Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. Ephesians 4:29
THE DISHES IN THE SINK
Unfortunately, I have a story to share about how I did NOT use words to bless and benefit and build up my husband. Well, I have many stories, but I am going to share one that I definitely regret. It is a good example of what NOT to do!
One day, I came home from working as a pharmacist for 10 hours around 7:15pm – it must have been about 12-13 years ago. I walked into the house and smelled something wonderful wafting into the hallway from the kitchen. Greg generously had cooked a big supper for us. This was before we had any children. I walked into the kitchen grateful that supper was ready.
Then I saw the sink.
It seemed like almost every pot and pan we owned was in the sink needing to be washed.
Greg proudly told me that he had supper ready. And when he saw me look at the sink, he said happily, “And look, I rinsed off the dishes for you!” He clearly believed he had done well and had been thoughtful.
I snapped at him sarcastically, “Yeah, that’s just GREAT! You get a C+. You didn’t finish the job. I still have to wash all of those dishes and I still have to dry them.”
I knew that I would not leave dishes for him to wash, and I was angry that he didn’t wash the dishes the way I would have. See – I was clearly “right” and he was clearly “wrong.” That was how I looked at it then.
His face fell.
- I can’t remember if I thanked him for making supper for me.
- I definitely didn’t thank him for rinsing the dishes.
- I didn’t ask politely if he would please also wash the dishes after supper.
- I just fumed.
Eventually, Greg helped me a lot less around the house after I treated him with such negativity and criticism when he was helping me with chores.
Now, my husband is folding and sorting and putting away laundry as I type this post. I didn’t ask him to. He is just doing it all on his own. I just thanked him enthusiastically for all his help.
If my husband does laundry, dishes, helps with the children, mows the lawn, works on my car, works on the house, kills a big roach or spider, brings me something from the flea market, makes supper, rinses the dishes, clears the table, takes me out to eat, cuddles with me -ANYTHING – I THANK HIM and SMILE!
- I politely, pleasantly, respectfully ask for what I want and need.
- I allow my husband to decide to say yes or no.
- I don’t try to force him to do things my way.
- I refrain from criticism.
- I express appreciation when he does help me.
- I accept no graciously.
- I also understand that his time table is slower than mine many times, so I don’t rush him if he says he is going to do something.
- I just trust him and wait patiently.
- If he doesn’t do something – I don’t make a big deal out of it.
- I seek to have a servant’s heart and serve and love and respect seeking to please Christ alone.
I let him do things his way and do not demand that he must do things my way
If I realize I did or said something disrespectful – I immediately apologize and do not justify myself or explain myself. I just say, “Oh! I am so sorry. That was disrespectful of me.” Then I try to start over again with a respectful attitude.
– Let’s use our words to bless, thank, appreciate, encourage, lift up, build up and praise our men sincerely.
– Let’s focus on what is done well more than on the negatives.
– When we do mess up, let’s apologize quickly for our disrespect without justifying ourselves and get back up and keep going.
– From Nina Roesner in The Respect Dare, “Let’s refuse to find fault in (anyone)… the rest of the day.”
How to Ask Your Husband for Things So He Will Want to Say Yes – Youtube video 13 minutes (my son helped me on this one!)
Won’t I Lose My Voice in My Marriage if I Respect My Husband and Biblically Submit to Him? Youtube video – 10 minutes
How to See God do BIG Things in Your Marriage – Youtube video 6 minutes