Those of you who have read my story know that I used to be a pretty controlling, disrespectful and dominating wife for the first 15 years or so of our marriage. I didn’t do it maliciously. I wanted to be a godly wife. I actually believed I WAS being the BEST Christian wife. I didn’t see my pride, disrespect and sin at all. I thought I “had” to be in control. I thought my husband “wouldn’t” or “couldn’t” lead.
Wow. Was I wrong.
I began learning about respect and biblical submission 4 years ago. And the changes in myself, my husband, our marriage and our family have been nothing short of miraculous.
AN EXAMPLE FROM THIS WEEK
I decided to do a Bible study on Matthew 18 with our children one morning when they were out of school this week. We talked about what Jesus says to do when someone does something wrong to you – how you go to that person in private first. Then if they don’t repent, you bring another person or two with you to talk about what happened. For them, that would be a parent or teacher in most cases.
Our son started talking about things that had happened with a boy that past week that we didn’t know about. I was NOT pleased when I heard about how our son handled things. But I knew this was a huge opportunity for him to learn about respect, repentance, forgiveness and having godly relationships.
Ways my husband displayed godly leadership in our family just in this one evening
1. When my husband came home, he took our son to our room and had a long talk with him.
I am SO thankful for my husband’s godly influence on our children and his willingness to discipline, teach, instruct, correct, rebuke, love and hug them. A father’s influence PROFOUNDLY impacts children, keeps them on the right path in life, protects them from evil, protects them from poor decisions, and helps them learn to make wise choices.
2. He encouraged our son to come to the table and eat afterwards.
There had been a lot of tears – but my husband wanted our son included in the family dinner time around the table and showed our son that we loved and accepted him and want him in our family.
3. I called my husband and asked him for help – and he came right home to help me.
When my husband went to help his parents for awhile, and I was having trouble getting our daughter to bed and getting our son to focus on finishing his homework, and it was getting to be past time for our son to get ready for bed.
By that point, I had been trying to get our son to do his homework assignment so many times during the day and was getting frustrated. The more I tried to get him to do his work, the more distracted he seemed to be.
My husband stepped right in, took over with our son – and had him writing his assignment in no time.
4. My husband stopped me.
After I got our daughter to bed, I came in the great room – and my son started asking about having a snack. Again. He had asked me about a snack 6 other times and I had told him, “AFTER you finish your homework. IF you have time.”
I was losing my patience. I started to lecture my son…
And my husband stopped me.
He said firmly but gently, “He’s getting his work done. Don’t mess with him right now.”
And I stopped mid-sentence.
Soon afterwards, our son was done with his homework.
HALLELUJAH! I am SO thankful that my husband is willing to direct me if he feels I am doing something counterproductive.
5. My husband let our son have some time to be affirmed and loved.
We let him sit with us and we cuddled with him and my husband listened as our son excitedly shared about a new toy he had gotten. There were hugs and smiles. It was wonderful.
Then our son went to bed.
6. My husband cuddled with me and asked me what was wrong.
All I could do was cry!
I had so many doubts about myself as a mom that day. Am I teaching our children enough about God and His ways? Am I being too hard on them? Am I disciplining them enough? Am I having enough fun with them? Am I teaching them enough responsibility? Am I allowing them to be too spoiled or too polluted by the world?
Sometimes being a Mama is overwhelming.
7. My husband listened compassionately to me. (I kept it brief!)
8. My husband willingly prayed for us and our children when I asked him to – and it was such a sincere, heart-felt, faith-filled prayer. Wow!
I felt SO MUCH BETTER after he prayed. I was able to look again at God’s sovereignty over our family. I was able to put down some of the mental/emotional/spiritual weight that I had started to carry during the day. I felt connected to my husband and safe and protected and cherished. I felt thankful for his leadership and guidance for our family.
God’s peace flooded my soul again.
WHAT A MIGHTY GOD WE SERVE!
Years ago – none of these things would probably have happened. I was way too disrespectful and controlling back then.
I would have taken over and run the whole show myself and my husband probably wouldn’t have been involved at all.
PRAISE GOD that He showed me His ways!!!!!!!!!! I am in awe of God and all that He has done in our marriage and family. And I definitely THANKED my man for his godly leadership and for praying with me and for being such a wonderful dad and husband. I’m SO proud of the man he is!
Do you have stories you would like to share about how God has used your husband to lead in your family? You may post them in the comments. I would love to use them in a post or on FB anonymously. 🙂