Tone of Voice


Sometimes, I think that it might be helpful if we seriously had to watch video footage of ourselves interacting with our husbands and children.  Well – it would be terrifying, for some – but it might help us really get a good look at how we come across to those we are supposed to love the most.


My tone of voice was often condescending, holier-than-thou, sarcastic, angry, disapproving, impatient, sharp and unpleasant when I would talk to my husband.

I didn’t really think about it.  I mean, I was aggravated with him a lot, and I knew I wasn’t making any effort to control my tone of voice.


Our words are a big part of disrespect, but our non-verbals are even bigger many times!

A hateful, aggravated, annoyed, irritable, impatient, harsh, angry, scolding tone of voice spells HUGE disrespect to our men.


I had to VERY CONSCIOUSLY watch my tone of voice.  All the time.  I still do have to watch myself with my children.  I don’t have much trouble with tone of voice with Greg anymore.  I tend to want to raise my tone of voice when my children  haven’t obeyed me after a few times of me asking them to do something with a pleasant tone of voice.  So, what I do with them, is I try to either whisper or sing my words to them if the pleasant/respectful tone of voice doesn’t work.  There are times I lose my temper.  Then I apologize.  But we also work on them obeying on the first time Mama or Daddy asks them to do something – so they are not off the hook!

You may have to actually practice in front of a mirror to be able to speak with a pleasant tone of voice to your husband.  Or even better, try practicing as you record yourself so that you can listen to what you really sound like.


  • Consciously keep  your volume normal or softer than normal when you are getting angry or irritated.
  • Consciously watch the edge on the tone of your voice, and soften it, making it sound pleasant and friendly (unless you are sad or angry – then keep it more neutral, but don’t let that angry tone kick in.)
  • Try whispering when you want to scream.  IT WORKS!  Your man will hear you more clearly, and you won’t be losing your temper.
  • Smile when you are speaking to your husband whenever possible.
  • CAUTION – don’t sound like you are talking to a kindergardener either – that can come across as patronizing.


Your husband has wisdom, too.

Your way is not necessarily the only “right” way.

Seek God’s will HIGH above your own.

Pray for God to give your husband wisdom to lead you and your family.

Pray for God to teach you to be a joyful, cheerful, supportive, respectful, cooperative follower.

Praise your man whenever he does something well!

Here is my Youtube video on this topic!

Why Nonverbal Disrespect is So Hurtful to Our Husbands  7 minutes (tone of voice and facial expression)


Please check out Thomas’ comment on the comments section of this post  – VERY HELPFUL!