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Overcoming Unhappiness in Marriage – by Tina

photo credit – Photo by Josh Felise on Unsplash


Today’s post is a guest post by a Christian wife, Tina. I pray it may be a blessing to you. 🙂

Marriage is not easy. Sure, there will be plenty of good times, but there will also be trials and challenges. Sometimes bad times will last longer than the good times. And sometimes the difficult period will seem to last for so long that you’ve forgotten what it’s like to have good times. You find yourself being unhappy. Your spouse is not everything that you’d hoped he would be. You feel neglected. You don’t feel appreciated or loved enough. You feel like you deserve better. You want to be happy.

But how many times do we ask ourselves, “Am I the best person I can be for my spouse?”

It is so easy to focus on all the good things we do and all the negative things that our spouse does. We conveniently forget that we’re not perfect either and that we are sometimes very hard to deal with. We also fail to see all the good that we receive from our spouse because it’s easier to just see the bad. I am certainly guilty of that.

Recently I found myself thinking about all my expectations and being so disappointed as they were not met. I even made a list of things, which only made me feel like everything is wrong. I complained about it, kept thinking about it and became consumed with it. I was sinking deeper and deeper into disappointment, resent, frustration, and depression. I didn’t even see that it was starting to change me.

I didn’t see that I was becoming this bitter person and was not very easy to live with.

I thought I was trying my best, but somewhere along the road I became too focused on the negative and, what’s worse, I didn’t even see the negative side of me. I still saw me as the caring, loving person as I was before. I was still doing the things as before, but my attitude was so much worse. Difficult to say now which one of us deserved better!

I am so thankful for this blog and April’s book, The Peaceful Wife – Living in Submission to Christ As Lord. It is so amazing the things you write about and how open and honest you are! I can relate to so many things, it’s crazy! It is so wonderful reading about someone else being like me, feeling the same way and so inspiring what God has done in your life. Wow!

Reading your blog (along with watching a couple of messages on marriage) really opened my eyes. I just KNEW I had to read your book, if it was the last thing I did! I could feel the change in me immediately. I could feel that, for the first time in my life, I was ready to let go of wanting to control everything and just follow Him (baby steps :-)). All of a sudden that seemed so much easier to do than ever before. I feel like your book is guiding me and I feel so encouraged and so blessed!

I realized that it’s not my husband who needs to change and try better – it’s me. Maybe he’s not perfect and not meeting my expectations (which, to be honest, I’m sure they are way too high anyway), but then again, neither am I meeting his.

I tried so hard to do it all because I thought that was what was expected of me. I ended up too tired for everything other than work and too resentful because my husband didn’t help me as much as I thought he should. I “forgot” that every time he did offer help in the past, I shouted at him and accused him of doing everything the wrong way. And when he was not willing to do what I asked that very second, I assumed that meant he wasn’t willing to do it at all. Of course, I failed to see that part. I was becoming more and more exhausted, so much that I was seriously worried about my health. I thought my husband simply didn’t care.

It was hard to realize that it wasn’t my husband’s fault for not helping me.

The problem was, I wasn’t willing to accept the help. I wanted things to be done either my way or no way. I came to the point where I couldn’t do it anymore as I was just too exhausted. I had to accept help and I had to accept it to be done in a different way. Not an easy thing for me to do!

Living with another person can be a challenge. You both have your own ways and it can be difficult to compromise. There’s always going to be disappointments and expectations that won’t be met. But there are also many good things. It’s what you choose to focus on that will make a difference. When you think about all the bad things, you can end up being overwhelmed by all the negative. I hope to be able to mostly look at the positive and make the best out of that.

– Tina


17 Tips on How to Ask for What You Desire Respectfully

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I received some very sad news last week. Some of you may remember Nikka Alejar, who used to write posts for me a few years ago. She received Jesus Christ as her Lord and Savior September 1st, 2013. I met her a week or two after that on my blog. We corresponded quite a bit – it was such an honor to watch the Lord transform her into such a godly woman. She had her own blog, for a time. The posts are still up if you would like to read them.

Our beautiful friend passed away July 14th of this year after a few months of unexpected illness – leaving behind her precious husband and four children. She was such a joy to me. I know she is with her Lord in heaven! I know she is having the best time with Jesus. But please pray for her family. Her children are still rather young and I can’t imagine the grief and difficulties her sweet husband, Dong, is enduring.

Posts on my blog by Nikka.

Also, let’s pray together for Texas as they face such a devastating flooding situation.

28 thoughts on “Overcoming Unhappiness in Marriage – by Tina

  1. Thank you, April, for letting us know about Nikka. I am praying for her family. I really enjoyed and benefited from her beautiful, honest, humble witness. You and Nikka were the “Dynamic Duo” helping my marriage when I was in the beginning of this submissive walk. Thank you for your ministry. It has changed my marriage completely…for God’s glory!!!

    1. Renee,

      Thank you for sharing about the impact Nikka had on your walk with the Lord and your marriage. It is such a blessing to me to get to hear about that. 🙂 God gifted her with such a sweet spirit and a wonderful way of explaining things.

      How I praise God and rejoice with you at what He has done in your marriage! WOOHOO!!!!!! 🙂

    2. thank you April for starting this and hubby Greg too!i pray all is well with your’ll and all out other families!tnx Tina.Yeah,God is faithful n will finish the world He began in us all!!!Everyone,keep doing what God called u to do,your main purpose and the daily things!!!stay blessed n in The Trinity!!!
      Gerusha Bhotha

      1. Gerusha,

        It is such an honor for me that God and Greg have given me the opportunity to share here with my sisters.

        Thanks for the encouragement, and may God richly bless your walk with Him.

  2. Thanks much for this article. As always your blog posts are most encouraging. I hope to see additional articles by Tina in the future. I’m praying for your friend Nikka’s family and the folks impacted by Hurricane Harvey in Texas.

    1. ronfurg,

      I would love to give Tina more opportunities to share if she would like to. Great idea! I believe God will use her post to be such a blessing to many women.

      Thank you for your prayers for Nikka’s family and for those in Texas who are suffering so much right now.

  3. I also have been blessed by Nikka’s blog posts and the way she has shared her experiences. I know she is with Jesus and I’m very happy for her but also saddened by the news of her passing. It must be hard for her husband and children. Her smile just radiates an inner beauty in that photo! She will be missed until we see her again. I will keep her family in my prayers. May they lean into Jesus during a difficult time for them. He is the great comforter. Thank you for letting us know April.

    1. Cara,

      It was quite a shock for me to hear last week. I was offline for most of July and hadn’t seen her FB page. Thank you so much for praying for this dear family. That means a lot to me!

  4. I will join you in praying for Nikka’s family. Nikka was so kind to me, I enjoyed her posts, and she even took the time to encourage me by emailing me directly. God is using her to strengthen me, even now. I’ve been healing from years of negativity, and at times I start to drift backwards. This morning I was feeling a bit off (which is odd because my husband and I had a wonderful weekend) – but anyhow, I came to your blog seeking encouragement. Tina’s post was helpful, but reading about Nikka, seeing her beautiful smile, and my memories of how she reached out to me – God is using all of that to encourage me to be strong.

    Nikka was a beautiful woman, inside and out, and I look forward to meeting her in Heaven someday. I will definitely be praying for her family.

    1. Becca,

      I’m so glad Tina’s post was helpful. I love seeing God working in people’s lives. It never gets old!

      So precious about how Nikka reached out to you. I know she is THRILLED at what the Lord has been doing in your heart and how strongholds of the enemy are being broken and you are healing so much. One day in heaven, we will get to hear every story about all that the Lord has done and how He used Nikka to impact thousands of lives for His kingdom. I look forward to that so much!

      Thank you for praying for Nikka’s family. I know they will appreciate it more than they could ever say.

  5. So very heartbroken to hear about Nikki’s passing. She was a precious light shining for The Kingdom of God. I missed her posts when she stopped writing. And I know her family must be devastated. I will be sure to pray for her family. Thank you, April, for letting us know.

    1. The Redeemed Way,

      Thank you so much for sharing your heart about Nikka and for your prayers for her family. I appreciate it greatly!

  6. jesuscentreoflife,

    Thanks for the link. 🙂

    We appreciate it, dear brother. I’ll try to check it out.

  7. Cara,

    This is SUPER helpful. Thank you so much! I wonder if you might allow me to share this anonymously, the part about your story, on my blog or FB page for single women?

    Much love!

    1. April,
      Absolutely, you can share, I would be honored. These are also things I share with my teenage daughter and hope that she has ears to hear. I know that I didn’t. 🙁


  8. I’m really shocked and sorry to hear about Nikka :(. I’ve wondered about her and how she was doing, off and on, and I’m saddened to know she’s gone. I learned a lot from her and will always be grateful. Thanks for letting us know, and I’m sorry for your loss, April, and for her family’s.

    1. Liz M.,

      It was such a shock to me, too. I know it was for her family, as well. 🙁

      She had been doing REALLY, REALLY well. She attended seminary and had just begun back as a news anchor on TV – which she had done in the past. She radiated Jesus and such beautiful femininity. I miss her! And I know her family does so much more than I can imagine.

      I know she is glorious, singing praises to Jesus in heaven. I know she is completely content and overflowing with joy and peace.

      Thank you for sharing your thoughts and sympathy.

      I am praying with great faith – because I know that God will deliver her family and use this somehow for His glory in ways I can’t begin to imagine. But how I pray for the Lord’s comfort, peace, direction, wisdom, and guidance for them now as they take these first few steps and try to find their way with her gone.

    1. I love the fellowship too! It’s been such a blessing to me. I’ve been reading for a few years now and I’ve learned and grown so much along with a few steps backward. BUT I am always willing to get back on the horse and try again and it always help to do some “refresher” reading from time to time. Thank you for being here and for sharing wisdom. Much love!


      1. Cara,

        We ALL need refreshers. I know I sure do! And we all stumble at times. But then, let’s just get right back up “on the horse” again. Exactly!

        I’m honored to be here. Y’all are such an encouragement and blessing to me.

    1. Shy,
      Much shorter than we expect sometimes. 🙁

      Thanks for sharing, my sweet sister.

      Much love to you! It’s great to hear from you.

  9. What a sad shock about Nikka`s passing! How blessed that Nikka was committed to Christ and ready to meet Him though. I pray that the Lord will bless and speak clearly to Dong and the children that they may be comforted and borne up through this time of loss.

    1. SevenTimes,

      It was quite a shock! I definitely didn’t see that coming. She was still so very young. Thank you for praying for Dong and their 4 precious children. I am sure this is an extremely difficult time.

      It’s wonderful to hear from you, my sister!

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