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A Wife Shares the Blessings of Biblical Submission and Respecting Her Husband

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From a sister in Christ:

Excellent video, sweet sister! I’ve been reading through your blog because of this video and I must say, you’re much needed. So many women yearn for the truly harmonious marriage, but are unwilling (or unaware) to submit to the Lord in everything.

In an age where women have fought so hard to be equal, they’ve lost their identities, their domains and their freedoms.

I too, have a husband that makes it easy to submit to him. (Peacefulwife Video – My Husband Makes It Easy for Me to Submit to Him.) I think that a lot of people don’t realize that it’s not an “I’m the boss of you” sort of thing, but something that occurs when a wife is steadily deepening her relationship with Christ.

We long to please Him, and when we truly serve Him, then we automatically do what, to us, comes naturally. We love those around us, starting with our husbands. We are being “welded” together in the Spirit. Not only are they our husbands, but, they’re also our brothers in Christ.

When we love our husbands with the love that only comes through Christ, agape love, then we (usually subconsciously) feel what they feel, we take time to learn their signals. What’s hurting them, worrying them, insulting them. We use that information to strive to be a buffer between them and the world and to examine our own motives and actions.

It makes us content and pleased to see them come home from work, working hard to provide for us, to a place where he knows he’s loved, respected and appreciated. A place with no worry, where his favorite people are waiting with hugs and supper on the table.

My husband truly honors me. He’s a man’s man, but with me, he’s attentive, gentle and considerate. He never insults or complains. He knows he’s got my complete trust and respect and I know I have his.

I find it tragic, that so many women were fed the lie that their traditional roles weren’t good enough and that they somehow needed public validation. What they gave up was enormous. I am the queen of my domain. I have a beautiful home and lovely gardens. I can do with my time as I wish. I am of equal value to my husband, but I have a completely different role.

I chose to have a small, in home business, but my first priority, after God, which goes without saying, is my husband’s well being. My first “job” is making sure when he walks in this house, he’s going to be perfectly comfortable. He knows that if he’s had a rotten day, he’s got someone who will sit and listen, someone who will help him get his emotions back in order. He often tells me that no matter how horrible someone has acted that day, or no matter what went wrong, when he’s in a bear’s mood, that I always manage to use his situation in light of scripture and he’s able to quickly refocus and relax.

I love being a Christian wife with a Christian husband. I can’t imagine what it would be like to have to compete with…myself. I love the harmony, each stepping in when the other misses a step. We don’t have “his and hers” jobs, he helps with laundry, I pressure wash the roof…this way, there are no “weaknesses”. We simply fill in each other’s spots so to speak. We have different strengths in different areas, so we compliment one another, according to God’s perfect plan.

I apologize for this novel, it just made my heart soar to see a (younger) version of me saying what I’ve been saying for years (but in person.)

I pray the Lord blesses this ministry and that many women are able to realize that a wife’s submission actually ends up affording her more power than she’d have if she were expending the effort to be “equal”  with a man (the same as him).  Who wants that job? They’ve got the worst part of it, lol!

FROM PEACEFULWIFE:

We are all – men and women – of equal value as image bearers of God. And we are all of equal value in Christ.

So in Christ Jesus you are all children of God through faith, for all of you who were baptized into Christ have clothed yourselves with Christ. There is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.  If you belong to Christ, then you are Abraham’s seed, and heirs according to the promise. Galatians 3:27-29

But we have different roles as women and men in the Body of Christ and in Marriage. Husbands are to portray the unconditional, selfless, sacrificial, humble leadership and love of Christ for His people, the church. And wives are to portray the adoration, unconditional love and respect, biblical submission, honor and faith of the church for Christ. Marriage is to be a beautiful picture of the mystery of the relationship and intimacy between Christ and His church. (Ephesians 5:22-33)

 

RELATED:

Submission Means We Hold Things of This World Loosely (this post is primarily about our submission to Christ as Lord)

Spiritual Authority

Biblical Submission

A Real Life Example of Biblical Submission and Respect

Does Biblical Submission = The Husband Is Always Right?

