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To Speak or Not to Speak…


A lot of wives ask me this question…

“How do I know when to say how I feel and when I should not say anything?”

This can be such a quandary! Especially at first when we are just realizing our former disrespect and we have not yet figured out what exactly is respectful or disrespectful.

Unfortunately – or fortunately – depending on how you look at this topic – there is no formula or pat answer. I am going to offer some guidelines that I am seeking to base on Scripture. These are not exhaustive lists. You are welcome to share your concerns, ideas and insights. πŸ™‚

(If you have severe problems in your marriage – abuse, addictions, infidelity, uncontrolled mental health disorders, please seek experienced, godly, wise counsel. I am not able to address these issues in a general blog post, and I am not a counselor, pastor or therapist.)

There are times when SILENCE is the best choice:

  • When we are first beginning this journey and we have been voicing disrespect, complaints, criticism, arguments, anger, negativity, hostility and contempt for months or years and we have not learned the wisdom of being silent about sinful things and disrespectful thoughts and controlling thoughts. We must take time to learn godly wisdom and discretion. At first, we can begin to have wisdom by being silent instead of sinning with our words and using our words to bring death. In time, we learn to use our words to affirm, encourage, breathe life, build up, bless and heal.

Even fools are thought wise if they keep silent, and discerning if they hold their tongues. Proverbs 17:28

  • When what we are about to say is not motivated by the love of God – being rude, rehashing past, supposedly forgiven sins, impatience, etc… (Please see what God ‘s love looks like I Corinthians 13:4-8)
  • When our motives are sinful – pride, blame, condemnation, a critical spirit, selfishness, Β self-righteousness, sinful jealousy, Β idolatry (putting our husbands, our children, self, money, romance, feeling loved, etc… above Christ in our hearts), resentment or bitterness. If we have sin in our hearts, let’s go spend time in repentance humbly before God asking for His forgiveness and crucifying self, dying to our sin before we venture to speak with our husbands (or anyone). I John 1:9, Matthew 7:1-5
  • When our husbands are not feeling well, are exhausted, are sick, are under a great deal of stress (there can be exceptions when an issue is very important or pressing, of course, or where the stress, illness or exhaustion lasts for a long time).
  • When WE are hormonal, hungry, exhausted or sick – that may not be the best time to have a big, life-changing discussion. It could be wise to wait until we are physically stronger before approaching really important topics or big decisions.
  • When words are many, sin is not absent. Β Proverbs 10:19
  • When our sinful nature is in control. (Galatians 5:19-21)
  • When God’s Spirit prompts us to be silent.
  • When our husband is far from God and unable or unwilling to hear our words, we then seek to obey I Peter 3:1-6. Sometimes our words about spiritual things, the Bible or God will make things worse when our husbands are not close to God. In such circumstances, God commands us to show respect and honor and to live out godly lives in our attitudes, speech and behavior without preaching at or nagging our husbands. God knows this approach will speak much more powerfully to a husband who is in rebellion against Him and will allow the husband to more clearly hear God’s voice. There will be times we may need to say certain things in this situation, we will need to be very sensitive to God’s Spirit to know what and when to speak. There is also the possibility that we may think our husbands are far from God, but that we could be wrong and we could be misjudging them. God knows our husbands hearts – we do not. If we approach our husbands with a prideful, self-righteous spirit, we may push them far from us and farther from God.

There are times when speaking humbly, honestly, respectfully, lovingly, gently and vulnerably is the best option:

