Make every effort to live in peace with all men and to be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord. Hebrews 12:14
My timetable and my husband’s timetable are two entirely different things. (Kind of reminds me of how my timetable and God’s timetable are often worlds apart. I don’t think that is a coincidence. I think God gives husbands that longer timetable for wives to learn to wait patiently on God and on their husbands.)
One of the things I used to do that really screamed disrespect to my husband was –
I would ask him to do something. But then I would get impatient and go do it myself.
I have to admit, I still struggle with this one at times. Especially if I have finished doing whatever it is I was busy doing, and he hasn’t done the thing I asked him to do yet.
BUT – it is still better for me to wait and let my husband do things in his time than for me to jump in and rescue him and do it myself. If I asked him to do something, and he said he would do it – I need to wait and let him handle it.
It is easy to go from being a helpmeet and helper to our husbands – to rescuer and controller.
It is easy for an assertive, formerly dominant, formerly controlling wife to think things like:
- But if I don’t go wake up the kids now, if I wait on my husband to do it at this point, they are going to be late.
- I know I gave him the finances, but if I don’t pay the water bill, the water is going to be shut off and we will have to pay a fee to get the water turned on again.
- if I don’t rescue him when he is watching the baby for 2 hours, the baby won’t be fed properly and her diaper won’t be changed on time and she will probably get diaper rash!
CONSEQUENCES ARE A POWERFUL TEACHER
- Maybe the kids get up too late to get ready for school and my husband has to sign the children in at school tardy.
- Maybe seeing the family go without water for a few hours or a day and having to pay a fee will help my husband be more responsible with the bill paying. (My husband never had to have consequences that severe to figure things out – but for some husbands, these kinds of consequences are what it takes for them to learn to be responsible.)
- Maybe getting some experience with the baby without my constant instructions will help my husband learn to be a better Daddy and he will figure things out. He is a pretty smart guy!
Nina Roesner says (in The Respect Dare), “One of the results of Adam’s sin in the garden is that men need to learn to take initiative from other men or from God. Sometimes consequences are the only thing that can teach them.” “We all have areas in our life where we are slow learners.”
Sometimes we as women are the same way! We ignore our health, our diet, our exercise, our sleep – and then we end up with health issues as consequences.
PART OF BEING A GODLY WIFE IS LEARNING TO “STAY OUT OF GOD’S WAY WHEN HE IS TEACHING YOUR HUSBAND!”
1. Do you tend to rescue other people? (I sure did!!!!!) How?
2. If you are rescuing your husband or children or others, how could you trust God more with them instead of trying to handle everything yourself?
3. Sometimes, a wife’s words or actions can get in the way of God working in a husband’s heart. Is that going on right now in your marriage?
4. How might God want you to stop trying to be the Holy Spirit and get out of His way in a situation?
MY HUSBAND SHARED SOMETHING POWERFUL WITH ME YEARS INTO MY RESPECT/BIBLICAL SUBMISSION JOURNEY:
- “April, when you stopped saying all the negative things, telling me what to do, criticizing me, lecturing me, etc… – it was like someone turned off some loud static on the speaker where I can hear God’s voice.”
- “When you began to say positive things about what I was doing right, and thanked me for what I did for you, and praised me for the things you genuinely respected about me – it was like someone added an amplifier to the speaker with God’s voice in my heart.”
What is God speaking to your heart today?
Are you guilty of rescuing your husband or older children instead of allowing God to teach them through natural consequences?