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52 thoughts on ““I Felt My Husband Was Neglecting Me” – a Guest Post

  1. “I realized that for years it had been all about me.” A revelation that most of us need to receive and repent. Thanks for this wonderful example of what can happen when God is given priority in life and marriage. <

  2. Great post! I think it’s sweet that a lot of men do find intimacy in the quietness of having their wives with them in their activities (and in that side to side time, rather than always face to face, talking). It’s so different than the way most of us women are that it’s hard to understand and grasp at first, but I definitely have noticed that my husband enjoys me “just being” with him.

    For someone who takes things to the extremes sometimes, I have to remember that this doesn’t mean that I should always try to be at his side for every little thing….but maybe pick out a couple a week where I can be intentional about being there with him.

  3. Very beautiful and encouraging post ! I love your determination : I have committed to Him.. no matter what.
    I praise the Lord for his faithfulness to us.

  4. This is beautiful, thanks for sharing! I come to the Peacefulwives this morning for a word of wisdom as my husband and I have a counseling session today, it’s a 4th anniversary check-up. He would say everything is fine and I would say I feel anxiety often as I feel God is not the center of our marriage. I believe it affects every area of our life, and we have quite a bit of conflict….seemingly minor, but it’s there. In other words after 4 years, I don’t feel like we’ve grown in our marriage. I just want to get through this session today without blaming, or pointing a finger at him in any way, I want it to be respectful and not hurt him.

    1. Rose,

      Happy 4th anniversary! 🙂

      Would you be interested in doing a spiritual check up with me? Or would you like to talk a bit about what is going on?

      I am praying for God’s healing for you both!

      Much love!
      April

        1. Rose,

          Wonderful!

          1. How would you describe your walk with Christ at this time? What do you do with God? What do you pray for? What is your spiritual focus?

          2. What is your greatest fear?

          3. What do you believe is at the root of the conflict in your marriage on each side?

          4. What do you believe needs to change for your marriage to be what you think it should be?

          5. What do you need to be content in life?

          6. What has God been speaking to you about in your own life lately? Is there anything you sense Him prompting you to do?

          Much love to you! 🙂

          1. Ya gotta love April! Okay…
            1) I would describe my walk with Christ as strong, continuous, seeking direction….I try to learn more about God through his word and by listening to other pastors, etc…. I pray for wisdom, I pray that I will be the kind of wife he wants me to be, I pray for guidance, all kinds of stuff… My spiritual focus is basically on obeying God.
            2) My greatest fear is probably missing out on God’s best for us as a couple.
            3) Tough question, insecurity on my side, maybe his too…..both prideful, control for me….and me not really trusting God with him….
            4) I believe God should be the priority, going to church consistently, growing in His Word together….
            5) I feel like I would be content if I believed my husband was truly following God. And it was something we shared & if we were growing together….becoming closer to each other as well as God
            6) He’s telling me to cool it with him, to serve him and to love him and not start conflict. He’s telling me that it’s okay to go on to church without him if he has something else going on. I do feel prompted to connect with some other women, in a bible study perhaps….to reach out to other women friends.

          2. Rose,

            Ha! 🙂

            Okay, a few more to follow up…

            1. Do you feel that it is your responsibility to make sure that he is “close enough” to God?

            2. Does God need your help to get your husband where He wants him to be? What do you believe about the sovereignty of God?

            3. Is what you are doing working? Or are you pushing your husband away from you and from God?

            4. Are you willing to focus on your own walk with Christ and let God and your husband work on him? Even if he doesn’t go to church with you?
            5. Are you willing to be content if YOU are following and obeying Christ, even if your husband is not?

            6. Are you willing to lay down all of your fears and seriously trust God no matter what your husband is or is not doing?

            7. Is your husband feeling genuinely respected by you?

            8. Are you honoring his leadership as long as he is not leading you into sin and he is not abusing his position of God-given leadership?

            9. How do you respond when he doesn’t want to go to church or he does something that you feel means he is far from God?

            Check out this post and let me know what God is speaking to your heart, my precious sister. 🙂

            Are you willing to fully trust God with your husband?

