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Resources for Men

Some people say that because I only teach women, I must be saying that men can do whatever they want and they are off the hook when it comes to being godly husbands. No, not at all! I am not sure how anyone could arrive at such a conclusion! There is no excuse for any believer to think that he/she is “off the hook” and not responsible to God for how they live and relate to other people. Men are at least as accountable – if not more so – than women are before God. (Those in positions of God-given leadership hold a greater accountability.)

Thankfully, even though I only teach women – the Bible still completely applies to men, as well. It applies to all of us! I hope that is obvious.

There are PLENTY of resources for our men and brothers in Christ. Here are a few of our favorites that Greg and I would recommend (some are wonderful for men and women):

www.radical.net – David Platt’s site (search biblical manhood and biblical womanhood or marriage)

www.desiringgod.org – John Piper’s site (search biblical manhood and biblical womanhood or marriage)

Recovering Biblical Manhood and Womanhood edited by John Piper and Wayne Grudem

www.seriousfaith.com Brent Riggs has a number of posts for men about being godly men/husbands

– a resource about how husbands can love their wives is Love and Respect by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs he also has a website that you may search with this link

Grace Filled Marriage, by Dr. Tim Kimmel, is for husbands and wives and is excellent

His Needs, Her Needs by Dr Willard F. Harley

The Resolution for Men – the Kendrick brothers and Randy Alcorn

Other resources by the Kendrick brothers about prayer, The Love Dare, etc.. https://kendrickbrothers.com/projects/books

How to Be a Godly Husband by www.gotquestions.org

– Absolute Surrender by Andrew Murray or his book, Humility, are excellent resources for spiritual growth for men and women.

– E. M. Bounds book on The Necessity of Prayer will help any believer in his/her pursuit of a much more effective prayer life

My sites are for women. I don’t attempt to teach or mentor men out of respect for scripture’s instructions that women are not to have authority over men in the church. So I believe the focus here has to be on what God calls us to do primarily – not on what God calls men to do. My calling is Titus 2:3-5.

However, I do want ladies to know about the whole picture in God’s design, not just what women are called to do. And I want the men to have the resources they need. Y’all are welcome to search the sites I listed above or check out these two posts by a minister at my church:

Spiritual Authority
A Husband’s and a Wife’s Authority in MarriageΒ 

My husband, Greg, also has a blog for men – www.peacefulhusband.com

 

Much love to all of my sisters and brothers and a very Happy New Year! Β I can’t wait to see what God has in store for each of us. How I pray we will seek Him more fervently than ever and that we might allow Him to continue to radically transform us to be the people He calls us to be.

SHARE:

Gentlemen,

If you know of a biblically grounded site for men that you would like to share with our other brothers, you are welcome to share in the comments. Thanks so much!

29 thoughts on “Resources for Men

  1. Amen. April, we are grateful for your behind the scenes discernment of whats posted and it’s kind of you to pray for and address the people even as they misunderstand you. God uses everything for good. There is some man or woman out there ever grateful you’ve posted all those resources on one page. Blessings to you and your beautiful family.

    1. SisterinChrist,

      Thank you! There are many who misunderstand me and it breaks my heart so much. I am told things like:

      – Why do you hate women?
      – You are abusing women (by holding them accountable for their sin).
      – If you talk about “submission” at all, then you are condoning abuse for women.
      – If a man ever leads in his home or at church, it is oppressive for women. Male leadership always = male domination
      Why do you blame women for all the problems in marriage?
      – Why don’t you teach men? If you don’t teach men, you are saying that they can sin against and abuse women.
      – If a woman respects her husband, she has to disrespect herself.

      Thankfully, these things are not true!

      I love women. And men. I hope that is obvious. πŸ™‚

      I pray God will reach the hearts of those who mishear and misunderstand. In the meantime, yes, we will pray for them. And I will seek to hone my message so that it is as clear and understandable as possible. I pray God’s Spirit will open many eyes!

      1. I think there is such a pervasive mindset in our culture that “women are good and men are evil” that it is almost “blasphemous” in the minds of some who have absorbed that message for me to talk about that “all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God” Romans 3:23. Women, included.

        It is painful to hear “The bad news” that we are all sinners and that we are all desperately in need of a Savior. But it is important to hear the bad news so that we can then receive the Good News that Jesus paid the price for our sins and that if we turn to Him as LORD of everything in our lives, He can save us from our sin, from condemnation, and hell. And He can make us sons and daughters of God, co-heirs with Him to heaven. He can transform us and give us a new heart, mind, and Spirit. He can empower us by His goodness to live the lives He calls us to live – men and women. This is the best news there ever was!

        1. I agree, and there are so many factors that can be the cause of that mindset. Childhood experiences, previous or current marriages or simply conforming to the current popular mindset of this generation. The full and beautiful truth of how we are to live as men and women of God is revealed in His eternal Word, not the whims of this, past or future generations. Worldly views, societal trends in thinking,….all have come and gone and will not stand against an eternal truth. I used to think like that and thought my marriage, even with it’s troubles were ok, we were happy throughout the years except for some problems but once Christ took over our marriage, wow, I saw how dim that happiness was, it was almost like I was being fooled into thinking this is as good as it gets.

          1. SisterinChrist,

            Satan is very sneaky with his lies:

            – “God doesn’t really know best for you. You are wiser than He is. Be your own god.”
            – “God is holding out on you. His ways are oppressive. He doesn’t want the best for you and is trying to keep you from having fun.”
            – “God is unfair. He thinks women are worth less than men.”
            – “If you do things God’s way, the world will think you are the most stupid woman alive.”
            – “You’ll lose all of your power if you give up your sinful ways and obey God.”
            – “Your husband will treat you like dirt if you honor him.”
            – “You’ll just be feeding your husband’s oversized ego if you genuinely respect the good in him like God says to. You’ll never get your way again.”

            The Father of Lies has so many lies he tells us. But in actuality – the lies he tells us about God are really about his ways. Satan’s ways. He is the one who will steal, kill, and destroy if we follow him. And we don’t even realize that to follow self IS to follow Satan. If we follow Satan’s lies – we will be oppressed, we will suffer, our marriages will be destroyed, our children will be hurt, we will tear down our husbands instead of pouring God’s healing into our marriages. If we follow Satan, we become his agents and allow him to use our mouths, our attitudes, our words, and actions for his purposes.

            If we follow God – we are blessed. Even if our husband don’t change the way we want them to, obedience to God is a reward in and of itself. He will reward us in heaven! When we submit to Him as husbands or wives – He opens up the floodgates of heaven to work miracles, change hearts, alter circumstances for our ultimate good and His glory. When we submit to Him and walk in the power of His Spirit – all of His 8000 promises are ours! We don’t lose any power – except for our sinful power to destroy ourselves and others. We gain all of the good power of God in our lives and families.

            How I long for everyone to get to experience the blessing of living in total submission to Christ as Lord!

            Yes, there are many factors that can contribute to the mindsets that God’s ways are wrong and oppressive. I used to have some of those wrong ideas about God, marriage, masculinity, femininity, myself, and Greg before. I’m so thankful that God is willing and able to open our eyes in spite of our inability to do so and that He is willing to radically transform and heal us.

            Thank you so much for sharing!

            A lot of people buy these lies.

          2. Amen! My goodness I love reading your words. So beautiful and true. It’s beautiful when my husband and I look at each other and will say something like “the enemy is trying to make us not go to church by bringing up this issue, look at the time..” Or when I hear him say he’s experienced the enemy try to put people in his path that he recognizes as a temptation he’s not going to fall for and he saw it so clearly. He feeds his soul everyday with reading spiritual classics and scripture and prayer and daily mass and I believe that’s how one can discern easier than one who is more attached to the world. I have also had experiences that seem ok, even good by the world’s standards and saw it was not good, even evil for me and my marriage because I saw with spiritual eyes. It’s hard sometimes when we’re surrounded by people so attached to and confirming to the world for us to walk and speak against the massive tide but when we do, I believe strongly God rewards that with spiritual graces, insights that may seem like foolishness to some. As in Corinthians 1:18

          3. SisterinChrist,

            I LOVE LOVE LOVE that you both recognize the enemy’s tactics and expose them and seek to yield to God, not to Satan. THAT IS AWESOME! And you are both feeding yourselves spiritually. How I long for us all to do that. πŸ™‚

            Yes, God’s ways and His wisdom absolutely seem like foolishness to human wisdom and worldly thinking. But if we are willing, He will give us His spiritual treasures that are worth more than anything in this life. If only we will receive it!

            Much love!

  2. I think doubt is the root of all rebellion. Even Satan doubted The Son’s authority or right, and position. Ironically, many woman deal with the delima of logically deducing that, “why should I acknowledge “him” as the leader or head of this marriage, he doesn’t seem any better than me.” In many instances with humans, the man can be less intelligent. This again, as you’ve said many times, “honoring, and trusting God, and that being reason we trust the structure He established in marriage.” The Son has always been Emanuel… God with us. Satan thought, “why are you so much better than me, I’m talented, I’m beautiful, I’m powerful…. Why can’t I sit in Your seat?” Thus we have the fall. I have always said, woman in reality… To me, is “better.” She was made from a glorified substance(man), while man was made from the dust. So when a wife honors her husband, it has nothing to do with who is better, but everything to go with honoring God, and the structure and order He designed. Just like we honor Christ. He says we are joint heirs with Him, and we can do greater works, yet because we were created from Him, we honor Him as the ultimate authority in our lives. It is the same with husbands and wives. Although God remains the ultimate authority. 😊

    1. Michael,

      That is interesting – I haven’t heard it put that way. That doubt was the root of all rebellion. I have heard “pride” being the root of all rebellion and sin. But really – doubt in God and pride in ourselves is kind of the same thing. Trusting self and not God is putting us on the throne and having unbelief about God. Great point

      Thank you so much for sharing these insights. Yes! It is absolutely about honoring God and His wisdom so that we get to participate in His mission. It is all ultimately about Him. And when we are willing to trust and obey Him – He glorifies us with Himself and we all benefit. So amazing!

      1. Hello again Peacefulwife,

        You are so right…Pride. Doubt it’s really an embarrassing thing for a seasoned believer. So it is truly a combination of the mistrust of God or His sovereignty in a situation(doubt), and the pride of not admitting it to ourselves and those involved, namely God. My ex wife forced me to do a dissolution, or she was going to try to have the court battle of the century, and cut our children out of my life, but of course she is fine with a dissolution and I get them Thursday, Friday, Saturday every week, and every other week one day to take them to dinner. We have 3 boys. Our marriage spiraled out of control when she made very close friends with a guy from her deliverance group, and was literally talking all day throughout the day with him, every day, and late at night. She wouldn’t stop, but said, “well I won’t text him after 11pm.” Long story short she was dating him before our divorce was even finalized. Now, for the last month she has been trying to get back together with me? Saying she is in a depression, and can’t stop thinking, and dreaming of me. Though this is exactly what she did with him, while we were married. She thought God was telling her this guy was her husband….??? I said, “you were in a marriage covenant, how would you even consider, God to Deny Himself, and his Word in that way?” Really sucks. She had already cheated 8 years ago. I feel like she is the kind of person that ever so many years, she convinces herself she isn’t loved, or things aren’t good enough, and then she cheats. We had been married 14 years. I feel released from the covenant, but I’m still torn… My children, knowing the love that was once there between her and I. It’s a very tough situation.

  3. Another great resource is from the Above Rubies site. Colin Campbell writes “Meat for Men.” Excellent stuff.

  4. April,

    I just want to encourage you and let you know that I’ve read this blog and your book and find them both to be biblically sound. Isn’t that what we are supposed to do? To weigh anything that anyone says against the perfect truth of the Bible?

    I know for myself, I don’t just trust someone’s word without making sure it lines up with GOD’S WORD. I know that I have the Holy Spirit inside of me, who is able to teach me in all things and also to discern what is truth from a lie. I also know that you, as a teacher, should not be idolized to the point of never being tested against scripture and that God is the ultimate teacher.

    With that being said, I’ve learned so much through this site and through your book. My go to book is obviously the Bible but this site and your book are also in my “arsenal.” I’m not young but I can still use instruction and also a reality check at times.

    With the hopes that this doesn’t discredit me in any way, I will share that I am currently married to my fourth… yes, fourth husband. Yes, I know what that looks/sounds like but I’ve since come to the saving grace of Jesus and he has washed me clean. He has renewed a right spirit within me and I am able to walk out this marriage with dignity and grace and have become a good forgiver since Christ has forgiven me! It’s not easy and why I am grateful for your teachings, April.

    I have been through it all, married to a drug addict, a pornography addict and also an abusive man. I can tell you that you DO NOT condone abuse and/or disrepect. I would know. I can clearly see the love of Christ in the message you give to others. If I had not known the love of Christ and also healthy boundaries, I would of ended up dead. I would of lost myself mentally and physically. The teaching you write of is very healthy and is a good example of how to live godly marriages out.

    I also believe that the way you word yourself is not the problem, I can clearly see the Holy Spirit leading you in love. I appreciate your willingness to re-evaluate yourself though, we can always improve.
    God will do the rest after you sow the seeds of truth. If others can’t/won’t hear it then it is not your burden to bare, I encourage you to give it to God (which I’m almost certain you already do) and keep fighting the good fight dear sister!! You are a good influence on people who you may not even know were touched. From my experience, it’s the disgruntled who make the most noise. That’s ok though because we can look at their groans as cries for help from them to our Heavenly Father, the one who sends his Holy Spirit to groan for us in prayer!

    To God be ALL the glory!
    I praise him for raising up people like you April. Keep up the good work!

    1. Cara,

      Goodness, what a painful past you have had, my precious sister! But how I praise God for the work He has done in your life! WOOHOO! And YES! We all must carefully weight everything anyone says – even our own selves – against the Bible. And how I pray we will each handle God’s Word rightly by the power of His Spirit of discernment.

      Yes, God is the ultimate teacher. His truth and His perspective is always what matters – never my opinion.

      Thank you for sharing your story. And thank you also for letting me know what you are able to see in my writing. It grieves me to no end to think that anyone would think I condoned abuse or that God condones abuse or that anyone would use my words to try to force tyranny or abuse on anyone else.

      I know that many who don’t know Christ will not be able to understand His words. I know that when I share His truth, many will reject it. My prayer is that the only fault people will find in me is Jesus. That I would be empowered by God to be faithful and obedient to share His message as clearly as I can on my end. I must trust His Spirit to open eyes for others.

      Yes, I seek to give all of this to God. All of the hurting, wounded souls who lash out – my heart aches for them to come to know Jesus. I know that I couldn’t even open my own eyes, much less anyone else’s eyes. But God uses the criticisms to help me better understand where they are coming from and helps me use their comments sometimes to reach more women by writing posts about the things people say. So I am thankful for the feedback. And I am thankful for the criticism and insults – because I know that I will face insults and even persecution for living for Christ. And – WOW! Have I ever begun to face that in some new ways in recent weeks. That is an unspoken prayer request. I pray God will empower me to be faithful and that I will live by faith in Him and not be overcome by fear. But that His greatest glory will be accomplished no matter the personal cost to me and my family.

      Much love to you! And thank you so much for the prayers!

      In Him,
      April

  5. April, I thank God for your ministry to the ladies and it is a wonderful blessing!
    When I discovered this site, I could see very balanced teachings that were on point, lining up with God’s word.
    However, in the past, I would sometimes cringe when I heard women being addressed. I would think or say ” Here we go again…what about the men?!”
    This was due to prior spiritual abuse. It was because I was so used to dealing with men who did blame women primarily, did not step up and lead according to God’s word, but twisted scripture, tried controlling and doing their own thing, while treating women’s spiritual roles and responsibilities as if they were greater responsibilities than their own.
    Yet, they were supposed to be the ones leading, and also had initiated their share of the problems.

    Regardless, I have to keep my focus on God, and on pleasing Him. I had to acknowledge that God’s instructions for women are just as valid and important, regardless of the fact that some others have refused to rightly divide His word.

    I understand where you are coming from. Women (married or single, like myself) cannot change a man. Neither can they change us.
    But we are each accountable to God for ourselves.
    Some teachings I have heard portrayed God as favoring men, and being harder on women. This is a gross distortion of our Lord and Savior, and God opened my eyes to the truth as I studied His word and prayed for understanding.
    I know that men are 100% accountable and carry a heavier spiritual responsibility to God as leaders, and are not getting away with anything.
    It is clearly biblical for you not to teach the men. Other godly men are doing that, as they should be.
    I appreciate that you have addressed many issues and covered topics that prove that you are not in any way condoning or ignoring sin in men or in women.
    Thank you for also sharing the links to these other resources.

    I wish all a happy and blessed new year πŸ™‚

  6. I am looking for an old post on dealing with people who play the martyr but can’t seem to find it. Do you have the link April? Thank you!

      1. Thank you. When I click on the links within the article such as using guilt to manipulate others it says oops the page can’t be found. Am I doing something wrong?

  7. Hi April- I’ve been reading your blog for years. My husband and I have been married for 5 years and I did have to separate from him at one point, about 2 years ago. We have one child together. The last year has been phenomenal, and I really saw how God restored much of our relationship, and I praise Him for that. I need prayer though, and hopefully someone to point me in the right direction. Literally everything I did yesterday set him off…things that normally wouldn’t even be noticed. I.e taking too long to get ready, couldn’t find keys in his coat, not getting our child ready by the time he was, etc. I could tell that over the last few days, he was getting more and more irritated/unloving towards me. I do know that there must be hurt and disrespect on my part, but my biggest concern right now is that he bad mouthed me to our child, twice yesterday. First time insinuating that I’m a bad mother, and the second time in a rage listing off my negative qualities (child is a toddler). After a lot of good together and healing over the last year, and nothing like this, I can’t help but wonder where my husband has gone. This is the behaviour that caused me to separate from him in the first place. I fell flat on my face last night praying for wisdom and guidance and protection for our child. I know that he knows and understands it’s wrong to talk to our child like this, but at the moment he says he is justified to tell our child “true” things about me and isfeeking completely justified, even with my reaching out in an on confrontational way. So after this long backstory, my question is: how do we handle our husbands using our children against us? He is a Christian. It honestly it feels like my husband has been replaced with someone else.

    1. Sam,

      Hmm.. do you know if there is something that was a trigger for him? Does he have any mental illnesses, has he been really sick, did something significant happen recently in the past few days, is he quitting smoking right now, is he on a new medication?

      I think it may be important to know what happened first. I am glad you are seeking God’s wisdom.

      What was his childhood like? Did his dad speak like that about his mom in front of him?

      Much love to you! I am praying for you!

      A resources that may be helpful:

      http://www.leslievernick.com

  8. The aged women likewise, that they be in behaviour as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things; That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed (Titus 2:3 – 2:5 KJV)

    My dear sisters and brothers,

    First of all, I wish to say how exemplary our sister April is. It is not for her to be busy with the husbands. She makes it abundantly clear that her ministering is not for wives in abusive, or toxic relationships, or marriages where spouses are calling the other to sin.

    I would say that we are not here to change our wives or husbands, how ever much we believe that would make our marriages easier. We are called by God to live with him or her, with the objective of growing closer to our Savior, through learning to live, work and be in communion with someone whom we profess to love and to whom we vow before God to faithfulness etc.

    As Christians, we all are asked to submit to Our Father’s will, just as Our Savior, Jesus Christ submitted to his Father’s will, not my will but thine be done, before He walked the Via Dolorosa. Jesus taught us this in the first lines of the Lord’s Prayer.

    In the Old Testament we are commanded to: “Honor your father and mother!”

    Jesus says that we must acknowledge God first.

    A Godly man, husband or father wishes to take on the work of making his family serve the Lord more truly

    “As for me and my house, we shall serve the Lord.”

    It is a point of loving expectation that men feel satisfied when they are allowed to lead.

    I may ruffle some feathers, making this statement, but I believe it to be true: every man is born to be a father and every woman is born to be a mother!

    That said: we must look at what lives in a man to make a father?
    Protection,
    Strength,
    Leadership that is compassionate,
    Provision,

    When I think of a father I see the strong castle walls within which the family can rest secure and safe.

    Within the castle walls lives the mother, who surrounded by her children feels another security, a safety of nurturing, comforting.

    Imagine the children hear the bells of alarm within the walls, the clank of armor and swords. The children need to know that they will be safe in their mother ‘s arms.

    In short, the castle walls are the hugging strength of the father, the soothing cuddles of the mother are gentler and only can be effective when the strength of the father/walls give security.

    Here are a couple of links as to what it is to be a father:

    http://www.fathers.com/s7-hot-topics/c42-your-marriage/how-dads-can-teach-sons-to-respect-women/

    http://www.allprodad.com/10-things-loving-fathers-do-for-their-children/

    Also a website that I find excellent for Godly husbandship:
    https://husbandrevolution.com

    Many thanks to those who read this far, my thoughts are coherent only as far as I have been able to digest them but I feel a longer more comprehensive posting coming your way, if interested, on my blog.

    I consider this a privilege to be able to share things on the Peaceful Wife blog.

    Thank you,
    Jesuscentreoflife

    1. This is very nice Jesuscentreoflife, thank you for the time you took to share! I enjoyed reading it very much.

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