A guest post by a sister in Christ:
The post, “Being a Peaceful ‘Football Widow,’” is about something that we struggled with for a long time. My husband was very disengaged and I blamed him, was resentful, bitter, felt like I was always left to do everything. Then when my eyes were open to my sin, I realized that I was creating a lot of this myself.
I had become so “busy” that my husband just became more and more used to being on his own and it became our norm. Also I realized that my phone/iPad was becoming addictive, and my husband shared with me that he really missed us being together, because he felt that even when we were together I was so caught up in it he was never really getting my attention.
I can see in hindsight for years I was only giving him the “leftovers” because I got so caught up in my own self and the more I did that the more he disengaged and the more it fed off each other!
Since June when the Lord opened my eyes to my blindness, our married life has changed so much. I recommitted to giving my husband my best, I put God first which was my biggest change, then my husband second, and everything else after.
Of course our kids’ needs are always met, but I started to learn the difference in kids’ needs, wants, and extras. Now only needs are addressed first and we have committed to working together on those. Both of us have committed to putting our “devices” on the back burner and they no longer take our time and attention from each other.
Since giving my life to God and putting my trust in Him alone, I have committed to no longer giving the Lord or my husband the leftovers. I sit with my husband and enjoy the quiet time while we watch tv, we chat in commercials, the phones no longer part of our time together.
This tv time – I now realize – was a very important time to my husband to connect with me, and he felt rejected by my giving that up in favour of browsing, posting, etc… I saw it as multi-tasking. He saw it as taking away from “us”.
Another important activity is hunting. I started getting involved in this with him many years ago and we have had some special times together just enjoying the outdoors.
I encourage any wife who might enjoy being outside to share this with their husband if their husband is a hunter and they are willing to include them. Sitting together in the quietness enjoying nature, going out for breakfast after a morning hunting, a lot of times I just shoot pics while he has the gun, but we are TOGETHER.
We have done this for years, but the last year or two again I got too caught up in being busy serving things I had made into idols in my life, that I stopped putting my time into it.
The last few months I have again realized the rejection and recommitted to sharing this special activity together. Yesterday we walked several miles in the fields and bush just to check trail cam pics. That time gave us the time to chat, reconnect, and enjoy each other’s company. He still has times he hunts alone, but I am happy to share some of this special time with him in his world.
I guess what I am saying is – don’t do like I did and let everything come before making time with your spouse. Our marriage was on the brink of failure.
God showed me to stop worrying about what my husband needed to change and work on what I needed to change. Since committing to God that I would obey, we have done a complete 360!
I feel for the first time in years my husband enjoys “us” again. He wants to spend time with me.
The effort I complained I could never get from him is BACK! We talk, we laugh again.
I never knew what my own behaviour was doing to destroy us, I thought I was working so hard and he was all the problem.
Is it all about him now? Absolutely not! But it is all about God! I committed to making changes to be the wife God called me to be no matter what, not knowing if my husband would even stay. I put all my trust in God to show me, committed that I would follow, and God has blessed me with having my husband back In my life more than I ever dreamed!
- Maybe some husbands won’t respond the way mine did but I have to say God has shown me how important it is to accept my husband for who he is and let him be that person without pressure from me.
I am so full of gratitude to God for showing me that giving my husband that respect and a willingness to spend some time just being happy in his world has been a blessing to our marriage! For many years I realize I had been making it all about me. It’s amazing what making It all about God has taught me, changed me, and blessed me and our marriage!