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A New Wife Shares Her Views about Praying with Our Husbands

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This is a very interesting topic that throws light on the realities of marriage. Unfortunately, many of us christian women fantasize about a man who will daily hold our hands in prayer. It is a beautiful scene to behold and we women who are romantic at heart always yearn for such connection. But I believe if we are truthful to ourselves, most of us will realize we sometimes expect too much.

When I recently God married, I got a great advice from an elderly woman – which I would like to share. She cautioned me not to neglect prayer simply because my husband refused to pray with me. I have totally come to agree with her.

Before I got married, I had a wonderful personal relationship with Jesus Christ. I went to prayer vigils, prayed at home, and sometimes at the park alone. Those were moments I will cherish forever as I fellowshipped with “my first Love.” I believe it was through such prayers that God blessed me with a good husband.

Do I stop this communication with God simply because I have all of a sudden realized I cannot pray alone? Do our prayer partners sometimes not disappoint us when we plan to pray together? Do we sometimes not beat ourselves for going the whole day without a word of prayer? This goes to show that we are all works-in-progress.  Our getting angry at our husbands for not praying with us is sometimes a defense mechanism when we realize we have failed to keep up with God.

In marriage, the woman is sometimes more prayerful than the man and may have to intercede for the family until he catches up. This can really be frustrating because we hear that the family that prays together stays together. However, I believe that the wife who intercedes for her family also keeps them together. (From Peacefulwife – YES! God is the key here, not the husband or the wife!) Why force your husband to pray with you if he doesn’t want to? God never forced anyone to pray to him even though He expects us to. We are called to be helpmates to our husbands and this may also be in the area of prayer.

I would rather my husband pray with me willingly than to pray just to satisfy me. After all, the prayer is not to us as wives but to God.

In my case, i am the long-hours-all-through-the-night prayer warrior who quickly dig her hands into food before remembering to pray. My husband, on the other hand, prays at every meal and speaks to God shortly and silently every night. I must confess I sometimes doze off without praying hoping to make up for it at a long prayer session. Thus, in his own way, he covers the loopholes I leave.

Praying together is the best and I advocate for it – but I will not frustrate both of us by always insisting. I will leave the Holy Spirit to work it out and remain content where we are now.

17 thoughts on “A New Wife Shares Her Views about Praying with Our Husbands

  1. Even though my husband doesn’t pray with me I still pray with my kids. They had the Lord’s Prayer memorised as toddlers and that’s part of our drive to school prayers. We pray before exams, before bed, before a meal. When they are anxious and when they are sick they come for more prayers. My husband may not join in, but he respects this and I know it blesses our family and marriage.

  2. I have been stuck on this “husband praying with me” thing for some time. I love this revelation that I prayed before I met him, I pray on my own, and with my children. Do I suddenly not have a prayer life unless he prays with me? God showed me this a few weeks back. You see my husband is a preacher and for me it was like “a minister who doesn’t pray ALL the time with is wife. Who does, or doesn’t, do that?” Well the same as this wife….I am the one who forgets to pray at a meal, he is diligent about it. I am the one who forgets to do my devotion when I first get up instead of waiting. He is not. I have a very devoted husband who works a full time job and does everything in his power to make me feel like a princess each and every day. I am used to not praying together ALL the time now…but when we do…I cherrish those moments in my heart as if someone had just handed me the keys to the gates of heaven. Love this post!

  3. Theres much to be said about being unequally yoked. This is harder when one grows in their relationship with God and the spouse does not. I say, don’t make a big deal of it. Let God be in control.

  4. I am so glad that you have brought this to light on your blog. When I first discovered your blog and read (and tested what you said with the bible) I felt like someone slapped me in the face HARD. But looking back almost 4 weeks ago til today. lol.

    My husband came home early from work for a break and brought up an issue that is pretty much out of our control. After some talking and seeing that he was still distressed I asked “Want to pray together?”… I didn’t beg, or nag, or even look at him after I asked. I just paused and then went back to resting on the bed. When he said “No, I’ll pray on the way to work.” I didn’t flip, or point fingers, or tell him what he should be doing. And it was so peaceful. I could feel him relaxed in his answer knowing that I would be fine with this.
    4 weeks ago he gave me a similar response and it was the first time I was silent instead of condeming. and he gave me this pregnant look waiting for a reaction… but i forced a smile and said ok. and he just looked at me like “who are you?” hahaha

    So much has come from that day one until now. And we have prayed more without ME prompting it. and its so sweet and peaceful 😀 I shoulda been doing this a long time ago! But I’m glad God led me here and has put a new heart in me to do this now. My marriage went from a screaming match of divorce to just peace. It aint perfect but my how it has grown. Thank you. Praise God. Thank you Jesus 😀

    1. Tiffany,

      God really surprised me with this revelation, too! I am really glad He prompted me to go to Scripture to look at these expectations we have about our husbands praying with us.

      Wow! Thank you so much for sharing what God is doing in your life and marriage! What a blessing to get to hear about it. HOW I PRAISE GOD for the beauty He is creating in you and for the peace in your marriage! WOOHOO!!!!! This made my day!

