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From Clark Kent to Superman – from the Archives

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I have the vision to see the hero deep inside of my husband – the man God desires him to be and created him to be – and how, by God’s power working in me (and in him) and my respect and cooperation, he can fully become that hero of a man.

Everyone else may just see a normal guy.  But I know better!

LOIS LANE

I don’t know about you, but Lois Lane got on my nerves in the Superman movies with Christopher Reeve.  It was hard for me to see exactly what he saw in her – of course, I was only 7 years old at the time.  I had the biggest crush on Superman – and I really thought he deserved better. (

(I am going to use this character as an example for those who have seen these movies already.  I am not endorsing the Superman movies as honoring to Christ.  There is plenty of ungodliness in them.  If you have already seen these films, the example of the characters may be helpful.)

But she can still illustrate my point nicely.  Think about how differently Lois acted when she thought she was with “Clark.”  She was exasperated.  She was “above” him.  She really didn’t want to be around him.  She used the tone of voice of an angry teacher.  She practically ignored him.  She cut him down.  She bossed him around. She clearly did NOT respect him AT ALL.

Of course, he was acting differently, too.  He seemed insecure, lacking confidence, a bit socially awkward.  But what if she had taken the time to really see deep into his soul and see who he really was?  All those little annoying Clark habits would have suddenly disappeared!

Wasn’t that what he really longed for her to see – the hero he really was deep down inside?

When he was Superman, she looked at him so differently – with awe, respect, faith, trust and adoration.  She spoke respectfully to him.  She admired his ideas, his intelligence, his abilities, his powers.  She accepted him.  She didn’t belittle him, criticize him or condemn him.  She looked up to him.  She was honored just to be in his presence.  She probably reverenced him – so aware of his power, strength, dignity and masculinity… and all of his super powers, of course.  That  faith, awe, respect and adoration drew him to her like a magnet.

You may think your husband needs to act like Superman and then you can treat him more like Superman.  But that is backwards!

First, you begin to see the hero in your man, and then he will become more and more that hero.  Then God’s vision for him (and for you) can become reality for both of you.  He will likely rise to the level of faith you show in his masculinity, leadership and abilities.

Your most potent tools for good are your radiant smile, your trust, your gentleness, loyalty, your delight, your joy and your adoring eyes.   When you communicate that you are on “his team” no matter what and that you stand behind him in total support of the man that he is – that is powerful stuff!  A guy would do practically ANYTHING to get another “hit” like that from you.   To most men, this kind of treatment from a woman is the greatest reward in the world!  It’s what most men spend their whole lives searching for.  And when they find it, they will CHERISH, LOVE and ADORE a woman who treats them like this! (Unless they have deep issues of their own.)

I MUST MUST MUST remember that I CAN’T change my man.  God changes people.  I can influence my husband.  I can obey God.  I can make it easier for my husband to come near to God and to me.

Changing my husband is NOT my role – that is God’s role alone.

A TWIST IN THE PLOT

I discovered that my tongue was made of kryptonite.  So many words I said, so many attitudes I had were sucking the strength and life out of my hero.  I was destroying my man with my negativity, disrespect, self-righteousness, pride and my exasperation with his “lack of leadership.”  And without even knowing that I was doing anything wrong, my tongue was becoming lethal to my husband, sapping him of the very things I once respected most.

Thankfully, God was able to remove my evil tongue and replace it with one that could be life-giving to my man!  He empowered me to use my words to build my man up, to show my faith in him, to show my admiration and respect.

A HERO MAKER

A wise, respectful, godly woman can see the incredible hero potential in a man and knows how to slowly, carefully, methodically draw the hero out of him.  She does this with her husband, she does this with her sons and she can teach other women to do the same with their men.  What an exciting, rewarding, incredibly critical job!

A godly wife will continue doing what she knows God wants her to do regardless of her husband’s response or lack of response. (There are extreme situations – drug/alcohol abuse, infidelity, physical abuse – where doing what is best for him may involve removing herself and their children for a time – please seek godly help ASAP if there are serious issues like this in your marriage!).

