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Soul Mates

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Today’s guest post is by Kayla Gulick, my dear friend and sister in Christ.  Check out her blog at www.lessonsofmercy.wordpress.com.  I think you are about to have your mind blown.  So be sure you are sitting down for this one, ladies!

 

Almost every little (and big) girl dreams of finding her “soul mate”. I suppose there are some exceptions out there, so I won’t call this a hard and fast rule, however, MOST females imagine how wonderful life would be if they could just get their fairytale. I’ll go so far as to say, many women spend so much of their life in disappointment because the expectations they built up in their mind just simply never come to pass even if they get married and have children.

Let me tell you about an expectation I had before I got married. It was your typical fairytale love story, that ended up being smashed to a million pieces by the fact that life is not magical nor imaginary so perfection never comes to pass.

I had this idea that once I found someone to marry, I would be the very center of his world, constantly. I expected him to be obsessed with me. Always falling all over himself looking for ways to serve me, buy me things, make me smile, get me to laugh, show me how beautiful he thinks I am, and get me in the sack.

After all, that is what happens on the movies AND I’ll one up the situation with the fact that most women(even Christian wives) complain about how their husband wants sex all the time and they are so annoyed.

Guess what. My husband isn’t obsessed with me. He loves me. He’s faithful to me. He would bend over backward to protect me from harm. He is happy in our marriage. He serves me in numerous ways. He provides for our family. And He’s committed to making decisions that are best for me.

But – he has other people in his life too. First off all, what he feels God is calling him to comes before my opinions and feelings. (That’s a GREAT thing that God is first in his life… but that doesn’t change the fact that I still wasn’t prepared to be second in my marriage.) He is the father to our four kids. He has friends in his life. He has (gasp) his own interests and hobbies. He has is own television preferences. He even has different goals than I do – ack!

Basically what I’m telling you is that, his life doesn’t revolve around me. I’m not the center of his universe. His primary goal is not to make sure I feel like the sexiest woman on the planet every moment of every day.

Do you know that at first, this made me really mad at him. I thought for the first couple years of our marriage something was seriously wrong with him. I mean, what did he think he was supposed to do when he got married? What kind of a man was he anyway?

I hadn’t yet realized that my unrealistic expectations were the problem, not his actions.

Do you know what gave me my wake up call???

Probably not what you’re thinking.

It was this.

A situation arose within my line of vision where a couple I knew (who were very much in love and committed to each other and to God) were married for MANY years, when suddenly one spouse died and the other spouse re-married someone else in less than a year.

I was floored. How in the world could they have ever been in love at all? I mean… weren’t they soul mates?

Check this – the big punch in the gut.

Matthew 22:23-30

23 That same day the Sadducees, who say there is no resurrection, came to him with a question. 24 “Teacher,” they said, “Moses told us that if a man dies without having children, his brother must marry the widow and raise up offspring for him. 25 Now there were seven brothers among us. The first one married and died, and since he had no children, he left his wife to his brother. 26 The same thing happened to the second and third brother, right on down to the seventh. 27 Finally, the woman died. 28 Now then, at the resurrection, whose wife will she be of the seven, since all of them were married to her?”

29 Jesus replied, “You are in error because you do not know the Scriptures or the power of God. 30 At the resurrection people will neither marry nor be given in marriage; they will be like the angels in heaven.

Put that up against Romans 7:1-3

7 Do you not know, brothers and sisters—for I am speaking to those who know the law—that the law has authority over someone only as long as that person lives? 2 For example, by law a married woman is bound to her husband as long as he is alive, but if her husband dies, she is released from the law that binds her to him. 3 So then, if she has sexual relations with another man while her husband is still alive, she is called an adulteress. But if her husband dies, she is released from that law and is not an adulteress if she marries another man.

I wasn’t prepared to understand that at first. It actually really hurt me. BAD. I couldn’t wrap my mind around being consumed in passionate love with my husband and him not be my soul mate?!

I mean, my husband was MY EVERYTHING! And I’m suppose to accept that once we die and go to heaven, we aren’t “one” anymore? There isn’t any of this (like the songs sing about) one of us waiting for the other to arrive???

