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“My Two Year Anniversary As a Separated Wife”

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FROM A DEAR SISTER IN CHRIST WHOSE DIFFICULT STORY INSPIRES ME GREATLY:

Today marks two years of me being a separated wife.

It’s not the story I would’ve asked for and definitely not the one I wanted, but it’s still my story. It can be hard to think a back to the terrible day that my husband left. Having told me about his affair and that he and his mistress were having a baby together in just a few short months, he moved out. Shock, hurt, anger, betrayal all hit in an instant. The journey to today would be long, hard and painful as more shocking details would come to light and his repentance has yet to happen.

At the beginning God was revealing, through April’s blog then through my church elders, the idols of my heart. The Lord led me through an intense time of confession and repentance as I painfully laid down my wants, desires, hurts and “rights” to God. I realized that the idols (stemming from my desire for control) I was clinging to were accusations against God – saying that I knew better than him or that he didn’t really care about me or what I wanted. God was beginning a work in my heart and showing me, more than ever, my great need for him. That he is all we need and that he is a good, loving Father.

Even though my husband and I have been separated for two years and have had very little contact during the past year (a good thing for our particular situation since there is unrepentant adultery), he hasn’t divorced me. Through much prayer and counsel from my local church leaders, I have decided to remain as I am (I Cor. 7) and not seek a divorce. Waiting is hard and each day has challenges. I’m thankful to say that I have many days filled with joy, but I also struggle with depression and anxiety at times and some days I don’t know how I’ll get out of bed to go to work or to be a mom. Despite that, I also know that God has used this situation to grow my faith and to draw me closer to Him…and that is always a good thing.

Today is the two year “anniversary” of becoming a separated wife, so I spent time going through my journal from the past year. I was reminded of how much hope God has given me during the hardest year of my life. I am so thankful for the hope that he has given me, despite my circumstances.

  • Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. Through him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice] in hope of the glory of God. Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us. Hebrews 5:1-5
  • Therefore, prepare your minds for action, keep sober in spirit, fix your hope completely on the grace to be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ. I Peter 1:13 Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who promised is faithful. Hebrews 10:23 
  •  Surely there is a future, and your hope will not be cut off. Psalm 23:18

In a worldly sense, it seems crazy to have hope while going through a difficult trial. But God has shown me where my true hope lies. It is not in the idols I held on to so tightly.

Hope is not having my situation turn out a certain way or having control of my life… its knowing that my future is secure in God’s hands. Hope is trusting in the work that has already been done on the cross, that my salvation is secure through Jesus Christ. It is knowing that my story, as bad as it is, is the story God gave me. I find so much hope in the fact that we serve a sovereign God. My situation isn’t an oversight, it wasn’t an accident, God didn’t forget about me. God is a good God and everything he does is good. He can be trusted to write my story. He knows how this will end and I can trust that he is using it for his glory and for my good.

Through God’s strength, I’m able to surrender my hopes and dreams of the life I wanted because of the hope he’s given that this isn’t my home. I live in anticipation of the life to come. I love reading Hebrews 11 to be reminded of those who have gone before us and how they lived their lives by faith.

  • But as it is, they desire a better country, that is, a heavenly one. Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God, for he has prepared for them a city. Hebrews 11:16
  • He considered the reproach of Christ greater wealth than the treasures of Egypt, for he was looking to the reward. Hebrews 11:26
  • For this world is not our permanent home; we are looking forward to a home yet to come. Hebrews 13:14

The practical way that hope has kept me functioning day in and day out through these past two years is the hope in the promises of God.Never have the promises of God been more real to me than they are now.

When my “worst case scenario” happened, His promises sustained me. When I’m hit with depression, His promises carry me. This is the most useful advice or steps I could tell anyone to take when going through a difficult time: learn the promises of God and cling to them when the hard moments hit. It may be quoting them out loud, praying them back to God, or writing them in your journal. They bring hope and peace because God’s word is true.

  • This is my comfort in my affliction, that your promise gives me life. Psalm 119:50

A few, of the many, of God’s promises that have sustained me:

When I think my life has no purpose or is a mistake, I know God has a plan for my life.

  • The Lord will fulfill his purpose for me; your steadfast love, O Lord, endures forever. Psalm 138:8

When I cry and am filled with sorrow, God promises that He keeps record of my tears (Psalm 56:8) and that one day I will reap with shouts of joy (Psalm 126:5).