In the power of God’s Spirit, she is patient.  She is untiring.  She takes slow, thoughtful, careful, deliberate steps.  Nothing – including her husband – can deter her or cause her to alter her course.  She knows what her roles are, where her power is and exactly how to do her job.  She does not need affirmation from her man.  While affirmation from her husband would be great, she is seeking affirmation primarily from God.  If there are setbacks, she abides in Christ and continues to have total faith in God and to stay on track, keeping the goal in her mind at all times.  She has unshakable faith that her partnership with God can bring the inner hero of her man to the surface, revealing a godly, Christlike, generous, selfless, faithful, wise, kind, loving, wonderful hero of a  husband – in God’s timing, by His power for His ultimate glory.

A HUSBAND’S COMMENTS

Powerfully true!! This can be taken a step further. It was Lois Lane who gave him the name Superman. It was the newspaper writings that influenced public opinion about Superman. In Superman Returns, Lois writes an article, “Why The World Doesn’t Need Superman.” A wife has the ability to influence public opinion about her husband.

I’m prayerfully waiting for my kryptonite to be removed.

THE VISION

A godly, wise woman understands masculinity, understands God’s heart for men and can see into the soul of her man.  She can see the hurt and pain that make him react in anger or make him close himself off to the world – she knows the subtle signs that he is feeling disrespected.  She sees the way he clenches his jaws if someone makes fun of him in front of others.  She notices the way he backs away emotionally when he is lectured, criticized or insulted.

She can identify the disrespect that is his kryptonite and tenderly, carefully remove each splinter of it from their relationship.  She knows his true identity and has a vision of his ultimate destiny!  She builds him up. 

She fuels and energizes him with her genuine respect and admiration.  She knows that when she removes all of the kryptonite that weakens him, showers him with her feminine faith and trust, and allows him to lead – he will be free to rise up and fly!  He’ll bring great glory to God and amaze the world for Christ! 

THE GLORY

One day, the wise wife will see the fruits of her labor.  For some, they see it in a few months, others in a few years, for others it takes decades.   Occasionally, she may not see the fruit of what she has done for God in her marriage until she enters the gates of heaven. But there is nothing more incredible than having a front row seat to watching God bring the hidden hero out of my husband and allowing Him to use me in part of the process.

How I pray that every wife will see the Superman in her husband and will take the time to learn how God allows wives to have unbelievable power in marriage to bring out the best in their husbands and trust God to work in her husband’s life.  Then she can have the blessing, privilege and joy of seeing her man soar on wings like eagles for the glory of God!  And he will be happy to take her in his arms and allow her to enjoy the spectacular view with him!

SHARE:

Ladies,

How have you seen your Clark Kent blossom into Superman as you have become more and more the godly wife God calls  you to be by His power?

Gentlemen,

I’d love to hear your perspective, insights, wisdom and thoughts about this post!

16 thoughts on “From Clark Kent to Superman – from the Archives

  1. Aww, Lovely post!!! Infact when I watched the movie I liked the last line of the movie… ” With more power comes more responsibilities” and I kept thinking about that line.. What a wonderful post… I seriously believe that as we empower our husbands with RESPECT through potent tools like radiant smile, your trust, your gentleness, loyalty, your delight, your joy and your adoring eyes, they become more and more RESPONSIBLE!!!

    I’ve been there using my tongue to make sure he changes but that never worked and I can so much relate to the destruction our words can have on our husbands…:( Im glad I’ve become better to bless my husband and walk in the will of God for me! I love the passage in James 3:1-12 regarding the tongue!!

    Loved the post!!

    1. Vinodhini,

      Yes! Most men respond to anyone’s respect and honor for them by being willing to serve and sacrifice themselves for that person and take on more responsibility. So many women think, “I’m giving up power in my marriage if I obey God.” NOPE!!!!! Well, we do give up our sinful power to destroy them. Yes, that is true. But then we have MORE power, godly power, to build up, bless, encourage, affirm and inspire our men – not to mention, God becomes our partner as we are willing to obey Him, so He pours all the riches of heaven into our souls and into our marriages to help us.