            Here are some other things that may be a blessing. Search my home page for:

            – husband spiritual leader
            – I want my husband to change, too
            – why do I have to change first?
            – control
            – signs your husband is feeling disrespected
            – interview with my husband

            Much love to you!

          3. Good stuff April! I think I’m getting it. Maybe in the counseling session today, I should confess that I’ve been doing these things and have stirred up unnecessary conflict in our marriage, ask forgiveness & continue on….?
            It would allow me to share my feelings of what I wanted (or thought it should be), but at the same time letting go….?

          4. Rose,

            🙂 Sometimes these kinds of questions can help us examine our hidden motives – motives we don’t always see in ourselves. I am sure God will direct you about what He wants you to focus on in prayer and in your marriage, as well as in your walk with Him and the counseling session today.

            Makes me smile to hear that some things may be clicking for you, my beautiful sister. That is awesome!

            Some other posts that may be a blessing:

            Expectations – The Respect Dare Day 1
            Ways Husbands Lead That Wives Don’t Always Recognize
            Want My Husband to Be a Better Leader

            Let me know how things go! I am so thankful you want to hear God’s voice and that you are open to anything He wants to share with you. As you work on your own walk with Christ, God absolutely can and will work on your husband. And you will be out of God’s way so that your husband can most hear God’s voice himself. 🙂

          5. Hi April! Thank you for asking.
            The counseling session went great, thank you Jesus. We chose the pastor/counselor who had helped us prepare to marry, therefore feeling at ease & able to reminisce before we shared that we have too much conflict. I took responsibility for my part in it and that I wanted to let go of trying to control his spiritual journey. (what a relief, thank you), as well as trying to control many other things too. We were able to communicate more openly about other issues, having the counselor there, and came up with a plan to meet regularly for a few weeks as we go through an Enrichment program. I’m very thankful that my husband is more than willing to participate as he wants a great marriage too. Look forward to seeing what God does through all of this. Thank you for all that you do, April. Look forward to reading the other posts you suggested.

  5. Thank you for sharing! My husband also enjoys having time (every Tuesday evening!) to kick back and watch a show or a movie just the two of us with a snack. We did this last week for the first time in a while and we both really enjoyed it. It was nice to connect that way and I realized that is one way he enjoys spending time together. He’s not a “cuddler touchy feely guy” it’s just not really in his personality but I’m starting to realize that just enjoying each other’s company is how he “connects” with me emotionally. He even expressed that he is excited to spend that time together again this coming week. It’s nice because we were very “emotionally disconnected” for a few months as a result of my disrespect.

    1. Ashley KB,

      Wow! How awesome that your husband is excited to spend time with you like that and that he even communicated that to you! 🙂 Such a blessing. I love hearing about what God is doing in your heart and in your marriage. Thanks for sharing, sweet sister!

      1. Hehe yes, it’s so funny because I used to be “blinded” and think he never communicated anything to me, but now I realize I believed that because he didn’t communicate things the way *I* thought was sufficient. How self-centered to think *my* way was the only way! Amen, this blog is being used to greatly in my walk with God too, it’s amazing to read the different testimonies and situations all of us women are facing, though on the same journey to living for Christ & learning respect & submission. It’s really edifying! God bless you!

  6. “Maybe some husbands won’t respond the way mine did but I have to say God has shown me how important it is to accept my husband for who he is and let him be that person without pressure from me.”

    AMEN!!!! That is confirmation for me!!!! TY JESUS! He has been showing me the *exact* same thing this past week!!!!!! 🙂

    Love to all,
    Amanda

    1. Amanda, having followed you on your journey some, I almost had tears when I read your post that God has been teaching you this same thing! Praise God for what He is doing in your life! For me, it has become so freeing just being able to accept my husband for who he is and stop trying to turn him into the person I “thought” he should be. God showed me that my husband didn’t need to be anyone else, He has brought us together in marriage to love each other just the way we are.

