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The Respect Dare, Day 17 – Life-Giving Words

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Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.  Proverbs 16:24

We all need genuine affirmation and words of encouragement.

Nina Roesner shares a beautiful story in today’s dare about a wife who was going to The Daughters of Sarah classes that Nina Roesner leads.  This wife was thinking about not going that night because she felt like she hadn’t changed much in the five weeks since she had been in the class. She saw so much failure in herself.  Her husband encouraged her to go and very sweetly pointed out a LOT of ways that he had seen that she had changed already.

Wow.  That was a huge boost for this precious wife!

Don’t we all long for that kind of blessing from our husbands?  That they might notice all that we are doing to seek to be godly wives and praise and affirm our efforts?

  • Nina suggests asking your husband how you are doing as a wife.

I personally did not talk with my husband about what I was doing for many months.  He knew what books I was reading.  He saw me changing.  But I didn’t discuss it, I just prayed and prayed and studied and asked God to change me.

Keep in mind that it may take months before husbands notice the changes you are making – and some changes you make, he may not notice himself – but they are still important if you are seeking to align yourself with God’s Word and become a godly woman and wife God’s way. 🙂

A WORD OF CAUTION

I have walked with hundreds of wives through this process in the past year and a half or so – and, of course, I have been on this road myself.  Nina has walked with THOUSANDS of wives and has been on this journey much longer than I have – so I greatly respect everything she has to say.

But I know I personally messed up in this area = A LOT.  So I want to be sure you are very careful here if you ask for your husband’s evaluation of how you are doing so far.

When I had just read Love and Respect by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs – I started sending my husband LONG 2000-3000 word emails every day about all the things I admired and respected about him.  Then I would get REALLY, REALLY upset – to the point of being in tears – and feel unloved – when he didn’t send me an email back.

If you send a text/email/note about what you respect about your man, but you are in tears when he comes home and angry at him because he didn’t send you anything in return – the words of respect pretty much lose any significance.  Trust me!

  • Almost all of us want our husbands to notice every little change we make and make a big deal out of what an awesome job we are doing.
  • We want them to praise all of our efforts.
  • We want to know that we are getting an A on our “wife report card” now

Allowing God to completely renovate our souls and regenerate our hearts and minds, dying to self, being a living sacrifice for Jesus – that is all VERY tough work.  It is painful.  This is a life long process of sanctification that God desires every believer to go through to make us more mature and to refine our faith and character. It requires a lot of sacrifices to obey God.   Well… let me rephrase.  It seems like we must sacrifice everything at first when we begin to really commit to living for Christ as Lord.  But, the amazing thing is, we give Him all that we are, totally submitted to Him – and then He gives us all of Himself.  So, eventually, I realized that it was no sacrifice to give up the trash that I had in exchange for the riches of heaven.

But it is VERY, VERY tempting to want our husbands to give us a lot of praise and recognition for all the hard stuff we are doing to learn to be better wives.

In fact, it can be really hard not to say something like, “Honey, did you notice that I didn’t criticize you or say anything hateful to you ALL DAY TODAY??!?!?!?!?  Aren’t I the BEST WIFE EVER?????”

Or – “I wanted to say something super sarcastic just now, but I didn’t!!!!!  Aren’t you so proud of me?!?!!?!”

The thing is – not all husbands are going to be able to give us the verbal affirmation we desire.   And many husbands won’t praise the absence of negativity.  That is kind of the “minimum requirement” of respect (as Laura Doyle says in the Surrendered Wife- read in light of God’s Word, please, this book is not necessarily from a Christian viewpoint).  Doyle says –  “If you always used to run late for work, and suddenly, you begin to come to work on time – would your boss praise you for being on time every day?  No.  That is one of the minimum requirements of the job.”

WHY WON’T MY HUSBAND AFFIRM ME?

  • Some husbands are too wounded and still shut down.
  • Some husbands are afraid to trust that this change could be real, and they are going to wait MANY weeks, maybe months to believe that this new wife they are seeing could actually be reality.
  • Some husbands get more angry when we apologize for our disrespect and begin seeking to be respectful.  They FINALLY feel like they can say what they have been thinking and bottling up for years, many times.  All of that anger was there before, but we didn’t hear it.  They had lost hope.  Seeing anger in your husband when you begin to learn respect is often a normal reaction.
  • Some husbands are spiritually dead.  It is unreasonable to expect a corpse to sit up and give you a pat on the back.  If your husband is an unbeliever, or is very far from God and essentially “spiritually in a coma” – expecting him to meet your emotional/spiritual needs is very unrealistic.  By God’s power, you can focus on meeting his needs and you can take your needs to God.  But it may be necessary to drop expectations of praise if your man is far from God.
  • Some husbands get really excited and there is a honeymoon period – but then when they realize their wives keep messing up and aren’t perfect at respect right away – they get more critical.  That can be really tough for wives to deal with.

To me – it can actually be a blessing when our husbands do NOT give us accolades of praise as we are learning to be godly wives.  Why?  Because it forces us to examine our motives and to only do this to please God not to feel like we can control our men!

You can ask your husband how he thinks you are doing – but let me say – PLEASE DO NOT expect him to say awesome things.  If he does not praise you the way you think you should be praised – please accept whatever his response is graciously and allow God to work in his heart.  Just keep focusing on your accountability to please Jesus.

If your husband is a very godly man, he may be able to give you real affirmation and praise because he may understand how difficult this journey is.  But other husbands are not going to realize just how deeply disrespect and control go in a woman’s soul – to the very core of her understanding of herself and of God, and of her ability to accept God’s sovereignty.  Most husbands think we should just be able to “flip a switch” and suddenly be respectful all the time.  Not so!

This is a LONG process.  It involves the deepest core parts of our soul being radically changed.

MY SUGGESTION:

Do this with the sole motivation of pleasing, honoring, loving, respecting and obeying Christ.

If you don’t get the results you want in your husband, and you are disappointed – take that disappointment and use it as a signal to tell you to keep your eyes on pleasing Christ alone.  That is what I try to do whenever I sense disappointment welling up.

If you need affirmation and encouragement – look for it in a godly mentor wife you can trust, leave me a comment and I will give you affirmation and encouragement, and many other wives probably will, as well.

One day, when your husband is strong and healthy spiritually and emotionally – he will probably praise you.  But you can be content, even if he doesn’t.  Because you are NOT learning to respect him and honor his leadership to change him.  You are doing it to receive the praises of God when you stand before Him one day.

This is really all about you and Jesus.

Jesus counts the way you treat your husband and other people as if you are doing whatever it is you do to Him and for Him.

How scary is that!?!?!

Look past your husband’s shoulder – and see Jesus behind him.

Your marriage is really a test.  It is a place where you can learn to love like Jesus does.  It is a place where you learn to live by faith in Christ and where  you learn to respect and reverence Him.

Your level of respect and willingness to honor your husband’s God-given leadership have almost NOTHING to do with what your husband does or does not do – and it has almost EVERYTHING to do with your relationship with Jesus Christ.

  • Your husband doesn’t make you disrespect him.
  • He cannot make you respect him.  He can make it easier or harder!  But ultimately – this is about you.
  • You are responsible for your emotions, your thoughts, your attitude, your behavior, your obedience to Christ and your sin.
  • His behavior and sin against you just reveals what is already in your heart – whether the sinful nature is in control or God’s Spirit is in control. (Galatians 5:19-22)
  • You would act the same way towards any man you were married to – because that is what is in you.

The way you treat your husband is a tangible indicator of the level of submission and respect you have for Jesus!

THE DARE

Let’s give words of life and affirmation to our husbands!

Write down some good things your husband often does for you and your family and your home.  THANK HIM in writing today with 5 brief notes about 5 of his strengths.  ie:

  • going to work everyday = strong work ethic.
  • still being there with you = “commitment”
  • spending time with the children = being an involved dad
  • being careful with money and the budget = responsibility
  • talking with the children about character, behavior, etc = being a spiritual leader

Give him one note today (it can be a text/email if necessary) and one each day for the 4 days after today.

Men usually like BRIEF messages.

DO NOT EXPECT HIM TO SAY OR DO ANYTHING FOR YOU.

Just think of this as you are “watering his soul” and blessing him without any strings attached.

SHARE

Let me know how you are doing!  What are some things you admire about  your husband?  How do you plan to build him up today?

LUKE 6

41 “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? 42 How can you say to your brother, ‘Brother, let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when you yourself fail to see the plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.

A Tree and Its Fruit

43 “No good tree bears bad fruit, nor does a bad tree bear good fruit. 44 Each tree is recognized by its own fruit. People do not pick figs from thornbushes, or grapes from briers. 45 A good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and an evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of.

The Wise and Foolish Builders

46 “Why do you call me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ and do not do what I say? 47 As for everyone who comes to me and hears my words and puts them into practice, I will show you what they are like.48 They are like a man building a house, who dug down deep and laid the foundation on rock. When a flood came, the torrent struck that house but could not shake it, because it was well built.49But the one who hears my words and does not put them into practice is like a man who built a house on the ground without a foundation. The moment the torrent struck that house, it collapsed and its destruction was complete.”

39 thoughts on “The Respect Dare, Day 17 – Life-Giving Words

  1. Good morning April! You hit the nail on the head. If our motivation isn’t to honor God, but to seek the approval of men (our husband), then our motives aren’t pure. We should be confident enough in our selves and in our relationship with the Lord, that we do not require the praise of our husbands. Receiving it should be considered a bonus and a blessing. Have a wonderful day! 🙂

  2. This post is a wonderful blessing. The honeymoon period just happened to me and I was blindsided with anger that came out of nowhere. Thank you, thank you for the reminder (again) that I am doing this for Christ, not my husband. Why do I keep forgetting that!? My flesh, I’m sure. This journey is difficult.

    I was already working through the Respect Dare when you started in July. When I came to this dare to write down 5 things to encourage him with I could come up with only one. It was depressing. But through your wise counsel I can now see many more and I am excited to write him these notes.

    Good bless you, April.

  3. whew! This was a long one, but all true and very helpful….for husbands, also. I will read this again in a couple weeks, to make sure I don’t leave anything behind. Thank-you!

  4. Good morning! I hit a point in the dare where my true colors came out and I wasn’t proud. I caught my husband in a lie of omission and it ate at me for days because I knew the truth but every time I opened the floor for discussion and asked him about it, the subject got changed , he became defensive or ignored it altogether. Honestly, conflict is so rare for us that I don’t know how to confront it when it arises. I’ve been doing little things to show my respect for him and forgiveness like mending his pants or giving him encouragement but I feel so discouraged because he responds by telling me I’m being weird. That’s simply a testament to how often I ACTUALLY show my husband respect, I guess. Ouch. I pray for him every day and I pray that God will make me the kind of godly wife I should be but it seems that the more effort I put into being a biblically submissive wive, the more resistance I meet from my husband and the more difficult it becomes for me to hold my tongue and be respectful rather than try to point out everything I’m trying to do to improve my relationship with Christ and our marriage and then attack his flaws and failures. I’m still trying of course, and immersing myself in every study and book I can find. I just don’t think I had been doing it for Christ as much as I had been doing it to ”fix” my husband. Thank you for today’s post. It helped a lot.

    1. Eden,

      Sadly, our culture is SO disrespectful towards men and husbands today that even they feel strange about it – and like it must be chauvinistic or something. They have been living in the same anti-men, pro-feminist marinade that we have been the past few decades.

      Some husbands get REALLY confused for awhile. Some get mad. They think their wives are being sarcastic. One dear friend of mine told her husband when he forgot something he was supposed to do, “Don’t worry Honey. I understand. I’m sure you can take care of it next week, no big deal.” And he got ANGRY! He thought she was disrespecting him with sarcasm, but she was actually trusting him.

      Some husbands do not know what to do when their wives stop being mean and hateful. And they get suspicious. Some husbands insist they “don’t want respect.”

      You may have to dial it down a bit and gradually increase the respect if he is too overwhelmed by it all at once.

      But you can stop the negative things. That should be fine! 🙂

      You could not pay me to do and say and think the things I used to!!!!!! I NEVER want to go back to that awful place!

      I’m really proud of you. Yes, you will have to constantly watch your motives. It is easy for it to sneak up on you that you really want to use respect to change your husband or control him. I totally relate to that!

      Thanks for sharing! I know MANY, MANY wives relate!

  5. Thank you April for these two para’s in particular…really, really helpful…my husband and I fell out a couple of days ago because I slipped up and he was really upset about something I said. I did say sorry but then he said that I had my head stuck far up my….with God stuff….I was so upset, I was crying, but then he cuddled me and apologised. I really think the new respect thing has scared him. He is an unbeliever too…
    •Some husbands are spiritually dead. It is unreasonable to expect a corpse to sit up and give you a pat on the back. If your husband is an unbeliever, or is very far from God and essentially “spiritually in a coma” – expecting him to meet your emotional/spiritual needs is very unrealistic. By God’s power, you can focus on meeting his needs and you can take your needs to God. But it may be necessary to drop expectations of praise if your man is far from God.
    •Some husbands get really excited and there is a honeymoon period – but then when they realize their wives keep messing up and aren’t perfect at respect right away – they get more critical. That can be really tough for wives to deal with.

    We have been getting along a lot better since I started this journey, but he is now very aware if I make a mistake and it is a MUCH bigger deal than before. I think this is probably a good thing as at least now I am prepared to admit when I am wrong and also say sorry (which I didn’t before). I also need some advice as I am really falling behind with the respect dare, im reading it every night but haven’t written any answers down since day 8, which I actually struggle with asking my husband what do I do that disrespects him,,,i don’t want to hear it! I also have 3 girls and a part-time job so just not finding the time..(it does sound like excuses I know…).

    Thanks for everything you write, it is so encouraging,
    Julia

    1. juR,

      You are very welcome!

      Some husbands do expect perfection and have NO IDEA what all is involved with you learning this new language.

      My husband has a post for husbands, “So Your Wife Has Decided to Become a Peaceful Wife?”

      Eventually, as he feels more and more respected, hopefully he will become more forgiving and the fights will become less intense.

      But some husbands REALLY have a hard time if their wives mess up at all.

      I linked a post, it may be helpful, “I am Trying to Respect and Submit and My Husband is More Unloving Than Ever! What’s Going On?”

      I would just do one dare at a time. If you need more than one day between dares – NO PROBLEM! 🙂

      I am so glad God is using this to bless you. That is a huge answer to many prayers! 🙂

  6. “That is one of the minimum requirements of the job.”

    I don’t think I’ve ever heard a wife, Christian or otherwise, acknowledge that there is such a thing as a minimum requirement of the job of being a wife. I’ve only heard them list the many, many minimum requirements of the job of being a husband. (Actually, it seems to me that many (most?) wives act/think as if everything they want is a minimum requirement of their husband’s job.)

    Dr. Laura came close in “The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands.” She certainly made the point that wives would be very likely to get the minimum (and more) from their husbands if they gave their husbands the minimums of respect and sex. But I don’t remember that she actually said these were requirements for wives. I’d argue that a Christian wife does in fact have minimum requirements, from scripture. And two of the most important, if not THE most important, are respect and sex.

    And it is true that it will be difficult for a husband to get super excited right away if his wife simply starts doing better at the minimums. He won’t complain, and he will appreciate it, but he’ll likely play it cool to see if it’s just a phase, especially if the below-minimum performance has been long-standing.

    So, ladies, depending on your situation, give him some time to be convinced that your changed behavior is for real. And God bless you as you work on it.

    1. Thank u for this encouragement. I need to give my hubby time to be convinced my behavior has changed for real……I pray he will be patient with me and grant me grace when I mess up. And hopefully I won’t make it a BIG mes up but will listen to the spirit to STOP!

      1. Carla,
        This is a LONG process of God completely renewing our hearts and minds. But in time, we mess up less, and we can get over things faster. It is a cross-country journey. I pray your husband will have grace and patience with you, too. Sending you a big hug!

  7. These two bullet points are money, and applicable to both husbands and wives:

    ◾His behavior and sin against you just reveals what is already in your heart – whether the sinful nature is in control or God’s Spirit is in control. (Galatians 5:19-22)
    ◾You would act the same way towards any man you were married to – because that is what is in you.

  8. When I first heard about asking DH for a progress check I thought No Way he’s gonna be angry and critical and negative. Reading about the different stages men go through and their responses typically I now see. Aha he’s responded just like other men in his situation. I’ve decided not to ask or talk to him about The Respect Dare. He is not a believer and he just isn’t open enough yet.
    Having said that, he is noticing changes and commenting on them. It’s not the kind of praise I would want him to give, but I’m delighted anyway. The type of praise I would like goes something like this. “You are so amazing everything about you is just perfect and all these new changes make me feel perfectly fulfilled and I couldn’t ask for anything more”. Yeah there it goes again; wanting him to worship me.
    I am learning Gods desire that both he and I love Him first and then husbands and families next. I’d give myself maybe a C+ on the Wife Report Card so far, and considering I used to get all F’s I’m satisfied with the progress.
    Many description of recovering disrespected husbands resonated with me, shut down, spiritually dead, not sure he can trust are appropriate in my husband. I didn’t realise and got angry. Which of course led him get angry too. The disrespect I have in my heart belongs to me not him. I can’t resent him for not appreciating me anymore. He was screaming out in the only way he knew how that he felt crushed, alone, violated and unloved. I couldn’t hear him and judged him for it. Not what he needed. Now I’m trying to listen, I’m focusing on Christ and its improving. Still heaps of work to do I can certainly see how doing the Dare several times is beneficial
    “Look past your husband’s shoulder – and see Jesus behind him.”
    I see a kind generous man who always puts others ahead of himself. A man of strength and integrity. Hard working efficient and insightful. He is a great father. And he loves me.

    Thank you April and Nina for this journey.
    Much love Tam

    1. Tam,
      If your man is really shut down, it will probably take many months or a year or longer for him to begin to feel safe and like he can share his heart again.

      I think it is wise not to ask him how you a doing. Just do this for Jesus and to bless your husband.

      I can see how much God is doing, your husband knows something is going on! But God can give you feedback, joy and peace that will bless you, even if your husband doesn’t.

      I am so excited about what God is doing in you!

      I am glad this was helpful and glad that you may understand your husband a bit better through this transition. Some husbands freak out when there is any kind of change, even if it is good. They usually adjust in time. 🙂

      I am so proud of you!!!!! And I praise God for His power and His Word.

  9. Just want to say thank you for this blog! I found your blog after coming to a respect crisis in our marriage (thank you Google!). Your blog led me to Nina’s book. You really do a great job of balancing the book out with the identity in Christ issues that are at the core of everything. I am really being blessed by the book, but I think the combo of the book plus blog is really the one-two punch that I need in this season. This was an important post. Thank you for taking the time to write it!

    1. Shannon,

      It is my prayer that everything I write might point to Christ and exalt Him and His Word. I am so glad this was helpful. Thank you for letting me know! I am excited to see what God has in store for you!

  10. I agree with Shannon – the book plus blog combo is so good. I had tried doing the Respect Dare about a year ago and didn’t ‘stick’ with it. But this time I am really looking forward to reading the dare for today and then hopping online to read your blog post about it. The book is excellent, but your blog highlights things I may have skimmed and cements revelations God showed me.
    Thanks for your awesome ministry, God uses you in so many marriages. I pray He blesses you and that you feel energised and encouraged!

  11. April,
    I’m going through the Respect Dare and finding some dares difficult based on my husband’s reactions. I’m not sure if giving him notes or texts like this is a good idea since he thinks I’m trying to be manipulative. It seems logical that saying nice things should always be okay, but I have doubts that he will see it that way. Have you had others in a situation like that or am I just over thinking this? if he hadn’t flat out told me a few times that he sees my changes as manipulative I wouldn’t be thinking this, but since he has, its making me nervous.

    This dare was very insightful for me. I hate that its hard for me to come up with 5 things, but as I read Unbroken Woman’s post on this dare, she pointed out that maybe it could be something from when we first met or married that I just can’t see right now. I really do need to be looking for the good things because my mind is very focused on the negatives.

    1. Jeanne,

      Sometimes women may have to take the dares more slowly. Maybe one a week or so. And, it is possible that some of the written notes may not be a wise idea if a husband is very hurt and hardened and so wounded that he sees any words as manipulation. In that case, I Peter 3:1-6 is the way to go! Without words. You may have to show him more by your attitude, respect, reverence, peace, joy and actions instead of with words for a time.

      Much love!

      1. April,
        Thank you. This is what I was thinking so it helps to remember that scripture of showing it without words. I feel I’m in that place. I do try to say nice things when they come up naturally I just felt that forcing it would feel more manipulative to him. He spent a lot of time with me yesterday, even inviting me to hang out with him and after I went to bed I texted him saying thank you for hanging out with me, it was fun. (This was before I knew what the dare was and him spending time with me is one of the qualities I wrote down). He just said you’re welcome and thanked me for watching these two movies he likes that I hadn’t really wanted to watch before.

  12. Kelly,
    What an incredibly gracious, godly man you have there, Kelly! I love the way he extends grace and mercy to you. You are blessed! I agree, this is harder than learning a foreign language! I’m so glad you aren’t giving up. Thanks for sharing the struggles and victories. They both bless other wives. 🙂

    1. Kelly,
      I am so glad that you are extending grace, mercy, understanding, love and honor to your husband and seeking Christ with all your heart! 🙂 There is no better place to be!

  13. April,
    Me and my husband are young, 21 and 24 and have only been married 6 months. Thanks to the grace of our amazing savior He led me to your blog about 4 weeks into my marriage, and thank God He did! It has helped change me and mold me into the wife He wants me to be. It has in turn helped my relationship with Christ grow so much stronger and intimate as well, and for that i am so thankful!
    I started the respect dare 2 weeks ago, it was going so great and last week the enemy knew how powerful my change could be for our marriage and so he attacked me, and i fell for it! I was crying in the bathroom after 3 days of fighting (which started because i am mad he is still dipping when i want him so badly to stop) i said to myself “I just feel so far away from Aaron (my husband)” God revealed to me right then and there – NO, you feel far away from me! I was so convicted, i hadn’t hardly prayed or beein in Gods word like i had been when i started the dare. God helped change me at that moment, – This is a back and forth process for me, i can be a great wife one day and then back to my old ways the next but i do see and feel a change in my heart and so does my husband! I am so thankful i have found this all out before we had children or have been married for many years and i know God has great plans for us! I did just want to encourage some wives on here going through this, Satan knows how powerful your respect towards your husband can be- because he knows it’s a reflection of your feelings towards Christ- He also knows how powerful godly marriages are and when you become this respectful wife God plans for you to be, You and your husband can reach so many people, together for the Lord! So he will be prowling around your home, and trying to find anything he can to use against you! But dont fall for it!! Fight in the spirit and take an OFFENSIVE approach, not a defensive approach, pray for your husband and over your husband and with your husband daily! Invite the holy spirit into your home and heart every day as you go through this dare so He will guide you and lead you and so you will resist satan and he will flee from you! I love all you girls and will be in prayer for every wife going through this with me! 🙂

    Have a blessed day everyone! Thank you April!! from the bottom of my heart.
    and Sorry for the long comment, i have to share with you girls since i have to be brief with my husband 😉

    -Nicole

    1. Nicole,
      I am so excited about what God is doing in you!!!

      I vote to let God deal with him about the tobacco thing. That will have to be his decision. You can make yourself crazy trying to make him quit. The more you pressure him, the more he will probably resist you.

      I love what God is showing you! I can’t wait to see all He has in store for you both!!

  14. Thank you April for ths blog. I hv been following the respect dare & felt so discouraged and in tears. Not getting affirmation and attempting this whole respect thing without expectation is harder than it looks.
    After reading today’s dare, i feel a little more encouraged. Am questioning my motives and trying to change my mindset tht i am doing this in obedience to Christ. I have hurt my husband with disrespect and distrust in financial areas and recently made a huge mistake which cost us as a family to be in financial crisis.
    We are very slowly crawling out of it but every day there are painful reminders of what my decisions cost us, ie..unable to repair our car, kids asking for treats & not being able to afford anything extra.
    DH said he has forgiven me but he is still distant emotionally and ive been trying so hard to win him over with this 40day dare. But that is not the point of it, is it! My motives have not been pure and i need to be lots more patient. He needs more time to see that these steps i am taking are permanent and not a temporary fix to win him over.
    Thank you for clarifying that i need to honor God first!

    1. Jesmine,

      My heart aches for you! I can definitely feel your pain. We all want to “fix” our marriages and our husbands and even ourselves QUICKLY. But, this is a slow process. It is the process of sanctification. It took 2.5 years into my journey before I began to have any clue what respect meant and how to generally avoid disrespect in my marriage and to begin to understand biblical submission. And it was a total of 3.5 years before my husband felt safe with me again. This is a long journey. But the length and slowness forces us to refine our motives before God and God uses these things to refine our faith and to form Christ more and more in us.

      I am so excited about what God is showing you!!! I can’t wait to see all that He has in store!

      1. Thank u April for ur encouraging words. It puts things in perspective when u say it took u 2 or 3 years. And i was looking to fix it in 2 months. And hadnt even finished 20 days….let alone 40days of the respect dare!! This has helped heaps. I can see the more i pray for changes in myself, the more i see my DH taking baby steps towards me. Its a process…….needs patience!!!

        1. Jesmine,

          Yep. LOTS and LOTS of patience. More than you have ever had to have in your life, most likely! But it is a long process, a long journey on foot of thousands of miles across the continent. 🙂 I’m so glad this response helped you. It is easier to press ahead knowing that it is a long journey, not an instantaneous one!

My grandmother is on hospice and won't be with us much longer (11-30-16). I will get to comments when I am able to but I need to be with family right now. Thanks for understanding.

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