history to rebuild trust.

          I vote to continue to seek to become the woman and wife God calls you to be and to continue to allow God to change you – and to lay down expectations of your husband (other than faithfulness and your safety and really basic things) and wait on God to work in his life.

          Please check out these posts:

          Don’t Wait!
          Peaceful Separated Wife
          Peaceful Divorced Wife
          When Your Husband Says, “I’m Done”
          Most likely, your words mean nothing to him at this point. But perhaps, seeing your attitude and genuine respect and cooperative attitude may get through in time.

          I suggest to seek to please God and to bless your husband and let those be your only motives.

          Much love to you!

          1. Respecting someone who shows no respect or interest in one’s life requires a lot of courage and commitment. I have a minimal amount of respect right now. When I hear my h. Listen to Christian music, it makes my skin crawl.

      2. Wow – I have been listening to the audio whilst I have been working – heavy book! but so so true for me….I had this crazy revelation. My wife went to live with her mother because she felt forced out of our home and she had indeed asked me to leave but in my arrogance I took the course that because I had repented it was ok never thinking on the reality that it is still such early days from where my wife can start to check and trust me.
        I am going to move out now so that she can live here. Repentance works in stages and there is still along way to go _ after listening to Andrew Murry there is so much further but the timing is absolutely perfect because last week was the first time that I had ring a couple of friends and said i am at the end of it – I have done everything and I am at the end of it and now I feel the Lord saying “with God ALL things are possible” our life is actually meant to be a series of impossibilities where we look at Christ the entire time….Now here’s the revelation – Look at all Christ did for His bride…absolutely everything, nothing held back….

        I am overwhelmed with the arrogance and independence by which I STILL live even after a year…I have not even begun to understand how my wife feels. If she is nice to me it is a concession due to her grace not because I have earned it…..I am actually looking forward to the day when i can be truly set free of me – it would be amazing!!! Already, Andrew Murry has completely changed how I do things – it was the answer to the very very pressing question i had.

        It is so brilliant how there is a very definite pattern that the Lord seems to follow with me every time. I have had several occasions in this year where I am pressing in to God, situations around me get really difficult, I am overcome with disdain, collapse before Him, He shows me a spiritual direction to follow without explanation but as i follow that direction in obedience He gives me crystal clear understanding, every single time with the consequence that it fundamentally changes my inward and outward actions every single time.

        1. Gary,

          I’m so thankful that Andrew Murray’s book is already impacting you so profoundly. It is doing the same for me! I love what God is showing you. Thank you very much for sharing. How I pray we might ALL completely empty our lives of self and be cleansed and empty and ready for God to fill with Himself in overflowing abundance. May we listen to Him and follow Him rather than running ahead and telling Him to bless our feeble efforts!

          I praise God for what He is doing in your life. 🙂

          1. April, I have the audio version and I have listened to it now about fifteen times which i really needed to but it is HEAAVY!! The chapter on the regenerate man, the impotent man and the spiritual man is so much how my life has been. But it is now so obvious, its laid out in Romans 7, Romans 8 and Philippians 2 so simply – you have to read it – it is so fundamental and so important….thank you so much for this, it is the absolutely critical time to have received it …..

            1. Gary,

              I haven’t gotten to that chapter yet. Hopefully today! It is heavy. Powerful. Convicting. Thank you so much for letting me know how Murray’s book is impacting you. I’m so grateful God is using it in your life. 🙂

        2. Hi Hopeful,

          I don’t think I have ever answered that question here on April’s blog except to say how I was personally. I grew up very independently, socially quite isolated and actually very disconnected and fearful. I became a believer at twenty two and simply left my past behind.

          My wife is amazing, she is genuine, truthful, pure, fun and outgoing. She fell head over heels in love with her perfect man and it took many years for her to realise i wasn’t. She covered for me, hoping for the best but it wasn’t enough.

          I came across as very clever, capable and true and our family looked amazing with three really great children.

          My life continued to lose integrity and honesty as I tried to keep everyone happy and continued to get more isolated in my world. Financially I was a mess and lived on credit cards and debt, would lie to people to get me out of trouble, compromised on myself and rightly my wife couldn’t hold on any longer.

          That’s pretty much how it was….Separation was the catalyst to start a journey to dying to the disgusting self life I used to live. My wife has had to stay hard hearted for her own protection and so it has often been quite painful for both of us – but I’ll tell you what happened a short time ago. First i fell in love with Jesus, sounds weird as a man saying it so emotionally but I just think about the Lord all the time. But then just a few days later, I just fell in love with my wife the same way she fell in love with me thirty years ago. Literally, totally, fell in love with her…I don’t care if it is hard, if it is easy..I just love her and the more the difficult that it gets the more I love her !! crazy…that’s God.

          1. Thank you. I understand falling in love again with a fresh eye when things are hard or when coming out of an emotional and spiritual collapse. Things and people seem different after hitting a bottom that you and I seem to have hit in our marriages.

            Do you have hope that the heart of your wife will soften and let you in?

            1. I am SO hopeful. There is nothing that gives me any indication that this will happen, nothing whatsoever. But there was not one situation in the Bible at anytime where there was a speck of hope so THAT is what gives me more hope…..I have tried and tried and no matter how many changes I make it doesn’t seem to matter. She will be nice one day and today for example she is hurting physically, mentally and emotionally – I think she is in a pretty dangerous place and there doesn’t seem to be anything I can do. I never thought about it before but how must the Lord ache for us when we won’ t listen or respond _ I have never read anything about it but it must be absolutely heart breaking seeing all your children living in chaos, confusion and pain……

              Definitely agree with you about how different people look to me now – I used to be SO disconnected and now I love anyone and everyone so much.

              Keep going hopeful…..I’m regularly reduced to tears of pain, loneliness or something but I also feel so honored that I can fight for and stand in the gap for the one who has given so much of herself for me….

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