  • When the timing is right (as we listen carefully to God’s Spirit) and our husbands are receptive. (Of course, there may be times we do need to speak even if our husbands are not receptive – but that will take great sensitivity on our part to the Spirit of God.)
  • When our motives are pure in God’s sight and we are fully submitted to Christ and are resisting the enemy. (James 4:7-12)
  • When we are walking in the power of God’s Spirit (Galatians 5:22-26)
  • When our goals are simply to honor and obey God and bless our husbands. (The two greatest commandments – to love God and to love others. Mark 12:28-29)
  • When we need to communicate critical information to our husbands so that they will have our important ideas, perspective, feelings, needs and desires available to them.
  • When we have feelings to share – I feel sad, I feel afraid, I feel nervous, I am worried, I feel so happy, I feel upset, I am lonely, I want X, I don’t want Y. (Laura Doyle “The Surrendered Wife”) We share our emotions and desires without blaming our husbands, pressuring them or trying to control them.
  • When we want to talk through our feelings. But, it can be important and helpful for us to share exactly what we need because our husbands often don’t have the same kinds of verbal needs to talk and emotionally connect that we do, ie: “I am not sure how I am feeling about this. It would help me so much if you would please listen to me for about 5-10 minutes while I talk through things. Talking is how I process my feelings. Just knowing you are listening is such a blessing to me.” But then, it would be great to let our husbands know we would like to hear their thoughts many times, too, and we can show our husbands that their thoughts are very important to us and that we appreciate their wisdom and leadership.
  • When we are sharing a thankful heart.
  • When we have a pressing problem and need our husbands’ help, wisdom, leadership, comfort, love or guidance.
  • When we want to express our genuine respect or appreciation (for some husbands, brief messages are the most powerful. Other husbands like large amounts of discussion or sharing.) I Thessalonians 5:18
  • When we are using our words to build up, affirm, encourage, breathe life, bring healing and bless our husbands. (Sometimes husbands do not believe our respectful words at first if we have been very disrespectful and controlling for a long time. Β But we can continue seeking to show respect as best we know how. As we continue to practice and seek to honor God and our husbands, we will learn to do this more effectively and our husbands will eventually begin to believe our respect in time, most likely.)

A wise woman builds her house, but a foolish woman tears hers down with her own hands. Proverbs 14:1

  • When we have special expertise in an area and our husbands appreciate our sharing.
  • When we are helping our husbands in a way that they agree is helpful and/or that honors God. (We were created to be their helpmeets)
  • When our husbands delegate decisions to us.
  • When our husbands want to please us and want to know what we would like. If they want to know what we would like for our birthday or what restaurant we want to go to – let’s share what we would like and not try to make them read our minds. πŸ™‚
  • When we are having times of emotional closeness.
  • When we ask if it is a good time to share, and our husbands are receptive.
  • When our husbands have sinned against us, and we have repented of all of our sin and God’s Spirit gives us wisdom about how to approach our husbands according to Matthew 7:1-5 and Matthew 18:15-18
  • When we need to repent to our husbands for our sins against them or others.
  • When we want to share Philippians 4:8 things that we are thankful for.


I have a new Youtube video about this topic, too, if you would like to hear me talk about this subject. πŸ™‚




68 thoughts on “To Speak or Not to Speak…

      1. I will absolutely share my link, I give so much thanks that we are not alone on this journey! Your post is so informative, I gleaned so much from it , as well as from the comments that followed πŸ™‚ There is much wisdom in this circle of sisters. I trust that your spring break was restful and that your arms are tired from lifting them in praise to our Risen Messiah! Blessings, Terrie C

  1. Good tips there.

    Something I do is follow Queen Esther when I need to tell hubby something. So I’ll feed him, make sure he’s happy and rested and then tell him gently what I need to say πŸ™‚

    1. Oh that’s an excellent idea.. My husband, like many i’m sure, gets what I like to call Hangry when he hasn’t eaten.. I follow the same advice when speaking to my sister about something (she’s going thru “the change”) when she starts getting upset I throw chocolate at her.. πŸ™‚

    2. Yes! Timing.
      It also gives us time to pray and work out what to say instead of just blurting things out πŸ™‚

  2. Thank you April! This is exactly what I needed to hear at the exact moment I needed to hear it! I have been struggling like crazy with this very issue. I was trying to communicate too much, too quickly. I also realized that what I was saying were indeed “my feelings” but I also realized that what I was saying (without intention) was blaming and criticizing his decisions.

    I am currently separated as you know, and after reading this, although not at all intentionally, I was not delivering my message the way it needed to be delivered. So, I have gone back into my quiet stage – which for this loud mouth is a BIG deal! And I’m ok with it. I know everything needs to be HIS decision in HIS time and I have to be patient. I trust God and His timing, and I will continue to allow God to do his work in me.

    I have seen some pretty incredible changes lately and I love them!! My patience, my attitude regarding letting things roll, going with the flow, stopping with control and my freak outs, etc. this is all so out of character!! I made a huge mess in the kitchen for Easter dinner yesterday- I dropped everything and my mashed potatoes spun out of control, the dog chewed up the kids candy eggs before they were able to hunt for them, my daughter dropped her cherry filled pastry on the living room carpet, my husband didn’t offer to help clean up and in spite of everything, I had an AMAZINGLY WONDERFUL DAY! Who is this person?

    I’ve been saying that Resurrection Sunday will be my new “Happy New Year” and that’s exactly what is happening!

    God bless.

    1. Catherine,

      I am so excited about what God is doing in you!!!!! woohoo! Isn’t it wonderful not to be controlled by our tempers and impatience? Isn’t it the most delicious thing ever to be filled with God’s peace and joy instead of worry, fear and anxiety all the time?

      These treasures are so precious, I can’t keep God’s blessings to myself! πŸ™‚

      1. Thank you to everyone for replying to my “mess”! I haven’t commented much, but the affirmations I received today brought tears to my eyes! THANK YOU! Thank you for noticing “little ole me” and my struggles. You all have made my day.

  3. This is a really helpful post. Knowing when to say something and how is always a struggle when trying to overcoming being disrespectful and controlling.

    Sometimes when I think I’m just stating something, he still hears the negative in it. I said something that I thought was pretty neutral the other day and he said “I’m so tired of hearing all this negative stuff.” It made me examine what I said and try to understand how I sound. Also reminds me that alot of what I say really doesn’t need to be said.

    This isn’t related to the post so much, but I wanted to share that my husband went to church with me yesterday. I had been praying that he would go on Easter and he agreed. This was the first time he had gone since Christmas Eve. We also had a great weekend together. We spent it all pretty much together, he has started being playful (physical touch) with me again and even initiated holding my hand while we watched tv together. For the past 3 months, he’s avoided almost all physical touch with me other than when we are going to sleep. He’s never been one for hand holding so that was a total shocker. We were at my family’s house yesterday for Easter and he made a decision about our daughter that I didn’t agree with (one I normally would have fought him over and he would have given in) but I let it go and I’m sure he noticed that.
    We had 2 fights last week and always worry that I sabotaged any progress, but he really seems to have softened some towards me. I don’t know how things will continue to go, but I’m really thankful for the changes I’m seeing in both of us.

    1. How wonderful, Jeanne! So happy for the changes you’re seeing! I love seeing God at work like this!

      1. I had my own little surprise moment yesterday when my husband read in the bulletin that the author of Love and Respect was coming to our church later this year. My husband suggested we sign up! Granted, in the last few years God has mercifully restored our marriage, but there was a time I never would have imagined his suggesting such a thing……It felt like God winking at me.

        Years ago, I purchased the Love and Respect DVD’s and was trying to “get” my husband to watch them with me. lol. Trying to control him into it, more like it! They mysteriously disappeared when we moved before seeing them. I don’t believe there was foul play, other things went missing during that chaotic time, but I believe it was part of God’s sovereign plan to help teach me to work on myself and let His Spirit work patiently in my husband’s heart…..But oh, the patience of God in dealing with us. He is such a gracious God.

        1. And your post inspires me! I just finished the book Love and Respect, and plan to re-read it. I’d love to attend an actual seminar, but for now, I will simply be grateful that although separated, God is working on me. In time, I pray, he will work on “US”. Patience…. I’m working on that too!!

          1. Catherine,

            I really love this book, too! It was such an eye-opener. Even though I had tried to be respectful, I never understood how something well-intentioned on my part could sound like disrespect to him. The author really helped me “put the shoe on the other foot,” so to speak, and when I did I felt terrible. BUT, it was the beginning of a wonderful change in our marriage. If your husband is open to spending time with you and/or talking with you at all now, even though you are separated, it’s highly probable he would notice the change in you. Of course all things will work out in God’s time, and I wish you all the best! Much love!

            1. Thank you so much Elizabeth. I’ve been so hesitant with communicating anything right now. I thought we were making progress, so I said a few things, without asking him to come home and his response was, “Do you want me to tell you I have it all figured out?” I told him no, not at all (although I wish he did!!) So I’ve been VERY hesitant to share anything. I did do my “confession” a few weeks back. I had to send the email response I got the next day to April for her “evaluation”! She read much more into it than I did, and I am so grateful. (I’ve read it about a hundred times now!!) MUCH LOVE BACK TO YOU ELIZABETH!!!! I feel so GOOD knowing I have understanding new friends here. I can guarantee, that out of all my friends, only one would understand what I’m doing. God sent me here for a reason. I’m three months in to this journey, but it feels like a lifetime. Thank you all……

        2. Julie,
          I love this!!!!!!! Thank you so much for sharing. That is a big thing, for a husband to be willing to go to a marriage conference. How wonderful!

    2. Jeanne,

      Yay!!!!!!, I am so excited about what God is doing in you. It is so obvious that you are willing to learn, grow and change. I love your humble spirit. And wow! What a blessing to see your husband be willing to go to church with you and to see him becoming playful and soften towards you. That makes my day!!!

      When we obey God and seek just to please and honor Him and bless our husbands, we often get blessed ourselves.

      Much love!

  4. β€’When our husbands are not feeling well, are exhausted, are sick, are under a great deal of stress (there can be exceptions when an issue is very important or pressing, of course, or where the stress, illness or exhaustion lasts for a long time).

    I guess that is my situation and I don’t know what good it is to share with him how discouraged I feel when he is equally discouraged. Plus, he had to work and got in past midnight last night. He will have to be available if needed o Tuesday. ( Which means Wednesday he will be recuperating at night when he gets home.) Our daughter has a concert Thursday night and he is working this weekend. He would LOVE to quit his job, but it isn’t possible right now. But I’m guessing this week will be at least another 90 hour week… Just tired and there seems to be no good time to talk.

    1. Elizabeth, I can so relate to what you’re going through. There was a long season when my husband had so much stress and long, exhausting hours. At the time, respecting my husband was off my radar. I’m thankful for your desire to show your husband respect through this.

      It won’t always be like it is now. That’s for sure. Life changes, but God’s faithfulness never does. I don’t feel like I have any suggestions on how to talk with your husband when he’s already struggling himself, but I can tell you God has a good purpose in this season for your good and for His glory. It may not be very evident now, but we can always look back and see His hand in those situations. I’m slowly learning to pray that my circumstances not be wasted, and to wait expectantly for God’s purposes to be revealed as I trust Him.

      1. I’d like to clarify that His purposes are always to conform us into His image and to glorify Him thru all our circumstances. I read recently that it is good to learn to “cherish the effects of adversity”. I found that to be a great focus when times are hard.

        1. I keep thinking, perhaps I should have said less here….If I sounded unsympathetic to the difficulty of your situation, or the intense pain and loneliness you are experiencing, I’m sorry. It is extremely hard when your husband has so much on his plate and you long for things to be better. Praying for you…warm hugs.

    2. Elizabeth,
      That is a huge problem if he is working 90 hours a week at a stressful job and is exhausted and overwhelmed himself all the time.

      This is where it will take God’s wisdom and prompting to help you see the good times to try to talk and what exactly to say. If this is a permanent situation, you will need to be able to share things with him sometimes. You cannot not share forever. I pray for you to have plenty of time with God and to find all your contentment, purpose, acceptance, love, peace, joy and strength in Him. And I pray for Him to give you wisdom to communicate with your husband and to bless him.

  5. As always, your posts are perfectly timed! My verses for this past weekend was, “be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to wrath” and “a gentle answer turns away wrath”!

  6. During the quiet phase – if you husband asked you your opinion on something and you were sure your opinion would not be received well… how would you respond?

    I’m still learning and I tend to fall back into the quiet phase after I’ve had a setback and reevaluate myself. I’m finding I keep getting stuck when I voice my opinion or frustration really on one subject – his family. I’m almost certain he just can’t handle hearing my frustrations, but they affect me and I can’t just “stuff” my feelings aside. At this point I think that until I’m more successful with communicating respectfully that I have to keep my frustrations to myself but this doesn’t feel right?I absolutely cannot say “I don’t care” or anything of that nature when I do have an opinion or an issue with his family but clearly I cannot figure out a way to discuss this topic that he responds to (and maybe he just can’t and needs time – it’s been a year already so we’re talking more years – before we can discuss this topic?).

  7. Thanks again April. I am in a phase of being still and quiet. I know for a fact that this works. I am going to be living proof as well as my marriage. I will post very soon for you to share. My journey has been the biggest challenge in my 49 years of life and I know that God has truly worked this out in His perfect timing. God Bless

    1. Thank you for letting us ALL know daughter!! This is so inspirational to me and others I’m sure. I hang on to hope and faith and prayer. I ask God to bless my beautiful husband every day and ask God to keep making miracles in me. THANK YOU!!!

  8. I am kinda frustrated right now. I asked my husband one thing I could work on to becoming more respectful and he said: take “No” for an answer. I told him I do want to take no more an answer and I will and I would also like to share all the information I have about what I’m asking for first and he’s welcome to say no. I feel it’s easy to accept his answer when I feel heard. He felt like I was arguing with him and that I didn’t want to work on it. We are both defensive! Ugh, so frustrating. I feel like I can’t share my feelings!

    1. E,

      This is difficult sometimes, isn’t it??!?!?

      Here is my take…

      When you are asking about the MOST important thing you can do to show more respect to your husband – that is the perfect time to just listen. There will be opportunities in the future for you to say, “It is so much easier for me to accept ‘no’ when I know that I have been fully heard.”

      When you are seeking to learn to show respect to him – and this is his biggest issue with you – that is a great time to say, “Thank you so much for sharing that with me, Honey. I will absolutely work on that.”

      Many husbands feel, especially if they have felt disrespected for a long time, that if a wife tries to explain or justify herself – that she is being disrespectful. Check out the post at the top of my home page about disrespect and the one about signs that a husband is feeling disrespected. It isn’t just your husband who feels that way.

      I realize you were trying to share what would make it easier for you to accept his “no.” But to him, you are pushing back against him. That is how he interpreted what you were saying.

      Do you have children, my friend?

      Also, check out this post:

      Defending myself no more

      And you may like my Youtube channel “April Cassidy” I have a post about “Accepting Constructive Criticism from Our Husbands” Might be helpful!

      Much love to you!

      Please let me know how things go.

      Maybe you can say to your husband, “I’m sorry that I didn’t just listen and make sure you felt heard. I am happy to work on accepting “no” for an answer. Thank you so much for being willing to share your heart with me.”

      And, if you want to, you may also want to add, “You know what? Your ideas and wisdom are really important to me. I don’t know if I have really shown you that well enough in the past.”

      Then, don’t talk about what you need right now. Just let it be about him in this moment. πŸ™‚

      Those are my suggestions, for whatever they are worth! But more than anything I say – I pray you will seek the Lord’s wisdom. He always knows just what is best in each situation.

      1. E,
        If you haven’t, please read Spiritual Authority at the top of my home page and A Husband’s and a Wife’s Authority in Marriage.

        The Spiritual Authority post has a section about making an appeal to someone in spiritual authority over us that is very helpful.

        Also, please keep in mind, and you will know this if you have children – sometimes, a husband knows immediately that he doesn’t want to do something. Sometimes he doesn’t need a thesis about it. Sometimes, just the introductory paragraph is enough for him to know that he doesn’t want to do whatever it is.

        For the first 15 years of our marriage, I wanted to explain and explain and explain myself if Greg didn’t agree with me. Why? Because I believed I was right and he was wrong. You may not be like I was. But that was how I thought. And i thought that if I explained my position thoroughly enough, Greg would see that I was clearly right and he would change his mind. My motives were simply to change his mind and get what I wanted.

        Now, I think about presenting “bullet points” instead of a 30 minute, 1 hour or 2 hour thesis or an all night filibuster. It’s a lot less work for me. I am MORE likely for Greg to be willing to do what I am interested in. And I don’t tax his soul with an ocean of words and pressure on him.

        You may not be like I was at all. I have no idea. But – that was where I was coming from. Maybe it might be helpful.

        Much love!

