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“Six Things I’ve Learned from Having an Unbelieving Husband”

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A dear sister in Christ shared this in response to the post about a wife whose husband didn’t want her to go to church for a time. I’m so thankful she is allowing me to use her comment as a post! I am sure there are a number of you who have unbelieving husbands, and I believe this wife’s words may bless you greatly – in fact, even if your husband is a believer, I think there is MUCH we can all glean from what God has taught our sister (Note – single sisters in Christ, please do not purposely marry an unbeliever. Please only marry a man who practices walking with Christ and who wants to fully submit his life to Jesus – God commands us only to marry a man who is “in the Lord.”):

Thank you for sharing this lovely, encouraging post about a subject which is no doubt extremely relevant to those of us who find ourselves in this awful situation of being ‘unequally yoked’ with a non believer. What I love so much about this blog is that a lot of us are still in our ‘bad’ situations, or working on them, rather than always reading about success stories: “I prayed and fasted for 2 years non stop and my husband came to the Lord” type of thing!! I have read several books on this subject, and while these kind of stories can be encouraging, it is sometimes nice to know that others are in the same boat and having the same struggles, and I praise God we can encourage each other like this!

I became a Christian 12 years ago, after I had been married for 10 years. My husband was (and still is) very atheistic and actually quite “anti-Christian” in his views.
God has taught me many things over the years and I’ve made many mistakes in how I handled things. In fact, only recently (when I discovered this blog!) has He shown me so much about disrespect, control, and idols in my life, which I had no idea about! So I am very much a work in progress but I will try to share some of the mistakes I made over the years, and how I have now – or should have – dealt with them 🙂

1. I would argue with him regularly, and try to make him see my point of view. I would say inflammatory things like “so if God didn’t create us then how do YOU think we all got here?” He would usually reply with “I don’t know and I don’t care!!” – which would drive me mad!! I became so resentful about his refusal to look into Christianity, that I was disrespectful to him pretty much on a daily basis – and thought it was ok! Because it was all his fault, right?! I can honestly say, that since I gave up the resentment to God, and started trying to honor Jesus in my life more and more, I haven’t had one of these kind of “discussions” and I totally accept that, for whatever reason, he is not ready to think about these things.

2. God taught me a lot about patience, because like the wife who wrote this post, my husband was not at all happy about me attending church, reading my Bible, or doing any “God stuff” at first. I had to be patient, tread carefully, and not put church first too often. I often messed this up and got the balance wrong, but God helped me to be wise after a while. Gradually, he accepted my involvement, and over the years has become genuinely supportive of various church activities. He has also allowed our children’s involvement, for which I am so grateful. He even came to both their baptisms.

3. I found that I can thank God for the husband He has given me, and even feel blessed to be married to a non Christian! He is kind, caring and loving, and also totally supportive of me and the children, and always there for us. Yes I do feel lonely sometimes, sitting in church surrounded by couples, but actually there are occasional advantages to having a ready-made excuse for not doing something, or being on a particular rota 😉 “My husband wouldn’t like it” Haha! Also, because he is not yet saved I can look forward to the precious celebration I hope to one day have when he is! If he had been a Christian all along, I wouldn’t have the possibility of this joy to come.

4. I used to feel jealous of Christian couples, who could pray together, make Godly decisions for their kids, do Bible studies, etc. but I’ve realised that no marriage is perfect, and these couples have their struggles too, and that actually my husband is pretty awesome really, compared to some of them! I also know several friends who are married to Christians, but their husbands don’t pray with them, talk about God at home or do any of the things that are in my “rosy picture” of a Christian marriage.

5. I have been guilty of saying many things like “He’s never going to become a Christian” and “It will take a miracle to get him to believe” which I have realised are cursing words that I have spoken over his life. I have repented of these things, and now make every effort to only speak words of blessing and thanks over his life. And now that I’ve repented and realised this, God has shown me SO many ways in which I can bless my husband and be thankful for him.

