What is Attractive/Unattractive to Our Husbands?

April Cassidy standing in front of a creek with a white bridge and azaleas blooming in the background

Greg and April at Magnolia Plantation, Charleston, SC – April 2013

(I write primarily for wives who tend to be more Type A and controlling – if you are the opposite of that, this blog may not be a good fit for you. If you are experiencing abuse in your marriage, please do not read my blog but seek godly, wise, biblical counsel ASAP! Please be safe!)

These are generalities.  They may not all apply to all men. What is most important is what is attractive to your particular husband!

Be sure that YOU are focusing on becoming the woman God desires you to be!

Some of these things  about being attractive to our husbands are things that wives can work on and change in themselves or things that God can change in us.  Some of these things are not things we can change as easily. Some things we cannot change at all.

More than our trying to please our husbands or change “for them” – my prayer is that we will seek to please and honor Christ with our faith in Him, our abiding in Him, our obedience to Him, our being full of His Spirit and in the way we celebrate the gift of femininity He has given to us so generously.

This is my understanding  – it is all open to discussion.  Gentlemen, you are welcome to weigh in with your thoughts on this issue. I want to be sure I represent my brothers accurately. (these lists are not in any particular order of importance):



  • an unfeminine appearance or more masculine appearance
  • an argumentative, contentious spirit
  • a wife who says she is close to Christ, but whose life does not match her claim – who doesn’t have the fruit of God’s Spirit in her life
  • an uncontrollable tongue
  • insistence on pursuing her own “happiness” at his expense
  • an uncontrollable temper
  • masculine-looking clothing
  • no care or thought being given to her physical appearance
  • the expectation that he is there to serve her
  • a very loud or overbearing personality
  • a take-charge/domineering/bossy approach
  • a spirit that tries to control or change him or dictate to him what he “should” do
  • a total lack of ability to think for herself and a lack of her own opinions, beliefs, convictions and ideas
  • immodest dress in public (a wife who is trying to get other men to lust after her)
  • flirting with other men
  • PRIDE or arrogance
  • selfishness
  • an independent spirit that pushes the idea, “I don’t need you!”
  • specific ungodly mindsets from feminism
  • a desire to pressure, nag, push and force him into deeper commitment
  • lack of manners or rudeness
  • disrespect
  • a sense that he is her “project”
  • a trust in SELF instead of in God
  • idolatry of self, being in control, her husband, marriage, children, looks, weight, food, money or anything else!
  • coldness
  • vanity
  • insecurity about appearance or feeling loved
  • manipulation
  • demands
  • wide emotional swings (emotional lability)
  • mind-games
  • deception
  • materialism
  • a sense of entitlement
  • greed
  • brutal “honesty”
  • selfishness
  • self-righteousness – looking down on others
  • a critical/judgmental spirit
  • gossip
  • withholding sex
  • a belief that she should be his “Holy Spirit”
  • disloyalty
  • overuse of makeup/jewelry
  • extreme hairstyles
  • a promiscuous lifestyle and attitude


  • a lot of genuine smiling
  • classy, feminine clothing (skirts, dresses, flowing fabrics, etc)
  • meekness (“bridled strength” or strength under control)
  • self-control
  • authentic friendliness
  • affection
  • appreciation and a thankful heart
  • a pleasant/friendly facial expression and tone of voice
  • long hair (for a lot of men) – if possible, wear your hair the way he likes it when you can, just to bless him
  • receptiveness to his advances
  • receptiveness to his ideas
  • joyful desire for him during sex
  • honesty and truthfulness in a spirit of love
  • a desire to be his helpmeet and to bless and serve him
  • a cooperative spirit
  • admiration/respect
  • modest clothing in public
  • joy in being available to him sexually and in allowing him to cherish and treasure her body in the privacy of the marriage bed
  • youthfulness/a feminine figure/physical beauty (making the most of our appearance in a healthy, confident, godly way)
  • chastity
  • a willingness to be on his team
  • the ability to be “dependent” on him in a feminine, godly,  healthy way
  • humility
  • understanding that he has feelings and emotions and sensitivity to seek only to bless and not to wound him
  • a peaceful spirit from God
  • graciously receiving his compliments and gifts without arguing
  • kindness
  • general physical fitness (to a healthy, not obsessive degree)
  • good posture
  • a willingness to follow his leadership  (if your husband is demanding that you submit to him or “obey” him or is trying to coerce you into sin – that is not good!  Seek godly counsel ASAP!)
  • gentleness – in speech and in demeanor and in words and attitude
  • patience – in all things, including in waiting for him to commit or to propose
  • a friendly and curious desire to understand his heart, his perspective and his world
  • an interest in what is important to him
  • a willingness to encourage him to dream and pursue what God desires him to do
  • acceptance of him for who he is
  • loyalty – protecting him, not bashing him/criticizing him/disrespecting him to others (if you are in danger, then you do need to seek help, please!)
  • a strong belief and conviction that divorce will not be an option once she is married
  • a nurturing spirit
  • tasteful makeup (some men even prefer very little make up or none)
  • a purposeful rejection of worldly wisdom and the world’s ungodly ideas
  • compassion
  • the love of God in her heart
  • a deep desire to know God more, to find contentment in Him alone and to seek to joyfully live in total obedience to Him