This is the second part of this series on talkativeness and wives. The first post was, “Am I ‘Too Chatty’ with My Husband?” It is primarily for wives who believe they talk too much or whose husbands would maybe prefer less talking. Next week, I plan to talk about the issue of wives being too quiet.
At first, when I realized I was talking way too much for my own good, it was painful. I felt sad, oppressed, upset, resentful, and lonely to think about cutting down on my words to other people. I didn’t know how to stop talking too much or what to do with all of my emotions and self-talk.
I find that it is helpful to take these kinds of discouraging thoughts to the Lord. He is always ready to listen to me. He can help me hash through my thinking even better than any husband or best girl friend could. He wants me to abide in Him every moment – always completely one in Spirit with Him – and to “pray continually.” That is very encouraging! Plus, He can transform my thinking and my heart. He knows how to restore and heal my soul, if only I will come to Him and allow Him to work powerfully in my life.
Interestingly – that pain I feel when I want to talk more or connect more with my husband can remind me that God’s heart hurts when I neglect him. And His heart rejoices when I come to Him to fellowship and connect with Him.
ADOPT A NEW PERSPECTIVE
- Receive that His Spirit can meet these needs I have more than any human could ever meet my needs for emotional/spiritual connection.
- Anticipate all the spiritual treasures He wants to show me.
- Focus on taking responsibility for my emotional wellbeing in Christ.
- Recognize that I don’t have to talk all the time. I can have self-control with the Spirit.
- Admit that I don’t have all the wisdom people need. Humbly acknowledge that my constant input and opinions are not necessary all the time.
- Focus on taking responsibility for myself spiritually to grow in Jesus.
- Recognize that the Lord can use this to prune me and face this trial with joy, anticipating all of the treasures He will show me.
- Acknowledge that God, His thoughts, His wisdom, His approval, and His Words are what really matter.
- Submit myself to Christ’s Lordship.
- Recognize the strategy of the enemy to try to get me to resent my husband and to think negative, accusing thoughts toward him.
- Respectfully ask my husband for what I would like.
- React with self-control, poise, and grace even if my husband doesn’t meet my request.
CONNECT WITH GOD EMOTIONALLY/SPIRITUALLY
- Praise God.
- Journal my prayers and thoughts. (This seriously helps me, as much or even more than talking to another person.)
- Write down my emotions – all of them. And all of my self-talk. In a very raw way. I can shred the paper up later if necessary.
- Take my thoughts captive for Christ.
- Develop a list of things for which I am thankful and continue to add to it daily.
- Work on a list of all the things I respect about my husband.
- Invite God to work on my sin, motives, and thought life.
- Pray for myself.
- Pray for others.
- Sing praise songs in my mind or in another room out loud.
- Listen to or read sermons, podcasts, Youtube videos, the Bible, or books about the Lord and about growing in Christ. (When I do this, I feel so close to the Lord and so loved. I know I am not alone at all.)
- Listen and be still before God. Stillness is most necessary for me to learn to hear His voice and leading.
- Take a walk in nature and soak in the beauty and wonder of God’s creation.
DEVELOP A NEW UNDERSTANDING OF MY HUSBAND
I personally was amazed to discover that Greg said he always felt connected with me and bonded to me, whether we were talking a lot or not. He doesn’t connect with words. He feels just as connected to me when we are together talking as he does when he is at work. His love and sense of connection are, essentially, constant. Wow! That was a shock. I always thought we are only connected when we are talking and communicating verbally.
When Greg explained his perspective to me, it helped me to rest in his love and in the firmness of our connection. It helped me to see that I don’t have to grasp and struggle to feel connected. I already am connected to him. I can just enjoy that bond. Perhaps your husband may have a similar perspective?
Perhaps our amazing God thinks this way, too, when it comes to being connected with us, that we are always connected to Him and in fellowship with Him? Every moment of the day. (Unless there is sin blocking the way.)
BECOME A SAFE PLACE FOR MY HUSBAND
If I am willing to focus on treating my husband well and being a safe place emotionally and spiritually, he may feel a lot more open to sharing and connecting with me, in time. This requires a lot of patience and maybe a lot of waiting. In the time of waiting, I can focus on what God wants me to learn during that time. Waiting truly can become sweet with the Lord. So things may change to some degree with my husband’s willingness to talk as I change my approach. I know Greg is much more open to me talking with him in recent years since he feels safe and honored.
FIND MULTIPLE SOURCES OF CONNECTION
First, I have Jesus. He is my greatest source of verbal, emotional, and spiritual connection. He is truly enough! But then, as an extra bonus, I also have family, friends, and other believers. We can have godly mentors who can help us to grow in our faith and in our marriages. And then, in time, as the Lord leads, we may be able to mentor other women. What a priceless blessing that is!
I don’t have to feel deprived at all, even if my husband isn’t as talkative and verbal as I am. I can be content in all circumstances through Christ who gives me strength! (Phil. 4:12-13)
If I Have Jesus, I Have EVERYTHING!
EXPERIENCE A SHOCK
I actually found out – I need times of silence, too. It’s good for my soul. Now, I can enjoy silence in a friendly way. It’s peaceful and relaxing. I am in a much better place of balance than when I talked non-stop. I’m thankful for the opportunity to learn about the wisdom and gift of silence.
What wisdom has God given you in this area. Or what struggles do you have and where do you need some encouragement?
Bitterness of Soul – I Want to Be His FIRST Priority! – by A Fellow Wife
Oneness in Marriage: Not Too Close, but Not Too Far Away
Closeness in Marriage Looks Different from What I Expected – by A Fellow Wife
A Fellow Wife Thinks about Giving Space
How I Became Enmeshed with My Husband – by LMSdaily
20 Simple Ways to Enjoy Your Man
23 Signs Your Husband Is Beginning to Trust You Again
Finding Contentment in Christ Alone in Painful Trials