I started to realize that my husband had a higher place in my life than he should. My husband was actually my “God.” He had WAY too much control over me. And not because he was trying to be controlling in the least. Because I had created an eternal soul mate relationship with my husband, when truly, the ONLY person who can have that place in my heart, who won’t disappoint, and who I’m promised to be with forever is Jesus.

You see, Jesus does pursue me EVERY MINUTE of EVERY DAY!

He think I’m beautiful – constantly.

He never leaves me nor forsakes me.

He laid down His life for mine.

He is concerned with everything I’m feelings and I can’t overwhelm Him with words. In fact, He wishes I’d talk to Him even more than I do.

I can’t imagine how freeing this must have been or my husband when I started to release him from being an idol in my life. I could finally let go of all my constant anger and disappointment that he wasn’t living up to what I thought he should be living up to.

Practical Application –

Today might be a good day to sit down and evaluate who has the #1 spot in your life?

Are you upset and disappointed by your husband, often? Think about why. Is it because he is intentionally hurting you, or because you have some expectations of how a good husband would act and he is falling short?

Find a godly woman to talk to about this if you’re realizing that this truth is really hurting you right now. (Believe me, I was devastated when I first realized this!)

FROM PEACEFULWIFE:  You are welcome to leave comments if you need to talk about this, too!  The topic is open for discussion!

40 thoughts on “Soul Mates

  1. My husband and I were talking the other night on this very subject. And I think one of the other things that people seem to forget– both men AND women– is that romantic love is very human and in the long term, rather childish compared to the love that God shows and promises for us all. On the day when we all die and are joined with God and Jesus Christ in heaven, we will all be one– not just with our husbands/wives, but with every angel in heaven and every loved one we’ve ever known. Our love will be far more perfect than anything we ever could have experienced here on Earth as we bask for eternity in God’s all-encompassing love. To me, that has sometimes been a hard concept to grasp, because I am after all, a mortal woman, but the thought of it gives me great joy. What could be more fulfilling and exciting to be one with GOD HIMSELF? 🙂

    1. I love your perspective, Tabitha! …This human love we experience on earth is hardly a taste of what there will be in the presence of the Lord! …Makes me long for Home!

      1. Thank you for this posting April,
        Kayla I’d love to encourage you as well. Your writing is becoming more and more developed and mature I think. Thank you for writing this, It certainly helped me view my own selfishness in a different light. Boy I’ve still got so much more to learn though. Just think though, If we can imagine His house and be joyful today; how much more amazing will it be Then. Thank God for you two ladies and your ministry.

        1. Tam,

          Thanks so much for the encouragement!

          Isn’t it amazing to see what God is doing in Kayla’s heart! I love it! Nothing brings me greater joy than to see God change women and heal them, their husbands and their marriages. Thank You, God, for this front row seat to get to witness Your miracles every day! There is no other place I’d rather be than right here doing this very thing. I am so abundantly blessed! Thank You, God, for Your goodness, Your power, Your might. You are ABLE. We love and trust You completely!

  2. This is such wise advice. Every woman should have this explained to her before she gets married. It would prevent a lot of unnecessary heartache and conflict in marriage.

    1. Trixie,
      Wouldn’t it though!?!?
      That is why I posted this on my site for single women, too. I think all women should have to read this post! Kayla did an awesome job!

  3. Terrific post! Humans are not strong. We all feel this way sometimes, if not all the time.

    Women are the fairer sex and the weaker. We are more inclined to get attached to things in search of comfort. God put the family together to provide for us in that way, but it was never intended to replace His love and guidance in our lives

    He is the rock we can and should build on, cling to, love wholeheartedly.

  4. I was thinking of something totally different when I started to read this post and was so pleasantly surprised to find it leading to a relationship with Christ. Thank you for pointing to Him! There are a number of religions that teach a “together forever” scenario and I am always so sad about how much that takes away from our Saviour and the truth. The world, too, wants to live happily ever after in this life, but it doesn’t realize the Word promises so much more! Thank you, thank you, thank you!

    1. Momofmany,
      When I saw that post – I just HAD to ask Kayla to let me post it, too. God has given her such a gift for explaining things that is relatable and just makes sense. I treasure Kayla and love seeing all that God is doing in her life.

      And I am SO thankful for the ultimate wedding supper of the Lamb that we have to look forward to with Jesus! That is our happily ever after – for sure!

  5. Very thoughful topic and excellant message. I pray my wife has someone teach this to her. Were now seperated and I’m struggling, but going to be humble and pray for good things.

    Your topic hit the nail on the head in one area were we have struggled.

    1. I’m sorry to hear this. I’ll pray your wife has someone speak truth into her life! It is a very important thing for women to take Titus 2:3-5 seriously and share what God has revealed to us with each other.

    2. Faithful Servant,

      I pray that God might open her eyes. And I pray for Him to give you wisdom as you desire to try to lead in a godly way during this separation. I pray for God to empower you by His Spirit to be the man He desires you to be – to represent Christ well to your wife and family – and to have the light you need for each step. I pray for healing for your soul and for your wife and your marriage and children. I pray that God might draw your wife to Himself first. He can speak to her in ways that you cannot. We can’t open another human’s eyes. Believe me – I have tried that! I work with a lot of disrespectful and controlling women – and I was one of them for many years – but I can’t open anyone’s eyes. Disrespectful and controlling wives are HURTING DEEPLY. They are in a self-made prison. They have no joy and peace from God. Only God can open our eyes. And we will all pray together that He might use this time to really get your wife’s attention – and that He might also prepare you to be ready to lead the way He wants you to and to have patience and grace, forgiveness and mercy in abundance to give her now and when her eyes are open and she begins to learn God’s ways.

      And I am so thankful

      1. Thank you,

        Just what I needed to hear. I am lonely tonight and my wife continues to alienate me from the children.

        1. Faithful Servant,

          I am so thankful that our God is “SO sovereign” that your wife can’t take you out of God’s loving hands. And she can’t mess up His plan. And He is able to take even her mistakes, sins and blindness – and yours as well – and use it ultimately for your good and His glory. So I will continue to trust you to the hands of our sovereign God. And I look past today into the future where God turns the ashes into beauty and restores the years the locusts have eaten.

          I pray that you will abide deeply in Christ and be empowered by Him to know how to lead and respond in His will and in His Spirit. I pray that He might give you the ability to forgive and not allow a root of bitterness to spring up in your heart that would defile you and your family.

          I pray that this time of loneliness might be a time where you can hear God’s voice more clearly than ever and where you learn to find your identity, joy, strength, power, purpose and peace in Jesus alone. I pray for you to be able to rest in God’s love and peace in the midst of the storm – keeping your eyes firmly fixed on Jesus and not on the crashing waves of the sea and the storm. I pray that this might be a time of intense prayer and seeking God’s face and His will above all else. I pray for a great work of God in your life, your wife’s life, your marriage and for each of your children.

          In the Name and power of Christ – Who is ABLE to do exceedingly more than all we could ever hope, ask for or imagine!
          Amen!

  6. This is so good and definitely counter cultural. Hardly anyone teaches this these days and it’s just devastating when we women have this fairy tale view of our men. Thanks for sharing!

    1. Amberdover,
      Thank you for the comment! It is definitely time for the women of God to wake up, throw away the poison of our culture and embrace and understand God’s design, His truth, and His wisdom. Thanks for the encouragement!

  7. Thank you for this wonderful post! It is spot on!!! I am saving this for my daughters to read in about five years.

  8. I have been hearing this thought of “really no soulmates” from a few different godly women lately and I really believe it!! I think that it’s something that we should definitely tell single girls–and married ones! Believing it sets women up for so many dissapointments and possibly even divorce (oh well this isn’t working because he’s just must not be who I’m “meant to be with”). Thank you for sharing!

My grandmother is on hospice and won't be with us much longer (11-30-16). I will get to comments when I am able to but I need to be with family right now. Thanks for understanding.

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