When I feel forgotten or alone, God promises that he will never forsake me.

  • “I will never leave you nor forsake you.” Hebrews 13:5

When I pray to God, I know He hears me.

  •  I am praying to you because I know you will answer, O God. Bend down and listen as I pray. Psalm 17:6

The list goes on and on. I’d encourage you to search the Word to find His promises. There’s no better way to fight those lies we so easily believe when going through suffering or any day for that matter. When we turn to God in our hardest moments, He is faithful to respond. He will always give us the immediate response of His presence. He will give us a peace that surpasses understanding, even in the most difficult situations. And in His love and care for us, He has given us hope.

NOTE FROM APRIL:

I am not going to be able to approve comments that may be hurtful to this wife in a very painful, and difficult time. Please feel free to share encouragement, prayers, and support.

61 thoughts on ““My Two Year Anniversary As a Separated Wife”

  1. Okily dokily, here’s a question that fits perfectly with this post 🙂 How much can we actually ask for in our prayers?

    I have been meditating on prayer a lot lately. I have been considering Jesus telling the fig tree it would never bear fruit again and seeing it whither away overnight, then Him telling His disciples that “whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours”.

    Does this mean that one can ask for their spouse to be saved? To come home? To stop a particular behaviour? Can we ask believing for a separated partner to repent and come back home??

    In Christ, HH

    1. HH,

      This is an awesome question!

      Let’s see what Jesus says…

      John 15

      “I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. 2He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunesa so that it will be even more fruitful. 3You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you. 4Remain in me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me.

      5“I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. 6If you do not remain in me, you are like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned. 7If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you. 8This is to my Father’s glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples.

      And let’s see what God’s Word says in James 4

      What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you? 2You desire but do not have, so you kill. You covet but you cannot get what you want, so you quarrel and fight. You do not have because you do not ask God. 3When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures.

      4You adulterous people,a don’t you know that friendship with the world means enmity against God? Therefore, anyone who chooses to be a friend of the world becomes an enemy of God.

      What do you see are the conditions for answered prayer and the limits of what we can ask for?

      Gotta recommend an amazing book for you to read, my brother, “The Necessity of Prayer” by E. M. Bounds. There is a free download available at http://www.ccel.org.

      1. Hi April,

        Pretty simple conditions really! Remain in Christ, ask with the right motives and you can ask what you wish…..which doesn’t really put any limits on what is actually asked for.

        HH

        1. Humbled Husband,

          Right! When we are abiding in Him and filled up with Him, not cherishing sin, and our hearts are right – we will desire things of God and our motives will be right. When our hearts are right and we are filled with the Spirit, we may ask for what we rightly desire.

          Sometimes, there will be time before the prayers are answered. But we can rest in God’s love, sovereignty, and timing as we trust Him for kingdom things.

          1. Humbled Husband,

            I know you have read Hosea. 🙂

            All,
            If you have an unfaithful spouse, Hosea is such a powerful book – ultimately it is about God’s faithful love to His unfaithful people (that is us). Hosea’s marriage and his faithfulness to his unfaithful wife, Gomer, is a picture of God’s love and how God keeps His covenant with us.

          2. Yes I have read Hosea.

            I am living many of Hosea’s experiences now in daily experience myself.

          3. HH,
            Yes, you are, my precious brother. This breaks my heart! And yet, when I see what God is doing in you, it is amazing and beautiful and I completely trust Him to bring something glorious from this extremely fiery trial.

  2. To the woman who wrote this,
    I haven’t commented on this website in awhile, but read regularly. I wanted to share with you that I think what you are doing is remarkable. Don’t give up! You are doing the right thing, and having the right attitude.

    I went through something incredibly similar with my husband. God asked me to wait and stay close to Him while my husband was wayward and unfortunately also committing adultery (with multiple women). We had about 8 really terrible years of marriage, but God just kept renewing His promise to me that I needed to just hang in there and keep praying.

    About 6 years ago, I found April’s site and it helped me to really be in check with what I needed to do as far as my role as a wife. I spent years trying to learn as much as I could about submission and what to do when you’re husband is not with the Lord. (1 Peter 3) It was definitely a trying faith walk, but at the beginning of 2015, God worked an insane miracle in my life and marriage. My husband finally snapped out of the darkness he was in and came back to God. He is a COMPLETELY different person now. He put away all that ugly life he was leading and is now an amazing husband who takes care of our family like never before.