What Is Respect in Marriage?

Husbands Share What Is Disrespectful to Them

Signs Your Husband May Feel Disrespected (And Unloved)

Can You Overdo Respect and Submission?

 

DISCLAIMERS:

If you are a wife who is dealing with a husband who has active addictions to drugs or alcohol going on, or who is involved in infidelity, or who has uncontrolled mental health disorders or who is truly abusing you – please do not read my blog but rather seek in-person, experienced, trustworthy, godly, wise, biblical counsel or appropriate medical/legal counsel.  I am not able to address these kinds of extreme situations on my blog. There are times when submitting to a husband who is not in his right mind is not safe or wise. There are times when boundaries must be set and sin has to be confronted.

Ultimately, I believe what every wife needs in such a situation is the power and wisdom of God. Our God is able to heal in every situation. There are wives in difficult circumstances who find healing here for their relationship with Christ and sometimes for their marriages, but there are also wives in these situations who hear me say things that I do not say and do not intend at all because of the vastly different perspective and “filters” wives in these situations may have. I would encourage you to seek help through Al-Anon, Celebrate Recovery, the Salvation Army, a trusted pastor or godly, biblical Christian counselor or to go to the police or a doctor depending on the situation rather than reading my blog if that is the case. I don’t want any wife to be unsafe or to misunderstand me and do something unwise.

Every one of us must take responsibility for our own decisions. We must all weigh what any human says against Scripture and decide if what a person is saying is biblical and true or not before we accept it. And we must seek God first. I don’t have all of the answers. I am not an expert. I still have a long way to go on this journey myself. I am just a human. God has all of the answers, wisdom, love, power and healing we need. He is the one who opens blind eyes and does miracles.

30 thoughts on “A Wife Shares the Blessings of Biblical Submission and Respecting Her Husband

  1. This is beautiful and something I hope, pray, and believe I will experience someday when God has refined and perfected me more. I have faith that He is pursuing my husband’s soul and is working on him daily. Someday, we will enjoy this type of relationship and I can’t wait.

    I have reached out to a beautiful, Godly woman, who is a bit older than me and is today celebrating her 35th wedding anniversary. God’s love and light radiate from her constantly. I want to be like her someday. She is my role model. I reached out to her to see if she would be willing to spend an hour or so every week, studying the Bible and praying together. I hope she says yes!

    1. NWGirl,
      That would be wonderful to have a godly wife mentor!

      Yes, it is my prayer that each wife might have a godly, beautiful, strong, vibrant marriage that brings much glory and honor to Christ in His will and His perfect timing.

      Much love!
      April

  2. Thanks for sharing these words of wisdom!…I think a lot wives would like to know too how you got to this place…(or maybe just me)…:)… As all marriages have struggles…especially in the beginning… How was conflict or disagreements resolved…or did you learn from a mentor before marriage…like a mother or counsellor…or are there any books you would like to share that you gained wisdom from….just so that we can relate to the place you’re at….thanks for sharing your words of wisdom….I sincerely would like to know what helped you to reach to that place…thanks much!…I appreciate you sharing your words of wisdom. Love in Christ!

    1. Princess,

      This comment was from a viewer on Youtube. I was trying to find her comment on Youtube two nights ago, to ask her if she would like to be available to comment. She had given me permission to use this comment as a post. But, I couldn’t find her or her comment the other night. 🙁 I hope to be able to dig it up and invite her to respond. What is going on with comments and me lately!??!?! They keep disappearing. But, I did find the comments on the blog. They were in the spam folder. Very strange!

      Much love!
      April

  3. Hi April,
    Just wondering if I’m not submitting my comments in the right way..couldn’t find the policy on comments either.
    Thanks
    Becks

    1. Learning Wife – Praise Report!!!! She said yes and is excited to share her journey with me. I am so excited!
      Bonus – I went to a women’s Bible Study last night and it was EXACTLY what I have been searching for. I felt God’s love radiating from these women, who shared about the miracles God has done in their lives and relationships once they saw and started dealing with their sin. It was amazing. We prayed for God to reveal the hidden roots that are causing bad fruit and God revealed so much.