      So many times I have wondered why my husband is like he is, and fret about how he needs to change, and God reminds me he is like he is because he is a sinner who needs to be loved, just like ME. God has loved me through all my faults, my mistakes, forgives me and is much more patient with me than I ever deserve. He has shown me how He has done this for me, and I need to extend this same kind of love to my husband. God will look after the changes if He sees fit to make them, and all I need to do is trust and obey Him. Quite often the Lord has revealed to me that the change that needs to be made is in ME. Very humbling.

      1. Melanie,
        WOW!!! PRAISE GOD!!!!!! I have full body chills as I read your comment and I just feel the joy of the Lord in my heart bubbling up!!!! What confirmation he has given me in what you have just said!! THANK YOU SISTER!

        He has shown me just the same things as He has shown you—— and I am so blessed to share that with you! The Lord’s love is not like our human love—- human love says to withdraw if someone fails you—– but God does not get offended at our failures—- His mercy and Grace are abundant! And the Lord delights in those who put their hope in His mercy!!!!!!!

        The Lord has been truly opening my eyes to this—– And it is SO freeing! I was so focused on what I wanted! All because I was offended by his failures—— it is a vicious cycle if we do not allow the Lord to work in our own hearts to see that our husbands are loved–especially if they are in Christ—–just as we are loved and in the Lord we are in unity–and on that ground we need to stand together! I can’t believe I forgot this simple truth—-accept him as he is! There is no other way! Thank you Jesus!!!!

        God Bless You Melanie!

        Love,
        Amanda

        1. Amen, Sister! I don’t know about you but I feel like dancing!!! I feel so blessed that my words give you confirmation from the Lord.

          I have to share a song that has been in my head all day… I heard it for the first time yesterday it’s called Song that the Angels Can’t Sing by Casting Crowns… when I heard it all I could think of is THIS is the song that describes how free I feel in the Lord in His revealing of the Truth to me! Anyways if you haven’t heard it have a listen, for me it puts into words a feeling that I can’t even describe. And I just want to dance with joy! God bless you too, I am so filled with joy to hear what God is doing!

          1. Melanie, I love this song so much!! The entire album is wonderful! I am going to visit a friend in Georgia in a few weeks and we are going to see Casting Crowns when I’m there. I will be thinking of you as I praise The Lord while dancing!!
            Much Love, Carolyn

          2. Carolyn that is awesome what a wonderful experience to be able to worship with them live! Enjoy!

        2. Amanda and Melanie,

          What a beautiful thing to get to share these triumphs and spiritual treasures with each other and so many sisters (and brothers) here. Such a blessing to grow together and to share each other’s joy in Christ!

        3. Amanda, I’m so happy to see that you are in such a place of growth and revelation from The Lord! It is so beautiful to read! I, to, am enjoying The Song the Angels Can’t Sing recently and it is such a joyful song!!
          I was hoping to get some encouragement from you since in the past we had discussed the a few similarities in our marriage situations. My husband is back to telling me we shouldn’t be together and there’s no point in me having faith that all will be fine … All because I booked tickets for myself for a long weekend with a girlfriend. I’m so sad. I knew this would happen, it’s part of the pattern and disorder, but I’m still so sad. I feel that these behaviors are about me because theyre directed at me but I know they’re not. Tonight after reading this message I feel like such a failure. I think that booking the tickets was a rebellious act because he neglects me so often and I just felt I needed to do something for myself. I’m so sad right now. I just dont know what to do with myself or my choices.
          Any thoughts word be much appreciated.
          Carolyn

          1. Carolyn,

            I’m so very sorry to hear how you are feeling and how much pain you are in. If you would also like to talk with me about things, I’m here if you are interested.

            Sending you a huge hug! Praying for God’s wisdom for you.

          2. April, thank you. I would be eternally grateful to talk to someone who isnt going to tell me to divorce my husband because he can’t meet my expectations or the expectations of this world. Our story is long, ugly, and it doesn’t seem to be looking any better for at least the short term. I know that God has plans for us, good plans, but in the interim I struggle with anger and bitterness, rebellion, slefhness and pride… All in response to my husbands behaviors, words, and attitudes.

            He suffers from borderline personality disorder and his behaviors, words and attitudes when he feels insecure, rejected and/or abandoned are anything but loving and respectful. He does not know the Lord and at times comes very close to mocking my faith, never quite crossing the line.