    My situation seemed extremely grim. If you would have seen the way my husband was…. he was just awful. Most of the time I thought I must be nuts to wait around, but now that I see the bigger picture. God asked me to wait so he could work. He has totally renewed our lives and marriage. I just wanted to send you this encouragement, because God can and does use the absolute worst situations for the good. (Romans 8:8) God bless you. Keep up the good work. 🙂

    1. Holly,

      WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

      How I praise God for what He has done and is doing in your husband’s life, in your life, and in your marriage! WOOHOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

      Sometime, if you are free to share and have time and feel led – I would love to hear more, my precious sister. What awesome news!

    2. Holly!! Thank u for sharing!!! Just what I needed!! Please continue to tell ur story of Gods working in ur lives and thru ur obedience!!! Praise Jesus!!

  3. Holly- thank you for this encouragement! My husband left me recently and is unrepentant after having multiple long term affairs I knew nothing about, along with other sins. I am utterly devastated, save for the promises of the Lord that He can take what Satan meant for harm and use it for good.

    Living divorced is hard (especially with our children caught in this mess), but God keeps stirring my heart to wait, hope and trust Him for what beauty He will bring out of the ashes. That could be my ex having a total transformation as you wrote about, staying single, or meeting someone new. I know God wants to deal with my ex-husband now as I bow out of the ring and let God have control. I pray the Hosea 2:6 prayer for thornbushes and walls to block his and her path, and for repentance and grace. God has given me grace to see him as deceived by Satan, which makes it so much easier to see him as loved by God to pray for him with blessing and to stand firm against the enemy.

    13But Moses said to the people, “Do not fear! Stand by and see the salvation of the LORD which He will accomplish for you today; for the Egyptians whom you have seen today, you will never see them again forever. 14″The LORD will fight for you while you keep silent.”…
    Exodus 14:13-14
    I don’t know how God will fight for me, but I do know He doesn’t want to see any perish, so along with my children we pray for our wayward ex-husband and father, knowing God loves him even more than we do, and that God will take care of us.

    My counselor reminded me that no-one expected the resurrection. When all seems hopeless, no one and no situation is too hopeless for God. His arm is not too short.
    “Wait for the Lord. Be strong and don’t lose hope. Wait for the Lord.” Ps. 27:14

    God also showed me from I Cor 13 that Love is patient as its first attribute. So I patiently wait, trust, hope that my ex-husband will be softened to repentance and return as yours did by us living in grace towards him, and letting God grow my patience while I surrender more of me. And if he does not return to us, I have done right by God by walking in grace and love which grows His character in me which will bless my children and others.

    1. Love this, Love is Patient!

      How I hate what you have had to go through and the pain you and everyone in this situation is experiencing. Sin is so awful! It always brings destruction, pain, and death to relationships. But I am so encouraged by your faith and trust in God! It is beautiful and powerful!

      Praying for God to continue to work mightily in you, in your children, and for Him to draw your husband to Himself so that he can live for Christ and bring Him great glory!

  4. Thanks for this post. And thanks Holly and Love is Patient for sharing, too. It’s truly remarkable to hear what God is doing in your hearts.

    1. Chrissy,

      Yes, marriage is supposed to be a lifelong covenant. And I have heard MANY good things about rejoice ministries! Thanks so much for sharing that resource. 🙂

      I think, though, that there could possibly be a few exceptions where God does allow divorce – so I want to be careful not to skip these important things. Jesus mentions one situation in Matthew 19:8-9

      Jesus replied, “Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning. I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery.”

      There is debate about whether “sexual immorality” here meant only fornication before marriage (the woman was discovered to not be a virgin before marriage) or whether it may also include adultery after marriage. But there is this possible exception clause given by Jesus, that I don’t want to gloss over. (Of course, I have also known God to heal many marriages even after an affair, or multiple affairs. Divorce is never a command for a believer. But there are a few situations where it may be permissible. And another possible exception clause would be in I Corinthians 7 where Scripture says that if an unbelieving spouse leaves, the believing spouse “is not bound” in such a situation. There is debate about whether that means the believing spouse who was abandoned is free to remarry. There is also debate about if someone divorced and remarried before they became a believer in Christ.

