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I Would Love to Hear Your Stories about Honoring Your Husband As a Father

Greg and our daughter at church in 2012
Greg and our daughter at church in 2012

Father’s Day is coming up in America in about a week or so. I would love to spend a few days talking about how we can honor and respect our husbands as fathers. I may use your comment anonymously in a post (or possibly in my book) if you share.

Ladies,

Would you please share your stories about one or more of the following:

1. How God has shown you to uphold your husband’s authority as a father and how you make sure to present yourself with him as a united front to the children

2. Some specific ways that your husband feels most respected as a parent

3. How you seek to train your children to honor their father

Gentlemen,

Would you please share:

1. Your perspective about how a wife can bless her husband as a dad

2. Any stories of how your wife inspired your children to respect and honor you that deeply impacted your heart

Thanks, everyone. 🙂

May God richly bless your walk with Christ, your marriage and your family!

75 thoughts on “I Would Love to Hear Your Stories about Honoring Your Husband As a Father

  1. This is an area I need to improve. I don’t respect him much as a father because he’s not present and can be mean and harsh to the children.
    But I think if I help the kids to honour and respect it will bless them and my husband.

    1. Hi GWTB!

      I too struggle with this as we are a blended family and I have a daughter and my husband has a son and we have 2 of our own. My husband used to be harsh with my daughter (I think this is a very, very common problem). He is much better than we was, but can still be a little dismissive at times. I have learnt to let the little things go and really appreciate any positive things I see happening, it is so easy to focus on negatives. It’s been hard not to keep controlling their relationship, so I’ve prayed a lot about it.
      Now I am just grateful for each day he’s around and he is ok with the kids, if he does have to tell them off, I don’t usually say anything or get involved and it is always for a reason, so I am not so panicky now. I used to be very overprotective. I am not completely 100% trusting that he wont be harsh but I am leaving God to work that out in time. So just to say, you are not alone, but just to focus on any positives and try to be supportive if he has to discipline them, I usually say something like ‘listen to Daddy’ or ‘Lets do as Daddy says, shall we’…and I try to sound supportive. I really believe that things are a lot better, I have learnt so much from this blog. If there is something I don’t agree with, I calmly asked what happened and then say, well if Daddy had said, this, or that, then that is how he feels about it etc..and then don’t mention it again.

      In the past I have had to very carefully mention things that I have not agreed with in a calm way when the kids are in bed. I have also learned that being respectful does not mean letting them get away with mistreating you or your children, I have had to love my husband but also be really tough at times…it has paid off, and we are still together! I’m not giving up and we both really love each other, I think that’s the only thing which has got us through the past years, I hope you are able to find the key which works with him, I know God will help you, he helped me, take care xx

      1. JuR: I think you are honoring him by teaching him how to treat the children. Tough is probably his language, and so that’s how you sometimes have to speak to him. You are respecting him and loving him by teaching him this stuff, rather than allowing him to continue to make mistakes. I most definitely would want my wife to teach me stuff like that, as long as she did it in a loving and respectful way, with “tough” being the exception, and love and respect being the rule.

        You’ve hung in there, and you are now reaping the reward!

        Jim

      2. Thanks for your encouragement. Thanks for sharing your story. Nice to know I’m not alone 🙂
        God bless you! X

    2. GWTB:

      You are trying, and that is the important thing!

      Is he not present because of his work? You can praise him in your children’s eyes for this — “He works very hard to provide for us”.

      And I think you can soften him up by being soft to him when it’s just you and him alone.

      Jim

      1. Thanks Jim
        He’s not present because of work and his hobbies. He chooses to spend time with other people.

        I do say that to the kids about him working hard. It’s harder when they know he chose going bike riding with a friend than taking them fishing like he had said.

      2. GWTB:

        I am sorry about your situation, and that I didn’t understand what was actually going on. I sincerely hope that my comments weren’t hurtful to you in any way.

        Jim

  2. A blended family is SO hard!! If it weren’t for this blog we would not still be together. My biggest problem is the children and how we handle that situation. I emailed April back in November and that email conversation saved our marriage. I want to post later about how we have started to overcome this “common problem” and how I have started to honor his leadership in this area.