            Regardless, I can only control and change me and I hurt all over knowing my husband is feeling alone and broken but knowing that healing him is not my job. We have a 6 year old with Down Syndrome is my job, especially when Dan is in rejection mode. I really, really want to be a respectful and humble woman of God and wife but struggle when my husband turns me away so hurtfully. I know I need to keep running to the Lord in prayer, and I do do that, but I also need to go through my days on this earth. I don’t know what else to do and I feel so broken when these times come.
            Thank you for your encouragement and time.
            Carolyn

          3. Carolyn,
            I am sorry you are having to go through this sister. That is hard :/

            What helped me GREATLY these past few weeks was seeing that I married my husband knowing that he had a lot of “baggage”, and once I saw this, I realized that my expectations needed to be adjusted accordingly. It was literally the Cross being applied to my heart and marriage as I realized that what I was expecting from him was in essence the reason we were having so many problems.

            I was expecting and demanding that he be a perfect man with no “baggage”. Once I saw that that is not realistic (why I didn’t see this before is beyond me), I just backed off and it was like he came back to me immediately. I didn’t do anything different—- but my heart was changed for him. I had compassion for him that I never had before, and it seriously change the whole atmosphere in our home and relationship—-by God’s Grace alone! I didn’t do anything—-The Lord opened my eyes, changed my heart—and His Spirit took over this whole home! PRAISE GOD!

            We are all capable of doing hurtful things. You can’t control your husband’s reactions to your choices. If he chooses to be upset about that, you can’t change him. If you feel as though you did that with wrong motives—- then perhaps the Lord is trying to speak to you about those things! That’s a GOOD thing! 🙂

            Honestly, whenever I have felt justified in doing something for myself because he was not doing what I wanted or things weren’t going how I wanted them to, nothing good ever came from that. It is when the Cross has been literally, practically worked out and applied to my heart and life that all the pride, self-interest, anger, etc were removed from my heart and I was humbled and broken before the Lord— and the Lord showing me that HE IS LORD and when HE IS LORD—- “I” no longer LIVE—BUT CHRIST LIVES IN ME! the “I” IS LET GO—THE CROSS HAS REMOVED all the selfish aspects and motives—-and what is left is just Christ Himself——

            I pray the Lord strengthens your innerman with might!

            Love,
            Amanda

          4. Thank you so much. Yes. This makes total sense to me and I have actually been coming to some of the same conclusions myself. I’ve been doing alot more walking before my day begins and talking out loud with The Lord and its really been feeling like a real conversation is being had and I have been able to see alot of my expectations and motives and where they have been coming from and none of it is from a good place. Certainly not from the foot of The Cross. Thanks for taking the time to share your journey and heart with me. It means so much. I will be re-reading this a few times so it sinks in more thorougly.
            In His Love, Carolyn

          5. Carolyn,
            The Cross is truly our victory in every situation!!!!! I’m so glad the Lord has been speaking to your heart!

            If you ever want to talk privately, you can reach me at manduhhh12@yahoo.com!

            I pray the Lord continues to open our eyes and show us His ways!

            Love,
            Amanda

  7. Hi April

    Thank you for the post,
    I really need advice,I got a New church I want to join,for now I just visit been praying about it a lot,for a spiritual father.

    I told my husband how I felt about his church for abour 3years been patient because of submission,my spiritual life suffered a lot..my husband loves his church but most of the time he is not available due to work but would ask me to go on.his absence.
    I told him about the church I wanted to join,he doesn’t take and its dfficult

    Since I visit this new church a lot has changed in my heart I have peace,I connect spiritually,my relationship with Christ has grown..

    He has requested me to leave this church,I dont know what to do?I want to submit to my husband but what about my relationship with Christ

    1. Anathi,

      My sister… has your husband fully repented of his sin yet?

      What is it that you don’t like about his church?

      What is it that he doesn’t like about the church you like? Why does he want you to leave?

      Much love and the biggest hug to you!

