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Some Husbands Share Their Perspectives – PART 1

man praying

Here are some questions I asked the gentlemen readers a few weeks ago:

1. What are some things that you would like to ask your wife to do for you that you believe would make your marriage stronger?

2. What are some practical things wives can do in general that would make their husbands feel very blessed to be married to them?

3. What can wives do that would make marriage enjoyable for husbands?

4. What are the most powerful ways wives can inspire and encourage their men as husbands, fathers and spiritual leaders?

I am very excited to share some of the responses. There is something about hearing men share their ideas and their hearts and minds in their own words that is such a blessing and so very helpful to us as wives as we seek to learn to become the wives God desires us to be. Every husband would have somewhat different answers to these questions. Ideally, you may be able to ask your own husband what he thinks about these things, but, if you are not in a place in your marriage where that is possible, or your husband is not able to verbalize himself yet, these answers may be helpful and may get you in the ballpark, at least. I’d like us to consider that our husbands’ needs, desires and concerns are just as valid and legitimate as our own.

Ladies,

There are MANY things wives would appreciate our husbands doing for us, too. We have legitimate needs, desires and preferences, too. But, this two part series is not about what we want or what husbands should do or could do. It is about what our husbands want and need and how we can bless them.  So, as you comment, I would appreciate if we could stick with this focus, please. 🙂

PS-  if you are a wife whose husband is low drive and you are the higher drive spouse – some of the husbands’ comments may be upsetting and counterproductive to read. For some of you, this post may be one that would be better to skip.

Here is the link to Part 2 of this series.

HUSBAND 1

1. Don’t spare me so much. Don’t try to keep normal life stresses away from me. I don’t like going to the grocery store, but I know it’s part of life. I think it is a little mothering and demeaning. It feels like you’re trying to protect me.
2. Allow us to do our God-assigned tasks. That’s what we are built for. Let us fail or succeed but still be there. When you stopped picking on my bad qualities, it bolstered my trust.
3. Be adventurous in the bedroom. But it’s tough because from a man’s standpoint, you’re the wife and mother of his children. Sometimes it helps for the wife to show her sexual side.
4. Believe in them. Don’t say I told you so. Don’t crucify him if his well intended plans don’t work out. The key is for you to be his biggest and unconditional supporter.

 

(** A note from Peacefulwife – if the husband is the lower drive spouse and the wife is the higher drive spouse, a husband may appreciate less pressure sexually, at least for a time. For more on this topic, please check out this post.)

HUSBAND 2

1. What are some things that you would like to ask your wife to do for you that you believe would make your marriage stronger?

Pleasant demeanor when we come home. Verbally appreciate when we do things around the house. Smile. Offer a massage. Imagine if we all treated our spouses like we treat customers and co workers at our jobs.

2. What are some practical things wives can do in general that would make their husbands feel very blessed to be married to them?

Dress modestly. Immodest dress says to your husband his attention is not sufficient for you and you need attention from strangers. If you’re getting dressed or picking out clothes to buy and have to ask if it fits the definition of modest…it doesn’t.

3. What can wives do that would make marriage enjoyable for husbands?

Men have fragile ego’s that need a certain style of stroking. A man’s confidence and success is directly tied to feeling desired, respected and appreciated. Hearing your wife compliment you especially publicly or to her friends shows she respects you and makes a guy feel like a million bucks. I’m not sure I would jump on the bandwagon of “be into the things he’s into”. Quite frankly I’d be a little creeped out if all of a sudden my wife sat down to watch a baseball game with me or overheard her and her friends analyzing last nights Patriots game. Would I want her to watch a softball game I was playing in? Absolutely but it would really seem odd if she wanted me to train her in how to play so we could be teammates. It depends on your husband and what and how he would respond to your “interest”. We may not have the emotional radar you do but we know when you’re not really into something.

4. What are the most powerful ways wives can inspire and encourage their men as husbands, fathers and spiritual leaders?

Pray for us, pray with us and remind us periodically that you are praying for us. Men like to be reminded that you really are in our corner and have our back. A husbands life and death are in the hands and heart of his wife. Knowing I’ve done something to make my wife happy makes me feel good. Hearing it from her with a smile is an uplift like nothing else.

 

HUSBAND 3

1. What are some things that you would like to ask your wife to do for you that you believe would make your marriage stronger?
**When we started our journey, I asked her to pray with me. I think this is the strongest and most intimate thing a couple can do together. The next very important key is that she shows her respect for you. At home, in public, with family, always. Men are much happier when they know that their wife respects them. It’s an ego booster for sure, so be careful, men, don’t let it make you too prideful.

2. What are some practical things wives can do in general that would make their husbands feel very blessed to be married to them?
**I feel very blessed when my wife lifts me up. She supports my (sometimes radical) ideas and/or goals. Even if they don’t always turn out the way I envisioned, she’s always there to support me. Also, she does so many things around the house to make my life (after a long day at work) a lot simpler. From fresh coffee, clean laundry and a peaceful environment, to hugs, kisses and a desire to please me sexually, I feel VERY blessed!

3. What can wives do that would make marriage enjoyable for husbands?
**It may sound “old fashioned” or maybe (to the modern feminist) sexist, but if women took better care of their home, kids, appearance, etcetera, their men just might be a lot happier. Maybe it’s just me, but, I like coming home after a long day to a clean house, quiet kids, a nice meal, a wife that cares about her appearance, and things of that sort. MUCH more enjoyable than loud unruly kids, a messy house, and a wife in “cruddy” clothes. Also, try to take/show an interest in the things he likes. I love fishing with my wife, long drives, cheesy movies, classic cars, and we even discuss politics without arguing! I know, weird huh?!

4. What are the most powerful ways wives can inspire and encourage their men as husbands, fathers and spiritual leaders?
**Simple…Prayer (for their man and together), outward respect and devotion, and positive feedback!

 

HUSBAND 4

1. What are some things that you would like to
ask your wife to do for you that you believe
would make your marriage stronger?

  • She is available for sex.
  • Is good at making meals and learn better stuff from time to time.
  • A good home-keeper.
  • She is keen on being smart and good-looking even after marrying this dude.

2. What are some practical things wives can do
in general that would make their husbands feel
very blessed to be married to them?

  • Gentleness in how she talks to her husband.
  • Shows visible priority of husband over kids. The kids have legitimate need for attention but it should be obvious
    where her basic loyalty lies.
  • She is available as a helper when called upon without seeming to imply she is always doing this other more important thing.

3. What can wives do that would make marriage
enjoyable for husbands?

  • Giving gifts -doesn’t have to be a diamond studded bracelet ! Just visible proof that she wants to make you happy.
  • She is available for companionship and makes this one of her priorities (this is distinct from just sex).
  • She makes effort to learn what makes him happy and is committed to it.
  • She is keen to learn ways to continually improve her marriage and is not slovenly (ie allowing the water to find its own level). To acknowledge there is a better way that can bring more happiness.

4. What are the most powerful ways wives can
inspire and encourage their men as husbands,
fathers and spiritual leaders?

  • Not being independent when she makes decisions and consults her husband on relatively major to major decisions.
  • Trusting what the husband is doing is good/important. Allow him to even fail when he insists so he can learn from his mistakes. It is like showing the captain of the ship that your trust his leadership. This is an extreme motivator (my personal humble opinion).
  • Openly showing respect for him to the kids ( by acts and words) even by comments made when the husband is not present.
  • She knows she is not perfect and does not have to be the perfect wife but is willing to try on the above areas and others that she receives feedback on from her husband.

 

HUSBAND 5

Hi April, I just wanted to make one small ( but BIG) suggestion to couples. Please be sure to SLOWLY implement the changes so that your mate will not get defensive. I admit, I get ‘uncomfortable’ with drastic changes because I used to ‘sadly’ think the worst :(. The majority of the time – if we are sincere – we ALL want to make a quick change – but don’t weigh the consequences.

 

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Why Won’t My Husband Lead?

Why Should I Have to Submit to My Husband in the Little Things?

When Your Husband Won’t Answer

Ways Husbands Lead that Wives Often Don’t Notice

Nikka’s Heartbreaking Interview with Her Husband

Respecting Our Husbands as Fathers

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