This sweet wife has given me permission to share her response to the post on Monday, “How Can I Tell If God Is Working in My Life or If I Am Trying to Do This in My Own Power?”
This is just an important post! This was the hardest thing on this journey for me.
I was spending so much time and energy “working” on my marriage. I was reading every marriage book I could find. Trying this technique or that technique. Faking being respectful. Faking being loving. My blood pressure was up. My mind was a constant whirlwind of thoughts and plans and how I do this and that. It was exhausting!!! And nothing was getting better and I was an emotional mess!!
It wasn’t until I woke up one day and said I am going to do what pleases God no matter what my husband does! I am going to be peaceful and joyful no matter what. I actually had to come to point that I didn’t care what my husband did or said or thought. It was going to be like water off of a duck’s back. I was going to do it God’s way. I would be respectful and only speak my mind if it was something important. I would not be offended no matter what he did or said. I would work on me and how God wanted me to to respond and act. I would seek peace inside of me (through Christ).
AND THEN….. a wonderful thing happened. I saw my husband in a totally different light. I started to love him in a different way….not the desperate way I was. I was peaceful! My mind wasn’t in a whirlwind anymore. I wasn’t worried about everything anymore. I saw my marriage in a way I had NEVER seen it before!!
What happened?? Did my husband turn into the perfect husband over night?? NOPE!!! He was his same grouchy self. He still did the same things. He still tried to get me to react and fight. What changed was ME!
All of sudden what God thought of my actions mattered so much more. I could see my marriage as one big picture, not just this valley we were in.
Now that my husband sees the change in me, he is much happier. He is beginning to trust me again with his heart. I am not the emotionally unstable mess I was. I don’t try to control every aspect of his life. I don’t see little problems as the end of the world anymore. He smiles more often now and that is a HUGE REWARD to me….to see that I am not making him miserable anymore.
As April has said many times, this is not about changing your husband, it is about changing us. But one thing I see is when husbands feel respected and honored they tend to work harder to be better men. It is so important that we see that our actions and reactions can impact the way our husbands act and react.
When a wife reaches this critical point of realization – I know that God is about to do BIG things in her heart! 🙂 LOVE THIS!