  9. Ok, so I was mad when I wrote that and I know it sounded like I was still being contentious. I want to be respectful but I also don’t want to be dying inside all day/night and feeling like I can’t say anything. Anyway, we have a pretty good marriage but I’m just trying to improve! Yes, I have read all those posts and do have kids. I am regular here! So we actually resolved it already. It’s kinda funny, we were both kinda stressed and annoyed after talking about it–I said, “I’m just so frustrated–let’s just go work out all our frustrations in the bedroom and stop talking!” He turned off the tv and said, why are you frustrated? (he thought only he was) I said because I can’t share my feelings! And he said yes you can and explained that he’s mostly disrespected by me asking to buy something or do something that costs money and that right now (because we’re trying to pay off some medical bills, etc and he does all the finances thus I have to run it by him before I spend $) the answer is always no, so it doesn’t matter what my explanation is behind it, because we can’t go over the budget. And he thought I was asking him to break the budget every time but really I just don’t know how much we have. So we worked it out and I said I won’t ask to spend any $$ until further notice. I didn’t realize it was just the financial requests that he wanted me to work on taking No for but now I get it, that is much more concrete and easy to follow. And then we worked out our frustrations in the bedroom. hahaha!! He said that was a real stress reliever for him.

    1. E,

      That is awesome. WOOOHOOOOO!

      I appreciate the update. πŸ™‚ And the wonderful way you both worked through this issue together. Hmmm….. maybe you might allow me to share this story anonymously as a post? I have a feeling it would bless many wives.

  10. Learning to biblically submit has brought so much clarity. It removes me from situations so I can moreso see what’s really happening in the moment. I now see how often my husband is critical when he’s tired and stressed. I never considered how that affected us. I always took his snippy comments personally. I’m learning how to avoid being his target for negative emotions. Basically, if he’s tired leave him alone! This post helps me to further refine my skills. I like considering the Esther strategy. Nice.

    This weekend my husband kissed me in a way that made me remember what it was like when we first got married. It totally threw me off. I felt like crying. Then as quickly as it came, that moment of vulnerability flew away and later said he wasn’t sure he wanted me. That hurt so much, even moreso when I made the mistake of watching ‘the Voice’ tonight with that last song that just pulled at the heart.

    I’ve learned to live with his stonewalling. Then I get totally thrown for a loop when he briefly comes out of it only to go back in again. I feel rejected and cut open. Not fun.

    I get lax and forget my routine to keep my mind focused on Christ. This is just the most recent reminder to keep doing what I know I need to do to keep moving forward.

    1. Refined,
      I can so relate to you!

      It took me almost 2.5 YEARS to figure out what respect/disrespect really meant and what biblical submission was – just to feel like I was beginning to have a clue. And it took a total of 3.5 years before Greg felt completely safe with me again and all the wall had fallen.

      But there would be glimpses like that at times – they make you want to just throw a party! And then, I didn’t ever want them to end.

      But – when he would go back behind that wall, it was such a powerful reminder to me that I am doing this only for Christ, not to get what I want. It definitely forced me to refine my motives and purify my motives to the nth degree.

      I am excited to see that you are growing and learning and that there is healing beginning to take place. That is wonderful. It is slow. But beautiful!!!!!

  11. Thank you, April. Sometimes I just feel like a puddle of tears. Your encouragement means so much.

      1. April, your conversations with others is such a blessing to me. Thank you so much.

        My mom passed away at the age of 81 last year. She was so godly and a tremendous role model of a gentle, but not weak woman of God. When she followed my Dad to be with Jesus, one of the things I knew I would miss so much was her advice on marriage. She taught me some lessons that I probably only could have heard through her because I admired and respected her so much. And she didn’t back down from saying what needed to be said.

        All that to say, God has filled in the gaps with your ministry and with your strong but gentle, sensitive voice of wisdom.

        It often crosses my mind how the two of you, my mom and you, have such a huge wealth of wisdom, and I know it comes from both of you having a tremendous love of God, a giant appetite for reading spiritual truths, and from walking closely with Christ.

        Bless you, for all the time and sacrifice you make. Thank you to your husband for supporting you in this, and making it possible to do.

        Won’t it be marvelous to see all the lives you impacted when we all get to heaven? Not just the wives, but their husbands, children and friends and family. I know my sister has been so blessed and she tells her friends about this site. So the ripple effect goes on far beyond what you see in comments or even hits on your site. I wish I could wrap my arms around you and let you know how helpful you have been in the short period I’ve been following here.

        Love you for your obedience, generosity, and wisdom.

        xx Julie

        1. Julie,

          Wow!!! You sure know how to make my day. πŸ™‚

          Praise God you had such a wise, gentle, strong, godly mother. How I long for all of us to leave such a beautiful, powerful legacy!!!!

          Yes, you are right, a preeminent love for God, a deep hunger for His Word and a continual abiding in Him is the only way for us to experience His wisdom, peace, joy and love so strongly. That is what I desire for every woman (and man) on the planet!!

          What an incredible honor for me that you would think of me with your mom. πŸ™‚

          This ministry is very time consuming. But I love it!!! It is my passion. I am beyond blessed that it was my husband who wanted me to share what I learned with other wives 3 years ago and that he has supported me so much every step of the way.

          This week or next week, this blog will reach 2 million hits. It just reached 1 million in October of last fall. What God is doing here amazes me. I love getting a front row virtual seat to see Him transform, heal and bless so many lives.

          I was actually talking with GraceAlone about this today!!! I cannot wait to get to heaven and to get to see all that God did. I can’t wait to hug every wife’s and husband’s and child’s neck. And I can’t wait to see the ripple effects. It is all God. My prayer is that I might be fully yielded, obedient and surrendered to Him and that His Spirit might flow through me like Niagra Falls, crashing and splashing and bringing hope, faith, life, healing and blessing to everyone I touch.
          How I pray that He might empower me to be faithful.

          I don’t know His plans for me tomorrow, or in the future. But I do know I want to be in the very center of His will and I long for my life to bring Him the greatest possible glory.

          What a blessing you are to me!

          Thank you for sharing. πŸ™‚

          1. I’m excited about the prospect of a published book because so many more would be reached and lives transformed. You have the missing pieces that Love and Respect and others just lay the ground work for. This blog addresses all the little practicalities, and your having learned through your own mistakes gives you added credibility. It disarms your readers to share, too.

            Glad my previous note was accepted in the spirit it was written. Praying for you today, April!

            1. Julie,

              A friend is editing my book for me now. I can’t put everything in it that I have learned in the past 5 years, but my hope is to fill in many of the gaps that I also believe were in some of the other marriage books. Thank you so much for letting me know what has been helpful for you. I appreciate that so much!

              Much love to you! And thank you for the prayers. I want this to be all about Christ and to glorify Him and to honor Him alone.

              I pray for God’s greatest glory in your life and marriage, as well, my sweet friend!

  12. I have been married for two years now and it has really been a tough journey for me because I realized how much dying to self I needed to do. Of the past two years that I have encountered problems in my marriage and sort for online help, I have never found a site that I can relate more to than this Blog. I thank the Lord who impressed it in your heart to start this blog. I have only signed up for a week but I am so glad I did. It is so real and yet so full of love and encouragement to surrender everything to God. God bless you so much and the ladies who have signed up for this Blog.


    1. Nthaby,
      I am so pleased to meet you!

      What an answer to my prayers that this site is helping you grow in your walk with Christ and is a blessing for you. I can’t wait to see all that God has in store for you! πŸ™‚

  13. Dear April,

    I really appreciate you speaking truth to me and helping me put things in prospective.

    Thank you!


  14. I highly recommend the book “Non-violent communication” or “Crucial Conversations”. Both help with talking with those that cannot hear you and it is effective when used properly. The methods help soothe the other person – generally anger is misdirected and can usually be put out if you understand them before moving on to solving the issue you are discussing. It’s hard to implement – requires rewiring responses – but it seriously helps.

  15. Pingback: Lessons from the Gym | Wives’ Marriage Series: Part 9
  16. I have recently spoken with my husband , and he never responds or in the end I am to blame .
    He seems to have no interest in anything That I have to say , left feeling ignored and alone.

    I have come to accept it , for I don’t speak in harshness , I reckon that is his way .

    1. Kim,

      Would you like to talk a bit more about what is going on? It sounds like things are feeling very painful right now, and lonely. πŸ™ I wish I could give you a big hug!

      What is his general personality?

      What is your general personality?

      How is your walk with Christ?

      How long have you been married?

      Is this difficult dynamic a new thing?

      Much love to you!

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