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Learning to Follow


From a precious sister in Christ – Fallenshort – her response to the post “My Husband Won’t Lead in Our Marriage – Part 3”

Yahweh is soooo impressing this issue upon me lately!!! For me, it is one of the biggest ways I have been disrespectful. Just going along at my own speed and not his speed. . .I know that has been so stressful for him :(

Yesterday I was on the respect dare 35  that speaks about making him feel important. I realized how unimportant I have unintentionally made him feel. I wept so hard to think THAT is what i’ve been communicating all of these years!! UGH!

Today we had an early appointment and we needed to drive separately. We’ve both been to where we were going many times, so normally I wouldn’t have thought twice about who led the way. This is not something we’ve ever discussed or pondered over in our family. As we left the house I felt a strange nudge to back up and let him pull out in front of me. No big deal, so I did. . . But as we were pulling away I felt this strange sense of accomplishment! And I clearly heard the Lord speak to my spirit and say “YES!! THAT’S IT!! GOOD GIRL!!! LET HIM LEAD!!!”.

I said nothing, but a few minutes later my teenage son said, “Ugh! Why did you let dad lead? He always drives so much slower!”. I thought it very strange that he would say anything about that. But before I could even process his question, I said to him, “Dad knows exactly how fast to lead our family. Dad is patient and careful. If we were to push him faster that would be reckless. For many years I have done just that and I know from experience that it would be better for all of us if we follow dad’s lead.”. And I know the words did not come from me.

I drove down the road with a heart full of praise for the One who knows me and meets me exactly where I am in the middle of all the small stuff! And it was so strange when we got there, I am convinced that my husband, who witnessed none of this, was standing a little taller today. . .




What an incredible opportunity to communicate truth and repentance to your son.

This brought tears to my eyes!

It’s so funny that you mention this. I used to always just take the lead myself if Greg and I drove separately, too. But since I have been working on respecting his leadership, I also back up and allow him to lead, and I follow him instead of going my own way.  I also allow him to lead when we are walking in a store or a park or somewhere.  And, I encourage the children to follow BEHIND him, not to run ahead.

This is BEAUTIFUL!!!!!!!!!

19 thoughts on “Learning to Follow

  1. This is lovely. 🙂 I too am married to a man who is by my standards, slow, compared to hyper me. Because of the new spirit the Lord has given me, I am now more able to just be still and wait for him as he leads me. It always is a temptation to just go ahead because I am quick on my toes and am really more driven. But it is only by standing behind him that I am able to empower his leadership. I consider this whole season of my life, a “leadership seminar.” I have to constantly remind myself that I am not the participant, but the encourager. 🙂

    1. Yes! Sounds like we are a bit alike! As I look back at my conversation with my son, I know exactly where those opinions about his dad’s leadership came from. . .and I’m crying all over again 🙂 Praise the Lord for redeeming us from this ugliness and giving us the good sense to pay attention NOW before this goes on any longer!

  2. As a divorced Christian who has re-entered the dating world, I am navigating the roads of being led by a Godly man. What a great article to remind me that HIS (God’s) pace is best, and that I should respect the man’s pace as he leads me.

    1. Thank you for the encouragement. I have a strict “believers only” policy when it comes to my heart. Christ at the center of relationship is my goal.

  3. April – You never could have known this, but that is an EXACT picture of the van (the interior even looks the same) that I was driving during this story!! AMAZING!!

      1. That is so awesome! I love how our Lord connects us all on so many levels. Showing us how we have so much in common even in the small things we would never think to discuss 🙂

        Yesterday, I was reading your post about having a desire to serve in a missionary field and then the followup of ALL those people in ALL those countries (!) who are blessed by your blog! I was in tears, thanking the Lord for blessing you this way – NOT in the way we generally think of missionary work. He knows my heart and I have had the very same dream since I was young. I told Him yesterday in prayer that, although my husband does not share my dream, I see now , through your blessing, how that dream could come true in an unconventional way I would never even think of. I promised the Lord I would trust him on this issue and not mention it again, (similar to what I’m learning to do with my husband).

        This morning I woke up to my story, on your blog, reaching those same people. . . . .Yahweh’s timing is perfect. I know he orders my steps (and yours :)) Thank you, April, for sharing your blessing with me 🙂

  4. Great example! It is the little things. Yesterday, we went shopping. I normally hop in the driver’s seat because I am waiting on everyone else to get to the car. But, this time I got in the passenger seat and patiently waited for my husband to drive and lead.

    1. daisymae,

      Despite my own obvious issues, I have always found it very strange to see a woman driving a vehicle with her husband in the passenger seat. Guess somewhere in my spirit I’ve been sensitive to submission all along! I’m proud of you for honoring him in this little way.

      Luke 16:10 – “Whoever can be trusted with very little can be trusted with much”

      I agree with you, it IS the little things. That’s what we fill our days with and our Lord is definitely in them 🙂 Hugs to you, my friend.

  5. Wow, I really needed to read this. Thank you for the reminder that letting our husbands lead in what might appear to be something small can translate into something so big. For health reasons, I have been the driver of our one-car family for the last five years. It was so easy to slip into the role of feeling like I was in charge because I was behimd the wheel. Yikes! I recently felt led to staet asking my husband if I could uae the car to run errands (or whatever). Not every time, but fairly consistently. I think that is God’s leading to demonstrate to my husband that he is the leader. You have encouraged me to look for more ways to let him lead!

    1. Sally, I love your idea of looking for diffrent ways to let him lead! That’s the way to eagerly serve your man!

      1. Thanks, fallenshort! I’ve generally looked for something grand or big to demonstrate my submission (now I’m realizing that is still trying to control him) but I’m finding that the less visible often mean the most to him.

        1. Sally,
          YEP!! It often is just such a small thing we can do that really impacts our husbands’ masculine hearts. Isn’t it awesome to know how to bless our men and how to reach their hearts!?!?!

          1. So true. I’m crying as I write this because I have wasted so many years & have caused so much pain. But the baby steps I am taking are making an impact. Sometimes it’s hard to see where it is all leading as the depth of the pain I have caused is tremendous. But, I am forgiven, God is amazing, & each day is a new opportunity to bless my husband!

            1. I so feel ya, sister 🙁 All we can do is move forward and make tomorrow different. . .changing the world one heart at a time 🙂

              1. Yep – And praise God I have the motivation of doing something different so my daughter doesn’t repeat my mistakes. 🙂

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