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Missing Each Other’s Signals


Sometimes, a wife may feel rejected by her husband sexually, when in reality, her husband just didn’t pick up on her signals and had no idea she even felt rejected, or that she was trying to initiate intimacy.  This can also happen in reverse, as well.

Maybe, it could be a wise idea to have a pleasant, respectful, polite talk together (during a non-stressful time) about signals.

  • What are your signals that you give to me that you are interested in physical intimacy?  (then listen to him very carefully – maybe take notes!)
  • Here are my signals that I try to use to tell you that I am interested in physical intimacy with you.

Were there some signals that either of you were missing?

Sometimes, a wife’s signals are too subtle.  But, there can also be the opposite problem, that if a wife comes on too strongly, for some husbands, that can be a turn off.  This will require us to each learn our own husbands and learn what they prefer. There isn’t a one-size-fits-all.  That’s ok!

I kind of like the idea of agreeing on a signal together (or several signals), and then each spouse will (hopefully) know what the other intends.

One couple I read about used a nightlight.  If one of them turned on the nightlight, it meant that he/she was interested in physical intimacy that evening.

Some ideas of signals that might be helpful to agree upon ahead of time:

  • “Let’s take a bath together tonight”
  • wearing certain clothing/lingerie
  • lighting a candle in the bedroom
  • “Let’s give each other massages tonight”
  • a certain touch
  • a specific phrase
  • flirting earlier in the day about what to do later that evening
  • for some couples, just coming out and saying, “I want to make love tonight,” works well

Some husbands do better with non-verbal signals.

Some husbands prefer to initiate intimacy.

Some husbands prefer for their wives to initiate intimacy – at least some of the time.

This is an area where signals and wires can easily get crossed – which leads to great frustration, resentment and feelings of rejection that are unnecessary and painful.  I pray that we might be able to talk with our husbands about this issue and straighten out the communication so we are on the same page with them from this point forward. 🙂

6 thoughts on “Missing Each Other’s Signals

  1. This is a good subject to address,but I’m wondering what’s wrong with “I’d like to make love tonight”. It’s difficult to mess that up. Sex is a gift from God for married people and a tool to bring unity to a marriage. I think we need to start making it the priority that it is. We need to be open about our sexual needs and desires and stop treating it like a dirty little secret that nobody wants to talk about.

    Getting over that messed up thinking has been such a blessing in my marriage and I know that has been the case for lots of other women as well.

    I know for many women it’s a struggle to overcome that bad thinking. I certainly had my struggles. I found a lot of help at She understands our struggles and has helpful advice that isn’t condemning or overwhelming.

  2. Ha! You gave me a chuckle today! We tried the nightlight thing many years ago for awhile. Took us awhile to figure out one of the boys was pulling it out & taking it off somewhere. We kept wondering why the other wasn’t getting the message!

    Great point, Trixie! Can’t wait to check out that site 🙂

  3. I can so relate to this. I was getting angry at my husband because he was missing my signals…flirting, and suggestive talk. When I did talk to him about it, he looked at me dumbfounded and said if you want to make love you have to say that because I had no idea that is what you wanted. lol So much for seducing!

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