  3. Ken was much tougher on my boys than I wanted him to be. When they would injure themselves in sports, he would make them to keep playing, unless it was a very bad injury. I thought he was being cruel {I wanted to baby them!} but my boys have grown up to be men, strong men that can face the challenges of this world. I am so happy I didn’t interfere with his parenting my children. Our children only have one father to father them and we, as wives, must allow them to do that since we are not their father.

    1. Lori Alexander,

      Thank you so much for sharing! I am sure that when your children are grown and you see the results of your husband’s decisions, it is easier to look back and see why he did what he did. This is very helpful!!

    2. Lori:

      Only a real man can make men out of boys. Sounds like your husband is a real man. If you want to really make his day (his week, really), tell him that you very much admire the way he made men out of your boys, and that only a real man could have successfully pulled that off.

      Jim

      1. He is a real man, Jim, and I think I will tell him today how much I appreciate him. If any of our children need him for anything, even now that they are all grown up and on their own, he will stop whatever he is doing to help them. He would spend hours with our daughters when they were young talking with them and working with them trying to figure out their bad thinking and replace it with the Truth. He did an amazing job parenting both our daughters and our sons.

          1. Lori Alexander,
            I love your post! And you have such precious children. They are all beautiful. I know you must be so proud of them. Thank you so much for sharing!

        1. What a great post, Lori! What beautiful and handsome children that you and your husband have raised!

          I do have two comments about what you posted in that article:

          (1) If women played football against men, they wouldn’t get injured, because the men would have played a lot easier so as not to injure the men! (But I know what you meant!)

          (2) I was both mom and dad in my family, because my then-wife was not in any way a nurturing person. I enjoyed both roles, and I believe that I did a very good job of nurturing my kids — the father’s heart in me brought that out in me when I saw that they weren’t getting any nurturing from their mother. Again, I know exactly what you meant, and I consider myself to have been the exception, not the rule.

        2. You are definitely blessed with an involved husband and father! I hope that will be my husband one day.

  4. My husband likes a clean orderly house so every day before he gets home I make my girls go through the house & clean up all their toys & books…I always tell them “it’s almost time for daddy & we know he likes a clean home so let’s get this place tidy before he gets here.” Then before they go to bed I have them clean up anything they may have drug out after he got home so that when we wake up the house is neat & clean as well…I think it’s important that he leaves & comes home to a house he feels comfortable in…my girls are always happy to help clean up their mess when they know it’s for daddy & something that makes him happy.
    I feel this is one way I am teaching them to honor & respect their fathers wishes with a joyful heart & without accepting anything in return.

  5. My husband and I are having our first child in early November. After much thought and prayer, I wanted to begin honoring my husband as a father. I decided to have my husband carry the sole responsibility in naming our child. We believe that a name is a prophetic declaration over a person’s life. For example, my name means covering. I interpret it as one who intercedes and also that I am covered (goodness and mercy follow/covers me). What better way to begin respect than to have my husband to be the first to utter our child’s prophetic destiny? At first, he felt it should be a team effort. As I explained to him that for nine months I carry baby, I go through labor and deliver baby, my body sustains baby after birth — all with him as my support. I want to stand and support the name he chooses for our child.

    Once this sunk in, his eyes just lit up and he has risen to the call.

  6. April:

    I really love the picture of your daughter hiding behind her daddy and feeling safe there.

    I will tell you what my mother did for my dad to honor him.

    I will also tell you what my ex-wife did, which in my opinion did not honor me.

    First, my mom. My mom NEVER had a bad word to say about my dad. She was forever his cheerleader. She ALWAYS told us children how great and good of a man he was. She ALWAYS lived her life so as to make him happy. She ALWAYS let him take the lead. Here’s an example: My dad was a big fan of his alma mater. To honor him and bring enjoyment to his life, our family time largely consisted of us singing the songs of his alma mater, with her playing them on the piano as we all sang, with him leading the singing!

    Now my ex-wife. On Father’s Day, my then-wife insisted that I dress up in a suit and tie for church (I preferred to dress casual on that one day of the year). She insisted on taking me and everyone to a fancy restaurant after church (I preferred something much more casual). I always got the feeling that she did all of that so as to show everyone that she was “taking care of her man”, rather than to do what I would enjoy doing. I would have preferred that she do nothing rather than use me as her showpiece on that day. A simple “Happy Father’s Day”, with a hug and a kiss, would have meant a lot more to me than all of the hypocrisy.

