Missing Each Other’s Signals


Sometimes, a wife may feel rejected by her husband sexually, when in reality, her husband just didn’t pick up on her signals and had no idea she even felt rejected, or that she was trying to initiate intimacy.  This can also happen in reverse, as well.

Maybe, it could be a wise idea to have a pleasant, respectful, polite talk together (during a non-stressful time) about signals.

  • What are your signals that you give to me that you are interested in physical intimacy?  (then listen to him very carefully – maybe take notes!)
  • Here are my signals that I try to use to tell you that I am interested in physical intimacy with you.

Were there some signals that either of you were missing?

Sometimes, a wife’s signals are too subtle.  But, there can also be the opposite problem, that if a wife comes on too strongly, for some husbands, that can be a turn off.  This will require us to each learn our own husbands and learn what they prefer. There isn’t a one-size-fits-all.  That’s ok!

I kind of like the idea of agreeing on a signal together (or several signals), and then each spouse will (hopefully) know what the other intends.

One couple I read about used a nightlight.  If one of them turned on the nightlight, it meant that he/she was interested in physical intimacy that evening.

Some ideas of signals that might be helpful to agree upon ahead of time:

  • “Let’s take a bath together tonight”
  • wearing certain clothing/lingerie
  • lighting a candle in the bedroom
  • “Let’s give each other massages tonight”
  • a certain touch
  • a specific phrase
  • flirting earlier in the day about what to do later that evening
  • for some couples, just coming out and saying, “I want to make love tonight,” works well

Some husbands do better with non-verbal signals.

Some husbands prefer to initiate intimacy.

Some husbands prefer for their wives to initiate intimacy – at least some of the time.

This is an area where signals and wires can easily get crossed – which leads to great frustration, resentment and feelings of rejection that are unnecessary and painful.  I pray that we might be able to talk with our husbands about this issue and straighten out the communication so we are on the same page with them from this point forward. 🙂