“I’m Tired of Being the Leader in Our Marriage”

From a dear wife, with her permission:

I had to email you personally and tell you how grateful I am for your insight.  I came across your article, “I Want to Follow my Husband.  What if He Doesn’t Lead? How Can I Inspire His Leadership?” (From PW – this is basically the same post that I have posted the past 3 days – “My Husband Won’t Lead in Our Marriage” part 1, part 2 and part 3), and I believe it was sent to me by God, Himself.  I was looking for answers as to why my husband is the way he is.

I was shocked to see that it’s me that needs to change. 
I have a very dominant  personality.  I always feel like I have to be the one to take care of everything or it either won’t get done or will be done the wrong way.  I was taking care of every aspect of our families life even down to the finances and scheduling my husband’s Drs appointments.

We have only been married for 4 1/2 years and I have been so unhappy, unforgiving, and full of resentment toward my husband.  I hated the fact that he was so passive, indecisive, and  immature in regards to his responsibilities and our family.  I started feeling like I had to be the husband to myself.

Through your words I now see how prideful and controlling I was.
  • He’s a good man.  He’s faithful, he’s a wonderful provider, he’s patient, and calm.
He is a lot more than I’ve ever given him credit for.
  • I’ve always had a problem with letting go of control out of fear that something will happen or things wont go well.  At the same time I have craved peace.  A peace that comes from total submission to God and to my husband; the ability to trust someone with my life and it’s well being.

As I went through the list of critical truths, I found myself guilty of thinking, speaking or feeling 99% of the things listed.  Before reading the list I had started to contemplate divorce.  I believed that I simply could not be with my husband anymore.  How deceptive Satan can be when you close yourself from the truth.  After reading the list I felt embarrassed, broken, angry, ashamed, and a call to repentance.

I realized that my attitudes, tones, sarcasm, and personal attacks were not changing my husband. For some crazy reason I thought that it would.  I now see and understand my role and purpose as a wife.  I now understand that it’s ok to give up control and let him lead even if it seems like he’s leading nowhere.  I know my place now. I know which road I should be on.

From the bottom of my heart I thank you.  It was a tough pill to swallow but it was deeply needed.


A Husband Answers – “Why Won’t My Husband Lead?”

Empowering My Husband’s Spiritual Leadership about Church Stuff

Ways Husbands Lead That Wives Don’t Always Notice