    My mom was the poster child of how to honor her husband.

        1. Jim,
          I hear your pain in almost every post and I pray that one day you can put all that pain in your past and live each day in God’s joy and peace. 🙂 God bless brother!

          Trixie

          1. Thank you very much, Trixie.

            I was recently in a relationship with a very beautiful girl, inside and out. She put the brakes on it and cut me loose, telling me that I needed time to recover from the divorce (less than 6 months ago).

            That hurt a lot, but I came to realize that she had done me a huge favor. I DO need time to recover and heal.

            I basically put my heart and soul into these blogs, trusting God that one day my turn will come.

            I appreciate your words.

          2. My ex was literally a monster — I suffered abuse at her hands for over 20 years.

            The only way I would consider reconciliation would be if my ex came to me and apologized, in detail, for all of the horrible things she did to me, without any prompting on my part.

            If she were to do that, then I would believe that she understood what she did, and that she honestly wanted to change.

            I would then watch her for a while (probably a long while), to see if it was really true. If it was true, she wouldn’t mind waiting a long while to regain my trust.

            But even if she were to do that, I don’t think I could take her back. I absolutely do not trust her.

            I do appreciate your concern.

          3. “Thanks for letting me vent” – wow — I KNOW the therapeutic effect of venting! It is a necessary step. I remember saying that to a good friend many times. Sometimes just talking about the trials make them easier to get through. So of course, there is definitely a need to vent sometimes.

    1. My mom NEVER said anything good about my dad growing up and she would share all of her bad feelings about him to me. They argued constantly. I grew up hating my dad and wishing they would get divorced. I got a brain tumor 10 years ago and it was my dad who thoroughly researched to find the best neurosurgeon for me and ran me to all my doctors and stayed in the hospital with me. Since then, he still takes incredible care of me and comes over frequently to give me foot massages. Nine years ago, I read Created To Be His Help Meet which completely changed my marriage. Ironically, it was my mom who bought it for me. She also read it. They are both 84 now and my dad serves my mom now as she is losing her mental capacity. She adores him now and calls him her “rock.” It is so precious and I am so happy she didn’t divorce him.

        1. He is, very much so and I so wish I would have appreciated him from the very beginning. The problem is that most of the young women are not being taught or modeled by older women…

          1. We husbands don’t need immediate appreciation. The important thing is that our wives sooner or later recognize how much we love them (hopefully sooner), and then begin to appreciate us. And that is exactly what you have done and are doing.

          2. This is a big concern I have, for one day I hope to remarry. Hopefully I will find one of the “older” women who does appreciate a loving husband.

      1. Lori,
        Thank you for sharing the power a mom has over her children to build up their relationship with their father or to hurt it.

        I am so thrilled that you read Created to Be His Helpmeet and that God used it to change your life. I am also glad that your parents were able to heal in their marriage.

        I love hearing what God has done in your life!!

    2. Jim,

      Thank you so much for sharing the ways your mom honored your dad and taught all of his children to love, honor and respect him. Those are great examples!

      And thanks for the reminder for us as wives to check our motives and be sure that if we give our husbands a gift, that we take his preferences into account so that it will be something he would actually enjoy.

      1. April,

        I really appreciate the opportunity to share my life experiences here on your blogs. You do not know how much good it does me to do so.

        Jim

      2. It sounds so simple — “take his preferences into account so that it will be something he would actually enjoy.” But I guess that sometimes things that seem obvious aren’t obvious to us.

        I’ve thought a lot about gift giving. One time God led me to give a rather expensive gift to a friend of mine. (It was something that he really needed.) It needed a bit of repair, so I spent money and got it all fixed up and in good shape before giving it to him. Then once I gave it to him, I forced myself to not “follow him around” to make sure that he was doing what I wanted him to with my gift. (If something is a gift, you give up all claims to it when you give it.)

        I remember one painful example of a “gift” that my then-wife gave me — a portable stereo. It was nice. But I soon found that she was always using it in her office; it was not available to me. I didn’t think much of it, because we owned everything together, right?