  5. This post has blessed me! It’s what I keep trying to convey to my wife! It’s sad that in order for her to accept these statements, a person has to have the title of Pastor or Bishop. Otherwise, to her, it’s just an opinion on a blog without any applicable truth. She is so focused on believing her way is the right way, and this is what she wants, and I should want what she wants because as her husband we are supposed to be one. So frustrating!! Smh.

    1. Nathan Hale,

      Oh goodness, I can relate to being a wife who believes her way is the right way and my husband should agree with me because I am right and we are supposed to be one. Yikes! Perhaps she would be willing to do her own study in her commentary or online at http://www.biblegateway.com to look up every reference to pray, prayer, marriage, husband, and wife. That’s what God led me to do a few weeks ago, and I am so very thankful He did!

  6. Good news is the Vaginismus ended as she took a supplement called SAMe. Praise the Lord!
    Wow, praying with my wife. No. we talk about it and she prays with my special needs son who is a small 12 year old. They prayed in September that I would find a job by November. Well, then December. Ok then February. Well, then they prayed for me to get a job sometime soon. You see, when prayer is unanswered, faith does not build up, it gets questioned. So my wife cannot stop to pray with me nor can I to formally pray for things. She spends her time with Facebook friends who pray rather than with me. I pray alone as most men do.

    1. Jeff,
      PRAISE GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I’m so thankful that your wife is not in pain anymore!!!!!!!!!!! WOOHOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!

      Faith can build up when prayers continue unanswered, but sometimes people do begin to lose faith. I am praying for you both! How I pray God might use all of these fiery trials to build your faith and your marriage for His glory! I pray that God might bring you both together to pray if that is your heart’s desire.

  7. This was a very good reminder for me today, thank you!

    My husband will pray the family rosary with us, and he will also pray before meals and participate in certain Novenas with us. But we have never just sat down to pray out loud together from our hearts, and to me that is o.k. because I tend to enjoy praying privately as well.

    He has told me in the past that he fears that he doesn’t really know how to pray. I try to emphasize that it is simply just a conversation of love with Our Lord, but he still feels that he is “doing it wrong”. I can’t really tell him more than that, because I only know what I experience when I pray.

    So, imagine my excitement when our church was offering two lectures (given by friends of mine) on how to enrich one’s prayer life. I was over-the-moon happy when he told me that he would go with me and it would be kind of a “date” night.

    I thought the lecture was good, but sadly it did nothing for my husband except confuse him even more. They discussed complex topics such as ecstasy, contemplative prayer, the teachings of St. Teresa of Avila, etc. etc. My husband was just looking for a basic, introduction to prayer. It is also this kind of scholarly doctrine that turns him away from the church.

    I asked him if he wanted to go to the 2nd session and he said that he’d go if I wanted to, but he really wasn’t interested. I decided that we wouldn’t go, because I would rather have us spend that time at home with the kids after a long day of work.

    Now I’m afraid that I may have done more damage than good by introducing him to this. Wondering if any one else has gone through something similar…and if so how you brought your husband back to prayer? I’m thinking this may be a time when my words will only do more harm, and I may have to rely on my actions and solitary prayer to bring him closer to Christ.

    1. Mrs. G.,

      I really love the study I am doing now – Kay Arthur “Lord, Teach Me to Pray” based on the Lord’s prayer. It is basic stuff and very theologically sound. But he may not be open to anything like that at this point.

      Let’s pray that God might bring your husband back to prayer as this is really an issue between himself and God. I think that is the most powerful way for him to get excited about prayer – for God to open his eyes to it and to set his heart on fire for Himself.

      Much love!

      1. Thank you so much, April. I will most definitely check out Kay Arthur. If I wait long enough, my husband will most likely be receptive to it.

        Thank you also for your prayers, my sister! That means so much to me!

  8. Dear ladies,

    I’m a single man and I would like to say something about how I see prayer as a man. I know this is a sore spot for many of you.

    My point of view may not be similar to that of other or most men but still hear me out.

    1. To me prayer is something very holy. I don’t take prayer for granted. There are times I go for long without prayer and it’s not because I don’t want to per se, but because I feel like I don’t deserve to appear before the father. Yes sometimes I feel I’ve done something so sinful that I doubt He will forgive me. Or maybe it’s something I’ve asked forgiveness for so many times that it just seems ridiculous to ask for forgiveness once more. I feel like it would be disrespectful!

    2. I see prayer time as a private time. It’s a time to be intimate with God only and therefore not public affair. So I will pray privately in the shower, at work, on the road or even just before bed. As such, I don’t need to pray out loud or long because I believe God already knows what I need in my life. I don’t romanticize prayer in the least.

    3. There are times when I need to ask God for help with something that would embarrass me in front of others. Even though this may seem trivial, it’s not a small matter for me. What’s more, what if I pray about a problem that could create discord with my wife? What if I’m struggling with temptations that would create insecurities in her?

    4. The Lord’s prayer is may favorite prayer because it’s short, and to the point and what’s more, The Lord Himself taught us to use it. I know there are times when things in life get tough and you need to do prayer battles, but for me in most situations in my short life, The Lord’s Prayer has been just fine.

    I could say much more on this but I’ll leave it there.

My grandmother is on hospice and won't be with us much longer (11-30-16). I will get to comments when I am able to but I need to be with family right now. Thanks for understanding.

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