      THANK YOU FOR YOUR PRAYERS!!!

  4. Gosh!
    I hear you in all this and I totally agree with you. I have a few issues with my husband and I don’t know how to go about it.
    First, we dated through college for 6years and got married in 2008. We were both born again, still are. Since I was young, I decided not to date anyone who takes alcohol. I just dislike it’s smell. No history of alcoholism in my family and currently wonder why I really dislike it so much! Anyway, about an year or two after we got married, one evening he came home smelling alcohol. I was shocked and asked about it. He said he had taken some wine. I was shocked cz I never thought he took alcohol. I’m sure I was not respectful in how I told him I thought he should never take it! he said he wouldn’t. Since then, I can’t tell you how many times we have fought about it. His argument is he doesn’t get drunk (true, I have never seen him drunk) as he says the Bible only forbids getting drunk but not alcohol. My fear is the more you drink, the more “immune”you become and will take you more drinks to give you the “high”.He now even takes whisky 🙁 Am a cabin crew and this weekend we travelled together, I was serving him and he told me he wanted whisky but he wasn’t sure if I was comfortable serving him, I was not comfortable serving him but I did, he took a couple of shots after that, I feel so bad when he drinks, and he knows it. I just don’t understand why he still does it. I once asked him how he would feel if I started smoking (he doesn’t like the habit). He told me he would feel bad. ……and am thinking, isn’t it the same thing?
    Another thing is, there was some cash we had put aside for savings. He is in business and we took out the cash to help out the business. He hasn’t refunded it and whenever he gets funds elsewhere, he refunds but not ours. I feel like he unconsciously takes advantage of this. I know he works very hard to provide but he doesn’t keep his word when it comes to refunding this family savings.
    I don’t know how to handle these two issues that really nug me 🙁 because both of them more often than not lead to a fight when we discuss them.

    1. Jackieh,

      It is wonderful to meet you!

      I can definitely understand your concerns about him starting to drink alcohol. He is correct the drinking alcohol is not a sin, being drunk is. But, how often and how much is he drinking? You have obviously shared your concerns with him. He knows exactly how you feel about his drinking, it sounds like, right?

      How do y’all handle your family’s finances. Who is “in charge”?

      How is your walk with Christ going?
      How is the rest of the marriage doing?
      Much love to you!

      1. hey,
        I am asking God to really dissect me and my marriage fully. Painful process and am afraid some issues I have with my husband are actually internal, in me. For example, we arrived today from a trip and since I had been working all night ( cabin crew) he had been sleeping, I was obviously sleepy and part of me wished he could snuggle with me, but he was up and ready to go to work. I love his work ethic but sometimes I feel like his work comes before his family(another thing we have fought about in the past) but today when I started to have the “demons” play that tape, I had a thought which I think I have refused to accept in the past that maybe I am rather envious of him, that he has something else other than family that really completes him (his job) , and I feel like I don’t have that, I only have the kids, don’t get me wrong, I love them to bits but I want something for me. …..am I being selfish?
        To answer your questions, he drinks occasionally and not much to be honest. I just can’t seem to let go of my dream to have a husband who doesn’t drink 🙁
        About finances, I really cannot say who manages them in our marriage:(
        my walk in Christ has not been consistent and I am learning to depend on Him, problem is I feel like I do it this week, following week I stuff Him somewhere, pick Him when I am down, I can’t seem to have a daily walk 🙁
        As I write all this, I realise am not happy with myself and I think I take it out on my husband because I am not happy with myself. This is so sad! I need God to complete me.

        1. Jackieh,

          These are some important insights you are having!

          Maybe your husband’s biggest way of showing his love for you is that he works to provide well for you and the family. How are you doing with showing appreciation for his work ethic and praising him for that?