6. I used to believe that if I prayed enough for him, fasted, acted ‘right’ etc etc then eventually I would “get through” to him. I now realise getting through to him is God’s job, and that I should’ve been playing my part of being a respectful, Godly wife who can”‘win him without words.” Now that I have concentrated on honoring Jesus and sorting myself out, I realise how much peace I can have by letting go of that responsibility to save my husband! I have also let go of the idol of having him saved, and now I can honestly say that even if this never happens, my aim is now to honor God and bring Him glory, rather than change my circumstances.

 

RELATED:

When I Shut Up, My Husband Heard God

My Secret Idol (my husband’s salvation)

The Blessing of Having a Husband Who Will Not Pray with You

My Husband Is Not Being a Good Spiritual Leader

Why Won’t My Husband Lead?

Ways Husbands Lead That Wives Often Don’t Notice

24 thoughts on ““Six Things I’ve Learned from Having an Unbelieving Husband”

  1. “which I have realised are cursing words that I have spoken over his life”
    profound, what a great realization about the importance of having faith

  2. Allow me some perspective here as a husband. I am an apologist, attended Christian college, etc. I actually brought my wife to church years ago where she became a Christian. As some here know, I have been unemployed 5 years. It’s been a struggle to get a job, finish graduate school and be a good husband, even as my wife easily found a job after a recent lay-off. This generates some heated arguments about God in our lives. We suffer from intimacy problems, financial problems, and decisions over our special needs kids of which some are adult-special needs. My wife actually accused me of NOT being a Christian 3 weeks ago. The result of her hearing her own (false) words terrified her. This was in the midst of falsely accusing me of being a mean, angry husband. (no credit for me being unemployed 5 years and me taking it reasonably well). Her words are poison, yet her perspective is in the midst of a frustration of a husband who cannot support the family with an actual earned income. There is no woman out there who dreams of a marriage to an unemployed husband for any length of time. So I see her point and feelings.
    So, I commend this example of an atheist husband who is commended by his Christian wife for all he does and all he is as a man. The comparison to me should be enough. I am a moral man who knows the bible much better than my wife. My wife’s spiritual support of Facebook friends and strangers is a self-measurement of her own arrogance of self-righteousness that spawned her false accusations on me. I cannot generate a verbal come-back to her while the Lord allows my unemployment to linger on. My shaken faith, as we call it, shows a substantial weakness in me as a man that I cannot overcome. This atheist employed husband is more desirable than a Christian ‘UNemployed’ husband. (Unless he is abusive, but from the article it seems he is a good guy.)
    I am not trying to generate sympathy for me, because it is too late for me. A wife who has a good husband who does not believe is an OK thing. His salvation is up to God.

    Read up on Lee Strobel biography.

    1. Jeffrey,

      My precious brother! I hope you know that I love and respect you dearly. You are important to me. I have prayed for you and your family many, many times. I want to see each of you find healing, peace, and joy in Christ. I am alarmed at the conclusions and comparisons you appear to be drawing from this wife’s comments. She is seeking to find the good in a difficult situation. That does not mean that an unbelieving employed husband is “more valuable” or “better than” a Christian unemployed husband. I actually don’t believe that the real issue in your marriage is your lack of employment myself. And I don’t think that you finding a job would magically solve everything. I believe it is part of the problem, certainly – but I think there may be a lot more going on spiritually that is greatly impacting you as well.

      Both husbands are valuable – the unbelieving husband and the believing husband. They are both men for whom Christ died. They both have worth because they are image bearers of God. A paycheck does not = a person’s worth as a human being. Every wife is commanded by God to respect her husband unconditionally – whether he is a believer or not. Every husband is commanded by God to love his wife unconditionally. In this post, we are talking about how wives in difficult situations can seek to respect and honor their husbands. I believe the same principle would also hold true for husbands in difficult situations.