      I talk more about these issues in the post The Bible and Divorce. I would encourage any believer who is thinking about divorce to do a great deal of research and prayer, genuinely seeking to obey and please God, before pursuing divorce. There are many times when divorce would be sin for a believer. So we want to have great reverence for God, His Word, and the covenant of marriage.

      In most cases, a believing spouse would want to try to make the marriage work or would separate, if necessary (due to a spouse’s unrepentant sin), with the goal and prayer of the sinning spouse repenting, turning to Christ, and the marriage being restored.

      Some of the most well-respected theologians and pastors do not all agree on all of these issues. It may be worth checking out these pastor’s/theologians’ writings about divorce/remarriage and to diligently compare their words to Scripture:
      – John Piper
      – David Platt
      – Wayne Grudem

      I want very much to uphold covenant marriage and all of God’s Word. I also want to be sensitive to all that Scripture says and not lay a heavy yoke on people that God does not lay on them in specific situations. I know that there are a number of different beliefs held by various Christians about these issues that makes these issues even more confusing. Ultimately, my prayer is that we might each seek to honor God and our marriage covenants in ways that will bring joy to His heart. God’s Word is the Light for our path. May He give us the ability to discern His will in every situation. I pray He will empower us to live in obedience to His Word.

  5. Thank you so much for this post. My husband and I are married, but we’re going through a very hard time due to his declining health. He is a strong Christian, but that doesn’t mean I agree with everything he does regarding choices in how to manage battles with certain medical problems. Problems that are serious and honestly could mean life or death.

    I especially appreciate the comment about what hope is to this writer! “Hope is not having my situation turn out a certain way or having control of my life… its knowing that my future is secure in God’s hands. Hope is trusting in the work that has already been done on the cross, that my salvation is secure through Jesus Christ.” This struck me is away that I don’t want to forget (I copied it and emailed it to myself it was that convicting!)

    I’m so thankful for this site and I pray God continues to use it to help women to become true women of God.

    1. Sky,

      Praying for God to work in both of your hearts during this time of fiery trial, my precious sister. I pray for God to draw each of you much nearer to Himself and that He might use this awful situation to bring about great good in the mysterious ways that only He can. I pray for you to be able to abide in Christ and in His peace and joy. I pray God might empower you to bless your husband as he is suffering and that your bond in marriage might grow stronger. I pray for God’s wisdom for your husband about the decisions he is making.

      So thankful this was a blessing to you.

      How may we pray for, encourage, and support you during this time?

      Much love to you!

      1. Thank you April. Prayers that I continue to respect my husband even when he’s harsh with me. He has been deaf since the age if 17 (he’s in his 40s now and we’ve been married 16years) and we once had sign language to communicate, but his vision is to the point where we’re now figuring out tactile signing and its very hard and beleve me we have had NUMEROUS arguments because of it.

        Pray for patience on both our parts so that we can be kinder to each other. Thank you

        1. Sky,

          I cannot begin to fathom the communication issues you would have if he is deaf and now losing his eyesight. 🙁 That would be extremely frustrating for both of you, I am sure. Is there anyone helping y’all work through this to help you as you try to learn tactile signing? I assume he is still able to speak? Is he able to read Braille?

          My precious sister, I pray for God’s provision, wisdom, strength, courage, perseverance, and love in this trial.

          Sending you the biggest hug!

          1. He actually has worked as a rehab counselor for the deaf blind about 6 years ago (temp job he had with the state for 6 months) so he does know what to do and the resources that are available.

            I’ve been in touch with a group that assists deaf/blind but he’s not really activily working with me to work with outside groups. What I have been doing is real life practicing with him. He is a command man and definitely has his own mind. It’s much slower to do it this way and I know we are just reinventing the wheel at times, but we’re getting there. Thankfully he is able to read and send email since the his tablet can accommodate being enlarged (we email a lot during the day even though we might be sitting right next to each other. I know seems silly but it’s faster than tactile signing…..for now anyway.)

            This site has been a lot of help to me, as I had (before his vision was a problem) thought about separating from him because I felt so mistreated. He was the one who found this site and left one of your blog posts on my tablet. (Wow almost a year ago now). I appreciate how you have addressed so many issues we women go through and what God wants from us as Christians and wives. I was ale to see this is just as much me as it is him.

            Is it easy? No. But now more than ever I understand that I don’t have time to waste arguing. It’s foolish to be mad at him and have to run to my tablet or desk top to fire off an angry email. So I try to keep that in my mind daily.

            Thank you again for what you do and thank you to all the readers who post commente and guest posts.

          2. Sky,

            It is a blessing that he knows the resources that are available. I would still imagine this is extremely frustrating and difficult for him, especially as a command man personality. So thankful you are seeking to be patient and that you are not lashing out at him. Each moment is a precious gift from God. I pray we will each spend these fleeting days we have here together wisely and act in ways that honor Christ and our husbands. I pray God will empower you both to love, respect, and connect with each other in meaningful ways even with so many challenges – and that God might bring great beauty from this fiery trial.

            Sending you the biggest hug, my precious sister!

          3. He’s still very angry at times and it shows in his words and tone. I’ve reminded him that he needs to save the anger for important stuff. I know other people have noticed it. Just recently a friend said something to me about it, but I am determined not to get a poor me attitude. Sometimes I just shine him on and other times we talk about it (email about it).

          4. April,
            He is completely deaf, so no he cannot literally hear himself. He can be loud volume wise and not come off angry and he does know how to do that. I’ve tried reminding him of this and he knows when he’s letting the anger come out.

            When you asked about feeling mistreated, a lot of this was me getting offended at EVERYTHING he said. After reading your blog and listening to what you, the guest bloggers and readers had to say, I realized that I was over reacting many times. Now that his vision is gone, I’ve continued to try to really pick my battles since communication is so hard.

            He’s incredibly frustrated at everything right now. He’s mad because I’m still trying to wrap my head around how we live together as a married couple. He thinks that since he’s figured something out, I should be right there with him. What I cannot explain to him is that I’m more like 3 or 4 beats behind him. Its just now dawning on me that we’re never going back to our old way of communication. It’s just now becoming clear that if we need to go to that store, I’m going by myself. (We use to do everything together. Yeah we were that couple, joined at the hip).

            Communication is painfully slow and he told me that my complaining about it and my (to him) seemingly lack of “getting” how to communicate, tells him I wish he was in a nursing home. I do see progress in our communication, but it’s so hard to keep with it when he gets impatient with me and he’s acting (to me) as if nothing has improved.

            He has some other heath issues are keeping him more a “prisoner” in his own body.

            I’m finally figuring out that I can’t do everything in the house myself. I’m going to ask a friend from church (who lives close by) for some help. I can’t do it anymore by myself. Problem is, I don’t know what to ask for.

          5. Sky,

            I’m so thankful this site and the comments have been helpful. Praising God for that blessing. 🙂

            I can hardly begin to imagine how frustrating this whole situation must be for him and for you. I can understand why he would feel angry a lot. He is truly becoming a prisoner in his own body. It would be a silent, lonely, dark place to be – cut off from almost everything. The dynamics will definitely have to change dramatically for both of you.

            I would imagine that he wants to be able to do all of these things with you, still. And that he may feel completely emasculated like he has nothing to give to you and no role in life, like he can’t be the man he wants to be for you. He can’t be the hero that he wants to be.

            How I pray for God’s wisdom for you both, my precious sister.

            I’m sure he is very aware of this already, but is he a candidate for any kind of surgery or device that may help his hearing loss or his vision?

            Much love to you!

            Do you have a support group? What spiritual support do you have around you?

          6. I have one friend who is my accountability partner from Celebrate Recovery (I can call her pretty much any time) and I plan to start putting out the word at church that I could use some help (I’m not sure exactly what help I need, but I’ll ask). I’m also going to contact SHEP(the group that helps deaf/blind) again to see about getting more training for myself.

            Thank you for the prayers.

        2. SKy,
          Your story touched me so deeply. I cant imagine the difficulties you are going through. You are one strong woman! I will pray for you and your husband.
          I agree, when our husbands are harsh, sometimes it is so hard to see past the harshness…But when you recognize the hurt and the pain that are behind those harsh words, then you definetely look at this at a different angle….
          April and her blog are such a blessing to me as well. I wish i would have found it sooner….
          Praying for you!

          1. NB I tried to post a comment before and it didn’t show up.

            Thank you for the kind word and prayers.

  6. Hallelujah, Hallelujah!

    Dear Holly and all my brothers and sisters who can make this journey in the peace and dignity of our strong Shepherd, and dearest Brother.

    Hallelujah, Hallelujah!
    Jesuscentreoflife

  7. Note to all,

    I am not going to be able to approve comments that may be hurtful to this precious wife in a very painful, difficult time. Feel free to share encouragement, love, prayer, and Scripture. Let’s seek to support her in what she believes God is calling her to do at this time, which I believe honors His Word.

    1. I am so glad that I saw this post – and it is so nice of Holly to share her story of encouragement! It is sad that anyone would consider discouraging this wife, in what is most certainly a difficult situation for her :(. I trust that she will continue to grow closer to the Lord and be sensitive to his leading. God can change any situation in our lives in a split second, but His way and His timing are always for our good based on His ultimate plan for us. I find that keeping focused on that, helps me through some of the most difficult times.

      April – your new website is beautiful!! Congrats on everything. It is such a joy to see how God is using you for his glory. You are such a blessing to so many. I wish that I could join you in Branson – but not to worry, because I am trusting that it is the first of many of your conferences, and before I know it, you will be in my neck of the woods :). I like that it is so reasonable to attend :).

      1. PrayinglikeHannah,

        I don’t think anyone has purposely tried to discourage this wife, but I think we have to be extra diligent to be very thoughtful and conscientious about what we say to someone in such an excruciating situation to be sure that what we are saying matches up with God’s Word and will be edifying.

        Thank you for praying for this wife. 🙂 And thank you for sharing a bit of your strategy, as you have been enduring a number of trials yourself. You are a blessing to me!

        I’m glad to hear you like the new site. I certainly do hope I can get up your way before too long. It is a much closer drive for me than Branson, MO, that is for sure!

        This first conference, the director of the conference center is giving me space at no charge, a place for me to stay at no charge, and promoting the conference on their local FM Christian radio station for me at no charge. It is a bit of a “Test Run” for me, so I am only charging for the cost of materials and I am not trying to recoup my travel/meal expenses. I don’t know if I will be able to charge the same thing for every future conference, but I do hope to try to keep the cost as low as possible.

        Much love!

        1. Well, it is wonderful that you have been blessed so bountifully for your “test run” and can pass this on to those who will attend.

          I recently listened a sermon in which the pastor stated that in his decades of serving in the ministry – he has never heard anyone say they felt the closest to God at “good” times. His experience (and mine) was that, it is through difficult situations that many are drawn closer to God. I also read something that said, “A calm see never makes a skillful sailor.” Of course, I think it would be nice to not have to experience challenges to be spiritually in sync with God’s power! However we still can’t discount the blessings that often arise out of situations which we would not wish on ourselves.

          1. PrayinglikeHannah,

            I’m grateful for this opportunity that God has given to me in Branson, MO. Looking forward to see where else He will lead, too. 🙂

            That is so true – we tend to grow in the hard times and during the tests and battles. We don’t like to have to go through those times, but they often yield such incredible fruit in our lives. 🙂

            Much love, my dear sister!

  8. Thank you for sharing. Wow. Amazing. I just sent this link to a young woman going thru almost the same exact situation that you are in. God is using you to bring healing to other women. Thank you for being transparency.

  9. A note of encouragement to those whose spouses are living in unrepentant infidelity,

    I have seen MANY marriages where one spouse committed adultery (sometimes even both spouses did at some point) but then God took hold of one spouse and that spouse began to truly abide in Christ, pray in faith, and wait on the Lord. Many times, eventually, the rebellious spouse comes to God, repents, and is spiritually regenerated. I have seen people find incredible healing in Christ for themselves individually – no one is beyond His reach! And I have seen marriages that were in the biggest messes be healed by the power of God. No marriage is beyond His reach.

    I would hate for us to miss out on the miracles of God! And even more important than that, my prayer is that we would each walk in obedience to Him, that we might get to hear Him say to us, “Well done, My good and faithful servant.” May God refine our motives and empower us to walk in faithfulness to Him, whatever the cost may be to us.

    If a spouse is involved in unrepentant infidelity, I believe the believing spouse needs to separate and not attempt to live together until the sinning spouse repents and is willing to slowly rebuild trust over time.

    We are not talking about the sinning spouse returning as is to the marriage. We are talking about God restoring that person to Himself and radically changing him/her and then Him restoring the marriage to His design, not to what it was before.