          It’s ok to want to snuggle. But sometimes, things don’t work out, as you can see in my post last Wednesday if you haven’t seen it already.
          I invite you to read today’s post about emotions. And I would love for you to check out “The Idol of Happiness.” And How to Make Your Husband an Idol.

          The only way you can do this journey is to be in your Bible often and to seek Jesus with all your heart, allowing Him access to all of these dark places in your soul. I have to journal and write what I am working through personally, too.

          Are you ready to make time to make Jesus your priority and to seek Him with all your heart?

          Much love!

          1. Hey, yes, I read the recommended blogs, thanks for allowing God to use you the way He has been.
            Sometimes, I get so discouraged about ever having a godly marriage. It’s almost 2am as I write this and my husband ain’t home yet. He text me and told me he is out, I have asked him who he is with and he has gone silent. I may have trust issues with him after last year finding out he was allowing some gal flirt with him. As far as I know, that stopped. He complains I don’t trust him and yes I probably don’t fully cz after realising he is not willing to stop going to clubs, I requested that he should always try be home by midnight. It’s not very common for him to be out this late and it hurts me that he won’t respond to tell me who he is with, the way I know him, he is probably with his boys. I don’t like this clubbing stuff cz it’s where he drinks as I mentioned in post earlier this clubbing and drinking is new to me. I will be honest to tell you I sometimes think of also starting to drink and clubbing since he says it’s no big deal. But I know my motives will be wrong and am more interested in pleasing God more than “getting even”. But it makes me feel really bad.
            God help me not to question him again about who he was with, I will let God deal with it.

            Thanks for the blog.
            God bless.

          2. Jackieh,

            Goodness. A husband going out clubbing and drinking would be difficult for just about any wife to accept, I believe. And with good reason. A man is not thinking clearly when he has been drinking. I don’t see where a lot of good can come from that type of activity.

            I don’t know that you can try to make him come home. But, I believe it was in the book Sacred Influence by Gary Thomas, there was a story of a wife in a similar predicament and he explains how she wooed her husband to come back home to her. I love that book. The examples are amazing real life stories of the power of a godly, Spirit-filled woman to influence her husband for Christ.

            Praying for wisdom for you, and for a godly mentor for you. You may need some help with this.

            Sending you a huge hug!!!

  5. Some wives though, don’t have a husband who makes it easy. Some wives have a husband who has been chronically depressed for 30 years. Some wives have husbands with low self-esteem. Some wives have husbands who have had their development delayed from the time they were 16. Some wives have husbands who had absent, silent fathers. Some wives have husbands who have deeply ingrained passive-aggressive patterns. These wives too yearn to be queens. They are not fighting to be equal. MANY would love to be able to stay home, tend the garden and house. And this sister is so blessed to have the luxury to “choose to have a small business on the side.” But many wives don’t get this. I think it must be very painful to those wives to be blamed that it is their fault that feminism screwed things up. I like this blog because it helps women who are stuck in the passive husband -earnest wife dynamic to do something different. They are not seeking public validation. More than anything in the world they want their husbands to stop avoiding them and instead connect. This post feels more like pouring salt in the wound. I notice the comments are conspicuously absent.

    1. Marked Wife,

      Thank you for this comment!

      This was a comment a wife shared on my Youtube video, “My Husband Makes it Easy for Me to Submit to Him.” My real purpose behind that video was to address the unfortunate reality that there were some abusive husbands using my videos to try to demand that their wives submit to them and to attempt to shame, humiliate and force their wives “into submission.” So, quite honestly, I intended that video to be more of a message for men than women.

      However, men who are generally emotionally/spiritually/mentally healthy, often will respond to a wife’s respect and biblical submission by blossoming themselves.

      For wives whose husbands have mental health issues or severe wounds, things can be much more challenging, to be sure.

      Greg didn’t want to lead at first. So at first, it was hard to submit to him for me, because I was afraid he would never make one decision and I would be stuck in one spot for the rest of my life. In time, after I had been submitting to him and respecting him, and he began to heal, it became easier for me to submit to him. I think that is an important point – but again – I was actually targeting husbands in this particular video. Thankfully, Greg was never abusive, demanding or controlling and never told me to submit to him or respect him. Ever. So, I hoped to help husbands see (albeit a bit indirectly) how they could make this journey easier for their wives by obeying God themselves. And I especially wanted to show that it was important for husbands not be abusive toward their wives.