  8. I too am married to a hunter. In our early years I would occasionally go out and be in a stand whIle he hunted. This is good to do occasionally because it gives you a glimpse of why this is your man’s passion, to see a deer silently materialize in the woods before you is amazing. I have also helped my husband go back and track a deer he has harvested, and gained an incredible amount of respect for seeing him in his “element.” It is amazing to see a man take down a huge animal and then drag it to harvest the meat, using tools such as a gun and a knife. Other men highly admire a man with the masculine skills of hunting and other woodsman abilities.

    Nowadays, much of his hunting ground has been sold, but we will go to the gun range together. It is so meaningful for my husband to have a companion for these activities he so enjoys. He does hunt with other friends (and it is bitterly cold at 4:00 am so my participation has its limits), but if he didn’t have me willing and available to do these things with him, he would miss out on a lot. It’s not as much fun to go by yourself. The point is to look for ways you can be a buddy to your husband as well as a wife. Companionship may be even more important than sex.

    1. Marked wife, loved your comment! You summed it up so well! I have a lot of respect for my husbands skills and wisdom, although in the last few months I needed God’s reminder of exactly how important this is. I have braved many a cold morning at 3 am, 4 am, and the bonding time that this gives us is so valuable. My husband appreciates that I would get out of my comfort zone (and comfy warm bed!) to be a part of his world with him. Many wives may laugh that I got a rifle for Valentine’s Day (true story!) … I appreciated it so much that my husband valued me being in this part of his life so much that he bought it as a gift for me knowing I wanted to learn to shoot and he wanted to show me I was included in this part of his world. That’s a real gift of love, kind of “different”, but REAL. The last couple years I had become so consumed and busy in other areas of our lives i forgot to look at it this way, and I let too many things take priority over this bonding, and we greatly suffered the consequences. I agree companionship definitely may even be more important than sex in a marriage. It was the loss of companionship that almost destroyed us. I thank God every day for revealing this to me before it was too late for us. I don’t worry any more about what my husband needs to change for our marriage, I have given that to God and His freedom and peace in that decision is more than enough for me! P.S. We have a double header planned for Saturday, duck and goose in the morning, bow hunting for deer in the evening… he applied for time off this weekend (I didn’t ask him to) and he is spending it hunting with ME… all I can say is God, You are awesome!

  9. My marriage feels doomed right now. He is a hunter. Even if I was willing, we have four children 7 and under, and another coming in 20 days. We don’t enjoy the same programs on TV, We don’t enjoy the same music, so car rides are terrible for me because he always controls the radio. He hasn’t been making any effort to participate in activities I enjoy (I am taking all four children by myself to fall festivals in my immensely pregnant state while he stays home to nap, make himself dinner, leave the dishes for me to clean). We do not sleep in the same room (I still haven’t weaned our 1 year old, he doesn’t sleep through the night, and “our” bed is not safe for the little ones, and I am too exhausted to make it work logistically where I could sleep in our room).

    Now he also is working longer hours for a busy season at work, but I haven’t even been entirely convinced that’s really where he’s been during that time. He hasn’t been faithful in the past, and things between us have never been as distant as they currently are…. And more than a month ago, he told our pastor that we need to find a new church closer to our home, but we have not actually attended any new churches yet. Spiritually, we are suffering. This seems to have had an effect on our ability to enter into His rest, our finances are dwindling…. and I don’t see a light at the end of the tunnel.

    He makes it a priority to go hunting. He works extra hours. And I’m not ready to try taking all the kids with me in my current state, to visit new churches. I feel so hopeless. I just wish I felt like he actually liked me. I am tired of feeling like I have to “change first” and “focus on what I can improve in myself & not on him” because I have been doing these things for years and I don’t see any improvement in our marriage, I don’t feel any more loved by him. I am not strong enough in my own individual walk to feel full of God’s love that I can be peaceful and minister to my husband and draw him nearer to God with my quietness, but rather I am just miserable, and I am becoming worse at everything I do. I feel like I am failing as a mother and a wife and maybe I am expecting to die during childbirth, a 5th cesarean.

    God might have a stronger woman spiritually to take care of this family instead.

