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Am I Really Justified?

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Well, my husband did X, so – it’s ok if I do Y.

Some fictional examples:

The temptation is always there – to focus on my husband’s sin (or just ways he is different from me) and what HE needs to change in my view. As long as that is my focus, my sinful, wicked and deceitful heart will have a field day. I can convince myself that any sin in my life is totally justifiable. This is the whole premise of that Carrie Underwood song where she sings about how she trashes her boyfriend’s truck because he cheated on her. It’s ok for me to destroy property and cause thousands of dollars of damage because he hurt me. I can take vengeance in my own hands. Never mind what God says about “Vengeance is mine” and “I will repay.” (Romans 12:9-21)

  • If my husband sins against me in some way, then it is totally fine for me to resent him, humiliate him in public, refuse to forgive him, hold on to bitterness, disrespect him, dishonor him, undermine him as a father in front of the children, be self-righteous, have tons of pride in my own heart, look down on him, try to control him and force him to submit to me, condemn him, commit adultery, scream at him, disobey God’s commands for me as a wife and believer in Christ, boss him around, threaten him, hit him, throw things at him and treat him however I want to. I’m sure God is totally fine with that, right?  I mean, HIS sin is obviously MUCH WORSE than my sin! My sin doesn’t really bother God. It’s only my husband’s sin that offends God, really.

YIKES!!!!!!!!  This is exactly the kind of reasoning I used to have to justify my sin and to be blind to my own sin. Oh it is so ugly to look at now!!!!!  How I cringed writing those examples!

The thing is – God doesn’t give us a”get out of sin free” card under any circumstances.

I AM WITHOUT EXCUSE BEFORE A HOLY AND RIGHTEOUS GOD

When I am sinned against, God does not excuse my sin. Jesus was sinned against – and He responded without sin. He wants us as His children to be so full of His Spirit that we always respond in the power of God in obedience to Him, too.  He commands us to be holy as He is holy. When I am sinned against, I am definitely most tempted to sin in return – Gary Thomas “Sacred Influence.” But God will judge me for my sin alone.  There will be no excuses for sin that will hold water in His holy presence. God hates sin. All sin. I may think “my sin is not as bad as my husband’s sin” or so-and-so’s sin, but –

God does not look at sin the way we do. He hates it all. It is ALL utterly repulsive and offensive to Him.

My sin is between me and God, primarily. My sin has nothing to do with what other people do to me. My sin is about my character, the power of God working in my life and my willingness to joyfully obey God and allow Him to fill me with His Spirit to give me the power to walk in obedience. PRAISE GOD there is forgiveness, mercy, grace, healing and cleansing in the blood of Jesus. We ALL desperately need Him!

Spoken by King David after God showed him his sin of murder and adultery:

For I know my transgressions,
and my sin is always before me.
Against You, You only, have I sinned
and done what is evil in Your sight;
so You are right in Your verdict
and justified when You judge.

Psalm 51:3-4

** If you are in actual danger, please find help and get somewhere safe!

So, even if my husband cusses me out, cheats on me, sins against, me, wrongs me, cheats me, says hateful things to me, ignores me, is unloving to me, is selfish, unkind, rude, mean, disrespectful, etc… God calls me:

  • not to “repay evil with evil” but to “overcome evil with good.” (Romans 12:9-21)
  • to forgive (For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, 15 but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses. Matthew 6:14-15)
  • to find the way out from temptation that God promises to provide for His children (I Corinthians 10:13)
  • to respond in the power of the Spirit of God with His supernatural love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness and self-control (Galatians 5:22-23)
  • to refuse to hold on to bitterness (Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice.  Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you. Ephesians 4:31-32)
  • to respond with the agape love of God (Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends. I Corinthians 13:4-8)
  • to love others sincerely and genuinely  (Having purified your souls by your obedience to the truth for a sincere brotherly love, love one another earnestly from a pure heart. I Peter 1:22)
  • to “endure hardships as discipline” (Hebrews 12)
  • to “Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.” Philippians 4:8
  • to love God with all my heart, mind, soul and strength and love all other people (including my husband and my enemies) with the love of God (Luke 10:26-28)
  • to not to hate my brother. (We love because he first loved us. Whoever claims to love God yet hates a brother or sister is a liar. For whoever does not love their brother and sister, whom they have seen, cannot love God, whom they have not seen. And he has given us this command: Anyone who loves God must also love their brother and sister. I John 4:19-21)
  • to not live in fear. (There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. I John 4:18)
  • to live in His peace. (You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in you. Isaiah 26:3)