      Greg was extremely passive and wouldn’t make decisions. Sometimes for weeks or months. Thankfully, as I continued to seek to obey God on my end, Greg eventually did begin to slowly step up and lead. It has been a process. A slow process.

      You are right that many wives don’t have a choice about working. Some wives have to work and would love to be home. There are also wives who do fit the description that this wife is describing. But not all women think and feel the same on these issues. We are all individuals. And that is a good thing! Greg asks me to continue to work part time, even though I would rather be home. So I do keep working part time as a pharmacist. But some wives have no choice and must work full time.

      Thankfully, we can obey God no matter what our job situation, and we can obey God even if our husbands are not doing well.

      Sometimes, a wife’s respect and biblical submission can bless a husband who is very depressed and may even help him. But other times, depression may have a lot of other factors involved, as well, and he may continue to be depressed. Some husbands are completely unprepared to be godly husbands and leaders and don’t know how to love their wives and families. Just like some wives are completely unprepared to be godly wives and followers and don’t know what respect or biblical submission or godly love looks like. That makes marriage SO difficult and painful when we enter it without godly examples in our lives and without adequate preparation. But our God can heal. It is my prayer He will heal each broken soul and marriage.

      What I believe we all need ultimately – is God’s Spirit and His wisdom. The goal here is not really to change our husbands, but to be the wives God calls us to be. As we do that, we can become God’s partners to bring healing to our husbands at times.

      Of course, it is possible that a husband may not change. In that case, my prayer is that we might continue to be faithful and obedient to God and that we might hear, “Well done, my good and faithful servant,” when we stand before Christ in a few short days.

      I try to include a number of different women’s perspectives so that it is not just my voice that is heard here. But I definitely appreciate your concerns and I don’t want to discourage any wife.
      I am very aware that not all wives have the option to be home or to have a small home business. And that not all wives have Christian husbands.

      BUT – I have seen God heal marriages of all kinds of descriptions and I have seen Him turn broken marriages into very beautiful marriages for His glory. That is also my prayer!

      Much love to you!

  6. Daughter,
    Thank you so much for sharing what you have been learning. This is awesome!!! I’m so glad these posts have blessed you and made the journey a bit more smooth. 🙂 I love being on this road with y’all!

  7. I have a few questions here, recently my husband told me he hates it that he has to get a job & take care of everything while I sit at home with the kids & do nothing. Somehow ive put all this pressure on him to find a job (hes currently doing small side jobs that only last 2-3 days) & made him think ill do nothing. The truth is I want to work, I spent $40,000 on schooling only to find out I have to come up with even more to pay for state testing before i can even work in the field. Im burried in default student loans. Im so discouraged after asking so many people to help with these tests no one can but they talk down on me for wasting my education. Being on welfare with 2 children its impossible to save anything with $300 per month income & ive spent the past 2yrs in welfare programs to find work & no place wants to hire me. How do I explain to him that its finances holding me back & take some pressure off him. Secondly where can I find a Godly wife mentor?

    1. Nicole,

      Does your husband know what you would have to do in order to be able to work? I would assume that he is aware of your financial situation?

      You can say, “I’d love to help out with bringing in some additional income if you would like me to. Here is what I believe I would need to do. What do you think?”

      My suggestion for the godly wife mentor is to pray and to ask around at church.

      Much love!

  8. Third, due to agressive behavior from my husband in the past its cause issues in me. He has stopped doing it but I am still stuck there. He used to yell at me for every little thing I said so over time I stopped talking to him. He went to prison for 2 1/2 yrs & found the Lord & its caused drastic changes in him, we began to communicate like we never had through letters, we told each other everything & since hes been home (6 months now) ive still been unable to communicate with him verbally so i have resorted to texting him everything or writing it down & leaving a letter for him. It makes him angry & annoyed that I cant just say it. Im trapped in my fear from the past that hes gonna yell at me. Ive tried my hardest to talk to him but I just sit there silent til I walk away & text him & than he gets mad. He doesnt understand why im like this & I dont understand why I cant let it go. So my final question is, will you please pray that I will overcome my fear, that God will fill me with courage to speak to him.

    1. Nicole,

      I understand wanting to write things down. It helps you organize your thoughts. You don’t get interrupted. And you can be sure you get to say all that you want to say. I sometimes have to write things down before I can speak about them.

      I think it is ok to say, “I need a bit of time to collect my thoughts. I do best if I can write things down first. Then I will be ready to share with you.”

      But I will pray for you to overcome your fear. Some people need more time and have their own way of processing things. My husband needs time to think through things silently before he can express himself about things. That is not wrong. We are just different.

      Praying for wisdom for you both!

      Love,
      April

  9. He is very much aware of the situation, he also talks down on me for not working in my field of training, but hes unable to help financially right now. He has come up with ideas that I have already tried to raise the money but I think he doesnt believe me because he wasnt here to see it so he thinks im brushing his ideas off. Hes never actually said it in those words but thats the impression he has givin me. I was working for my sister briefly but the company went under, I have been helping her get it up & running again so I can do that again & we have gotten back the same contracts as before but now they have no work to give us & also my husband doesnt want me working with her because of a personal disagreement they have so im kinda at a loss right now.

  10. Huh, I never really consider that, writing things down than trying to talk about it. I have seen you mention journaling etc. & how you often suggest it to other but I just thought maybe thats not my thing but the last few days its been on my mind to try writing down my thoughts but I havent actually takin the time to do it. You have raised a valid point in my mind that considering my main form of communication is through text of some form perhaps journaling is my thing that I havent discovered yet & very well may be a key to unlocking something within myself. It wont hurt to try & ill never know unless I do. I will keep you posted on this as I go along, soon enough we will find out if its beneficial for me. Thank you very much for the wonderful idea, its always the things right in your face that we all tend to miss lol.

    1. Nicole,
      You are most welcome. I know that when I first began this journey and I pulled away from other people to focus on God – I no longer had people with whom I could talk through things. Writing became my main way of figuring out what I felt and why. I learned to dissect my thoughts and to kick out sinful or untrue thoughts and to replace them with the truth of GOd’s Word. I learned to share my feelings, concerns and problems with God alone. I learned to depend on Him. Writing gave me a way to do that – that was much more concrete than just talking in my mind. Praying for God to give you wisdom about how best to approach this. 🙂

  11. Hhhhmm… I wonder what exactly the author means when she states that she finds it tragic that some women feel that the traditional role is not good enough for them……. but then she goes on to say that she “chooses,” to operate a small business at home – but her priority is God, then her husband.

    I can’t speak to what this person means specifically, I’ll dear say that some good Godly women who respect their husbands and are not “traditional,” often “choose” to have a career outside the home. I’m not sure that I’d call it “tragic,” (again, I’m not sure what the author means)…. I’d call it a “choice” just like this author’s choice to have a home based business.

    I completely agree that the husband is the leader of the home. I also think it is ok for a woman to choose to have a career, if she desires to…. Staying at home is not tragic to me either…..

  12. “A true wife makes a man’s life nobler, stronger, grander, by the omnipotence of her love ‘turning all the forces of manhood upward and heavenward.’ While she clings to him in holy confidence and loving dependence she brings out in him whatever is noblest and richest in his being. She inspires him with her courage and earnestness. She beautifies his life. She softens whatever is rude and harsh in his habits or his spirit. She clothes him with the gentler graces of refined and cultured manhood. While she yields to him and never disregards his lightest wish, she is really his queen, ruling his whole life and leading him onward and upward in every proper path.”
    -JR Miller

My grandmother is on hospice and won't be with us much longer (11-30-16). I will get to comments when I am able to but I need to be with family right now. Thanks for understanding.

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