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A Wife Begs God to Help Her Tame Her Tongue

1191968_68133953

From a sister in Christ:

I am a young wife. Only just turned 29. Its been 4 years since I became born again. I am still learning this. Yes, I have dug through the Bible front to back already and am very knowledgeable in His Word even for my youth in the faith.

I am the wife that – when my husband scolds me – I retaliate with anger from the hurt. My husband has anger issues and he tends to say the meanest things for the littlest reasons. But recently, I come to realize while listening to a sermon online about the sin of the tongue – that even though I am saved, I do serve God, and preach His Word to other women, etc, etc… if I don’t learn self-control and to allow the Holy Spirit to tame my tongue, my religion is meaningless.

I finally just prayed out loud…

“Jesus, take over my tongue. My anger and bitterness. I want to be like You when they was spitting, mocking and cursing You – who are blameless. You held Your peace, you did not sin! Your eyes were upon God only. From here on out, Satan will no longer win, he can no longer take over my tongue. From here on out, the blood of Jesus has washed my tongue clean and all rights now goes to the Holy Spirit of God!!!! I don’t want to be like this anymore, I don’t want to be weak and selfish anymore. I want my eyes on the cross, especially through trials and suffering. Be gone Satan!!! In the name of Jesus of Nazareth! You will no longer toy with my marriage, my heart and especially my tongue. I will fight with the Word of God. For God said if we do not tame our tongue, then our religion is meaningless. And my religion will not be meaningless!! It will stand for Christ alone.”

After that prayer out loud in my car – it was like this complete peace – this renewing of my mind. I just didn’t feel any bitterness or easily angered/hurt. Of course Satan quickly tested me out. I was napping after 12 hours of work, and my husband woke me up yelling! He was upset about something I didn’t do. He knew I just got home and been working overtime, but he was angry again…. and guess what? I felt nothing???!!! And when I say nothing…

I felt peace and no retaliation.

Before I would have yelled back and said, “What is your problem? Leave me alone, you bi-polar freak! I just got home, I need to sleep. Crazy?!” But this time I just laid there, let him yell and throw tantrums saying mean things blah, blah, blah. And after he was done and walked away, I went right back to sleep. And now I still feel nothing. Before I would be holding a grudge and wishing he would just disappear.

He gave his life to Christ recently, too, after many prayers for him. He repented and started reading Bible. But he has demons that he has yet to fully deal with and every now and then he snaps. He has changed a lot by the grace of God. I notice he snaps usually when his eyes are off Christ. He is a babe in Christ so I don’t hold it against him. I feel so free! I feel like I am no longer bound by the handcuffs of: anger, bitterness, grudge-holding, and hatred toward my husband’s unloving ways toward me anymore.

It’s like when I recognized it, repented, and prayed that out loud…it was like Jesus got the keys and took off the handcuffs!!!!!!!

I am crying as I type this! Now I’m washing clothes, spending time with kids, about to open my Bible right now and meditate on all the verses about self-control and taming our tongues for God’s glory. And I feel happy even though an hour ago I just got scolded and mocked by my husband for something I didn’t do.

I am no longer controlled by my circumstances, instead I am now controlled by the Holy Spirit of God as it SHOULD BE. I just needed to allow Him to guide me!! My husband is a good husband, works hard, and treats our daughters like princesses. His demons just take hold of him at times and I pray for his full deliverance!!! He quit smoking, drinking, and partying all for our family. He works and serves in church. But this one thing he struggles with.

I have faith that – like God showed me -He will do the same for my husband one day.

God showed me my errors, and then He delivered me from it. All wives – it’s SO freeing!!! Mentally, spiritually, everything! I ask you to please try it and allow God to take over. Fight for righteousness, fight for peace!!!! Don’t let the devil win your tongue, your heart. He has won TOO many times already in the past, starting today fight back and say, “NO!!!! The Word of God says this. I will do as God says. Be gone Satan!” Fight the real enemy here!!!!! Not your husband. Satan is the real enemy. God is so good, so all knowing. Oh Lord, forgive me for being naive, for not allowing You to take over my tongue a long time ago! Forgive me and give me grace to continue on!!!

 

To all the women who feel that its hopeless (from Peacefulwife – if you have severe issues in your marriage, please seek experienced, appropriate, godly help!) with the she-said-he-said “I don’t like the way he did this, he doesn’t like the way I did this,” kind of stuff – always butting heads and putting each other down for it stuff. There is hope, but first thing you gotta do is give your mind, body, and tongue over to God and don’t let Satan toy with it anymore. Once you do, He will change you. The self-control will be so powerful it will be like you don’t even understand yourself what is going on within you. But you know it’s gotta be God…!!!!! That is what happens when you let God take the wheel. Women, the retaliation will be gone. You know why? Because your self-worth will be found in the cross and NOT your husband’s words or actions towards you anymore. You become a person who feels love and peace when others bash at you instead. Like Jesus said on the cross, ”Father forgive them, for they know not what they are doing.” His heart will become yours as well. (tears)

FROM PEACEFULWIFE:

God can give us wisdom about when to speak and when to remain silent. We need His Spirit desperately in these difficult situations!

RELATED:

Posts about Conflict

Confronting Our Husbands about Their Sin

To Speak or Not to Speak?

Should I Stay or Should I Go?

How Do You Stay Filled with the Holy Spirit?

Godly Femininity Part 1

Godly Femininity Part 2

“I Don’t Think My Husband Loves Me – How Can I Become a Godly Wife?”

Do You Have to Lose Yourself or Be “Fake” to Be a Godly Wife?

How Satan Would Love to Destroy Your Marriage through Your Thought Life

30 thoughts on “A Wife Begs God to Help Her Tame Her Tongue

  1. Dear young wife…..thank you for sharing your testimony, what you have written is beautiful. I am an older Christian, and also married to a man with many demons as you describe so well in you thought provoking piece. May you continue to share your wisdom and love with many other wives, blessings.

  2. My husband will occasionally go on a rant, call me names etc. but the only response I try and give is ‘honey, I am happy to listen to what you have to say, but can you please try and calm down, then I’ll be happy to discuss it.” Or if I know I’m in the wrong I try and quickly ask for forgiveness or if I need to think thru the accusations etc I tend to remain silent. But this can sometimes make things worse. So I try and stick to short and sweet answers. If I need to cry I will. Even in front of him. But I avoid talking when I’m like that. And if he asks why I’m not talking I just tell him because I feel hurt and figure it’s best not to speak until I am more emotionally stable and consider what he has said.

    I’m not sure how respectful those responses are. I used to fight back and then I just thought one day “it’s too tiring fighting constantly. Especially about things that don’t matter” and that’s when i endeavoured to shut my mouth more. And now we rarely fight. Might have little disagreements here and there. But not many.
    Great post.
    Anon M

    1. Anon M,

      It sounds to me like the way you are handling things would be respectful. Thank you for sharing this! 🙂 I like that you ask him to speak respectfully to you and show him you want to hear him, but that you need a more gentle approach to hear him well. And I like that you share that you are hurt if you are upset, and even that you cry if you are upset. I also like how you want to wait to talk until you are feeling more emotionally stable. That seems wise to me.

      Much love to you!

      1. Hi Mrs. April thank you very much for posting and your testimony, I really do believe God is using you to not only minister to fellow wives but with younger single girls like me ^_^ to be better single women and avoid or fix destructive habits before we get married………..thank you for encouraging us to serve God in our singleness without distraction!!!!!!!!!!

        1. verysinglegirl,

          It is my prayer that God might use me and this blog, and the one for single women http://www.peacefulsinglegirl.com, to bless my married and single sisters in Christ. I think it is awesome if a Christian woman can begin to study some of these things before marriage! I sure wish I had been able to do that myself. 🙂

          You are most welcome here. Praying for God’s greatest glory in your life!

  3. Dear Young Wife,

    I just want to encourage you further by letting you know that your testimony blessed me and confirmed what the Holy Spirit was talking to me about this weekend. I’ve spent most of my 25 year marriage struggling with anger, bitterness, resentment and yes, my tongue. You are completely right on with your conclusions that no matter what, we are to speak life and peace into those we love that are hurting us. The fact is, if we retaliate with anyone, there are now TWO people in the wrong. We are never justified to dish back to others what we feel they are doing to us.

    I totally agree with your comment that a Christian’s eyes ought to be on Christ at all times so that we are not tempted or discouraged by what is happening around us. Speaking God’s Word to Satan to fend off his attacks and build and encourage ourselves up in the faith is a mighty weapon of warfare, especially for we women that have a problem with our tongues. Thank you again for sharing your testimony and God Bless you for your faithfulness in learning how to live according to His Word.

  4. What a wonderful post! This gives me hope. Right now going through my own difficult situation with my husband. He has left and wants a divorce, I pray I too can control my tongue. I also pray to reconcile.

  5. Dear Young Wife,
    Thank you…for sharing your testimony. This really touched me. I’ve been praying and asking God for help…and through your testimony…He answered me. Again, I say thank you. Words can not express my true feelings. May God continue to bless you, your husband, your marriage, and your family. (tears)

  6. This is so sweet and wonderful!!! Congrats to you (the writer), for giving over your full self to God. You’re only 4 years in, it gets so much better with time!

    What you wrote here is so beautiful:

    “I am no longer controlled by my circumstances, instead I am now controlled by the Holy Spirit of God as it SHOULD BE. I just needed to allow Him to guide me!! My husband is a good husband, works hard, and treats our daughters like princesses. His demons just take hold of him at times and I pray for his full deliverance!!! He quit smoking, drinking, and partying all for our family. He works and serves in church. But this one thing he struggles with.

    I have faith that – like God showed me -He will do the same for my husband one day.”

    Just wrote on “The Best Gift We Can Give Our Husband” this morning, going to be searching out the different treasures behind the character of the Proverbs 31 woman

    https://girlwithadragonflytattoo.com/2016/04/18/the-best-gift-you-can-give-to-your-husband/

  7. Dear Young Wife,
    I think it’s great that you are figuring these things out so early in your marriage. When I was your age, I had been married for 10 years, and hadn’t really learned a thing! So I think learning this all so early is amazing and a blessing!

    We have just passed our 20 year anniversary and we are finally starting to communicate and grow, both in our marriage and our individual walks with Christ.

    The tongue. What a tricky thing. I’ve gotten much better by Gods grace, but one thing you mentioned jumped out at me, and it’s an odd one. The smoking.
    My husband has smoked since he was 12. He is saved, has changed for the better in many, many ways. He does not drink at all. But he still smokes. He doesn’t smoke in the house or the car out of respect for me and our children. But he won’t quit. It is the one lie he tells – the “I want to quit. I really want to quit. It’s time to quit. I need to quit….” On and on he lies about quitting, but he never actually quits! I don’t know why he always says he wants to quit, but he doesn’t. I understand it’s hard. I really do. But he prays about everything else. I think part of him is afraid to pray about this because he is afraid of quitting. It’s weird.

    But my point is, oh how I want to talk about it! I feel like if I’m quiet on the subject, he will take that as endorsement. Like it’s okay. It scares me! I love him and I want him to be healthy. I feel like if he really loved us, he’d want to stay healthy and not keep up such a bad habit.
    He did switch to lighter cigarettes, I guess that’s something.

    But what do I do? To talk or not to talk? I know nagging is extremely counterproductive. The trouble is, if I say anything, he sees it as nagging. Through this journey I have gotten so much better at staying quiet. But as I said, silence seems like endorsement. I’ve even tried being encouraging, but all to no avail. I guess I need to pray, and let God handle it, and stay out of it. It scares me so, but I guess I need to give that fear to the Lord. I just wish my husband would just quit. He’s not stupid. He knows how bad it is for him. I don’t know why he insists on doing something so bad for his health.

    Anyhow, thanks for the post! It was definitely inspiring!

    1. Becca,

      When someone is addicted to something, they may want to quit, but maybe don’t know how, or are afraid of the withdrawals. As a pharmacist, I have taken classes on helping to counsel people about quitting cigarettes. Nicotine is often recognized as the most addictive drug on the face of the earth. That addiction can seem extremely overwhelming to try to conquer for someone in the midst of it.

      It is similar to our mental addictions to wrong thinking, actually. We get addicted to certain lies and ungodly messages and don’t want to give those up either. We may say we want to – but maybe we are afraid to give them up, we don’t know how to, we really love our wrong thinking and don’t want to change, we think we will just fail anyway – so why try? Or we may need help because we can’t do it on our own.

      I don’t think I would say that him saying he wants to quit is necessarily a lie. He may feel powerless in the face of the addiction. Of course, he is not powerless, especially with Christ! And there are things he can do to stop if he decides to. But it will have to be his decision. I don’t think his addiction to cigarettes has anything to do with his love for you, my sweet sister.

      It is okay to mention it – if/when God prompts you – if you have right motives. You can say something like, “You are so precious to me. I can’t stand the thought of you getting cancer or getting sick from cigarettes. I would have a lot more peace of mind if you would quit. But I know that choice is up to you.” I don’t think this is something to address every day. Maybe more like once a year – IF God is prompting you. I hope that makes sense.

      You can certainly pray for him. We will pray God will open his eyes about the cigarettes and instill a deep desire for him to want to quit.

      Much love to you! Thanks for sharing!

  8. Wow, that is so neat young wife, I love your declaration in prayer of where you stand; it kind of reminds me of the scene in War Room where Elizabeth finally realizes what she is really up against and what’s at stake and chooses that day whom she will serve, then serves notice to the devil that his gig is up. You have given me much to think about. I am truly intrigued and drawn by your description of being able to go back to sleep peacefully and to be able to be totally happy regardless of what he is doing. I need to get there. I am currently not.

    I can retaliate with my tongue quite a lot and do the same as you describe. I had to laugh at your “bi-polar freak” comment. My husband was once doing one of his ugly rants and acting out an elaborate nicjubg and disrespectful pantomine supposedly of me. So I’d had enough of his verbal and emotional abuse and retaliated by telling him, with equal disgust and anger, that he was a whack job and ought to get professional help. It actually sobered him up from his drunk with entitled rage state.

    I had been pleading with him to behave, confronting him with outrage and hurt and engaging in one-sided forms of submission, all of which only fed the demon. I’d also tell him if he did it again i was leaving, which would cool his jets and bring about some external change. Only in the sense that he avoided risking my dumping him by avoiding acting out like that, but NOT in the sense that the kingdom of God was made manifest in our lives and home or that he was repentant and delivered and follwing Christ.

    The verse you gave about Jesus being innocent and yet not reviling back when he was reviled is very convicting. I guess it comes down to whether we want Jesus truly made manifest in our lives or we just want the happy life we want the way we want it. Thank you so much!

    1. just me,

      I know that raging against an alcoholic is not going to help. But would you be able to share is he still drinking often? There is a big difference between dealing with a husband who is being a bit hateful vs. dealing with a super angry alcoholic.

      Have you been able to get in touch with Celebrate Recovery?

      Have you had a chance to read any of Leslie Vernick’s posts about emotionally abusive relationships http://www.leslievernick.com?

      How is your walk with Christ going?

      Much love to you!!!!!

  9. Hi April
    My husband was actually drunk with rage, not alcohol, and consequently giving full reign to his flesh. He did once drink to excess and for the most part, stopped it when I told him that if this was the direction his life was taking I couldn’t go with him. So yes, alcohol has been a problem at times although the issue i referenced was alcohol free in my reply to Young Wife.

    I had an abusive alcoholic father with severe rage issues among other things so sometimes it feels to me that even having wine in the house is like putting one foot into the mouth of the beast that did me so much grievous harm and made my life terrifying and out of control. We seldom have booze in the house although in the heat of summer we may have a cold beer, or sometimes I might have a glass of wine or egg nog at Christmas but for the most part I am afraid to be on friendly terms with alcohol because it seems to be one of those things that doesn’t like to stay within safe boundaries. I am quite defensive about it.

    On the one hand, I don’t like the idea that I am not free to enjoy a drink with friends but at the same time I am pulled towards holiness and walking with Christ and am not sure if that is worldly compromise or not or if this constitutes being a poor witness. And I can’t trust certain relatives to NOT purposely crash my boundaries which makes it hard to give them an inch when you’re afraid they will take a mile. When they come around they want to turn the celebration into THEIR kind of thing – alcohol centered – even though they are in my home and are well aware of how I feel about booze and drugs. Seems like its add alcohol/instant jerk in many cases, not just his. His kids have told me that he has always had a problem of flipping out and overreacting to things and flying off the handle whether or not alcohol is present. My husband made a profession of faith but tends to ride the fence and change his spots, depending on who we are with leaving these folks to think that he became a christian only to please me but doesn’t really hold to those beliefs himself so its all okay to disrespect me this way.

    He generally won’t say different which leaves me in a kind of no man’s land where i can’t stay and i can’t leave. He uses real and false sin issues in my life to claim its my responsibilty for how he is or isn’twalking with God and is waiting for me to change. And I am fed up with having to always be the leader and take the intiative, be the responsible one. You wouldn’t believe how many times we have had successes or progress because i will wait and wait and then finally take the initiatve after listening to his negativity and self pitying stance that nothing is possible unless you are really rich or know someone. Had i not done so, not acted and not stepped out in faith, we would still be living in some shoebox of an apartment owning nothing at all and stuck tolerating a bunch of crap.

    Which makes it hard for me to tell when I am out of line and when I am actually doing what is healthy and right despite his refusal to trust and believe God for himself. Abigail, Sapphira or Jezebel? If I did what many christians think is submission, I’d be held down to the sad level he has often preferred to live his life on. Perhaps you are familiar with the dilemma of people who, refusing to leave the level of sin and dysfunction they are at, actively work to stop YOU from leaving that level too or drag you down to that level and keep you there.

    I’ve read some of Leslie Vernick’s stuff yes and am aware when what is going on is verbally/emotionally abusive. It’s great to be educated about these things but really they are categories of sin and flesh, areas of idolatry. I’m also familiar with celebrate recovery but not sure that its really that biblical, as I’ve heard that they teach we suffer from hurts, habits and hangups,not idolatry or sin and that our problem is not meeting our needs God’s way. Would have to look into it further to see if that is true, but there isn’t one anywhere near me that he or I could attend anyhow. We live in rural smalltownsville with the nearest major center a few hours away.

    Not that I discount woundedness but I suspect that something is off when that is the main focus. I agree that folks do need healing for broken hearts that have come as result of bieng sinned against. Having gone through three different recovery groups, one secular and two christian, I found myself better educated about some things and of course feeling validated and understood but I didn’t find that these brought me any substantial change on a personal level. Neither holiness nor wholeness resulted from my time spent there although I was comforted somewhat to know that I wasn’t crazy or abnormal and not alone in what I felt. I went through one christian based group three times because I thought i must be doing it wrong. If anything these groups semed to keep folks trapped in a victim identity, kind of like thinking you are really going somewhere whilst running on the spot. So while I am sure that there are others who have had postive experiences in support groups, I didn’t find them to be all that they claimed to be. If the Lord was leading me to try it again of course I would.

    You asked me how my walk with Christ is going. I am tempted to say , without unkindness or sarcasm, mind you 🙂 that when He lets me know, I can let you know. right now, I struggle with wanting to be righteous on my own, feeling reluctant to trust Jesus or surrender fully, spiritual warfare on a severe level. It’s as if I want to go into the throne room but on my righteousness not Christ’s. I say this because iti s true, not because I am pleased with it. I am wrestling with questions related to second marriages and what would actually be Jesus’ opinion and not man’s, as well as grief and guilt related to the many failures in my life. My ex husband was manipulative, controlling and dishonest narcissistic and I am sure that he was having a relationship with the woman he married shortly after we separted and divorced, who he met on his job. Anyhow i have said probably more than you were expecting to hear so that’s all I will write for now.

    1. just me,

      Oh! I misunderstood. My apologies! Goodness, it kind of sounds like all of the men you have been closest to in your life have been quite toxic. 🙁

      What is your definition of submission, my dear sister?

      I know we have talked about the remarriage thing before. I know you know that I don’t have all of the answers.

      You know what I would love for you to focus on, my friend? Your walk with Christ. Getting to that point of total surrender, total trust, and receiving what Jesus has done for you on your behalf. It is ALL His work – not our work – that sets us in right standing before God.

      I’m not sure if you have read Gary Thomas’ Sacred Influence – but it has some examples of wives handling angry husbands in godly ways – real life examples. Could be interesting.

      I haven’t been to Celebrate Recovery myself – but it seems, from what I can tell – to be more biblically based than other groups. But if there is a better resource, I would love to hear about it. 🙂

      Praying for wisdom and God’s direction and healing for you today!

  10. God bless you all. I am begging for God to give me wisdom, tame my jealous side and hold my tongue. I was married for 30 years to a controlling narcissistic cheating husband (he left me 5 years ago) I am remarried to a faithful patient good Christian conservative man. He raised his kids alone, and dated many women during that time. He is so grateful to have a good wife. My issue? Many of those women and his ex became groupies after we got married and they see how good we have it. His sons’ girlfriends say things to his grandchildren against me, trying to gain favor with the ex. I bite my tongue, but then pop, and my poor husband has to listen to me rant about these women. He is friends with everyone, and naive as far as their intentions. I am tired of being jealous, I cannot stop them from texting him. He is pure at heart, and I KNOW he is pure to our marriage. I am insecure, I pray constantly to change. Tongue biting is not easy. Pray for me. Thanks, God bless every wife! – Old Wife

    1. sundaze1113,

      How is your walk with Christ going, my precious sister?

      How does your husband seem to respond when you “rant” about these women?

      Here are some posts that may be a blessing, please search my home page for:

      – insecurity
      – security
      – jealousy
      – I Need to Change! I Can’t go on Like This!

      I’m here if you want to talk some more. Praying for God’s healing for your heart and for God’s wisdom for you both as you try to navigate these tricky waters.

      Much love!
      April

  11. Thank you April for your prayers and no worries about the misunderstanding part. The remarriage part, well I don’t think that’s one that any person can give me the answers I want on. He will have to meet me on that. How would I define submission? as obeying God and having greater trust in Him most likely. I remember once having a good rant of my own about all the things my husband was doing and not doing and in the middle of it God saying to me ” Your problem is with Me, not with him.” My focus at the moment is indeed on pursuing Jesus; laying hold of Him has to be the most important thing I could do at the moment, as well as getting back to a place of full surrender. I have not read Sacred Influence yet but it sounds interesting and i will take a look. And my apologies for the very long post esp since it wasn’t that positive.

    1. Just Me,

      I hope you will share anything you discover about remarriage with me, I would love to hear about it.

      I love that you heard God speaking in the middle of that rant. And I love that you are seeking Him!

      Comments about our negative feelings and experiences and doubts are welcome here. We are all seeking God together and finding His healing. We all have room to grow. I love that we can share here and pray for each other. 🙂

  12. I was on the journey to becoming more respectful towards my husband and I think it was going well. But I guess when the test come I just kept failing. Each time it got worse and worse. The harder I tried to come back the longer it took. Recently I have just given up. I don’t think I can do it. It is so hard sometimes I doubt whether or not I am actually living for Christ or am I just fooling myself. Recently I submitted to my husbands decision concerning family, and I guess the devil knows how to get me since old tricks weren’t working (or maybe I am giving him too much credit) but everyday I am angry and mad. I don’t understand why I have to be peaceful and my husband doesn’t have to do anything. It hurts because I feel like a walking terror, like I bring misery to the lives of everyone around me but I just don’t know what to do. I have realized I have a problem with being selfish but I really struggle to get past my hurt and be respectful. I am committed to starting over with God but I just feel like I let him down. How many times can one fall before God just gives up on you. I feel so hopeless, I just want peace.

    1. Imkea,

      I am so glad you are reaching out for help! That is awesome. 🙂

      If you want to heal and you are willing to allow God to transform you, I have a few posts that I would encourage you to read and then let’s talk about what God is speaking to you. Does that sound good?

      Please search my home page for:

      – expectations
      – spiritual check up
      – how to stay filled with the Holy Spirit
      – bitterness

      There IS healing for you in Christ. But I think there may be some motivesand thoughts that need to go – that are tangling you up.

      Also, I invite you to watch my YouTube video, “Taking Our Thoughts Captive” on my channel, April Cassidy.

      Pray, read some of these things, and then let’s walk this path together.

      Much love!
      April

    2. Hi imkea,

      I’m sorry you are feeling sad. 🙁 Here are my main thoughts about what you said:

      First, regarding, “I don’t think I can do it,” none of us can do this alone. But with God, all things are possible, which is great news for us! 🙂

      Second, regarding, “I don’t understand why I have to be peaceful and my husband doesn’t have to do anything,” God has expectations for you about how you should behave and He has expectations for your husband about how your husband should behave. At the end of your lives, God will judge you on how you acted and He will judge your husband on how he acted. You can choose to work to be the way God wants you to be, regardless of what your husband does – ideally, we should care most about pleasing God. God knows what is in your heart, and I believe He is pleased when He knows that your heart desires to follow Him. <3

      Third, regarding, "I just feel like I let him down," everyone lets God down – not just you! But thank goodness He is merciful!!! And loving. And that He desires a relationship with each of us individually! This is truly good news! Please do not let your feelings of unworthiness push you away from God, my dear sister.

      Much love to you <3
      Flower

      1. Thank you so much for reaching out to Imkea, Flower. I have been very tied up the past few days and so appreciate your willingness to step in to share God’s love and truth with our dear sister. I love your gracious, loving response to her and I completely agree with all you have shared with her!!!

        Love this!!!!

  13. Thank you to Young Wife for sharing your prayer and insights and also to everyone else for your comments of encouragement and love. This post has particularly touched me. Since September I have been on quite a journey with The Lord.

    After a particularly vicious fight with my husband – my eyes were opened to the disrespect and condescension that I show him almost daily. As a result our marriage, the 2nd for us both, is in a VERY bad place. This post opened my eyes yet again to my needs to tame my tongue in all ways. One of my husband’s biggest areas of contention with me is my blabbermouth. I always considered my ability to openly communicate with anyone a gift and only after this past 6 months and this post in particular has my heart been convicted of this huge area of sin.

    I have been am active participant in Celebrate Recovery for just over 4 years now and last year became a leader. This program has been nothing but miraculous and God has gracioualy and mercifully healed me in so many ways. But like us all, I am a constant work in progress.

