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I handed over the finances – Update!!

Wedding rings and money

From my friend, Kayla, at www.lessonsofmercy.wordpress.com

I promised when I started this blog that I was going to be real.  If I am going to write “Practical Applications” that are really attainable, instead of leaving Christians with a desire to change, but no real way to get the new results, then I have to be willing to also share when practically speaking – I still blow it even with steps to follow!

So I told you all about how I turned over the responsibility of the finances to my husband a couple of weeks ago.  I’ve been doing really well.  I haven’t been on the computer checking the balance, I haven’t worried if the money if flying out of the account since I don’t have the constant reminder of where we are at, and I have even been able to let go of my need to write every receipt in the check book the second I get in the car or home (depending on if I’m driving or not : )

Two weeks ago, when heading to church, my husband forgot the check book.  Which isn’t a big surprise because I’ve had it on me for 11 years.  I was totally calm, not upset at all, and just reminded him that “it’s no big deal, we can just put it on next weeks check.”  And that was that.

This Sunday, my husband remembered the check book, and before church had sat down and figured out what to write it for and had it all ready ahead of time.  WITHOUT any coaching or prompting or NAGGING from me!!

And on the outside of the envelope at church, where you write down how much money the check is for, I glanced at it.  I SHOULD NOT HAVE DONE THAT!!

Because I’m a money FREAK – I was adding up numbers in my head – OK we missed a week, it had cashed in vacation from the end of the year on it (which I couldn’t be positive of how much it was because I hadn’t asked my husband for his pay stub as I always would have in the past on week’s like that) and I knew my babysitting money needed to be in there, plus this week – and CRAP!

In my head I’m saying “Don’t say anything, Don’t say anything, Don’t say anything” when out of my mouth comes “that’s not the right amount.”

UGH!!!!!!!!  I was so mad at myself!!!! Then since I said that, I had to briefly explain what I was thinking, which turned into translating, “You’re not doing it right” and it was a frustrating mess.

So I couldn’t worship.  I was really ticked at myself. Two songs into a pathetic attempt to praise the Lord in the middle of my sin, I whispered in his ear something to the effect of “I’m so sorry, that was uncalled for. Thank you for handling this for us.”  ((Honestly, I’m NOT bragging on myself here, but I’m REALLY glad I have learned what I have and apologized quickly for blowing it.  This is NOT how this would have played out AT ALL in the past.  I would have had to prove to the “T” why I was positive he was wrong, and then be angry for at least a day if not longer about it not being done the way it should have been.  How’s that for disrespectful and unattractive?))

He was really sweet to hug and put his arm around me and say “It’s OK.”  It really wasn’t OK, but he was choosing to forgive quickly and make it OK.

The rest of the day was just fine.

However, Monday morning when I was praying and repenting of my sin, I felt the Lord uncover to me why I reacted like that.

The truth is, it wasn’t the control thing like I thought at first.  God has been incredibly gracious with a super natural power to help me lay that down.

It was because we have always tithed at least 10% exactly and we’ve seen the Lord take care of us in some incredible ways over the last 11 years.  And I had a panic attack that if we didn’t continue to do that faithfully, the Lord’s blessings and provision would not be on us anymore.

I was literally in frustrated fear that God wouldn’t bless the remaining 90% if we weren’t diligent to write the check for the exact right amount of money.

I felt like a block head when I realized this.

Practical Application:

Be incredibly thankful for how far we’ve come in our marriage in the last few years but especially the last 6 months because of what I’m finally learning!

Be EVEN MORE thankful that I have such  a forgiving and patient husband!!

TRUST GOD’S SOVEREIGNTY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I can’t stress this enough.  God is BIG enough to lead my husband without my supervision, and HE is BIG enough to know my heart without my “acts” of service always being “perfect.”

 

RELATED POSTS:

How Giving the Finances to Your Husband Can Increase Intimacy

If Your Husband Insists You Handle the Finances – Honoring His Leadership

12 thoughts on “I handed over the finances – Update!!

    1. Did you try leaving it alone…. eve if that meant over a month and the lights got turned off? Because if not, then you ever gave him control… all you did was not pay bills for a week and bail him back out by picking them back up the next week. If he knows you’ll eventually do it, he has no motivation to do it.
      However, April has to great posts available on her blog about eithe rbeing a helpmeet with the finances and renewing your mind, or giving him control completely. Have you checked both those out?

      And thanks about the revelation! Totally God finally breaking through!!
      Hugs sister,
      Kayla

  1. I have been there so many times! I tell myself don’t say anything don’t say anything and I say it! I too am learning how to lay certain things down. Finances were a huge problem in our marriage. My husband was very controlling and it drove me crazy because I actually wasn’t bad with money. The Lord told me that if we would do the Dave Ramsey program (you should check it out) it would actually give us both more freedom. The structure actually frees you up. I cannot say enough great things about it. It has changed our life. I would go check it out! It will give your husband tools which will give him confidence in managing things. You will end up managing together! It is awesome! Love your honesty by the way! That is how we all learn from each other best!

    1. Thanks Julie,

      I was actually AWESOME with money too. I’m extremely organized, do excellent research before we purchase big items, am fantastic with budgets and numbers – which all led to a HUGE amount of pride and control.
      My husband couldn’t even buy the kids something from the budget money without my “permission.” Sad : (

      We’ve heard of Dave Ramsey’s program but from what I understand it’s a lot like Crown Financial (which we’ve done.) Sadly, none of those programs spoke of my need to get out of the driver seat and give my husband his GOD-GIVEN leadership back.

      Thanks for your comments and ideas!! Always appreciate growing together with others!! Such a blessing to have blogs where we are able to meet so many Christians all over the world : )

  2. Great post! Though my husband has done the finances for the last several years,its only been recently that ive surrendered my need to control or monitor his spending. I still don’t agree with everything he does financially but i fully trust God to handle it. I too used to get super anxious in fearing God about tithes. I used to question my husband constantly about tithes but Ive let it go. I realized it was only showing disrespect. He is the leader and accountable to God Now, if we are talking about our budget, ect. I usually say something about tithing but I keep it simple and say it once. The Holy Spirit is able to move him way more than I could. And the beautiful and awesome thing is that I KNOW HE will!!!

  3. Thanks so much to Peaceful Wife for sharing this, and thanks to Kayla for writing it.
    I’m newly married (and young in society’s eyes too) and i just love both of your blogs!! I only started reading them a couple weeks ago, but they’ve helped me so much!

    Thank you, thank you! keep writing, both of you 🙂

My grandmother is on hospice and won't be with us much longer (11-30-16). I will get to comments when I am able to but I need to be with family right now. Thanks for understanding.

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