    1. Just SO Tired,

      Oh my sister! I can feel your pain in your words so profoundly. 🙁 I wish I could give you a huge hug!

      You are in a very difficult season of life right now – even if things were going really well. The last month of pregnancy alone is such a challenge, and to have four young children on top of that, I am sure it is hard. Are you resting well? Are you able to eat well? How are you feeling health wise?

      How is your time with God going?

      Would you be interested in a spiritual checkup?

      Much love to you!

      1. Just SO Tired,

        Do you have any spiritual/emotional support among any godly girlfriends or a mentoring wife? Have you told your husband or anyone else (your doctor or pastor or anyone) how discouraged you are feeling and that you are thinking about wishing to die?

        I don’t want to see you go down that road, my dear sister! Have you had any issues with postpartum depression before?

        Sending the BIGGEST hug to you!

      2. Thank you for taking the time to respond. I am not sleeping well, not honestly eating well, and my immune system seems to have been compromised more during this pregnancy than all four others combined.

        As for time with God, I pray with my sister as often as I can, on the phone or Skype, from the Power of the Praying Wife book (we include ourselves in the prayers) and I recently made some mp3 cds of a dramatized ESV Audio Bible (free to download from Amazon) which I have been listening to in the car (previous audio Bible a little harder for my kids to appreciate, without the dramatization). My sister is my best friend, but she lives in CA & I’m in NC, and she just had surgery Sept 29… I wish my life wasn’t so much like a roller coaster, where I was more stable in my walk with the Lord. I also do Bible studies with my kids, where I read them a story from their Usborne Children’s Bible, then read it in a regular ESV study Bible, and we compare the stories and talk about them. It still feels like I am just so desperate for God’s help and completely unable to do anything right without his outright blessing and grace on my life, at which times I recognize my (uncharacteristically/surprising?) peaceful, positive reactions to some things, and give God glory for His provision, especially when it is improving my ministry as a wife and mother. I so wish this were more stable!!

        I have had various diagnoses of issues in my past, but I do not have any current medications or professional counseling (pregnancies, nursing, stay at home mom and homeschool teacher, when and how would those things fit in??). I know the hormones take a terrible toll on me emotionally, and I wish I were stronger spiritually that I would not allow my struggles to affect my family.

        Still, when I met my husband, he was so very affectionate, and he seemed able to support and encourage me even outside himself… I believe he had more time and energy then to actually spend with the Lord, whereas he has admitted that he hasn’t been even praying anytime lately, much less spending time in The Word either…. We’re both like dried up wells, lost and desperate. I am tired, I know I have generally spent much more time and energy seeking God in recent years than he has, but I need a spiritual leader. I need some support and encouragement. I cannot keep our home afloat on my own imperfect efforts. And God has kept us from sinking thus far, but I want to do more than survive miserably. I want to thrive and produce fruit!

        I believe my kids don’t want me to die, and I don’t know what would happen to my husband if I died (he has never been very involved with the little infants, no night duty etc, some of our children never even took a bottle or pacifier…) and his history… well, I wouldn’t want to intentionally die and leave that future of our children to chance! I only wonder if God has better plans for the people in this family than what I seem to be doing….

        Your website has blessed me in the past, when I google random things, and today in the midst of my struggle, this site is what came to mind. A spiritual checkup? Sure. I noticed something like that in previous comments, so I guess I will just mention: I believe God is sovereign, and he can soften my husband’s heart and draw him near, and I do not know why that doesn’t seem to be happening, but if it has anything to do with something I still need to learn, then please God teach me!!! And if it’s something he needs, and I can do anything to help, then please God lead me! And if all I am to do is be patient & wait, then please God give me peace beyond all understanding and guard my heart and the hearts of our children!

        1. Just SO Tired,

          I hope to get to respond to the rest of your comment later today – I am sure you are completely exhausted and that things are just really hard right now. I hope you will be able to lower some of your expectations and give yourself and your husband some grace for the next 2-3 months, especially… but we can get started on the spiritual check up, my sweet sister…

          1. What do you think about the idea of being content in Christ alone – even if your husband doesn’t lead as you would like him to? What does that bring to mind?

          2. What would you most like in your relationship with Christ?

          3. What are your greatest fears?

          4. What do you believe you most need to be content in life?

          Some posts that may be a blessing that you may search on my home page:

          Ways Husbands Lead That Wives May Not Notice
          Insecurity
          Security
          Submission Means Holding Things of This World Loosely
          Lordship
          Husband Idol

          Much love to you!

          1. Thank you for those suggestions, I hope to get to them all in these next few days. As for the checkup:
            1. What do you think about the idea of being content in Christ alone – even if your husband doesn’t lead as you would like him to? What does that bring to mind?

            I would love to be content in Christ alone, to be content no matter my circumstances, knowing that nothing I endure comes close to what Christ endured, and that this is not our home, and I would love to bring glory to God and to be genuinely grateful to God through all things, with trust in Him, and to further his kingdom, instead of seemingly being tossed as the wind blows, more often than not.

            2. What would you most like in your relationship with Christ?

            Currently, I would love to actually know Him better, and actually believe in His love for me, and to feel it.

            3. What are your greatest fears?

            I fear than my sinful nature is setting a harmful example for my children, and that it is hurting my husband’s relationship with God. I want to be a godly, loving, peaceful woman, and not a contentious or self-centered one. I want the changes that God makes in me to last, and to not be fleeting. I fear the harm I cause to His kingdom.

            4. What do you believe you most need to be content in life?

            It is for God to give me peace and rest and light for my path. It is He who gives the gifts of the Spirit, wisdom & faith, and I wish so desperately for abundant Fruit of the Spirit! I would imagine with those, there is nothing else in life that could steal my contentment for long, barring maybe the sudden death of a child or something like that.

          2. Just So Tired,

            I pray that you will be able to come to a place where you can accept by faith (regardless of your current “performance” and regardless of your feelings) that God really does love you unconditionally and so much more than we can imagine — only because of Christ. I pray that you will be able to learn more about the finished work of Christ and your standing before God because of what was accomplished at the cross. These are the truths that will change you more than any kind of self-effort you can put into changing yourself (which will only be temporary and will let you down at some point). Believe in God, believe who He is for you and what He’s done for you and He will live through you and the power of sin will lose its grip in your life. Even that you are coming to the “end of your rope” is such a positive thing, really — and all of your desires that you mentioned are godly desires and are coming from the Lord. He will give you those desires of your heart, sister.

            Ephesians 3:14-21:

            For this reason I kneel before the Father, 15 from whom every family[a] in heaven and on earth derives its name. 16 I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, 17 so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, 18 may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, 19 and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.
            20 Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, 21 to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen!

  10. April, I’m a new reader of yours. I am a Christian. Please explain to me how watching TV is not the same as being on the phone. I ask because that is a constant topic of soreness in my marriage. My husband loves watching TV to unwind from his hard day at work. But, he also wants to double up that time having me next to him watching TV. To me, that is not spending quality time together, I don’t watch much TV, so I’ll be on my phone while we watch TV and that upsets me. I feel that it’s unfair. If he wanted to spend quality time together, we could be doing something else, instead of mindlessly zoning out to TV.

    1. Confused Wife,

      If it were all up to me, I’d prefer lots of time with no TV and no phones in marriages. 🙂 But – I guess from my perspective, the differences between being engrossed in a phone vs. the TV is that you CAN kind of bond together watching TV together. It seems like this is a way that a lot of husbands like to bond with their wives. Being involved shoulder-to-shoulder in the same activity together. You can comment about the game or show or whatever is on at times. You can cuddle. You can enjoy being together and have more connection. If your husband feels like that is bonding time with you – maybe it is a gift for you to give him some of yourself in this way?

      You are welcome to search my home page and my Youtube channel (April Cassidy) for “TV” – I have some posts about this!

      Women tend to bond by face-to-face talking. But men usually don’t. So – ideally, you would both be able to do some of the things that feel bonding for the other. 🙂

      Much love!

My grandmother is on hospice and won't be with us much longer (11-30-16). I will get to comments when I am able to but I need to be with family right now. Thanks for understanding.

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