“I Just Want Him to Want to Spend More Time with Me!” – a Discussion

I think that almost every wife has felt like this – most of us, many, many times. For some, maybe it has been every day for years.

It is GREAT for us to ask our husbands for what we want and need.

As grown adults with God-given free will, our husbands do need to have the right to say “yes” or “no” without us freaking out. AND, we will get much better results if we approach our husbands in a respectful, positive, upbeat, friendly way.

Let’s also keep in mind that different people have different ideas of what it means to “spend time together.” For many of us as wives, what we really want is face-to-face time to talk and share emotions. I could personally handle many hours of this every single day! Sometimes husbands define “spending time together” as simply doing an activity together, without talking. Different people bond in different ways. It is not that one way is “right” and the other way is “wrong.”

Maybe our husbands also have a different perspective on “feeling connected.” I know it was a lightbulb moment for me when Greg and I had a discussion about how he feels connected vs. how I feel connected. I felt “disconnected” unless we were actively talking/cuddling. He said he always felt connected to me unless I told him I felt disconnected. That was actually really helpful to me to know that Greg always felt connected to me. It helped me learn to rest in his love.

Sometimes, we can focus on bonding with our husbands in ways that are meaningful to them – doing things they love, or just being together without talking. And sometimes we can ask for more face-to-face time.

My concern is that we learn to share our needs in a healthy way without demanding, manipulating, becoming bitter/resentful or sinning. And I would love for us to be able to remain emotionally and spiritually stable even when we don’t get what we want. I know I have talked about ways to do this, but I would love to involve more voices in the discussion. 🙂


If you have learned how to approach your husband about this issue in a godly, respectful, friendly, pleasant way, PLEASE SHARE your approach with us! The more answers, the better. (And, if you would like to, maybe include a very brief description of your particular husband’s personality. That may help the other wives.)

I would also love for you to share how you gracefully handle the situation when your husband can’t or won’t give you what you desire. How do you find contentment in Christ alone?


How would you most appreciate your wife approaching you with her desire to spend more time with you? If you would like to briefly describe your personality type, that may be helpful for the ladies, as well. (Greg has asked me not to post “manospherian” comments, so, my apologies, but I will not be able to approve these comments in order to honor Greg’s request of me.)


  • I may use your comments anonymously in a post or even in a book in the future. So if you comment, you are giving me permission to share your quote anonymously. Thank you so very much!


The sin of complete unbelief  in Christ is the “unforgivable sin.” Having weak faith or little faith is a different issue. Please check out my comment on yesterday’s post that goes into more detail about this. 🙂


You can find me on Facebook, too, at Peacefulwife Blog. I sometimes include additional stories and discussions there that you may enjoy.  You are welcome to join us!


When Do I Get to Be Peaceful?

God Answers a Wife’s Question – Why Doesn’t My Husband Spend More Time with Me?

Respect Doesn’t Work on My Husband

This Is Not Working. I Don’t See Progress

When Your Husband Rejects You

Responding As a Godly Wife

Categorized as Conflict