      My heart completely breaks for you and your wife and the myriad of trials you have both been enduring. It sounds to me like you are both in so much pain and both feeling overwhelmed, frustrated, and probably pretty depressed. It would be easy and extremely tempting to lash out at each other – and that is exactly what Satan would want you to do. But how I pray that y’all will close ranks and draw together and see the real enemy. And I pray for God’s power for you both to walk in the victory of Christ and to find healing individually and together for God’s glory.

      I would like for this to be a place where we can share our struggles, encourage, pray for, bless, and exhort each other. You are most welcome to share here. I want you to experience the love and blessing of the body of Christ here. My desire is that we might all speak about our spouses respectfully here, even when we are hurting deeply. God loves our spouses, too – husbands and wives – and they are in great pain, many times, too. I long for God to love our spouses through us, even when they are not meeting our needs. I pray for God to empower all of us to be faithful to Him and to His commands even when our spouses fail us. I would like for us to focus on what God desires to do in US rather than on our spouse’s failings. That is where our power is – in my understanding – when we look to God and allow Him to work in our own hearts and when we trust Him with our spouses. I spent way over 14 years focusing on Greg’s “failures” and his sins, demanding that he change. I hate to see anyone go down that road – it doesn’t go to a good place at all, in my experience. We didn’t begin to see healing in our marriage until God showed me my own sin and I began to allow Him to change me.

      I know that finances are an issue, but I pray that God might provide a godly mentoring couple or biblical counselor. It seems like y’all continue to stay very stuck in an extremely unhealthy place for both of you. If you are in the SC area, I may be able to make arrangements for you, if you are interested, to meet with someone I trust greatly.

    2. Dear Jeffrey,

      All I can say is, the devil wants us (and you) to despair. That is his goal. He will do anything to get us there. Clearly, he is winning the battle in your case, as you say, “it is too late for me.” It is never, ever, ever too late!!! What kind of Christians are we anyway, looking for heaven on earth?! Of course the blessings of God are here for us now, but certainly Paul said that there will be trials on this earth.

      As far as the devil’s tactics, if my husband has a bad day, or we are not in Gods grace, in my case the devil gets my husband to accuse me in a torrent of words, just as if I were on trial. And the key is this – when I ultimately have enough of this, because it is really very difficult to keep up with an argument against me where the accusations change from minute to minute and there is no chance to defend oneself – when I have enough, I say, “Yes, you’re right, I’m good for nothing.” And then the argument ends. I realize, the devil wants me to be cornered so bad, that I say I am worth nothing, that I start degrading myself. That is the devil’s aim Jeffrey, for you to start denigrating yourself! But that contradicts the value of Jesus Christs’ death for you, because Christ would not have died for someone worthless. And that is exactly what the enemy is about. So wily. Uggh.

    3. Friend Jeff…….

      First, let me tell you that I am not married. I don’t have a gf. I don’t have a dating life either.

      Second, I don’t have children, I can’t relate to the enormous stress you are facing as a man, a father, and a husband.

      But I can tell you I can relate to being unemployed. When I moved to Fresno CA after burning all my bridges from alcoholic behaviors, and a very nasty cocaine addiction. I was unemployed for over four years. I also have a special needs older brother and I know the pain and curious unfriendliness of some people.

      I also know the deep pain of rejection. It at times hurts me, and strikes at the heart of my total masculinity that I wasn’t “good enough” for a wife.

      One thing I do know, at this point……I have never regretted following Jesus. Look, drop an email to me if you would like….some aspects of your story and situation moved me and I probably won’t have the solution you may need…….but my life is Christ centered.

      If you would like my email, Peaceful Wife can get it to you.

    4. Jeffrey,

      I think the advice above is all wonderful, and I too am so very sorry for all the hardship your unemployment has caused. Allow me, if I may, to share what I as a wife respect in my husband, who is also a Christian.

      In spite of college degrees, we have both been unemployed in the last few years due to budget cuts in education and my husband’s job skills becoming outdated. When this happened, shortly after our marriage, we decided to “reinvent” ourselves. We stopped seeking financial security from a company or institution and agreed that we would always seek to support ourselves with multiple, albeit sometimes very small, sources of income. We were already living simply but cultivated an even simpler lifestyle by moving to a small town in a beautiful place and beginning anew.

      My husband began buying things for resale (very cheaply), from auctions and by advertising for certain items, and often spent one or two hours at night educating himself about what things were worth and what there was a market for. He sells these things at swap meets, flea markets, and online and is now well respected by others in this field for his expertise and integrity. A little later he was offered a management position at a tiny apartment complex. I was proud of him that he accepted this, in spite of being “over qualified,” because we really needed the money. At the same time, we were both working hard to start a bed and breakfast business in our home. My husband also advertised for repair and renovation projects, and was hired by a historic church to completely renovate their beautiful doors. He then noticed a pile of pallets in the trash behind a business and brought them home. He created several enchanting pieces of furniture from them that others wanted to buy. I work as a substitute teacher, but this income has been sporadic and definitely part time, so what my husband does is very important.

      My point is this: I respect my husband deeply for trying hard, not giving up, thinking in new and creative ways, and doing whatever is needed to support us. He has stepped outside his professional “comfort zone” and never considers anything “beneath him” because of pride. He is up and working every day, on his own projects and the work we do together, and my respect for him keeps growing. I hope that our story might give you some ideas and a new perspective on your own situation and the way that women think–at least me. 🙂 I wish you and your wife all the best, and totally concur that you must both pull together and be each other’s best friends throughout this period. It can either be the worst time of your lives–or the best.

      1. Elizabeth,

        Thank you so very much for sharing your story! Goodness, you have both experienced unemployment – that would be very difficult. I admire your attitude and spirit and the creativity y’all have had. I believe your story may bless many other people, as well.

  3. Jeffrey
    I don’t know your situation, but I am so sorry to hear all your struggles. It must be a terrible time for both you and your wife. I know how incredibly hard it is to have no money and no job. My mother-in-law had a little saying she used to come out with now and then “love flies out the window when there’s no money coming in the door”! which is very negative, but unfortunately a fairly accurate statement about the strain it can put on a marriage. So I really feel for you, and pray that you will find a job soon.

    I don’t think it is easier for someone to have a ‘good’ but unbelieving husband as opposed to a Christian, but ‘bad’ husband!! I think my own (unbelieving) husband has caused many difficulties in our marriage through his unbelief, but like April, I focussed on these difficulties and on how he should change and on how it was all his fault, until God opened my eyes to my own part in it all. And then gradually, I got to the point I am at now, where God has shown me how I can bless him in the marriage, and how to be thankful for him and see his good points, even though nothing has actually changed in our circumstances. It was ME that had to change my attitude, in order for things to improve, even though I pointed to his unbelief as the root of all our problems.

    Also I have learnt that love and respect are a daily CHOICE. It’s not about feelings or how the other person is acting, it’s about a choice to love them and honour them anyway. However you feel. So I choose to love and respect my husband out of my love for Christ, not because he has or hasn’t earned it that day. Does that make sense?

    Also, as I think April has pointed out several times in her blog, the ‘love and respect’ thing can work even if only one of you within the marriage is practising these principles.

    God bless you Jeffrey, and may he give you peace and the ability to rest in Him and His sovereign plan for your life.

  4. Veronica, Sunshine, and Jason,

    Thank you so much for reaching out to our hurting brother. Thank you for joining me in prayer for him and his family. The enemy wants to take this family down – I don’t want to see that happen! Let’s gather around them and surround them with God’s love, truth, blessing, encouragement, and prayer!

  5. I read about a marriage map on a site called divorcebusting.com that indicates how all the issues a couple goes through be it financial stress, deaths, issues with children, sickness, conflicting beliefs, etc. are the impetus to progression through stages in marriage. Apparently, all couples go from a honeymoon stage to years of wishing their spouse would change. At some point there’s a fork in the road when life doesn’t let up, and couples either jump ship or feel they must stay miserable in an unhappy union. What they don’t know is that those who stay typically progress to the next stage of true acceptance for the other spouse.

    It looks like this – “yes, I’d love for my spouse to verbally appreciate what I do daily but she won’t b/c that’s just the way she is…” and then on to “hmmm, she’s that way b/c she had a bad day too. I guess we’re both the same and she’s not so bad after all”. That’s when the marriage can get really good in the next stage even as life is still giving curve balls. Many find themselves back at the honeymoon because they’ve learned to truly love and respect their spouse – after decades of lessons- rather than cling to their personal expectations and unmet needs.

    What’s interesting is that if one spouse chooses to change themselves first, it apparently starts a reaction that allows the couple to progress through these stages faster. The love of one spouse, starved as he or she may be, opens the door for the other spouse to love too. Every couple feels their situation is so unique and their particular spouse is so unbearable. It may just be our own stubbornness to accept God’s prescription for sanctification that marriage actually is. The devil would like us to forget it’s a sacrament and sometimes the pain we feel is near blinding! But the pain can be purposeful and productive if we are patient and willing to learn. Our choice to see through the bad and love anyway becomes a light for any spouse, be it a non-believer or a Christian acting out of their own wounds.

    I pray hope and healing for you, Jeff. And I am so thankful for this sister’s story as it is a testament to love.

    1. Refined,

      That is really interesting! Thank you very much for sharing. I’m so thankful that Greg didn’t give up on me – and that I didn’t give up on him – that we rode out that really painful part to see God begin to bring healing and restoration. Of course, there will be more painful parts in the future, as well – but I pray for God to give us all His power to overcome and persevere through those trials and to be faithful to Him and to our spouses for His glory.

      I have rarely seen two people decide at the same time to change in Christ. It has always been one to start with. God begins to work on that one, and then begins to bring healing through those changes to the other spouse so many times.

      This is beautiful and powerful! Than you so much for sharing, Refined!

  6. Thanks for all the comments and encouragement. I believe in Christ not for success sake but because it is all true. My personal struggles do not affect my faith in God’s existence. With that said, I do have problems believing in God improving my employment status. I do have welfare income. My wife has income too. She is upset that when she wants to be a Mom, she can’t, she’s at work, when she wants to clean her closet, cook or tidy-up, she can’t she’s at work or worn from work, when she wants to be a “wife” she can’t, she’s worn out because of work.
    I will not go over my work search struggles here, I assure you all, it is not easy at 52, college educated white man to find a job that will consider me. (by the way Los Angeles area).
    I know that the atheist-working husbands value is not more than mine. However, considering the things that would make my wife “whole again” is in a situation where she is at home and I am at work. The spiritual measures we couples use are honest and we all know of our loyalty to our spouses are mostly with good intentions and I get along without arguments most of the time, but my wife has said that she would feel better if I worked and she stayed home. (ignore the fact that our special needs teen injured her on several occasions)
    Realize that when special needs kids/adults are in the home I cannot just “go out and sell stuff or work at a flower shop.” My autistic 20 year old has been sexually assaulted more than once, so he has to be watched!

    Back to our subject;
    I am not the issue here. The question is; can a married woman avoid spiritual conflict better in a situation with a good atheist husband who provides well, or a Christian husband who is good and can’t-for the life of him-find suitable work?? I think the two are maybe incomparable.

    To:
    seventiesjason,
    My 22 year old is quitting drugs…again and is responsible for all his lot in life. He has enrolled in college…again and I will be drug testing him soon. So I am experienced in this dark part of your life.
    I cannot connect with you. The time would be limited. My household has an additional 19 year old (friend)living here since he is homeless and we, of course are the ONLY place he could find among all the people (my 18 year old son) knows. So, I am busy enough to pen this blog response, then off to LinkedIn and email, and send resume’s and work on my online Master’s degree graduate class in psychology. Then the kids get out of school and…chaos.

    To everyone here: I attempting to apply to employment places that deal in mental health since my degree is in psychology and I should finish my degree this fall and the concluding Psychology TEST is next year.

    If you pray; pray that I can actually get a hold of HR people, department heads, and others in order to secure a job since resume’s go into email and are scanned and go through political company scrutiny. (I am no longer satisfied with emailing into a black hole.)

    Prayer for my wife: she has had a bad cough/lung/cold sickness and then broke her toe in the yard the other day.
    I am not hijacking this blog for prayer requests. I belong to an evangelical church, however our problems are widespread I allowed some hint of my life with special needs kids but there are so many, many more things…
    As a man on this blog which is for “for married women,” I applaud all of you ladies who have some hard nosed and at times, just impolite husbands, take heart in being who you are as a committed believer regardless of the situation. These are hard times for the Church and we must try to develop a better way to understand our deepest needs as spouses so that we can pass on the practical and biblical means to deal with those needs.

    I sense some sadness for me and I apologize if I struck some emotional cords. As much as I feel we are closer to divorce talk, my intentions are to keep going as if on another marathon.
    April, I thank you for your wisdom. Some lessons are learned on bumpy roads. My intentions here are always to add perspective that can help enlighten Christian minds in a sinful world that has just gone crazy.
    I hope my wife can stumble on this blog sometime. Showing it to her would not work.
    Carry on.

    1. Jeff,

      I guess I am a bit confused about your premise and your question. I don’t believe a Christian can necessarily avoid spiritual conflict or spiritual warfare under any circumstances, my dear brother. I don’t see where avoiding spiritual conflict or spiritual battles is really a goal. I mean, we are to seek to live in peace as far as it depends on us, but there will be conflict at times that may be unavoidable. The enemy will attack us all. All of us will face conflict in our marriages on many levels at some point, most likely. Perhaps I am misunderstanding?

      Our struggles may be different, but we will all face spiritual conflict, pain, trouble, suffering, and opposition. I guess I am not sure that there is any value in comparing the struggles and suffering of a believing wife in one scenario vs. another. Both are painful, stressful, frustrating, and difficult in different ways. Not knowing if my husband would go to heaven would be quite stressful for me. That would be a heavy weight to carry, and all of the ramifications of his unbelief would also be a heavy burden for the wife and children. A husband not having a job would also be very stressful for a believing husband and wife. But God may choose to use both situations for His ultimate glory and to help the wife and husband to grow spiritually and to accomplish His purposes in ways I cannot begin to understand.

      I am always happy to pray for you anytime, my brother. I will pray for you and your family now. 🙂

  7. Jeffrey, I will be praying for you, your wife, and your children. I’ll admit, respecting an often-unloving and cold husband has been very difficult for me. I just got done telling my husband that I’d rather be married to a poor man who loved me sincerely, than a husband who offered me the world’s goods but lacked genuine feeling and care for me. I suppose the grass often seems greener on the other side, doesn’t it? I appreciate everyone’s candor at this site, especially the above article which encouraged me very much.

    God’s blessings,
    Michelle

  8. Isaiah 55:8-9 “For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
    neither are your ways my ways,”
    declares the Lord.
    9“As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.”

    This verse come to mind as I read Jeffrey’s comments.
    Jeffrey – I will pray for your family. I can only imagine the strains associated with long years of unemployment and desiring to provide and care for your special needs children and give your wife ‘the life she desires’.

    Prayers you are able to align your heart and feet with God’s will for your life and embrace whatever journey, hardship, persecution and blessings that come your way.

    I do applaud a wife that can remain obedient to God and be respectful and submit to her husband even if he is an unbeliever. I know my own struggles with respect with my believing husband when he acts sinfully or outside of my perception of what a believer should. *(obviously my own prideful sin showing right there)

    God doesn’t command me to respect my husband when he ‘earns it’ or when he works hard or loves me like Christ loves the church. I pray for him daily and our walk with Christ daily. I personally know that I’ve grown closer to Christ as I’ve identified my sin and picked it piece by piece out of my heart. There is so much good here on this blog from peaceful wife and believing wives along with husbands that comment. I appreciate the love of Christ that is shown here. What a blessing each of you are!

  9. Jeffrey and Peaceful Wife:

    My previous comment was brief, as I was in the middle of family matters. It’s been on my mind that my comment to Jeffrey’s situation may have seemed to trivialize his experiences and those of his family. In no way was that my intention. I do apologize if it came off that way.

    I understand heartache and tremendous difficulties; most of my life has been filled with them. I especially appreciate the above article, because like the author, I am in the middle of a very stressful marriage that is under repair.

    Jeffrey, I have been thinking about your situation and my previous comment. I do not believe either extreme is ideal … poor husband who loves me, rich husband who doesn’t. Sincere love is what women most desire, sincere respect is what men most desire. And clearly, God knows that, thus He speaks in his word regarding the marriage relationship. Beyond that, I have been learning in my 15+ years of marriage what it means to truly know Jesus, as well as how to respect my husband even when he’s being unloving.

    Firstly, I encourage all who read this to continue seeking the Lord through His word and fellowship with Him. He has helped me to continue to come to Him with every one of my troubles, sorrows, heartaches. God has used, and keeps using, the difficulties to draw me to Him. His love and wisdom are beyond compare. I continue to be amazed that despite the heartaches, God’s love and power are greater. There isn’t any trouble He cannot help us with; no pain beyond His reach, no sorrow that cannot be comforted, no damage that cannot be mended.

    What I’ve come to see, within myself, is that pride and a root of bitterness often gets in the way. When I confess and repent of my pride and bitterness, the Lord has an amazing way of strengthening and helping me. I am learning that no matter what anyone else is doing, and no matter what they are doing to me, I do not have a license to sin. I have three sons that I am raising … from 12-17 years old. I continue to learn and teach them that the Lord will always help us to do His will. When we try to do things our way, the strength is just not there … at least not for me. The Holy Spirit only speaks the truth, and we’ll know when we are yielding to Him.

    Jeffrey forgive me if my previous comment offended you or seemed to trivialize your situation. I realize that a husband’s desire and even obligation is to provide finances for his family. Clearly, your wife is worn down and does not desire to work outside the home. Some people may be fine with this type of situation: the husband staying home, the wife working outside the home. But more times than not, most couples do not desire such a situation. And this is your dilemma.

    I will pray for the specific things you requested prayer for, and that the Lord sustain both you and your wife until the situation changes. I know that quite often, the only thing I can really control is my attitude. I learned that a long time before I married and had children … and that realization has helped (helps) me to withstand the many trials. I pray you will draw near the Lord, and that your wife will as well. God loves you both, no matter how you or your wife feel about each other or the situation. I know He cares for you, as He said “come to me all who are weary and heavy laden, and I will give you rest” (Matt. 11:28).

    You should be commended for the work you are doing at home with your children, and the young man you are housing. These are not easy tasks and require every bit of your strength and commitment. Clearly, you are a hard-working man. Your wife is equally a hard worker … no matter who is earning the money, you both should be commended for your commitments. I hope you can find comfort in knowing that your good works are going to be accounted to you. I homeschool (10+ years), and have helped my sons heal from years of various types of abuse (that I was unaware of, until after the fact). I can relate to the grief you and your wife must experience due to your son’s abuse.

    The Lord is good and faithful. I pray His love abound in your lives.

    In Him,
    Michelle

    (Note: My husband has read my comments and is aware of my participation here. I believe that demonstrates respect to him.)

    1. Love this! Thank you so much, Michelle! I love your respect for your husband and for Jeffrey and for his situation. And I love your heart for your Lord and your brothers and sisters in Christ and your willingness to pray for Jeffrey. Thank you also for seeking to share some encouragement with him in this extremely stressful and difficult time.

      Much love!

  10. Please please pray with me. My husband told me last night that he wanted to leave me and pack up. We have been separated once before for a year and a half. We have been back together three years. During this time my husband and I have been going to church, he was on the worship team etc… He never seemed to be over zealous in serving the Lord except when we first were married. Lately, through a string of events with our children and some not so good things that happened in our church we have had to leave the church we were involved heavily with, part ways with some friendships that turned negative and thus I feel we have no support. Now my husband has seemed more like an unsaved husband which greatly concerns me because that is how it started prior to our separation. I know the enemy wants us to go backward and I don’t want the enemy to bring anymore destruction in my husbands life, our marriage, our children and family! He has begun listening to more secular music, watching R movies and becoming distant from me. All he wants to do is his hobbies, sleep, work. I tried to talk to him about it last night and it ended in him saying I am not to ever tell him what he can watch, do etc… and he wants to leave. Please please pray with me and any Godly insight you may have in regards to this. God bless you all. (peaceful wife…. I recognized a bridge you were standing in front of on a pic in this site and am amazed that we may be in the same city! I truly respect and thank you for your peaceful Godly perspective and insight.)

    1. Michelle,

      Oh no!!!

      It does sound like the enemy is at work. Is your husband depressed?

      Does he have any addictions or mental health issues?

      Did he feel betrayed at church? I would imagine he may be really upset about what has happened.

      Did you try to tell him what he should do?

      I don’t live in the same state as that pic – but we visited there last year. 🙂

      How is your walk with Christ?

      Are you able to let go of trying to control your husband?

      Have you read the post “When Your Husband Says, ‘I’m Done'”?

      I am praying for you both!

  11. April its very interesting to read of other wives struggles in their marriages….I became a Christian in 1985 and for the first two years cried every day non stop always praying for a divorce. Finally I realized that was not going to happen and that to show my husband respect….even though I felt none was the way forward. I had to look over my husband to Jesus Christ to be able to show respect in a situation where I was very unhappy. I quickly started to look for things I could respect in my husband and put the things I didn’t like on the back burner so to speak……After 4 years as a Christian I was at a coffee morning one day and grumbling to a friend re Hubby. suddenly another lady came over and thrust her hand literally under my nose, she began saying ….I was gardening yesterday and I got this thorn stuck in my hand…..I was a little disconcerted however I went on grumbling to my friend. A little while later a different lady came over to me and did the exact same thing, she stuck her hand in front of me and amazingly said…..I was gardening yesterday and got this thorn stuck in my hand……incredible. Needless to say that did then get my attention and as I walked home I was thinking….there is something about a thorn in the Bible. so I got out my bible and looked it up. Sure there it was in 2 Corinthians 12: 7 – 10……..My grace is sufficient for you for my power is made perfect in your weakness……After I read that I knew in my heart my husband was never going to become a Christian, nothing was going to change. That was hard for me to accept, however it has proven true, we have now been married 45 years…….I freely admit I don’t really know what Gods plan is in all this but I do continue to follow love and trust….Angie

    1. Angiecliffordskitchen,

      Thank you so much for sharing a bit of your story! How I praise God for His work in your heart and life. 🙂 I am thankful for your faith, love, and trust in Christ. I pray God might bring your husband to Christ, my precious sister. I pray for His greatest glory in your life, your husband’s life, and your marriage.

      Much love to you!

My grandmother is on hospice and won't be with us much longer (11-30-16). I will get to comments when I am able to but I need to be with family right now. Thanks for understanding.

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