    This week I have been so driven to pray for my husband and his struggles as well as our marriage that its all I can think about. And then suddenly, feeling foolish for my arrogance, I realized that I wasn’t praying for my own stupid self! Ugh…. Regardless, today is a new day and I fell to my knees again this morning.

    Thank you so much, April, for providing this forum of love, education, encouragement, and prayer. It has come to me at such a difficult yet amazing time of pain, change, and growth.

    If you all could pray for both my husband and I in the areas of forgiveness, trust, and healing for our marriage as well as my disrespect and taming I’d my tongue it would be such a blessing and relief.
    Love and God’s Blessings to you all! And thank you again….. SO MUCH!!

    1. carolyndanb,

      I’m so excited to hear about what God has been showing you! This is awesome!!!!! 🙂

      What a blessing that we can walk this road with Christ together with our sisters (and brothers) and share, encourage each other, love each other, pray for each other, and bless each other with the treasures God has shared with us.

      Of course I will pray for you about these things right now!

      Much love to you!

  14. First off, what a wonderful blog you have?!? It’s God centered and that’s what us women need to be told. We need to be in love with the Lord first! I feel like I have so much to read and I have been reading a little bit everyday.

    I was wondering if you have wrote or thought about writing about being positive as a person and how it affects our marriage? I feel like negativity comes more naturally than being positive. It’s put major strain on our marriage. I’ve been working on my complaining whiney attitude. But would love to read a little something on how to be.

    1. Monique,

      I think this is the message we all need. It sure is the message I needed about 22 years ago but didn’t understand until recently. I’m glad God is using this to bless you. 🙂 It’s awesome to meet you!

      Negativity does come naturally to our sinful nature. Yep.

      Check out:

      A Challenge for You, Ladies

      Taking Our Thoughts Captive – VIDEO

      The Smiling Challenge

      The Tone of Voice Challenge

      How to Stay Filled with the Holy Spirit

      Godly Femininity – Part 1

      Godly Femininity – Part 2

      God actually commands us not to complain or argue in Philippians 2:14-16. And Ephesians 4 describes how we are to use our speech with others. If you get a chance, go to http://www.openbible.info and search terms like

      “What does the Bible say about complaining?”
      “What does the Bible say about murmuring/grumbling?”
      “What does the Bible say about attitude?”

      Let me know if you need any other resources. I can’t wait to see all that God has in store for your walk with Him and your life!

      Much love, my dear sister!

      April

  15. Thank you for sharing your story. I stand amazed at what God does when we surrender. April, I wanted to update you on my journey. Thank you and praise to Jesus for his faithfulness.

    I realize I was in a funk from about July of last year until a few months ago. My twins graduated high school and my role as homeschool mom was significantly decreasing. I still had my youngest home with me, but day-to-day, I was searching for how to spend my days. My #2 son entered bootcamp, my daughter received her license and #3 started college.

    My struggles with my husband were magnified during this time and I discovered this blog. April, when I read your story to my hubby, he said it was like someone was listening in our home.

    Anyway, we also hosted a once-a-month marriage group at our home, focusing on the the book The Meaning of Marriage by Tim Keller. During our discussions a few times, I broke down, shared my struggles. I do not believe there was one “aha” moment in my journey toward (still much in progress) submission.

    We/I am in a much better place presently. I occasionally write a blog: http://www.lovetheirhusbandsandchildren.blogspot.com if you want to check it out. Thank you so much for investing time and effort into this most important institution of marriage.

    1. Pattie,

      I’m so excited about what God is showing you! That is awesome!!!! I appreciate that for you, it was a series of things that clicked, not one big moment. I think that is often true. There was a big lightbulb moment for me in the beginning when I first read Love and Respect by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs. But then, a series of many lightbulb moments after that.

      Thank you for sharing your blog. I hope to get to check it out soon!

      Much love, my dear sister. I love updates!

My grandmother is on hospice and won't be with us much longer (11-30-16). I will get to comments when I am able to but I need to be with family right now. Thanks for understanding.

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