        Then one day my son’s birthday was coming up. I wanted to give him my stereo, so I did. She got angry at me, telling me that she didn’t give it to me so that I could give it away to someone else.

        I quickly realized that the real reason she was angry was because she would no longer be able to “borrow” my stereo. (It was a lot easier for her to “borrow” it from her husband than from her son.)

        I also realized that she likely gave me the stereo because SHE wanted a stereo, not because she thought I wanted a stereo.

        Thanks for letting me vent!

        1. Wow — Jim, I see that you really do have a lot of residual hurt from your marriage. I really hope that you will come to a place of healing, joy and — peace. I have been at the place of pain and hurt where you are, and what has helped me travel away from it is that I focused on what I did wrong…not what was done to me. It took me a long time to get to that point, but healing would never begin if my entire focus was on the things that were done against me. They still hurt of course, but they are now little scars instead of open wounds. Plus, the scars fade more and more as I realize that even in small ways, I too did something to put them there — it was not all about the other person.

          1. Thank you Hannah.

            After my ex divorced me, I decided to research how a guy should treat a girl, so that I would make sure I did things right the 2nd time around. My eyes were opened wide when I read Nina Roesner’s 101 list of things that men should do to love their wives. I realized that, although I was a pretty good guy, there was a lot that I simply had no clue about. I am determined to be “off the charts” the 2nd time around — “pretty good” isn’t good enough for me.

            One of the benefits I gain from being on these blogs is that I can better understand the needs of women, and what their husbands need to do to meet those needs. I desperately want to understand these things, so that I will uphold my end of the bargain the 2nd time around.

            Thinking back on my first marriage, I can think of specific situations in which I misinterpreted my wife’s intentions, where I took things the wrong way. I can also think of specific situations in which I did things which caused her to think I didn’t care, or worse. That was not my intention at all in those situations, but I can fully understand why she would have thought that. And I have learned these things mainly on April’s blogs.

            I will be starting a recovery program called Divorce Care in about a week. I look forward not only to being with others who are recently divorced, but also to learning in what ways I need to recover and heal, and then healing.

            Thank you for caring.

          2. I will definitely keep in mind what you are saying about focusing on what I may have done wrong, rather than just on what I feel my ex did wrong.

          3. Actually, I was specifically saying what worked for “me”…. not really “telling you what to do” per se. However, I am sometimes “bothered” (for lack of a better word) – by the way some of the divorced males on this blog seem to take absolutely no responsibility for anything that went wrong in their marriages. I typically just see them hammering and hammering away at their wives and how awful she was.

            Since April, does not tell men what to do – and this is her blog, I made sure not to tell you what to do either. Plus, what do I know anyway? However, since I was once at the “blame it all on my spouse” stage…. I do understand the pain and bitterness that is associated with that stage; and would not recommend that anyone stays there – even when they have valid reasons to do so.

            I do understand your specific situation though. And again, I am sorry that you experienced abuse. I hope you will overcome all obstacles to fulfilling God’s plans for your life. Thanks for sharing and I am so happy that you find comfort in this blog. Be blessed my brother.

          4. Hannah:

            Thank you so much for caring.

            “Search me, Oh God, and know my heart; try me and know my thoughts. And see if there be any wicked way in me; and lead me in the way everlasting.”

            We always need to consider that we could be wrong in some area. I will gladly ask myself the question you posed, just in case there is something I need to deal with in my own life.

            My tendency is to be too hard on myself, so I usually don’t have any problem seeing my own faults.

            I have done self examination throughout the course of my marriage — lots of it.

            One thing I do know — nothing I ever did justified the abuse I suffered at her hands.

            Please share your thoughts at anytime. It is always very helpful not only to know that someone cares, but to hear what they have to say.

            Jim

          5. Thanks Jim.

            I too agree that there is nothing that justifies abuse. And since I have never experienced any abuse myself — I would never dear try to speak against anyone who has reels from the resulting pain.

            Other note — I am not Hannah 🙂 I am only praying like her! But speak it into reality my dear brother! One day I might be just like her, in that my prayers, like hers, are answered with a yes 🙂

          6. Let me just say one thing about abuse — only the victim has the right to decide when they have had enough and leave. No one else has the right to tell them to stay there and keep taking it.

