Skip to main content

Prayingwife Stops Trying to Control and Begins to Trust God


I am so excited to share what God is doing in Prayingwife’s heart. I know you will be blessed and encouraged, too:

Wow! I have wanted to comment since yesterday (on Godlywifetobe’s Step 2 post)! I was blessed to be spending some much needed adult time with my husband – just him and I! We are doting parents of a toddler and it is good for a very small break every now and again! Godlywifetobe, praise God for your journey!! I struggle with much of the same issues and “tapes” playing! So much, that I almost could have been the one writing this piece?!

God is amazing! I, too, have been a slave to attempted control, only to squeeze so tightly, realizing it will all slip through my fingers! God spoke to me definitively last week. “Let it go”. So I released all of my pseudo control in my marriage and with my husband.

God has us! We are all free to make our own choices and decisions each day which may affect those around us – for good or for evil. I cannot control those around me; I cannot manipulate or force others to behave how I think they should. AND I SHOULDN’T!! What kind of pressure is that? God is much better at holding each of us up. He loves us!! God desires us to love one another, honor our husbands, and glorify Him!

Dying to self is so painful!!

I have been on this journey for over a year… for every step I take forward, there are times when I take 2 steps back. It can be madness! That is my sinful self… holding tight. I get mad at myself, I know better, I’m ashamed because if I was truly trusting God then I wouldn’t be holding tight to this sinful self, this control!

My biggest fears:
1) my husband could leave me
2) my husband could cheat on me
3) he could stop loving me
4) he may be bound by certain behaviors forever

1) God will never leave me! I would still continue to exist if my husband left me.

Deuteronomy 31:8
The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. (NIV)

2) We are all sinners! God will always provide comfort no matter our trials.

Psalm 34:18
The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.

3) My husband does love me now. I cannot live in fear. I am missing out on the now, worried about the future.
He may never love me as Christ loves the church, yet my respect isn’t conditional to his love.

John 14:27
Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.

4) My husband is a believer!

Jeremiah 24:7
7 I will give them a heart to know me, that I am the LORD. They will be my people, and I will be their God, for they will return to me with all their heart.

2 Peter 2:9The Lord knows how to rescue godly men from trials. 

There are so many biblical truths that override and erase the lying insecurities that whisper (and sometimes scream) inside of my head! Since I have told God I would relinquish the thought of control and cried out asking Him to help me give it up, because I was not strong enough to do it on my own… an enormous weight has been lifted!

I do feel peace. God gave me peace! I was still and quiet and He replaced those tapes with His truth and comfort. As long as I continue to dig into His word, I can draw closer to Him!

This does not mean my trials are over, but I may be allowing God to do a new work in me by laying down this small (yet so big for me) thing.

As far as my idols, my fear and insecurity have at times unfortunately been larger than my love for Christ – NOT INTENTIONALLY, and not logically, but sadly, with my actions and my thoughts that crowded the truth out.

I question have I made my marriage an idol? Maybe? Sometimes, perhaps. Yet, my desire to glorify God in my marriage and for us to have the marriage God intended, is not an idol; I pray to submit, to respect, to honor God by living out my life, including my marriage, as God commanded.

I was reading a marriage devotional today. It stated (paraphrased): The devil is the enemy of relationships. A strong marriage is a threat to Him. He is always trying to divide us, he wants to separate us from God, separate us from each other. He tells lies, feeding on our insecurities.

Now that is how the devil operates.

Another truth:

James 4:7

Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.

I love sharing with you women on this journey !! It does give me hope when I see some women struggle where I have struggled, it gives me hope to see you women persevere. And I hope that my words and insight into my journey does the same! I am so far from perfect. My husband still doesn’t trust me not to snap, snoop, or snip, but I am learning, changing and with God’s grace, I will continue to move forward and not backward, and eventually my husband will continue to grow in his journey with God.


I love seeing God working in this precious wife’s life! Please pray with me for her to learn to fully submit herself to Him, to accept all that Jesus has already accomplished on her behalf in dying for her sins, being raised in victory over death and sin and living in resurrection power. I pray that Prayingwife might see that from God’s point of view, she died with Jesus on the cross, was buried with Him, and was raised to new life in Him. She is one with Jesus, so His history is her history. God looks at her and sees what He did in Jesus and through Him. She had full access to Jesus’ death and her sinful nature was crucified in Christ and buried. She is now dead to her old sinful nature and to self and to this world. All she has to do is to receive that and praise God for His work! And she is now alive in Christ and He lives in her. She has the very Spirit of God living in her body. They are one in Spirit now. They are inseparable. Whatever she has now belongs to Jesus. Whatever He has now belongs to her. Now she has access to all the riches and wealth of heaven and all the power of the God of the universe through Christ. And she doesn’t have to try harder, all she has to do is rest in His promises, stand on them and thank and praise God for what He has done and He will do the work through her and for her. I am so thankful God is able to empower us to have victory over sin! I can’t wait to see all He has in store!


Fear Fuels Our Need to Control
Facing Our Deepest Fears

Experiencing God’s Victory Over Our Fears

Godlywifetobe Begins Her Journey

Godlywifetobe Step 2 – Facing Her Fears

Control and Boundaries

What Causes a Woman to Become Controlling? Peacefulwife Youtube Video

How to Avoid Becoming a Controlling, Disrespectful Wife

26 thoughts on “Prayingwife Stops Trying to Control and Begins to Trust God

  1. It’s so great to see you being set free!

    Wasn’t working out those “tapes” so freeing?!!! I’m so thankful for April telling me to look at that and get a truth for each lie I was believing.

    Praying that you continue to grow in The Lord and your marriage is restored and renewed!

  2. God bless you ‘Prayingwife’ It is ta truly awesome -and painful – journey to walk with the Lord BUT it infinitely worth it! HE is our greatest treasure! Praying for you and your marriage! HE <3 's HIS children!

  3. Wow! I too could have written this post! It is 100% me and my daily battle to stop playing those tapes over and over. It gets easier the more I let go and be still and watch God moving in the husband’s heart and mine. I praise Him for this wonderful yet very painful journey He had chose to lead me through. I have learned so much yet have so much more to learn.

  4. Yes, letting go of control is an endless battle for me. I do it for a while, I even fasted for that last week. Then sometimes without notice it, it just takes a hold of me. I think the hardest thing for me now is that we try to have a baby and my husband is not always doing what he should at the time he should of say it. (He wants one -and more- but he does have some problems in that area.) Then, 2 days ago, I just sat and cried and forgave my husbands for wasting so many months as I am going to turn 41 in few months…. I need to remember that above all that it is God that have the last word. Sure he can’t do it without him but he can act through him to do the right things at the right time. I want 3 children and it better comes by pairs to save some time but I need to release control not only of my husband but of God. I know He allows this suffering to make me grow, to draw me closer to him….

    Some day though, I wish to stop wanting having children and stop suffering, stop waiting anxiously each month to see if my periods comes and face a 2 weeks delay like last months. I did for the first time a pregnancy test that was negative and the blood test just to confirm. Well, that was just stress.

    I try to not think about it as our African adoptive child may arrive in few months. My husband care for him as he was living in Africa when he was a baby and see him grow even going once a year after his departure. We just need the money one for their trip and finalized the last documents. I know letting of control has everything to do with trust. It’s crazy but I know God will fulfill hid words and give me blood children, I am 100% of it but the suffering I guess make me difficult to rest and just let it go. Or fears. Fears of not having what is more important to me on earth after God and my husband.

    And maybe also it is just a question of timing. God has done many change in me and also in my husband in this 2 years of marriage. We are more stable that we use to be and it might have been too much for me having children having to face new culture, country and new life only few months after getting married.

    I just wish I could let go definitively but this is a daily crucification. Oh I wish my old nature could die totally!!!

    1. Sonadewonderful,

      If you get a chance, I would love for you to read The Normal Christian Life by Watchman Nee. He does a better job than anyone I have ever heard of explaining how from God’s perspective, those of us who are in Christ – our old sinful nature literally died with Jesus on the cross and was buried. His blood on the cross paid for our sins that we could not pay for. His death brought our old sinful selves with Him so His death to this world is our death to our sinful nature and to the world. It is a fact in history to God. Now we just have to learn to count ourselves dead to sin and this world and alive in Christ to God. He is able to fill us with His Spirit to give us victory over sin. His Spirit and all the riches of heaven are completely available to us as we submit ourselves fully, in faith, to Him.

      I do wish sometimes it only took once of laying a dream down and surrendering it to God. Sometimes it is a daily thing. I am so excited about what God is doing in your life! i can’t wait to see all that He has in store!

      1. Thanks April,

        I do know all of what you talked about. I do have a bachelor in Theology 😉 but this is in putting in practice which is more complicated. But I’m gonna continue to lay it down over and over until one day it stayed there. 🙂

        1. Sonadewonderful,

          That’s awesome! Congratulations!!!

          That is the tricky part – getting that stuff into our hearts not just our heads.

          Praying for you!

  5. Yes, letting God is definitively a battle for me. I do let it go for a while and then it got grasp of me again. The hardest thing for me is to let it God of control my husband that he will do the right thing at the right time to have children. It drains me out. He asked me to take a medicine and I did it for months but wasn’t taking his responsibilities. So I stopped but took it again this month. Yesterday, he did honour his word but had failed already to fulfill it this week. The things that make mr crazy is that he knows we cannot lose time anymore. I’m going to turn 41 in few months and we cannot waste time as he did in the beginning of this year.

    He does want children but face difficulties in that area. That makes it a double miracle but thanks God He is the God of all miracle! I have to remember that God is above all and has the last word. Not me, not my husband. I had to forgive my husband few days ago of wasting time and not honouring his word.

    But the hardest thing is to totally rely on God. I know he will fulfill his promises and give me children but His time is not mine. It is so painful to be in this process of waiting each months to see if finally my miracle will happen, being disappointed… This week the suffering was so big that I said to God and my husband that I wish to no want it have children anymore to not suffer as I do. For the first time, I was able to open to my husband and let him know about my suffering. He didn’t say anything but I was sure glad hr didn’t say what he says usually when I share my feelings which is “oh. Poor thing”!

    1. Sonadawonderful,
      I am so sorry for this painful time of testing!!! I am sorry for the suffering you are experiencing – but – how I pray that you won’t waste one drop of this pain but that it might all be turned to glory for God in your life. If this trial brings you to the place where you totally rely on God – there is no more precious blessing and gift in the world!

      We must all be willing to fully submit all to Jesus, holding nothing back. It is only then that He gives us the full power of His Spirit and His presence in our lives. Thank you very much for sharing!!!! I wish I could give you a big hug!

      Praying for wisdom for you and your husband and for God’s perfect will in your lives!

  6. The journey can be so painful! We make it painful by gripping tight to sinful self. The peace comes with release ! This was a 2 weeks ago when I wrote this and I am still at peace through God’s grace and mercy. Over the past 18 months, I have found peace only to turn my back and pick up my sinful self over and over. Please know this isn’t intentional or even logical but it is the sinful self. The enemy knows my weakness… That’s where he hits. But I have Jesus!

    Galatians 1:4
    Jesus gave his life for our sins, just as God our Father planned, in order to rescue us from this evil world in which we live.

    I thank peaceful wife, her ministry, and you women for walking this journey with me, in front and behind me. We are glorifying God, shining His light in the darkness of this world.

    1. Prayingwife79,
      I am so glad you shared your story. I know many others will be blessed. How I pray that every one of our sisters (and brothers) in Christ might experience the peace of God and the depths of the riches of His grace and mercy. And how I pray that God might use each of us to draw many more to Himself.

      I praise God for Him giving you the power to lay down your desire to control and to trust in His sovereignty and rest in His love and provision for you. And I thank Him for the priceless gift of His peace!

  7. This was a great post. I had a happy childhood growing up, but my Daddy always told me to analyze all aspects before making decisions. And, he also said for me to learn some type of trade in case my husband turned out to be a heavy drinker and did not provide for our family when the children came along. So these two ideas taught me to make good smart decisions and don’t depend on a husband to totally support me. This mindset created me to be a dominant bossy person which I did not like being. I married a very mellow, loving, & Godly man but he didn’t like to take charge of decisions or create goals for our lives together. This caused lots of discord and ill feelings toward each other. By God grace and love He has kept us together for 44yrs. and blessed us with 3 children. We have had a wonderful marriage, but it wasn’t perfect. As you can see I have struggled also with the control factor because of my childhood training. My Dad was just looking our for his little girl and her future when he taught me those lessons above. I have really struggled trying to encourage my husband to take the reins in our marriage. It meant keeping my mouth shut so he would voice his opinion on an issue and let him make the final decision. And YES, I still struggle with this personality trait within myself, but it has gotten much much easier to submit to my husband over the years. He has grown in the Lord immensely and so have I. I have to study God’s word daily and apply it to myself to be a better wife, the Godly wife I should be. Thank you so much for your blog and all your posts. They are all so encouraging to me. God Bless you!

    1. Brenda,
      I am so glad that you are seeking God with all your heart and learning to follow His design and learn to trust Him. What He is doing in your life is so beautiful!!!! Thank you very much for sharing! May God richly bless your walk with Christ and your marriage for His glory!

    2. Something I just thought about while reading this post is what about the different type of women?

      There are definitely quiet, shy, followers. Then there’s leaders, creative women, strong women.

      When you think about the type of woman you are and the type of man you married you can see how there would be times of frustration, heartache etc from both sides.

      I wonder what the steady man thinks of his creative/leader wife? Or the control man of his reserved and follower wife???

      1. I know you were likely looking for a husband’s perspective, but I’ll comment anyway 😉 .

        I have been reading on the types of men and believe I may have a Mr. visionary with lots of sprinklings of Mr. Command traits. I am a dominant, past controlling wife. It has been an interesting ride. My husband has been passive and I bulldozed him. Yet now that I’ve gotten out of the way I see more of the man he is meant to be in God’s design. He is strong, when I’m not busy undermining him.

        I am seeing instances where my Mr. Visionary appreciates some of my dominant traits when he leads me to use them. It is a blessing to see where we are being led.

        1. Prayingwife79,

          Thank you for sharing! This is very interesting. 🙂

          Greg described how he felt about my personality and strengths in the post at the top of my home page “When She Surrendered.”
          But briefly, he was attracted to me because of my outgoing, friendly personality, my determination, my charisma, my abilities with words, my enthusiasm for everything I do. I still have these qualities, but now, my powers are restrained by meekness. It is “strength under control” or “bridled strength.” Of course, that is only possible through God’s Spirit having control in me.

          1. Thanks for sharing that.
            My hubby said similar things that he was first attracted to. I’m on that process of learning to have meekness 🙂

        2. Good point there. At times hubby can be reserved and awkward and looks to me to take the lead too.

            1. That’s ok!
              Just wanted to say I liked what you wrote and it was helpful.

              I’m definitely the control/visionary and hubby is controller too. So we bump heads a lot.

              It’s important for me to know that my talents and strengths aren’t going to be wasted and I can use them where my hubby needs me to.

              1. Glad you found it helpful. 🙂

                I am Command/Visionary apparently! Husband is Steady/Visionary… I too feel edified that my talents won’t go to waste after Biblical submission, just rechanneled so to speak to empower my husband’s leadership and to allow him to fulfill his God-given roles as I do my best to be the best helper/help meet for him. 🙂

Comments are closed.

%d bloggers like this: