The Respect Dare, Day 10 – His Biggest Critic, or His Biggest Supporter?

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Do not judge, and you will not be judged.  Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned.  Forgive, and you will be forgiven.  Luke 6:37

How can we apply this verse to ourselves as wives?

Nina Roesner, in The Respect Dare on Dare 10, challenges us not “to judge, criticize or condemn others, but instead be a woman who speaks carefully in wisdom and encourages her husband.”


That is what I used to think.

You know, there is some truth there.  I was created by God to be my husband’s helper.

But when my sinful nature is in control of my life instead of God’s Spirit, being a”helper” can easily become being controlling.

What is the difference between “helping” and “controlling”?   That is a REALLY important question!


  • I overstep my husband’s boundaries and do things for him that he does not appreciate.
  • I think I know best and I am determined to do things my way no matter what my husband says or what he thinks.
  • I do not give my husband a choice – I insist on what I want.
  • I make his decisions for him, and I make family decisions for him.
  • I don’t see God’s sovereignty, I act as if I am sovereign and everything depends on me.  I don’t trust God to lead me through my husband.
  • I offer unsolicited advice to my husband – he may interpret that to mean that I think  he can’t come up with good solutions and ideas on his own.  That feels disrespectful to many men.
  • I jump in to help him with something without him asking me for help.  This can be confusing – because to a woman, it is loving to jump in and help someone usually, but to a man it is disrespectful many times to help without his asking for help
  • I offer plenty of criticism about his ideas and shoot down his plans, suggestions, dreams, wisdom and solutions.
  • I clean up my husband’s stuff, give away his things, organize them or mess with them without his permission.
  • I look down on my husband with contempt.
  • I believe I am better than my husband.
  • I have a HARD time forgiving.
  • I have a lot of negative things to say to my husband and about my husband.

HELPING (by God’s Spirit working in me):

  • I only offer help when he asks me for help.  And when he does ask me for help, I make his request a priority.
  • I listen to him intently, trusting him to come up with the solutions and answers himself.
  • I show my faith in him that I know he’s “got this.”
  • I say something like, “I don’t know what the answer is, but I know you, and I know you will come up with the right way to handle this problem.” (Gary Thomas, Sacred Influence)
  • I only offer my suggestions when he asks for my opinion.
  • I respect my husband’s ability to handle his job, his family relationships, his friendships and problems without my assistance.
  • I do my best to stand behind his decisions.
  • I share my perspective and ideas respectfully.
  • I don’t tear him down with my words to others.
  • I have only good and kind motives towards him.  I think of myself as being on his team.
  • I have his back and defend and support him to others.
  • I support his authority as a dad and stand united with him to our children.
  • If he does ask for my advice, I am gentle, not bossy.  I present options to consider, not iron clad things he has to do.
  • I am a safe place for my husband to confide his vulnerabilities, weaknesses, temptations, struggles, emotions, ideas, dreams and plans.
  • I generously and freely offer grace, mercy and forgiveness.
  • I focus on the good in my husband.


1. Seek to avoid giving unsolicited advice to your husband.

2. Let your husband know that you want to be a safe  place for him to share his struggles/difficulties with you.  Do what it takes to become that safe place.  You may want to ask him how you could improve in this area.  Then just listen and take his suggestions to heart.


How is the Respect Dare going for you?  What challenges are you having?  What victories have you seen?  Please share, I know that your story will touch and bless many other wives. 🙂


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