I have no excuse before God. My life is to be free from sin. I cannot cling to pride, self-righteousness, gossip, hatred, resentment, bitterness, idolatry, unbelief, rebellion against God, worldliness, greed, materialism, lying, stealing, lust, adultery, murder, arguing, complaining, etc… All the sin has to go. Every trace of it. It grieves my Lord’s heart! How can I bear to cause Him pain? After He died to free me from the penalty of all my sin and wretchedness? How can I continue living in sin and not be greatly grieved myself?

My precious sisters, let’s repent of every sin, confessing them all to God, and find forgiveness, cleansing, wholeness and healing in Christ through His blood shed for us!!!! And let us live lives of obedience by the power of God flowing through us. May He continue to make us more and more like Jesus. May our lives bring great glory to His Name!

Let’s apply these commands of our Lord to how we treat our husbands!

27 “But to you who are listening I say: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, 28 bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. 29 If someone slaps you on one cheek, turn to them the other also. If someone takes your coat, do not withhold your shirt from them. 30 Give to everyone who asks you, and if anyone takes what belongs to you, do not demand it back. 31 Do to others as you would have them do to you.

32 “If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners love those who love them. 33 And if you do good to those who are good to you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners do that. 34 And if you lend to those from whom you expect repayment, what credit is that to you? Even sinners lend to sinners, expecting to be repaid in full. 35 But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be children of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. 36 Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful. 

Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven. 38 Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.” 39 He also told them this parable: “Can the blind lead the blind? Will they not both fall into a pit? 40 The student is not above the teacher, but everyone who is fully trained will be like their teacher. 41 “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?42 How can you say to your brother, ‘Brother, let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when you yourself fail to see the plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.

43 “No good tree bears bad fruit, nor does a bad tree bear good fruit. 44 Each tree is recognized by its own fruit. People do not pick figs from thornbushes, or grapes from briers. 45 A good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and an evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of.

46 “Why do you call me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ and do not do what I say? 47 As for everyone who comes to me and hears my words and puts them into practice, I will show you what they are like. 48 They are like a man building a house, who dug down deep and laid the foundation on rock. When a flood came, the torrent struck that house but could not shake it, because it was well built. 49 But the one who hears my words and does not put them into practice is like a man who built a house on the ground without a foundation. The moment the torrent struck that house, it collapsed and its destruction was complete.”

These are just a few of the commands God gives us as believers in Christ. May we walk in obedience to our Lord Jesus and may He empower us to be faithful to Him no matter what our circumstances or how others may sin against us.

SHARE:

You are welcome to share what you are learning, prayer requests, encouragement for other wives, questions and struggles. We are all in this together, my sweet sisters!

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Who Is Calling Us Out on Our Sin as Women?

Grace Filled Marriage by Dr. Timothy Keller

57 thoughts on “Am I Really Justified?

  1. Oh April. You did it again. Or maybe I should say the Holy Spirit did. Yes my husband is mean and unkind, unloving at times, controlling, demeaning….etc but the sin I have in my heart when I roll my eyes at him or curse him under my breath when he’s just treated me like dirt is sinful too.

    Oh how I want to be free from that! It’s so so so hard to love someone who you feel is unloving and untrustworthy and far from God…their sins just keep flashing left, right and centre…but when I look at it…my sins are too. They are more hidden and subtle but sin nonetheless.

    I’m going to write out those verses you put up and meditate on them.
    Thank you x

    1. Godlywifetobe,

      It is impossible to love our enemies in our own strength. Human love cannot do this. Human love can’t love when we are not loved. But – God’s love can.

      As you repent of any sin in your life, and begin to seek God with all your heart and begin to hear and obey His voice and allow Him to fill you – HE will give you this supernatural love and ability. It is ALL about Him.

      Much love to you! And a big hug!

        1. Godlywifetobe,

          That is a perfect place to start. Every wife is overwhelmed at the beginning of this journey and realizes, “I can’t do this!” If we are not in that place, we aren’t ready to trust God. We still think we can do this ourselves.

    2. Godly wife to be,

      You are in my prayers fellow sister on this journey and as you meditate on these truths you Will be free from this Jesus promised.