            It may be that someone has the responsibility to try to get the victim to safety, even if the victim thinks that they should stay longer.

            I was the victim of continual emotional and sexual abuse, plus some physical abuse. I chose to stay for the sake of the kids. But if the physical abuse would have continued, I would have had her arrested and jailed.

            Speaking of Hannah, in my opinion, Hannah was the greatest mother in the Bible. She raised her son Samuel for the Lord, and then she fulfilled her vow by giving him to the Lord.

            One day, be a good mom like Hannah was. You sound like you will be a great mom.

          7. Understood and agreed Jim. I would run from abuse, so I know I wouldn’t encourage anyone to stay in it.
            I’m a mom, I have one adorable child.. So in a way I’m not completely in Hannah’s exact situation. But I desire more.. and have a lot of hurdles to cross in my own marriage as well

          8. You will get there. Your heart is right.

            The one thing you can definitely achieve is to be pleasing in God’s sight. Sounds like you’re there.

          9. Don’t know that I will ever “be there,” but I am on the journey…. sometimes I fall but that’s ok too. I just get up and press on again. I will be praying for you…. your story saddens me 🙁

          10. My main prayer request is that I can get my house prepared for sale quickly (clean up the clutter, mainly) so that I can sell it and move away from here. (My ex lives next door to me!) I’m moving slow because of post-divorce depression. Pray that God gets me moving quickly and that the house sells quickly.

          11. I will join you in prayer for that, according to God’s will. How long have you been divorced? I hope you will get some help for the depression that you are experiencing. Depression after a major event such as a divorce is not unexpected, but depression is as much a disease as more “tangible” diseases like cancer or diabetes…

          12. I’ve been divorced for 4 months, but separated for over a year.

            I’m in the Divorce Care recovery group. I’m sure that they will help me with the depression.

            Thanks for your prayers.

          13. Jim:
            Very recent…. Glad you are allowing yourself the time to grieve….
            Yes, I will pray be praying for you my brother.

  7. April l struggle with this. Although I love his (our) kids and grandkids since I was not able to have children I have never understood how he was able to, when his kids they were 6 and 8, move 2000 miles away. To be with his parents/siblings instead after his first divorce. He has been a godly example to them always and he to this day is a man his kids and grandkids will have lots of fun with. So I will give him credit for that and I am glad he moved back to California and came into my life but he wasn’t as involved with the kids as he should have been perhaps still should be even though they are now parents.

  8. My husband always said that I should respect and submit to him in front of children, then the children will honor the father and also the mother. If we argue with our husband in front of kids they will grow up dishonoring Dad and Mom.

    For the past one year I’ve been submitting and honoring my husband I can see a big difference in our kids behavior towards their Dad and ME too.

  9. Something that we’ve been doing for sometime now is loudly applauding when my husband comes through the door, home from work. It happens usually at least 1 to 2 times a week when he comes home early enough for my kids to still be up. They now do this with or without me and really enjoy celebrating his coming home. If we must start dinner before he gets home the kids pray that he returns to us safely. My husband doesn’t comment on this but I think it’s something we all enjoy. Occasionally he’ll lead the kids to clap when I come home from work too. It certainly sets the mood for a nice evening.

  10. My husband loves strange or unique-sounding foods or garnishes. Seriously, the more bizarre sounding, the better. I, on the other hand, like things very “clean” and ordinary. I’m not much into food for the sake of enjoyment, though, so I know I’m not the most fun person to eat with. He likes to try things with my mom because she likes unusual eats as well. You should see the joy on his face when he very selectively picks out something to bring to my mom’s for them to try. It’s so cute.

    Anyway, I have this tradition every Father’s Day of, along with his regular gift, giving him a basket full of the strangest foods I can find. Last year the basket included some bizarrely flavores boar meat and jars of something funky-looking that I couldn’t identify because it was written in German. He was like a kid in a candy store.

    My husband also loves different hot sauces and I found this collection one time of really, really hot ones that I had wanted to give him, but they had swear words in the name. O_O

My grandmother is on hospice and won't be with us much longer (11-30-16). I will get to comments when I am able to but I need to be with family right now. Thanks for understanding.

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