Skip to main content

39 thoughts on “A Bride-to-Be Begins Her Journey to Become a Godly Wife

  1. Wow! This is really awesome. I am so happy for this bride-to-be. She has already learned so very much.

    I can definitely relate to all the type A things she mentioned. I am also good at “doing” stuff. Give me a checklist and I’m all over it.

    However, I don’t allow myself to be as vulnerable as this bride-to-be has. I keep my walls up and subconsciously use many things to distract myself. That is probably one of the reasons why I still have a very long way to go on this journey.

    But I thank you for sharing this inspiring story. I loved so many things in this post, such as the pieces where she explained what she heard her husband saying versus what he was really saying. What an amazing eye opener!

    I also love the references to Esther, as this is one of my favorite stories.

    I will need to digest all of it, especially the things that she learned and the breakthroughs she had.

    This post really blessed me. Thank you so much!

    1. Blesseddaughterofaking,
      I enjoyed this story, too! I think it is so amazing to get to each woman’s personal story and to get to see each journey. No two are the same. Each reveal new facets of God’s love and wisdom. Each brings God glory in its own special way. 🙂

  2. Thank you for sharing what you’ve learned! I am so glad you are learning all this before getting married… You are going in with a strong foundation and God’s map for your marriage. What a blessing…

    BTW, I also think Esther was ‘hard core’ and has become one of my examples for how to communicate wisely with my husband. She knew what to say, when, and how because she seeked godly wisdom.

    May we all seek His wisdom and become the godly wives He created us to be!

  3. Bride To Be, I wish you’d have come along side me when I was engaged to be married! I really marvel at your ability to grasp these concepts before entering marriage. I’m humbled but so thankful God taught you, through April’s blog, so many important principles.

    Thank you for sharing. And thank you to April for this post.

  4. Oh Ladies – thank you. I am so happy I can share. I am only realizing the power of sharing stories in a deep and meaningful way! I thought I was the odd one out and I am realizing so many of my friends (married and not) have the same struggles.

    @gamuchiari1 @aixa So grateful to April for helping me and I am overjoyed if my examples/ story can help someone else!

    @Julie – its never too late!! We get to walk along side each other now:)

    @blesseddaughterofaking – being vunerable is so key!! Trust me I HATED it. I hated asking for help, being needy – its totally not me. I’ve had to learn too but I love it now. Try a give up a little at a time and as you become more confident and trust is built up it will become easier. April recommended The Surrendered Wife – that helped me as she focuses a lot on intimacy. Have you had a chance to read that book?

          1. I actually had to read The Surrendered Wife every day for 3 months to really cement a new way of thinking in my mind. There are parts that I don’t believe line up with Scripture, that I had to filter out. But, my mindset was so difficult to change, I knew that I needed to keep rehashing a new healthy way of thinking over and over to really be able to change my perspective and paradigm. And, of course, I needed God’s Spirit to change my heart, mind and soul to be like Jesus.

          2. Thank you, thank you. This has been really helpful. I too need to retrain my thinking (instead of trying to force myself to act a certain way). And I need to so a better job of abiding in Jesus, in order to change my heart. Big hugs!! 🙂

  5. Thank you so much for sharing your story!…I love the story of Ester too…my mom reminded me of the verse this week….”The way to a man’s heart is through his belly”…and Using God’s wisdom is key.

    I was led to Proverbs 3:7 this morning….it says “Be not wise in thine own eyes: fear the LORD, and depart from evil.”

    Biblehub.com exemplifies it as…http://biblehub.com/proverbs/3-7.htm

    Be not wise in thine own eyes,…. So as to act independently of God; not to trust in him, nor acknowledge him, nor seek to him for help and direction; nor ask nor take the advice of others; but, being conceited and self-sufficient, lean to thine own understanding, as being wise enough to conduct all affairs in life by thy own discretion; and in matters of religion wiser than thy teachers, and even than the Scriptures, being wise above that which is written; pleasing thyself with thine own wisdom, as exceeding others; glorying in it as thine own acquisition, and not ascribing it to God, so far as it any ways deserves the name of wisdom; though for the most part that which men glory in, and are conceited of, is not wisdom, but folly; and at least it is their folly to boast of it and be elated with it; see Isaiah 5:21, Romans 12:16;