      We do not lose anything but toxic poison when we do things God’s way – and we gain EVERYTHING good!

      Much love!

  2. What a great post!! Our husbands need our support, to stand by their side, pray for them often, build them up and being careful not to tear them down. Goes along with believing the best in them and the superman they become.

  3. frakieandkelly, my husband will also “justify” his decisions when I am quiet. I find that interesting that yours does too. They just aren’t used to us not stepping in yet, I guess.

    For the past week, I knew there was a decision my husband would make yesterday. It was one where I would typically tell him what I thought, ask questions with the purpose of making sure he knew my opinion, etc. To me if he chose to do it, it was sin, but for him I knew it wasn’t really that way (based on our personal convictions).

    So in the week leading up to this, he would sometimes make a comment about it and I would say nothing. I really prayed about it alot. I asked God that he wouldn’t do it, but if he chose to that he’d help me handle it. This wasn’t a huge deal, but something I’ve made a huge deal about in the past.

    So last night he texts me and tells me he’s not doing this thing and tells me what he’s doing instead. How awesome! He might have chosen not to thinking I would have overreacted if he did, but who knows. Maybe God convicted him, but either way it was a really neat experience. I feel that if he had chosen to do it, God would have given me the strength to get through it with dignity.

    1. Greg used to try to justify his decisions to me a lot, too – especially at first. Sometimes, he still does. I just smile and remind him, “It’s ok. You can make whatever decision you believe is best. I trust you.”

      I do appreciate that our husbands want us to know that our opinions are important and want us to be able to understand their reasoning – that is so sweet!

      I love this story, Jeanne! God IS able to convict and lead our husbands. Every wife who begins this journey doubts that at first! But God is able to change our husbands’ hearts and minds and lead them without us trying to force them to do things our way.

      Thank you so much for sharing!!!! BEAUTIFUL!

  4. Kelly,

    I’m so excited that you trusted your husband to handle the situation with your son. WOOHOO!

    As we allow our husbands to be the fathers they believe God wants them to be and as we allow them to take charge and lead and we support their leadership, they grow in their abilities as leaders and grow in their faith and want to try to hear God’s voice more clearly.

    It is such a win/win!

    Thank you for sharing. This is BEAUTIFUL!!!!!!

  5. Hey April,

    God is the one who changes people…not a wife. I definitely agree with this saying. Yes, a wife can be there to support the man and look up to him and respect him for what she believes he can be but only god will make him that man when the time is right. I’m a firm believer in this. Yes, most of us have 2 personalities… the one everyone sees and the one we really are. I’m thankful to god and my wife for everything they do. Would I be the man I am today without my wife – NO. Would I be the man I am today without God – NO. As such, I do give credit to both of them. However, I changed and became a better man once God stepped in and intervened. My wife was not able to do it alone though she tried. LOL!

    1. Mikk,

      I completely and totally agree with you! I don’t ever intend to say a wife can change her husband. A wife can walk in God’s power and in obedience to Him and can bless and encourage her husband and make it easier for him to grow. But yes, only God can change people.

      Maybe I need to reword something?

      Thanks!

  6. I began reading your blog a month or so ago, after a painful betrayal that shook my faith to the core. I just want to say thank you for helping me through a very difficult time! I will continue reading 🙂 Blessings!

  7. Hello!

    I really appreciate this post!

    But how can you do this without expecting him to change?

    Isnt focusing on his potential an indirect way of expecting him to change for the better…?
    🙂

    1. heart,

      The goal is to seek to bless your husband without expecting him to change and to allow God to do any changing He wants to do in your husband’s life for His purposes and His glory. If you can see him with God’s eyes – and love him with God’s love – you can see the man he can be in Christ without resenting the man he is now and without demanding that he change before he is able and ready to change. You can accept him for who he is and treat him with honor for the man he is – but you can hold him loosely in your hands, allowing God to work in his life.

      Does that help? 🙂

My grandmother is on hospice and won't be with us much longer (11-30-16). I will get to comments when I am able to but I need to be with family right now. Thanks for understanding.

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