      John8:31-32
      If you continue to accept and obey my teaching you are really my followers you will know the truth and the truth will make you free.

    3. Kelly,

      I think we all tend to think God needs our help to “fix” our husbands! Thankfully, He does not!

      It amazes me that your husband would speak such truth to you. He really laid things out so clearly. I was left totally in the dark. Greg didn’t say anything. And I so did not understand what he was thinking or what was going on. Every assumption I made was completely wrong.

      Praise God for your husband who is willing to speak truth!!!!

  2. April!!!!!!!! I was just journaling about the way I used to think.this very thing, which lets me know this is what God is saying to me and all His people. That we at times don’t even see just how blind we are to sin and just how much we have let Satan’s lies and this world shape our thinking. Father please let us see our sinfulness in light of your great holiness, show us how you see our sin and let it lead us to a godly sorrow and true repentance. SHOW us LORD that the things we justify are wicked evil Rebellion and Defiance against you. LORD OPEN OUR EYES to see this is not about our husbands but we are ultimately sinning against you. YOU command us to love the way you love. Empower us to be selfless lovers of you and Others you Didn’t create us to be self focused that is straight up deception from the enemy. Deliver us LORD. Give us an experience like isaiah when he saw your glory and therefore saw how unclean he really was . Isaiah 6:5-6 in Jesus name!!! Amen

    1. Jessica,

      This is exactly my prayer! I was so blind to all of my sin for decades. HOW HOW HOW could I not have seen my own mountain of sin??? I praise God He opened my eyes to my sin and allowed me to repent and turn to Him. That is my prayer for every woman who reads my blog -for all of God’s women in all of His churches around the world and even for every woman (and man) on the planet.

      We are sinful and unclean – our own “righteousness” is like “filthy, bloody menstrual rags” Isaiah 64:6. We cannot really come to Him properly until we see exactly how unclean we are and exactly how holy He is. We can then be “poor in spirit” like Jesus says we must be in order to be blessed. As we see our sin, we can humble ourselves and we see exactly how much we owe Jesus and exactly how much sin debt He paid for with His blood.

      I used to think that I couldn’t love God a lot because “I didn’t have be be forgiven much.” YIKES! What pride and self righteousness!!! Turns out, I am the worst of sinners. I HAVE been forgiven much. Now that I realize how much I have been forgiven, I can love Him MUCH!

      Thank you for sharing! This is beautiful!

  3. 9 Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. 10 Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves. 11 Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. 12 Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. 13 Share with the Lord’s people who are in need. Practice hospitality.

    14 Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. 15 Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. 16 Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position.[c] Do not be conceited.

    17 Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. 18 If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. 19 Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,”[d] says the Lord. 20 On the contrary:

    “If your enemy is hungry, feed him;
    if he is thirsty, give him something to drink.
    In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.”[e]
    21 Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

    Romans 12:9-21

    These things apply to our enemies when we are believers – how much more should we overcome evil with good with our husbands!

    Much love,
    April

  4. I have found that when my husband is grumpy and unloving that if I just walk away and find something else to do, he will about half the time, come and apologize. I know I am giving the holy spirit a chance to convict him of his sin. If I fuss at him for being unloving, he will just get mad and will never apologize. He feels justified at that point for his actions because I reacted in kind.

    The problem is I still have a hard time doing this 100% of the time. Sometimes when I am hurt, I lash out.

    This is one of my goals this year along with not nagging about little things and not asking questions. Apparently this is a huge issue with my husband. He doesn’t like when I ask questions. It is really hard to have a conversation and he tells me about something at work and not ask a question to clarify or get more information.But, if I don’t ask a question and clarify and later it is brought up, he will get angry at me and say I told you about that. This is really something I need to pray daily about.

    1. Those are also my goals. My husband also hates when I ask questions. My fear always makes me think he’s hiding something and that’s why he hates questions but maybe that’s more normal than I thought. It must come across as disrespecting them.

      1. Jeanne,

        Most husbands, once the feel respected, don’t mind genuine and respectful questions. It is often the wording of the question or the attitude of distrust behind the question that is the issue.

        A lot of men don’t like being asked “why would you…?” “Why did you…” But if you say, “I think I am confused, would you please explain X to me a bit more?” That approach may work better. But we also need to check our motives. Are we asking because we rely need to know? Or are we trying to monitor and control our men? If our husbands sense we don’t trust them or think they can’t handle something on their own, that is going to come across disrespectfully. I hope that might help. 🙂

        1. April,
          Yes, that helps alot. I think alot of them come from my trying to monitor him (although I wouldn’t have wanted to admit that).

          1. Jeanne,

            It is tempting to want to mother and monitor our men. But, that is part of what we must let go as we let go of control. 🙂 I’m glad this was helpful.

    2. Kelly and DaisyMae,

      The post at the topi of my home page has a list of things husbands share that is disrespectful to them. There were several issues about their wives questioning them on that list. It doesn’t mean you can never ask anything, but there are some things and some ways of asking that can definitely smack of disrespect. 🙂

    3. Hey Daisy Mae,
      Its odd that you say that your husband doesn’t like when you ask questions, my husband doesn’t either. He hates it. When I talk to him, I always have some question in my mind pop up to ask him, I have been praying and praying asking God to remove all my question asking. Also my husband hates nagging as well.
      You said :But, if I don’t ask a question and clarify and later it is brought up, he will get angry at me and say I told you about that. This is really something I need to pray daily about.
      This is exactly what I go through too, Its like I have to let go of something that seems so hard to do, Its apart of dying to self. One way I have been disecting this is, not asking questions to be noisy, thinking simply, not ask questions I already know, have a conversation without questioning, and one thing he says is to use your mind and anaylze and think if there is a possible answer and figure it out myself. It annoys my hubby very much, its like I have to know what my hubby likes and dislikes in order to deal with right, actually this is true love, when I stop doing something that irritates or annoys him.
      My son who is 7 is a question asker like me, his whole conversation is question after question. My other kids are not like this, they may ask me a question that they really dont have an answer to in a way to learn. Now one thing my hubby doesn’t mind is when I ask him for wisdom, Godly wisdom, you know the scripture if you have questions ask your husband at home.

        1. Ok well I asked hubby about the question asking, he sid, a lot of times we just don’t want all these questions, when I’M already got a lot going on,deling with life, the questions are just adding to the stress. He also said, You need to be sensative to me, a lot of times I JUST DOMT WANNA HEAR THE QUESTIONS WHEN I already got a lot on my mind. Sory for the caps, my ipad drives me nuts sometimes. He also said, I don’t mind cause you need to ask somethings sometimes, especially Godly wisdom. So most of the time he said it sounds like nagging when he has a lot on his plate already, so I’M just need to be sensative and see through things.:-)

          1. Hi Sharon,
            That makes a lot of sence to me what your husband said. I can relate a bit. When my kids were younger and I worked part time and volunteered at their school, I was mentally exhausted and my brain needed to come home and just shut off awhile. But friends would call in the evening or my family asking me about stuff or needing stuff and I started shutting off the ringer after dinner just so my mind could have peace from having to think. Your husband may be feeling overwhelmed by responsibilities. My husband likes when I put a dishpan ( $1 at the dollar store) next to the couch where hes trying to unwind and pour hot water in it for him to soak his piggies. He LOVES that. Hes just too tired to move some evenings and it melts the stress away somehow . Havent done that in a long time but will remember to do it this week. Gotta get an extra basin for myself too 🙂

          2. That is great idea for some relaxation, I will have to see if he likes that one day, I had a foot soaker, but It got old and dirty, I think I may get him a foot soaker for his Bday, which is in a couple days!!! Thx for the idea.

  5. I find it so amazing that the Lord had finally opened up my spiritual eyes when I repented for my sins in September 2013. That was when I submitted to God fully and submitted to Dong. I also sometimes ask myself, how come a woman like me who has given her life to Christ as a child be in so many bondages and oppressions, and be blind for so long??? I do remember repenting a lot to God too in the near and distant past and every now and then I do feel Christ’s peace, only for my sinful flesh to resurrect and be worrisome again and negative, etc. etc.

    But last year, when the Lord convicted me of my sins and I repented, it was as if I was really given a new me. Even my bondages no longer ensnare me. I have been really set free!!!! Praise God! I also rarely feel troubled or worried or sad anymore, to think that I used to be a worrywart, controlling, depressive person,even with the Holy Spirit already in my heart!

    I cannot explain it except to say that the Lord saw through my heart, that it was then real and humble… that I was already “poor in spirit” so He can fill me up with His Holy Spirit and change me from within. The old is no more, the new has come!

    Now that I am no longer blind, I view everyone with the fervent prayer and wish that people be able to “see” too, so that they can experience this peace and joy that I bask in daily! But, God does as He wills… Sometimes, maybe the person is not yet ready, or maybe the Lord is still allowing for “bad things” to happen so that He will be glorified further when His child comes around.. .I don’t know really. I am just surmising here.

    Though I wish at times that I was woken up earlier to save me from heartaches, I also cannot imagine being as “effective” or “empathic” with others if I did not undergo all those painful, crazy periods in my married life or even in my life as a whole. God’s Timing is perfect, so I just praise Him for calling me by name once more, and now I can shout to the world, that I am now truly His. 🙂

    Amen to the Goodness and Mercy of the Lord! You are such a GREAT God, o Lord. I am at Your Mercy. Please use me.

    Thanks for another enlightening post, April. You are really Spirit-filled and Spirit-driven. 🙂 I praise God when I think of you and your ministry. 🙂

    Love,

    NIkka

    1. Nikka,

      Yes, God can wake us up when He is ready. If I had not gone through the things I had, I couldn’t have this ministry today, that is for sure.

      It is only God who can open people’s spiritual eyes. That is for sure! And His wisdom and timing is best.

      I am so thankful for all He has demon and is doing and will do in you, Nikka!

  6. My husband works on his friends farm and always forgets to wash his hands. He comes in the house with nasty boots and makes a sandwich, slicing up a chicken I cooked with dirty hands. This always led to fights and my insulting him, treating him like a dumb child. Yesterday it happened and I did something else. I put my slippers on, Im just not going to walk barefoot in the house anymore because its not sanitary. His boots plus we have 3 dogs, so I really shouldn’t walk barefoot anyhow, its not just his boots I realized. So no conflict there anymore. He proceeded to make a sandwich and I noticed he didn’t wash his hands. Felt the anger in me, doesn’t he care about my health!! I stopped myself and asked ,did your parents expect you to wash up before meals? He said no never. They lived on a farm and nobody ever got sick. I complained a little then stopped myself again.Later I told him I would Like to have my own small fridge for my food since we don’t eat the same things anyhow it would give me more room for the special foods I buy and it would also end this constant conflict between us about my need for sanitation with food .He said just take the bottom shelf of the fridge for yourself and well see if it gives you enough room. Great!I said good idea and the tension melted between us. God has been showing me to quit bringing my emotions into every encounter with my husband and to focus on harmony and problem solving for the marriage. Not focus on changing his behaviors. People resist you when you try to change them or nag at their personalities. Phew. Its a lot of work to control myself, stop my emotions and think to problem solve whats bothering me but when I do it my husband helps think of a solution for us. I must not know at all how to love someone. Only attack and try to control. I don’t like it.

    1. Marie,
      I am glad you were able to compromise instead of trying to control your husband. I understand your desire for sanitation!!!!! But I am glad you didn’t let that issue become more important than your husband and marriage. Great job asking about when he was growing up. Now you can understand his perspective a bit more instead of assuming evil motives. 🙂 great job!

      1. How did I become so condemning to the man I married yet I have always been kind and respectful to my clients in the nurseing home. The answer is….Im trying to be headship of my home and family. I have emasculated him (correct word??) and he resists me and is stoic now. I am continually understanding and seeing the importance of respecting my husband and being loving to him. He does so many wonderful things for me and our family. Ive been so blind and my eyes are still opening. Thank God he does this slowly and with much mercy and compassion for me. How I long for a heart like Jesus.

        1. Marie,

          With your deepest desire to be like Jesus, God will surely continue to work and answer your longing! I am so excited that you can see what is happening now. I can remember just 5 months ago or so, you were in a very different place. I praise God for what He is doing in your heart!!!!!!!

      2. Hey Marie, I always refer to the scripture when Jesus was referring to the Pharasees about unwashed hands. That scripture give me peace, b/c we can be so focused on ome thing that we miss the big picture. I know many wives want their husbands to do things “their way” but they may resist, so let it be, what’s important to us is not always important to them, my husband puts shoes on our bed, dirty golf balls were on the bed the other day-I didn’t say nothing, yea I was a little like why did he do this but just simply put them on the floor. If IT ever feel the urge to make a big deal out of anythig my husband ever does I know that’s the old controllimg, self righteus demon trying to come back.

        1. Sharon,
          Interesting you brought up the Pharisees and unwashed hands. Today I was listening to our Christian station,104.9 fm. It was about a little girl afraid to go to church because her clothes were dirty and she was poor, the ladies in church were nicely dressed. The pastor told the little girl she could sit someplace private so nobody would see her and cause her to feel embarrassed. After the service he explained to her that all these nicely dressed people were here because they have filthy souls and knew they needed to be cleansed by Gods word. When he said that its like God spoke to my heart and gently said, Your pretty clothes don’t conceal your filthy soul. I pride myself on dressing well. I want my husband to be neat and clean too and my home as well. But Im sinning against God in my neat and clean clothes because Im disrespecting my husband and belittling him. I feel I am in time out in my room in my prayer corner more than Im out of it these last few months since finding this blog. I trust that one day my submission to God in my behavior will pay off and some of that yucky flesh will die 🙂 Everyone and everything in life is an opportunity to die to self and learn to love. Im not becoming a doormat at all. Just more respectful,loving,considerate and humble. That’s whats pretty to God.

          1. Have you done the Respect Dare search these topics from the Dare:
            A sink full of dishes
            Expectations
            and
            Toilet seat

          2. Sharon,

            Hmmmm…

            I am trying to decide if you are talking about when Greg left some dishes in the sink and I went off on him about it years ago or if it is the post from a wife who was washing dirty dishes and god began to talk to her about her attitude?

          3. Sharon,

            Awww! Thanks for the links!

            My computer automatically highlights links in blue and does the emotocon thing for the smiley face when I do a colon and parenthesis. 🙂

          4. “Your pretty clothes don’t conceal your filthy soul. I pride myself on dressing well. I want my husband to be neat and clean too and my home as well”

            Marie…. thank you for sharing that. What a powerful way to strip down all of our outer trappings we get caught up in.

            Like you, I try my best to be dressed well, hair done, makeup done…. am very particular about standards of cleanliness in our home. Neatness is a battle we have waged in our home, too.

            What a beautiful reminder that no matter how pretty I try to look on the outside, God sees every bit of ugliness within.

            God looks on the heart. I needed that reminder- thank you.

  7. Kelly,

    Yep. We naturally know how to hate and not get along. Learning to love with God ‘s love takes time, practice, much prayer and the power of God’s Spirit working in us to make us more and more like Christ.

    Thanks for sharing, Kelly! I appreciate the encouragement you are giving to our sisters!

  8. Peacefulwife’s!!

    Its is a amazing community here, and nice to see almost all of us yearning for one thing that is Christ!!

    April,

    You know my story, I have hurt my husband so much with disrespect and I have sinned against him with my pride, self righteousness, idolatry, and what not..

    Its been more than year God has been speaking to me, but my flesh was not silenced completely… Only since I met you in Jan 2014, I’m having so much PEACE!I’ve come far, but there is still so much more…

    I’m someone who doesn’t listen to secular music and I’m very concerned about what I’m listening to. Many many years back, God had convicted me not listening to secular music and I had never turned back. In June 2013, my husband put this song of Enrique as his ringtone, and the song was “Addiction” and every time his phone rings I would get annoyed and I had a huge fight way back last year which turned to be very severe… The song talks about being a liar, and being addicted which is so sinful, and I hate listening to such things and my reaction to his act of playing that song was sinful as well, full of anger and irritation, self righteousness and disrespect

    However, he continues to have that song till today. And in the mornings, I prefer listening to hymns or casting crowns or Don moen and today he was playing Enrique’s songs while was cooking, and I can’t believe how much God has changed me.

    I remember April’s post about NOT BEING THE HOLY SPIRIT…. Unless God convicts my husband, it is not point telling him he’s wrong… I’ve realized that I cannot change him, and I myself am so sinful and how can I point at his speck when I have a plank in my eye. He’s a amazing musician it could be possible that he’s just enjoying the music and not the lyrics, however I just prayed for my husband and continued doing what I should be doing…

    And we had a PEACEFUL morning! All Praise to God!

    1. Vinodhini,

      PRAISE GOD!!!!!! I am so excited about what God is doing in your heart. Having a big fight with him will not make him fall on his knees in repentance. But treating him with honor and respect and allowing God’s Spirit to do the convicting will leave room for him to hear God’s voice.

      That is wonderful!!!!!!!

      Thank you so much for sharing, my precious sister!

      Isn’t this the most amazing place ever, so many women seeking Christ and desiring to become set apart for God! I love it!

  9. I’m so loving this community God has graciously showed me! I’ve endlessly tried so many self improvement methods and I’ve failed miserably before… And I’m thirsting for more of HIM… I want to be in a place, where there’s nothing left in me except the sweet aroma of Christ!! It’s just beautiful… and I love it too….

    I’m very much hopeful, that God has bigger plans for my husband and me. And I’m ashamed I was the one in the way hindering God from working in him… He’s actually an amazing person and with a greater burden for lost souls… Just that he needs to hear from God and not from his wisdom!!

    Love you April for doing this ministry do beautifully!!

    1. Vinodhini,
      I am so glad to have found this community too! I also had tried to change so many times, and failed each time. This is the first time I’ve truly turned to Christ to work in me and I can feel the difference. I was so frustrated before not understanding why I failed each time. I was trying to do it on my own and without acknowledging my sin. Its so encouraging to see others that are going through this too.

    2. Vinodhini,
      Thank you for sharing! It is very shocking to realize just how much we can get in God’s way! I know it was for me. But I love the spirit you have now, the attitude, the humility, the hunger for God. You are in the exact right place for Him to work in your heart! I praise God for what He is doing and will do in you and your husband and family!

  10. Jeanne,

    Its really amazing how God is using internet to connect His people, I think we are an exact representation of church (a virtual one of course)… Soooo excited to be bride!!!

    April,

    Its absolutely shocking to see how sinful I have been, it was so humiliating to see how arrogant, rebellious and disobedient I have been… Infact I was just like a white washed tomb….I was just like the pharisees, always claiming to be around Jesus but not understanding his Power! God in all his grace and mercy, showed me this blog which opened by blind eyes, I saw my dirty self, I saw my insignificance and I saw how much I needed Christ in my life!!

    Last night I hit the bed by 10:00 PM, however I couldn’t sleep till 11:30… I’m not sure if it was the Holy Spirit which was doing this, I was in tears and unbearable pain looking at how my parents are full of hurts, and deep scars… My mom is full of resentment, anger because of unmet expectations and my dad is into his shell because of all the disrespect caused by my mom and his children (I’ve been such a horrible daughter, so disrespectful and rebellious) I was pleading with God last night to graciously help them seek him and find PEACE!!!

    Infact, my parents are staying together yet hurting themselves so much.. My in laws on the other hand have been separated for more than 15 years and they are living lonely lives… I was asking God to have mercy on them… I’m so full of joy, peace and love that it cannot be contained, I just don’t want to enjoy it alone…… Its hard to see my own parents and in laws struggling when the answer is just in JESUS CHRIST… They just can’t see that the thief comes only to steal kill and destroy!!!

    April, I’m so burdened now, I’ve never been in this place before…!!!

    1. Vinodhini,

      Once you experience the peace and joy of Christ, you CANNOT keep it to yourself! I know I can’t! I want everyone on the planet to experience Jesus!

      I’m so glad you are praying for your parents and in-laws and grieved over their pain. God is able to open their eyes. He may use this transformation in you and your story to reach them in part. But then only He can truly show them Himself and bring them to repentance and conviction.

      We will pray together for Him to open their eyes and bring them to the abundant Life He has prepared for them!!!

      Much love!

  11. It feels invigorating to all come together regardless of denomination or religion (I am Catholic.) and just all talk about our love for Christ. 🙂 Stripped of our “religious labels”, we are Christ’s One Church. We are all His followers.

    Thanks April for setting the tone in your Peacefulwife haven. It’s so easy to fall into the trap of “elitist Christian” and count all others as second-class. But it’s because of your humility that I myself started reading the Bible even more. I don’t feel judged here and I know the other ladies feel that too. 🙂

    God bless all of you peaceful wives here from all across the globe. 🙂

    Love,

    NIkka

    1. Nikka,

      I LOVE LOVE LOVE the unity, love, encouragement, respect, friendship, prayer and support here. Such a taste of heaven. 🙂 I, too, love that there are no labels here. Jesus wants His church to be united in One Spirit. All these divisions are not from Him, that’s for sure!

      Much love, my sweet friend!

My grandmother is on hospice and won't be with us much longer (11-30-16). I will get to comments when I am able to but I need to be with family right now. Thanks for understanding.

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