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QUESTIONS for Wives and Husbands

Hey, there!

 

I am working on a post for later in the week about treating our husbands like men, not children.

If you would like to share your ideas about

1. what it means to treat our husbands like children

2. what it means to treat our husbands like men

 

Please leave me a comment!  I will use some of the comments, and then I may use others in the future.  I will not be posting these comments on this post until after the new post I am writing comes out.

Thank you so much!

11 thoughts on “QUESTIONS for Wives and Husbands

  1. In my experience, when I treat my husband like a child, he is more likely to respond like one. But in the instances when I die to myself and let the Spirit in me submit to him and respect him and treat him like a man, he responds by loving and serving me, putting my needs and wants above his own.

  2. I think this is a tricky question(s) to answer. The reason I say that, is even though I think the concept of respect and also being treated like a child resounds with ALL men…. all men are still different.

    For example – I remember reading on another post of yours one time a list some men had put together of what was respectful to them – and some of those my husband didn’t agree with at all. For example – packing his bags when he is going out of town and asking him questions like “did you remember to”…

    My husband prefers me to pack his bags and feels loved when I do that.

    So, I hesitate to answer this question by saying “here is a list of ways we treat men like children” only because my husband loves when I make his plate for him…. other men would be highly offended and feel like one of the children.

    Which leads me to say, I think it all comes down to the attitude behind the action, and isn’t about the action at all.

    Am I doing this for my husband because I don’t think he can do it right? Or do it on his own? Or is too stupid/lazy to get it done?

    Or am I doing this because I love him, am serving him, or am meeting a need he likes to have fulfilled?

    Is my attitude set on serving because I HAVE to, or because I LOVE to? If he’s a child I HAVE to take care of – it’s unlikely that he can be my best friend, lover, leader, and hero.

  3. I’ve been very guilty of treating my husband disrespectfully & like a child. (even joked for yrs that I had 3 children -incl. him – ugh!). I wish I’d known better. It was a mistake! I’m looking forward to learning from what you post. Thank you for such a good topic… that just so happens to be something of which I’m seeking forgiveness & how to change my bad habits.

  4. I would like to add to my note… (having missed #2 of yours) that if I had it to do over again (hopefully I do!) I’d stop acting too big for my britches & let him “be the man”, let him protect me (& our children); let him take care of me when he tries to show how much he cares in HIS masculine ways rather than me expecting him to show it in my too-high & emotional expectations; let him feel like he provides enough for me & our family; not tell him what to do – let him have his place as the head of our home & be the boss & I’d respect & obey him; let him do what he desires with me & show him how much I enjoy it, because now there seems to be so much less of it & I know it’s mostly because I pushed him away too many times.

  5. For me it comes down to trust, in the little things as well as the big things. Do I trust my husband to remember his wallet etc when he leaves for work or do I feel the need to remind him? And, even if he does forget, do I trust him to make his own mistakes and face his consequences without me standing over him saying, ‘If only you had listened to me, this wouldn’t have happened’.

  6. I love helping my wife if she needs a hand with something…but I like to be asked for help, not being told what to do or being given a list. The only people I’ve ever had give me a list is someone in authority over me. When she treats me like the king of the castle I love acting like a servant. When I’m treated like a servant….

  7. Treating him like a child would include anything that indicates he can’t think for himself or anticipate consequences, e.g. “Wear a jacket; it’s cold,” as if he can’t tell what the weather is like. If he didn’t check maybe he’ll be cold but he can handle that. For all I know he did check and decided he’d be comfortable without an extra layer. (My husband is always hot when I am cold!)
    Treating him like a man would include anything that demonstrates trust in his intelligence and confidence in his decisions. Some of the most amazing decisions in history (battle maneuvers, business strategies, even Solomon’s handling of the case with the women arguing over the baby) looked totally absurd at first. If my husband wants to do something that looks like nonsense to me, I have to remind myself that he has another perspective. Just because I can’t see his way leading to a good result doesn’t mean I am right. (Maybe I am…but I can’t say that for sure, so if it’s not endangering anyone I can just wait and see.) And then NOT say “I told you so” if I am right. Treating him like a man means letting him learn lessons without pointing out that he learned them….

  8. Great questions! When I treat my husband like a child, I think and act like I am the expert that needs to set him, as a nuisance, straight. I think about what is best for me in the long run. When I treat my husband like a man, I respect that he has a different way to do things, even in an area that I feel like I am an expert. I wait, give him time, let him make mistakes if need be, support and give thanks for anything I can (from a mind that does not feel superior or deserving). I think about what is best for him in the long run. This way of thinking even affects the way I think about others beyond my husband, and I become less controlling and demanding as a whole. I have found this helps to even treat the kids more respectfully and not as a nuisance/”like a child”.

  9. I think it’s a lot of little things, and I think our culture has predisposed us to being disrespectful to each other. We’re sort of intrinsically trained to constantly one-up each other, to put the other down so we can have the higher seat.

    Simple things like tone of voice, you know, that one with the twist on the end, or the beginning of “Maybe you could clear the table…” that states “and you’re an idiot for not seeing it needs to be done.”

    Or the phrasing of “Could you ….” when asking for something. You are, by the very words, implying that if they physically are able to, they should cater to your whim. And if they don’t, it is because they are incompetent.

    We hear these things all around us and I think never bother to stop and think about what the subconscious response to these are. Each one is a little, almost imperceptible, slice, and so, we die by 1000 cuts, as it were.

    The opposite of both of those would be something like “Would you do ___ for me?” It implies you need help (raise the other person up to a position of being able to offer help), and also implies that you assume they are able to do the task you need, whether or not they help (again, raising them up).

    Oh, and take commands sentences right out of your speech patterns. “Go do this”, “Get that for me”, “Stop doing that”

    That’s my thought.

  10. When we treat our husbands like children, we are no longer in the Holy Spirit’s presence of submission and gentleness but rather fear and rebellion. We may see our husband as needing to be fixed, guided, led or ordered…much like one would do with a small child.
    Anytime a woman treats her husband disrespectfully, it is because she has forgotten who her authority is.

    When she treats him like a man, she cheerfully places herself under his leadership and respects his decisions. Her tone and words build up his confidence, for a gentle and quiet spirit causes him to feel safe and secure. The wife clearly sees that she is under the man and does not feel vain pride or fear because of this position. But, rather humility and love.

My grandmother is on hospice and won't be with us much longer (11-30-16). I will get to comments when I am able to but I need to be with family right now. Thanks for understanding.

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