    1. April,

      This comment may or may not be hard for the author of the original post to read. Could you please read it through your experienced eyes and perhaps only approve it if you believe it would not cause hurt?

      I personally honestly don’t know how a reconciliation after adultery would be possible. If there are any readers (I know of at least one) who have been through this and reconciled, how are you able to deal with the pain of comparison and so forth? Is there any encouragement that you can offer those who may be in this situation?

      In Christ, HH

      1. HH,

        I agree that it would be very painful and difficult. I certainly wouldn’t wish this scenario on anyone – and I know none of us would want to volunteer for having to go through such a trial. What I do know is that I know dozens and dozens of real life couples who have been through this and have been able to extend grace, rebuild trust, and come out of the dark valley with a stronger, much more godly, beautiful marriage. I think one thing that helps is to have a very real sense of how serious and filthy our own sins are and how offensive our own sins are to God and to experience His grace for us on an extremely deep level. Of course, I wouldn’t suggest attempting to reconcile with someone who has not fully repented and is not willing to be transparent and is not willing to painstakingly rebuild trust in tiny baby steps. But as the love and grace of Christ is applied each tiny step of the way, this can be possible.

        Reconciling with a spouse who committed adultery is not a command. A believer may choose to remain separated. But it is such an incredible display of God’s faithfulness to us in spite of our faithlessness to Him when a couple does work through all of that pain and those wounds and rebuilds on Christ.

        To me, the process is very similar for reconciling after adultery as it is to rebuilding a marriage after the betrayal of porn use, a porn addiction, or an emotional affair – although actual sexual infidelity would be more difficult to deal with. It would take the power of God, for sure.

          1. April.

            She has changed her name back to her maiden name and cut herself off from all of my family and friends. I am beginning to understand that she decided her path a long time ago and is not moving from it but has been implementing the changes slowly in apparent effort to ‘let me down slowly’. The slow changes have given me cause to hope there may be a reconciliation but it is more and more apparent there will not be.

            I am working through accepting that my life will now be as a single person. That is difficult. I have been seeking God in this way “Lord, please fill me so full of yourself that it does not matter to me what she does”.

            I would value prayer to this end and also for my children who are not really understanding what is going on. HH

          2. HH,

            From what you have described, she has talked about that this was her plan for a really long time. So very heartbreaking. 🙁 I’m glad you are not trying to live with her if this is her frame of mind. That was such a toxic situation. But it is very sad to see the direction she wants to go. I pray God will open her eyes and wake her up to Himself and to the treasures she is throwing away – you and your family.

            Praying for God’s wisdom, power, discernment, and healing for you, our dear brother – and for your precious children.

            I know that God has not abandoned you and has not forsaken you and that He is working out something for His glory and for your great good in the midst of this trial. Already, what He has done in you is so beautiful!

            I’m always honored to pray for you and your family.

            In Him,
            April

  10. Just a simple note of encouragement: Keep the focus on our Lord Jesus and no matter how this works out, it will be right for you and good for you.

  11. To the writer of this post:
    You are such an encouragement. The Holy Spirit is truly with you in the words you have written, proclaiming the goodness of God. I was so blessed to read this tonight, and to be a witness to the great hope you have in Him. He is our treasure and our greatest reward- and you have found Him 🙂 Lots of love to you, sister.

  12. Bless you precious wife. You’ve encoraged me to cling to the blessed hope we have in our Jesus. All our troubles will be far behind us when He says our debts Are paid and we are His.

  13. I had taken my ring off since my husband moved out almost 2 weeks ago, and into his own apartment. I put it back on because it felt wrong. I am in such horrible despair and I am crying out to God daily. I have brief, peaceful moments where I am able to focus on praying for my husband (he stated he is an atheist) or by just reading and reflecting on God’s word. Other times, I am so sad it literally hurts in the pit of my stomach from crying so much! I feel sick, depressed, lonely beyond belief much of the time.

    I am trying to focus on my many blessings at this time including being out on summer break during this storm and having some friends to lean on (although they are all “happily” married), but I built a life with my husband who is no longer here. I am seeking additional prayer for my heart to have forgiveness. How can people just leave their husband/wife? I know sin is the reason, but I want to have hope for healing. I do not want to give the enemy any footholds. I want to keep praying, but I feel so weak and utterly confused. I felt that I should move forward and file for divorce since he is an unbeliever or continue to pray because I desperately want him to be saved and do believe that God hates divorce, no matter the circumstances. I’m a wreck.

    1. Mary,

      I’m so glad you are reaching out for help! I’m thankful that you are crying out to God and that you want to save your marriage. I believe there is healing available for you in Christ as you hash through these very painful emotions and this fiery trial – that you CAN begin, in time, to walk in God’s peace and to receive all of the spiritual treasures He has for you in this valley.

      Would you be interested in talking a bit more with me and in moving toward focusing on finding the healing you need in Christ so you can be as strong as possible in Him no matter what your husband does or does not do?

      I would be glad to walk you through a spiritual check up, if you would like.

      I also invite you to my closed Peaceful Women FB prayer group where many of the women are in the same position you are.

      And, I invite you to check out the comments on this post, and on Encouragement for Those Who Are in the Trenches, as well as the comments on ContentinChrist Shares about Her Journey So Far, and “It Was the Worst Year of My Life. But, Then – God!”

      You are most welcome here. I believe that as you focus on Christ and allowing Him to radically transform your heart, mind, and soul – you will get to experience the greatest contentment, fulfillment, love, acceptance, peace, and joy there is in the universe. And then He will empower you to handle the situation with your husband with His Spirit and His wisdom – and He is sovereign and able to work in your husband’s heart, as well – in His timing. Praying for healing in Christ for both of you and for His greatest glory in this trial.

      Much love to you! And the biggest hug!

  14. I read this story a few weeks ago and thought wow that journey is amazing….yet its not mine. Well now God is speaking and I am listening. July 17th was my 3 yr anniversary. Most of it my husband has not been faithful. He admitted that he didn’t want to put in the work to repair things (after being confronted on his actions) and that he wanted a divorce. Before I spoke with him I’d spent six weeks sitting with proof and asking God what to do and how to deal with it. He revealed it. I decided to be committed and love him unconditionally knowing he was still making bad decisions. I’d sought spiritual counseling and finally sat down with him. I expressed that I wanted our marriage and believed it was God’s will. He expressed wanting a divorce and not putting in the work. I then found a career position after not working for year (being in school). My husband sought out a lawyer and told me he would be filing in August/September. 2 weeks after his lawyer visit, God allowed me to find an apartment and I moved out July 1st. We have no kids together, no property…nothing to physically bound us…yet God has spoken in the last 3 days not to give up on this marriage. I know its God….life has been more peaceful yet God is saying I intend to use your marriage for you.

    I know that it will and can only be God to turn things around. I know my husband has not dealt with his past and I know that after trying to work on things through counseling for over a year he’s never dealt with the source of his own pain. God has removed me from the household as he knows how much I could handle yet he is saying not to give up. I was ready to walk and waiting for the papers to be sent to me….now I must tell him that I will not be signing the papers.

    1. Adrenna Brown, thank you so much for sharing this. I have never posted on this site before but after getting to the bottom of this comment thread I read your comment and saw that since this is an older article no one had commented back. I just wanted to tell you, if no one else has yet, that I support what you are doing and I hope and pray that your devotion to your marriage and your devotion to God brings your husband back into his right state of mind, and that he listens to you and decides to reunite himself with you. I just want you to know that I am so sorry for what you are going through, and it must take such resilience to get through times like these… If I were you I would tell him that you still love him, and see what he says, but I am not you so I cannot be sure what the best thing to say to him would be when in your position. I wish for the best for you.
      -Mitch

    2. Mitch,
      I am so glad you reached out to Adrenna Brown! Thank you. 🙂 I was out of town the week that she commented – and tried not to miss anyone’s comments, but looks like I missed this one.

      Adrenna Brown,

      Oh goodness, my apologies that I am just now seeing your comment! I didn’t intend to ignore you, my precious sister.

      I am so thankful that you are seeking God above all else! I can’t imagine how painful all of this must be.

      How are things now?

      I am praying for you, your husband, and your marriage tonight – for God’s Spirit to bring healing to you both, and for His greatest glory in your lives individually and for healing for your marriage!

My grandmother is on hospice and won't be with us much longer (11-30-16). I will get to comments when I am able to but I need to be with family right now. Thanks for understanding.

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