    fear the Lord; which is true wisdom; and, where this is not, there is none, let men be ever so conceited; and where this is there is humility; these two go together, and make a man wise, rich, and honourable, Proverbs 22:4. The fear of the Lord is opposed to pride, high-mindedness, and vain conceit, Romans 11:20; this includes reverence of God, faith in him, dependence on him, acknowledgment of him, seeking to him for direction, and carefulness not to offend him;

    and depart from evil; from the evil of self-confidence and self-conceit, and from all other evil; the fear of God influences men to avoid sin, and abstain from all appearance of it; by means and through the exercise of it men forsake it, and keep at a distance from it, Proverbs 16:6. Nehemiah could not do as others did, because of the fear of the Lord; and Job was a man that feared God, and therefore he avoided that which was evil, Nehemiah 5:15.

    So reading your post was confirmatory and encouraging…thank you so much for sharing!..:)

    April…..if you had known all this before you got married….you would not have been able to help so many of us wives….with your personal stories and experiences…SO IT IS NOT WASTED….:)… God has used it for His glory….He has turned it out for good. Love you MUCH in Christ.

    1. Princess,

      That is so very true! If I had understood this stuff 20 years ago, I would not have the blessing of having this ministry and I would have no idea how to explain the baby steps to get out of all of my old sinful ways of thinking and to embrace God’s design.

      God is using all those years of my sin for His glory now. Woohoo!

      1. He is…:)… And you said the very thing I had been thinking before…it is good if we know before hand so we are better able to face the temptations in marriage for control and disrespect….but even when we get married…there will still be many temptations to do the same…but we will be much better prepared..and God will use each others weaknesses and faults to mould us into whom he wants us to be…FOR HIS GLORY…I’m glad that HappyWife shared her story…it would encourage many…and her story tied together many of your posts April….and many things that you have been trying to relay to us in writing. I thank God for His leading me to Learn from you April….and for revealing all my shortcomings…. I see it as His hands of Mercy….He bought me to my knees…and when I thought everything in my life was falling apart….God showed me that it was infact coming together for His Glory….that His righteousness in me and for my family would be revealed.
        Love you Ladies…<3

        1. Wanted to add too that we also have to be aware of the times when we are more tempted to be in control or say or do something disrespectful….like when we are tired, sleep deprived, sick…or for most of us women…Going through PMS…..I saw one of April’s post on PMS and playing the Martyr….many times we do at those weak points without even being aware of it. It was really helpful for me reading those post of April too…..I had a similar incident on Saturday…and I said some things I regret later and had to apologize for….but I was tired….hadn’t eaten breakfast…and was sleep deprived from nursing a baby at night….I even emailed April and asked her to pray for me…and I let my Hubby know too that I had not been feeling up to par…..and he understood….so not forgetting that we are imperfect beings….and as HappyWife said…not feel continual guilt when we mess up..but ask for forgiveness…and learn to forgive others freely too…because we are all imperfect beings…but as we yield more to Christ…we will grow from victory to victory for His Glory. God is faithful…and His mercies toward us are renewed every day.

          1. Princess,

            Yes, the weakness of our flesh increases our temptation by a LOT!!! Thankfully, most husbands are actually quite understanding and forgiving about such things. But it is important for us to be aware that we will be more tempted to disrespect or try to control when we are not feeling well, are exhausted, hungry, in pain, sick, pregnant or hormonal. Great point!

        2. Princess,

          Anything good in me is totally a God thing. All I can take credit for is the sin.

          Yes, the very act of getting married brings much greater pressure as the dynamics and expectations dramatically change. I am not sure if it is possible to be totally prepared. I think some of being a godly wife, we have to learn as we go and as we experience trials. But, I do know this – it is possible to be MUCH better prepared than I was!!! I was not well prepared for this stuff at all. No premarital counseling. Greg’s dad was our pastor and said we didn’t need counseling. Um… Guess what? I sure did need counseling. I don’t know what I could have absorbed and heard, but I needed all the counseling I could have gotten!

          I think HappyWife articulated things so very well. I believe that in hearing each woman’s story, we all learn more and can grow in new understanding and appreciation of who God is and what marriage is and what being a godly wife is about. I love sharing stories!!!

          Ooh, that was powerful. When you thought everything was falling apart, it was actually coming together for His glory.

          Love this!!!

          Thank you, my precious sister!

          1. April….:)… You make me laugh a little and smile at the way you put it…that Greg’s Dad said you guys did not need counseling….I wish I had found your blog before I got married…or that we had gotten counseling!…you are sure right…I won’t have done a lot of the things I did in the past….but I thank God for His mercy and Grace. In all those years if praying for your marriage…..God did answer your prayer…just not the way you wanted Him to…He showed you His love and Grave by opening your eyes first…and then things DID start to change…God’s love is amazing…I think He still listens to us and hears us even when we pray out of feeling justified….He knows we’re human…and He sees outer hurt and pain…because those moments are painful….it is at those weak moments in our lives…He shows himself strong on our behalf…..may God continue to bless you for His Glory..love you much.

          2. Princess,

            Yep. Clearly, we did not need counseling, right?

            I wish I had found my blog before I got married, too! 🙂

            Absolutely, God did answer my prayers – in the way He knew was best and in His wisdom – not in the way I thought things should be. Thankfully, He is a God of incredible love, mercy and grace. He is so very good – even when we don’t deserve goodness at all.

            Thank you for your thoughts!

  6. This was really beautiful and touching 🙂 So proud of this young woman.
    I am beginning to wonder something that I hope this wife, April or possibly others could open my eyes too. I find it very sweet, and comforting, not controlling at all when a husband says something like your shirt is to low.
    I catch what the husband is saying there, My Pride, like her HTB was saying.
    but my husband has never told me anything like that. Usually if I have something on in the house (only for him) where my shirt is lower, and he doesn’t usually see that he will say things that are very clear he likes it and is attracted or even like you should wear that shirt more often, In fact there was a time when I saw woman from our church wearing one pieces and I told him maybe I would start doing that and he told me he didn’t really like that…
    He will also say like your butt looks good in those pants ect. He is never disrespectful or anything, he tells me im pretty and beautiful and I feel loved by my husband, and he is a Christian man! and I am glad he is not a jealous man at all!
    But I am wondering if this means he doesn’t really care if other men look at me… it never seems to cross his mind, he doesn’t really seem like he prefers me to dress more modestly and this sort of makes me feel… I don’t know blah. I think to me, it would be more attractive if he did care, and wouldn’t want me leaving the house in a low shirt?

    What do you wives think? Is this a sign I may not be “My husbands pride?” or that he may not value me as much as he should?

    Thanks,
    Sara

    1. Sara,

      Here is my take on this issue, for whatever it is worth:

      There is a wide variety of men. Their personalities have a spectrum. They are each unique.

      In my experience, some men who are very highly visual may be more concerned about their wives’ modesty in front of other men. Or, these may be more dominant men who are a bit more possessive. It could be a personality thing.

      For men who are not as visually tempted, they may not really think about it as much. Does that mean that your husband doesn’t look at you as being his pride? No. Not at all. It sounds to me like he does take pride in you – as evidenced by his compliments. There are some husbands who don’t give compliments – but even they often do think of their wives as being their pride, they just may not be very verbal.

      Maybe he is trying not to be controlling. Or maybe he trusts your judgement. Or maybe he is just not into details as much.

      I vote to enjoy your amazing husband and be content with his particular personality and way of expressing himself. 🙂

    2. PS, Sara,

      My husband doesn’t say things like HTB says, either. I have asked him about whether something was modest before. He often doesn’t really have a preference. He has a much greater “tolerance” than I think some men do for what is a temptation. He doesn’t seem to be distracted by scantily clad women. He notices them, of course, but he doesn’t drool over them or do double takes or anything.

      It can be tempting to want our men to have some strengths that other men have. So, now that you know that is a trigger for you – you may have to be a bit cautious when reading about what other husbands do or say. We have to be really careful not to compare our husbands to other men. It is easy to head into a downward sinful thought spiral if we do that. It is for me, at least!

      Whenever you find yourself thinking the words “should he” or “he should” – be careful! Those words get me in so much trouble if I allow myself to go there!

    3. Sara – thanks so much!! I agree with April – everyone is different and you hubby is different too! HTB is very complimentary with stuff I wear too. He is very dress conscious for starters so does look and comment (i.e. he notices new shoes etc) and likes dressing up too. Clothing is much more conservative than say the UK/US where we are based so that is taking into account. Plus the top I was referring too was too low – on my own reflection. So the example was just an example without much context. And like April said, every man is different!

      Your hubby sounds wonderful! And you are clearly his pride! If you weren’t he would let you know 🙂

      Lots of love!!

  7. Peaceful-wife,
    I think that is a very good idea. That possibly was a trigger for me to question my husbands feelings towards me, I should have been more guarded. Thank you for your wise insight. I enjoy your blog very much.
    <3 with love

  8. Ladies,

    For those who are not yet married – I’d like to gently warn you that even if you do study these things before marriage and learn a lot about becoming a godly wife ahead of time – when you actually do get married, there are likely to be some jolts and bumps along the way. That is normal. Please expect it. I think if you know it is coming, and know that the temptations to control or disrespect will probably intensify, you may be much better prepared. 🙂

  9. Amen April.
    What you said is true.In today’s post. This respect and submission aspect of the relationship is something we really have to work hard on it as ladies, and prepare even before marriage how to handle future challenges. I’m also learning a lot. If the LORD had not used you to teach us some of these things, I would have made some grievious mistakes in my relationship.

    Currently I’m courting and hoping to get married end of this year. My fiance for the past three days, refused to pick my calls or reply to my texts. I got so angry, and a stream of words were running through my mind, like telling him we break up if he is tired of the relationship, I even thought of blacklisting his number and many other radical things. Because, for sure, we had not disagreed at all before he decided to go quiet. But I bless the LORD for the Holy Spirit, He did not allow me to send a bad text to him. instead I remembered how you once told us that men process emotions differently. I prayed about the pain that I was going through and asked God to give me a quiet and gentle Spirit and also to handle him with unconditional love, rather than quarrel him. So, I sent him this text, after what I have been learning here

    “I know you have many burdens to carry concerning these matters.And you need such times maybe to think through. I understand. Be strengthened in the word of God my dear. Cast them at the foot of the cross. I am helping you in prayer and walking with you in this journey. Be blessed.”

    Guess what, the following day, he replied. And I realised that I totally had nothing to do with his low moment. It was something else that he was handling and needed me to give him time. He said that he cared about me, and if we would have communicated during that time, he would not have been in the right frame of mind. So after that he called and told me, he was now okay. And true to his word, he was in a jovial mood and even invited me over to a bible study he was attending that same evening.

    I really thank God for giving me that patience and understanding. If it were not so, I would have terribly hurt my HTB with my words, when all he needed was just some break to heal and come back to himself.

    God bless you April. I’m surely applying what I learn here and it’s so helpful. 🙂

    1. Hi Purity! Amazing. So proud of you!!! I made that blasting mistake a few weeks ago. Terrible. But I had the same issue yesterday and responded with a text similar to yours! What a dramatic change in my spirit!! So excited to read your story. We are on similar paths (year end weddings with men who can go quiet!) Can we be prayer partners please? It always helps to have someone we are accountable to!! Lots of blessings and may the Holy Spirit continue to fill you will love so you can pour it out on HTB.

      1. Dear Happy Wife,

        I’m so glad to hear that we are going through similar circumstances, but God’s grace is sufficient. Oh yes! I’m more than willing to stand with you in prayer that all goes well and God to help us to be the godly wives he desires us to be 🙂 Blessings.

  10. This is so much my struggle! I am totally unaware that my self-sufficiency becomes disrespect. I think I am communicating “I love you, so I am going to manage this myself and not burden you with everything, I will be a good partner and share the load” and don’t have a clue that I am communicating “I don’t need you, therefore you are worthless” !!!!!! what?!?!?! But when I think of it in terms of modeling the relationship between the church and Christ, it makes sense. What would be the purpose of a church that went off and did it’s own thing without needing Christ??? Christ does not want the church to not need Him, they need to come into a closer and closer relationship where they are more and more acting ONLY to be an expression of HIM in action. That is just a whole new world for me to consider. I am 47 years old, and in a new relationship with the most remarkable, wise, loving and Godly man I have ever met….but I have an incredible amount to learn, like a baby in all this. I am awed by God’s grace, and the forgiveness and patience of both God and the man in my life.

    1. I failed to mention that I have been a single mom for many years, so I HAD to learn to do it all myself, and now do it without thinking about it. Making room to need someone else is a process of coming into a whole new awareness that has also blessed me with a much closer relationship to God, because i didn’t realize how I had also held God at arm’s length in many subtle “little” ways. Letting go of being self sufficient has blessed me in ways that are indescribably joyful and peaceful.

      1. sprite67,

        Yes, it is fascinating to me to see that the ways we disrespect our men are almost always the ways we also tend to disrespect God. There is such freedom, joy, peace and godly power when we stop trusting SELF and begin to trust God!

    2. sprite67,
      Isn’t it amazing to see the comparisons in marriage or a relationship preparing for marriage with the relationship between Christ and His church? The more I learn about Christ, the more I understand my husband’s masculinity. And the more I learn about my husband, the more I understand about Christ. Love it!

    3. Sprite67…. I love the way you laid it out….

      “But when I think of it in terms of modeling the relationship between the church and Christ, it makes sense. What would be the purpose of a church that went off and did it’s own thing without needing Christ??? Christ does not want the church to not need Him, they need to come into a closer and closer relationship where they are more and more acting ONLY to be an expression of HIM in action.”

      It’s amazing when we realize…it’s like a lightbulb goes in in our head….like…”ooohhhhhh”…. How would we know when we have few Godly women who seek to honor God and their husbands as Christ would have them to….today women are taught to be self sufficient…”I can do it all by myself” mentality….while a man still wants a competent wife…respect and love to him is being willing to trust his leadership under God. It can be hard for women in general….and we can’t all blame ourselves..as most are single moms like yourself…or many has been faced with abuse…and thus put up the FEAR FRONT…so as to be in “control” …without realizing that we push our men further away….they respond in unloving ways…and then it becomes a CYCLE of disrespect and control in the part of the woman…and unloving actions on the part of the man. I thank God that there is a solution for every problem in His word. Thanks for that analogy again….the way you said it set a lightbulb off in my head…:)… Love in Christ.

  11. Thank You, Thank You, Thank You. I am engaged and will be getting married in the summer of next year. I stumbled upon this blog yesterday just trying to get a better understanding of why my fiancé does some of the things that get under my skin. Little did I know I would get a complete reality check. I woke up at 2 this morning and could not go back to sleep so I decided to read more posts on the blog. I related to the bride to be so much I am in tears right now. The blog really touched me and all of the comments did too. I went to sleep angry with my fiancé and I was prepared to send a very bad text in the morning because he did not comply with all of my type A rules yesterday! Thanks to your blog and all of the women who have commented I realized I need to send the text to myself and check my own behavior.

    I know I have been blessed with an awesome, patient, and caring man. I have been a single mother for so long I don’t even allow myself to be vulnerable to my fiancé or to anyone else. It just hit me that I must be doing the same thing with God. I have been so convicted.

    I was beginning to think to myself that scheduling our wedding next July was too far away. But everything happens for a reason. I have a lot of work to do over the next few months. I know it’s going to take time, but I’m just so thankful that I stumbled upon this blog that has set me on the right path.

    1. Chermylife,

      I am so excited about what God has been doing in your heart in the last day! WOW! And I am thrilled that you get to have some time to learn and put biblical concepts into practice and that you may be able to build your marriage on a solid foundation on God’s Word.

      I can’t wait to see all that God has in store for you, my precious sister!!! 🙂

      You are most welcome.

My grandmother is on hospice and won't be with us much longer (11-30-16). I will get to comments when I am able to but I need to be with family right now. Thanks for understanding.

%d bloggers like this: