Skip to main content
wedding-rings-1562733

Why I Put My Wedding Rings Back On – a Guest Post

By a sister in Christ… I’m so thankful for her willingness to share for the first time in a post. I never get tired of hearing how our amazing God heals broken people and relationships:

Bare fingers fussed around the edges of divorce documents. Time had passed long and hollow since the sparkling bands of diamonds and emeralds had graced the ring finger of the two becoming one. I was ready for divorce. I felt done. Yet, I lacked peace.

When I’d last prayed the still, small voice had spoken into my spirit “six months.” Six months what? I’d thought. Six months until he changes? Six months until this nightmare is over? Six months until I stop crying?

I decided to meet a lawyer just to get the legal facts. I’m certain my jaw dropped when she said,

“It’ll be six months until you’ll even get to court. Maybe you want to think about it some more.”

I had felt God wasn’t working and had been thinking the dry season without visible change was His sign I should divorce. Now, I had a stirring of hope. I apologized for doubting Him and counted six months on the calendar – about the time of our vacation to the ocean. Tired of waiting around for him, I had planned it for the kids and me. I would pray about it until then and make my decision when we returned.

In the meantime, I read the book, “The Peaceful Wife – Living in Submission to Christ As Lord,” and the Peaceful Wife blog. April’s counsel was challenging: turn your eyes to Jesus. Stop making an idol of your husband. My heart was full of unbelief, anger, and unmet needs and hurt. And pride. Other wives felt the same. What sort of crazy road was this? we all wondered? Yet, the women who had gone before us were all singing the same song over our souls: turn to Jesus.

“God is sovereign, not your feelings” April would said. That struck a chord with me.

The time of the vacation arrived. A few days before leaving, we had an argument. Normally I would have been crushed. Angry. Confused. Oh, it hurt. But this time I didn’t give in to the feelings. This time I prayed. And again the still small voice reached out to me through the storm.

Put your rings back on.

When God speaks, the layers of meaning in one sentence, one word, can be endless. I knew immediately the command to put my wedding rings on was a call to fight, to humble myself before Him, to stand strong, to stop being lukewarm about my marriage. I was either all in or I was out. It was time to stop sitting on the fence and crying because things weren’t changing.

I slid the cool metal circles over my ring finger. I felt like an idiot. They were like a sword piercing my pride. He probably doesn’t even know where his ring is – if he even has it anymore. The bitter thought quickly receded, however, when in that one act of obedience I suddenly understood this moment was not about a marriage to a man, but a marriage of a woman to her God. The rings symbolized a vow I had made to my husband, but more than anything else they were an outward sign of a vow I had made to God to stand with Him as a helpmeet to my husband through life.

“I’m so sorry, Lord!” I cried out. As I repented of betraying the commitment I’d made to Him, His Spirit filled me anew. The rings sparkled and danced with life. I’d forgotten how beautiful they were. For a moment the pain of the years lifted and I was a bride once more.

What I noticed next was a prompting of the Holy Spirit to confess out loud that I wanted my marriage to work. This was difficult. Part of me wanted to be free from the hurt and humiliation. I had been encouraged by several friends to file for the divorce and move on. In my heart though, I knew I still loved him and dreamed of having our family together again. I felt ashamed at having this longing in the face of such unlikely odds. The prompting persisted, so alone in the car I would whisper, “I do want our marriage to heal, Lord. I still love him. I love our kids.”

This continued for several weeks. I watched War Room. I made a war room in my laundry room with pictures from my wedding day and each of our children. I posted scriptures and hand written prayers and simple words like Bring him home, Lord.

 I stopped fighting against the guidance of the wives who had gone before me, both in the Peaceful Wife blog and other forums He had sent my way. I let Him make changes in me. I focused on being more sensitive to the Spirit and simply got closer to Jesus. I got out of the way and God moved.

It’s taken some time, but there has been a real softening in my husband’s heart. He has apologized for the years wasted in anger. He listens to me now when I share my heart. He even tells me he loves me and I can hear in the tone of his voice it’s true.

I’ve thrown out the divorce papers and have begun to dream again.

And, yet, more than anything, my heart has the peace of a woman who has put God first, a wife who has learned (and is learning) to die to self in order to be a vessel of His goodness and redemption in another’s life. I thought I knew how to be a good wife. But I never asked Him how to be the wife my husband needed. God didn’t just want my cooperation. He wanted my submission.

Playing at the park today, I saw a woman I hadn’t seen in a long time. She looked at my rings and said “Oh, your rings are so lovely.”

As I pushed my son on the swing, the light of the sun sparkled over them as if imbued with Heavenly majesty. “Thank you.” I smiled. “I think so, too.”

SHARE:

If you would like to share a struggle you have had for a post idea or how God has been working in your heart and light bulb moments God has shown you – you may leave your story in the comments or submit it to me privately on my Contact page. 🙂

I’D APPRECIATE YOUR HELP:

If you have read my book, I would love for everyone to leave a review on Amazon. If I get 18 more reviews, my publisher, Kregel, will provide more funding for promoting the book. 🙂

RELATED:

The Peaceful Wife – Living in Submission to Christ As Lord by April Cassidy (book link to Amazon)

God Stopped a Wife’s Divorce Plans

The Bible and Divorce

Kristen’s Story – Being a Peaceful Divorced Wife

When Your Husband Says, “I’m Done”

Should You Strive to Keep Your Husband at ANY Cost?

Should I Stay or Should I Go?

48 thoughts on “Why I Put My Wedding Rings Back On – a Guest Post

  1. That is a beautiful story 🙂

    Our God is so good. He is the calmer of fears, the captain of our soul in the midst of the storms.

  2. Dear brothers and sisters

    This is something to be read by everyone who has struggled in their relationship with their spouse.

    Thank you, dear sister in Jesus Christ for this heartwarming picture of God’s amazing power, and your part in it to give in completely to Our Lord’s plans.

    When I thought of divorce, even as a vague option to get myself a “better” wife, I saw all the nitty gritty of that action. Those nitty gritty changes that would need to be made were perceived by me as a reflection of the breaking of the fabric of our marriage that weaving of two into one whole. When one has never been married, one cannot perceive interwoven nature of a couple committed to life together. The nitty gritty is the easy part; when one chooses to separate and divorce that is like ripping in two a fine antique carpet. When we as Christians decide to do that, it strikes me that it is like terminating your marriage which is an ever changing relationship, it seems to me almost like terminating a pregnancy. I will not say never for that is not my place to say, but rarely, it would appear to me, is the action of divorce one sanctioned by God.

    Dear brothers and sisters, thank you for being part of my family in Christ,
    Jesuscentreoflife

  3. Wow. This was great. I, too, took my rings off for about a week. I was convinced I didn’t have a husband anymore. I had a selfish, angry, single person in his mind who had no compassion, no interest in being married, no affection, or care for anyone but himself. He was not a husband. Not even a friend. I didn’t even recognize this man in my house.

    Yet, I’m supposed to treat him like a husband? Care for him, bless him, pick up messes and be a partner to him????? No way! “God”, I yelled out loud “no way am I wearing these rings, it’s a symbol of a lie and I won’t live a lie”. Washing my hands and making meatloaf were so much easier without them. I didn’t scratch anyone or have to spin them around to lay on my hands at night. But I, too, did not feel peace about it. My friends noticed them gone and looked at me knowing the end was nearer. I don’t know if my husband noticed them or not…I was always in bed when he came home and left . He doesn’t wear one himself. It felt like a rebellion.

    But. Then I heard clearly that even if my husband is not acting like a husband, I am still called to be a wife. I’m married…..until I’m not. I realized the commitment and promise I made to God. I couldn’t deny that I wanted to be committed to my promise to God…for better or for worse….this was the worse part….and I put them on. I had promised to obey my Lord. I still get tempted to take them off, even melt them down, in fact, but for 20 years, I took them off only to clean them or have them repaired. I am still a wife. I will keep them on to remind me of that promise I made to God. Even if my husband is not being a husband, i can still be a wife…and I can honor my promise I made to God. He will show me the way. Thank you God for humbling me to my pride. Your way is always the best way. LMS

    1. LMS…My husband has filed for divorce and has made it clear that I am not his wife anymore. He rarely talks to me or makes eye contact. No compliments or thank yous. Through my attorney, I set boundaries and brought out in the open what he has done. You can only imagine the distance and disdain this has created.

      We are in the same house. I am taking the high road. I wear my wedding band. I clean his clothes, make sure their is toliet paper for him, supply his bathroom when the tooth paste is gone. Say good morning and great him when I come and go. Invite him to eat what I have prepared dor dinner. He does none of this for me.

      I have never felt so much pain. I want to be mean..however the Holy Spirit has spoken to me to be kind and patient…and set boundaries to protect myself.

      Years ago i took it off because I was so mad and hurt in our marriage. That action hurt him.

      He hasnt worn his ring in 3 years. I wear mine now. I am not ready to completely give up.

      1. Hope Always,

        I like what you are describing as your approach, precious sister. This would be an incredibly difficult situation.

        Praying for God’s healing for you and your husband. Neither of you are beyond His reach.

        Much love to you!

          1. Carla,

            Sometimes it can be easy to forget this in the midst of a fierce trial. But how thankful I am that NONE of us are beyond His reach! We are all in equally desperate need of Jesus!

  4. So this one really got to me. I have been feeling like a fake every time I put my rings on and like they mean nothing anymore as the person who gave them to me says our marriage was over years ago and so I have contemplated not wearing them anymore.

    I don’t think my husbsnd would care. He made it quite obvious he didn’t want to re-hang some wedding portraits after our renovations. So I feel very sad putting them on. But I loved how you said the rings are a symbol of the vow I made to God as well. Thank you.

    I know it’s tricky to put into words, but can you explain how exactly you became more sensitive to the Spirit? How you became closer to Jesus? Was it through more prayer? The bible? I pray all through the day, read my bible regularly, try to take my thoughts captive etc. but I don’t feel guidance in anything.

    I love your story. Stories of progress give me hope.
    Bel

    1. Jamesmacdonald.com and the vertical church band songs— it is what tool God used to draw me closer to Himself! Oh what I’ve been challenged with! God even taught me through his preaching how to forgive!!! I struggled with that issue for a few years!! Praise God. I am closer to God—love Jesus sooo much and lost my Bible at church the other day and felt hopeless until I found it!! Never have loved Jesus or his word like this before. Thank you Jesus!

    2. Hello Bel,

      I’m the author of this story answering anonymously to protect this new stage of my marriage. 🙂

      I, too, felt fake at different times when I’d where my rings, but when I heard this directive from Him I had the power and permission to wear them again. So… how did I start hearing from the Lord?

      It’s been my experience that many times when we are hurting and looking for answers we struggle to REST. I used to obsess over the scriptures looking for answers. It’s wise to read scriptures, but when we are over-searching as I was and not trusting, they can be taken out of the context He intended and our fear and desperation acts like a static that interferes with the “spirit waves.”

      My advice is to find ways to rest. When my thoughts were really hurting me, I started reading fiction books again. Wholesome ones. The classics mostly. These inspired me and helped my mind get focused on something other than my problems. Even fifteen minutes calmed my mind and nerves.

      I got more invested in doing what I love. I spent time enjoying fixing up the house.

      Yes, God spoke to me in scripture, but I began to see these little acts of trust in Him, which is the essence of rest, seemed to open my ears to hear Him more clearly and more frequently. This developed a deeper relationship. And He often spoke to me then when I was going about other business.

      I hope this helps. He loves us and our spouses. We aren’t out of the woods yet but I’m so grateful for having the closer relationship with Him.

      God bless

      1. Wow. What a perfect picture/example of what it means to “rest” (be still and know that I am God!). I need to hear this —I’m striving too hard to find the answers BUT in doing so I’ve grown more in love with my Jesus!

  5. I want to be closer to God, too. I feel closer to Him when I read my Bible, but the more I read it, the more judgemental I get of my boyfriend’s walk with God. (My bf treats me very well and he is not involved with unrepentant sin or anything.) I think I find it easy to be judgemental because I was raised in a Christian home, but he just became a Christian three years ago and none of his family are believers, so I feel like I have more “experience”. So I feel like in some weird way, reading my Bible is making me self-righteous towards him – which I know it’s not supposed to do!

    I want to pray, but I’m not really sure what to pray about, and I don’t really feel like I hear answers with anything – whether reading the Bible or praying. I really want to be closer to God, but I don’t want to do it in a way that makes me self-righteous toward my boyfriend, because I know that that doesn’t really make me closer to God at all (and it hurts the relationship I have with my boyfriend). Any ideas from women who struggled with feeling “holier than” their husbands and then learned to grow closer to God AND respect their men as spiritual leaders?

    Thanks! 🙂

    Much love,
    Flower

    PS – to put my bf’s and my relationship in context, we have been together several years and are planning to get married after I graduate from college

    1. Flower,

      I’m glad you realize what is going on! That is a good thing. 🙂 I definitely struggled with that a TON earlier in our marriage. And I still have to guard my heart against such thoughts. But please know, the closer you really are to God, and the more Spirit-filled, the LESS holier than thou you will be and the more humble. 🙂

      Some posts that may be helpful to search on my home page:

      – expectations
      – But I’m right!
      – better than him
      – humility
      – root cause of all problems in marriage
      – a wife battles pride

      Here is a video I made today about learning to hear God’s voice

      And here is an AWESOME resource, Andrew Murray’s book “Humility.” I would also highly recommend his book, “Absolute Surrender.”

      Much love to you!

  6. Bel & Flower,
    I felt led to share something I have discovered about being closer to the Lord 🙂

    I often wondered what it would look like to really be close to God and to actually hear from him.

    We need to be careful about what we are expecting. God won’t talk to us out of the clouds…. he won’t drop a sign in our face—- The way He speaks to us is by the Spirit which is dwelling in our human spirit. We are joined to the Lord “one spirit”. The human spirit is the vehicle which God uses to commune with us by His Holy Spirit.

    When the Lord speaks to our hearts—- we know it is Him. Usually, I “hear the Lord speak” when I do something wrong, and inside I hear the Lord saying, “what was not Christ that was YOU. That was YOU talking/thinking/reasoning etc.”. I know when I do something wrong because I have a horrible time in my stomach if I do. There is that something inside that says, “You need to make that right, that was not Christlike.”

    In terms of guidance—– I know when the Lord is guiding me by the Spirit when I begin to see more and more how sinful I really am. That is the Lord making Himself known to my heart—by showing me what is of MYSELF and what is of CHRIST!

    I hope this helps, gotta go for now 🙂

    Love,
    Amanda

  7. As some of you know, my husband filed for divorce, and I was served the papers about 6 weeks ago. The process has started. I still wear my wedding ring, but have replaced my engagement ring with my grand mothers ring. I am not ready to give up on my marriage….yet I have to move forward. This is a very scary place to be. And confusing.

    Has anyone heard of “Defensive Hope”? I read a blog written by Dr. David Stoop on this topic and see me in every word. Is it okay to stay hopeful that my husband will change and stay in our marriage…or am I avoiding the tremendous pain and loss that I feel?

    1. Precious Hope Always,

      The LORD is good and His Mercy endures forever. We can safely put all our hope in Him, knowing that He loves His children and will work all things for good for those who love Him and are called according to His purpose (Romans 8:28).

      Dear sister, you have nothing to lose by continuing in hope, nothing. We think we can brace ourselves for the great trials of life by “moving on,” yet the pain will not be diminished. Proverbs 13:12 says, “Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a desire fulfilled is a tree of life.” Keep putting your Hope in the LORD. Whether or not He restores your marriage is completely in His Hands. Deferring hope will only grieve your heart more.

      Much love to you, with prayers for continued hope!

    2. Hope Always,

      Ugh. Such an incredibly painful situation, precious sister. 🙁

      Where are you with God at this point? How is your time with Him and what do you desire in your relationship with Him?

      What are you doing with all the fear?

      If your hope is in Christ and in seeking His will and His glory above all, hope is great! If your hope is primarily that your husband will change – but your hope is not in Christ first – that can be an issue. Does that make sense?

      Much love to you! And a huge hug!

  8. I started wearing my wedding ring again a few days before my 25th wedding anniversary. 2 days later I contacted my lawyer and told her I did not want her services any longer and did not want to go through with my divorce. Several different things happened that led me to this decision on the part of my husband.

    Even though he moved out March 7th and has not desired to come home, he sent me a story from the unveiled wife website. The story was about divorce. It was a clear message to me. When I asked him why he sent it he told me he didn’t know. I said I believe God is working in your heart and he say “Maybe”.

    We have been to 2 sessions of christian counseling. When I left yesterday morning for a last minute trip I almost did not put my wedding rings on. But I had just checked my email quickly and was delighted to see an email from the Peaceful Wife…..and this story. I didn’t even read the story, but grabbed my rings and put them on. I too absolutely love my rings and it is such a special feeling to have them on again.

    I have told my husband over and over that I am not giving up on him. He doesn’t understand. He continues to see an OW, but I know in my heart God will be faithful and bring him back. Someone else on this blog suggested i read Rejoice Ministries and I have! All of you and rejoice ministries are such inspiration to me. Standing for my marriage is so hard. Reading my bible, scriptures and devotions daily help me. Thank you for this story!
    Much love to you all!

    1. Tina,

      I am so heartbroken for your situation – BUT how I rejoice at the way you are seeking to honor Christ. How are you doing spiritually, my sweet sister? How may we pray for and support you here?

      Thank you so much for sharing!

      Much love!
      April

      1. Hi April,
        Your blog is such an inspiration to me! You know the trials i have been going through this year but I’m not giving up! I have more peace each day. I can’t explain how much each of you has helped me. So thankful I have been led to your blog. Keep my family in your prayers is what I need.
        Much love to you!

        1. Tina,

          Praise God for what He is doing in your heart! 🙂

          Lord,
          We lift up Tina and her husband and family. We stand against Satan’s plans to steal, kill, and destroy. We pray for Your will, Your victory, and Your greatest glory in this situation. Please continue to heal Tina and fill her to overflowing with Your Spirit. Give her the power, wisdom, love, and discernment she needs as she seeks to honor You in this storm. Draw her husband to Yourself in Your timing, Lord. Use Tina as an instrument of Your love, truth, mercy, and grace. Let her obey whatever You prompt her to do and empower her to be faithful to You.

          Amen!

  9. Hello Everyone,

    This is my story. I wrote anonymously to protect this new stage of my marriage.
    But I just wanted to say thank you to all of you for sharing your story, wisdom and love and transparency.
    I’m glad He can use this story to speak hope and I’m grateful for April’s obedience in her walk and for having this forum. It makes such a difference to be able to share with each other and know we are not alone.

    He loves us and our spouses so much.

    Bless you!

    1. Anonymous,
      I am honored to share your story and that we have a safe place to talk together and to walk this journey together. So glad it has been a blessing to many. What a blessing God has given us in our ability to share here with each other. 🙂

    2. I’m so glad you shared your story! The timing was perfect for me. At first I felt funny wearing my rings but my counselor was the first to notice I was wearing them. I’m so thankful to all of you who share your stories! 💗

  10. I also keep my ring on. Lol, there have been plenty of times I have took it off in hurt & anger. And I always feel numerous prompts to put it back on before my husband comes home. Sometimes I am grumbling the whole time I put it back on.

    But like you, I also feel like it is a statement of my commitment to God & my commitment I made to my husband & the kids.

    My husband may not be in the right. He may never come around. But, I’m a daughter of God & I signed up for good times & bad. And I too love my husband & want our marriage saved.

    God bless!

      1. Thank you April. : ) So sweet of you to ask. : )

        I feel I’m doing well spiritually. God & His word (the Bible) are what get me through.

        It will be 4 years in February since we have not lived together as a family. Never expected this. My heart is so so broken. I’m so confused since my husband is half in the marriage & half separated from it. I ask for prayer for my husband to turn back to God & for our marriage & family to be restored. And, I ask for strength and for patience & wisdom to be a good mom. It’s not easy being a single mom.

        Thank you April. : )
        Hugs & God our Fathers blessings. : )

  11. Hi all please pray for me. My boyfriend of one year broke up with me on Friday, says he’s Done. I’m willing to accept all I did wrong in the relationship. Please I’m praying for reconciliation between him and i. Please pray for us. I’m Vanessa and he is Shaun.

  12. This website and each post have been such an encouragement for me through this difficult time in my life. I found this website almost 4 months ago when my husband admitted to some things he had done in our 9 year marriage, packed his things, and left me and our son. At the time I didn’t understand why he was acting so confused but now know that it’s part of the spiritual battle that is going on in his mind/heart. When he left, I turned to prayer and seeking God to guide me in the direction to go and amazingly He gave me a verse that has stuck with me to this day: “Don’t be afraid of them. Remember the Lord, who is great & awesome, and fight for your families, your sons & daughters, your wives [husbands], & your home” Nehemiah 4:14. Me and my son, who’s 7, are so heartbroken. And seems like my husband plays with our hearts by coming over and acting like everything is going to go back to what it was like but then he leaves and doesn’t contact us for days.

    It has been a rough 4 months, my husband continues to tell me he doesn’t know what he wants and sometimes the enemy will use my husband’s words to discourage me from what God has called me to do, which is fight for my marriage. This week has been especially hard, I think I lost all the strength and peace I had built the past few months drawing close to God when I asked my husband to come home and he refused. I’ve been ready to throw in my towel and give up. Especially when I’ve been fighting and my husband doesn’t seem to care. Plus it seems as though my husband is happy and has everything going great for him. How is it fair that we suffer while he’s happy?! Maybe I really have allowed my husband to be an idol in my life.

    Sadly our church didn’t want anything to do with our separation, they also abandoned me during my time of need. My husband decided to go help at several other churches after our problems were out of the closet and I’m visiting my friends church in the meantime. I have a couple of great friends who have been walking with me through this but I feel like I’ve become a nag or burden with all my problems. I also have a counselor but feel like she’s pushing divorce. I feel so alone at times, even though I know God is always there and I’m constantly talking or crying to Him.

    Would love to hear from others who have walked through or are walking through the same…this website has been such a blessing and I’m really glad I found it

    1. MT…

      This will be quick as I have to get ready for work.

      I have gone through a very painful 3 plus years of my husband stating he was going to divorce me… yet wanting a sexual relationship with me. Everytime we were sexual.. my hopes got so high that he was coming back to the marriage. This September he filed for divorce and I have been served papers.

      Finding The Peaceful Wife and Rejoice Marriage Ministries blog/daily devotionals has been my refuge.

      My heart aches for you and with you

      1. There is no such thing as irreconcilable differences, you pray for reconciliation and restoration between you. Papers and all!! You keep hillsong onto god, I am and we can do this!! Send me your number mine is +27824432598. We stand together and pray for each other

      2. hopefulgal,

        It is so good to hear from you! But my heart breaks over your pain. 🙁 How are you doing spiritually at this time? How may we pray for you and encourage you, dear sister?

        Much love and the biggest hug!

    2. MT,

      Goodness! What a painful situation. 🙁 My heart breaks over this, my precious sister!

      Your church would not counsel you?

      Is your husband involved in unrepentant sin against you at this time?

      Are either of you dealing with uncontrolled mental health issues, abuse, infidelity, active drug/alcohol addictions, or other severe issues?

      Would you be interested in doing a spiritual check up with me?

      Do you know why your husband left?

      Does he say what he needs for the marriage to be healed?

      What do you believe you need for the marriage to heal?

      Much love and the biggest hug to you! I am praying for God to work powerfully in your heart and in your husband’s and for God to heal you both individually and then to heal the marriage to be a godly, strong marriage, in His perfect timing, my sister!

My grandmother is on hospice and won't be with us much longer (11-30-16). I will get to comments when I am able to but I need to be with family right now. Thanks for understanding.

%d bloggers like this: