Skip to main content
Minolta DSC

New Life Springs from a Painful Trial


“What if no matter what husband I married, I would be sinned against and that would reveal all this sin and filth in my own life? The kind of wife I am and the way I respond comes from my character and the fruit of my soul – whether my sinful nature is in control or God’s Spirit is in control.” (a quote from Peacefulwife from this post.)


This is so true. We take our baggage from one relationship to the next, one situation to the next, if we never stop to deposit it somewhere.

Jesus says, “Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.” (Matthew 11:28-30 NKJV)

  • Jesus will take our baggage, our filth, and give us new life in exchange. How incredible is that? Our greatest barrier in accepting this amazing offer is our sinful fear, disbelief and trust in self.

I think each person comes to this realization of his/her need for Christ in his/her own way. Because of my pride in my intellect, it took a problem with no fair solution to realize I needed His help.

Despite the fact that my husband moved out and intends to divorce me as soon as he is able, I am thankful for what is coming out of the experience. When my husband unilaterally decided to nullify our plan to have a child, I faced a struggle that had no fair answer and I turned to God. I learned that every choice boils down to to options, do what is right (by God’s definition) or do wrong.

I learned that it is possible to face sacrificing your dearest dream in order to fulfill a promise made to God.

My marriage vows did not hinge upon our having children, therefore, I needed to give up my dream of more children (and not be resentful of my husband breaking his promise) to save our marriage. Through that sacrifice, I began to understand and appreciate the gift of Jesus and that ultimate sacrifice God the Father and God the Son gave to save us from eternal death and keep us for His glory.

Through this heart-wrenching experience, I came to accept Jesus as my Savior. I thought I was a Christian prior to this, but I saw that I had never completely surrendered. Very honestly, I am a different person from the wife I was when my husband left. I am calmer even in the midst of this tremendous storm I stand in (my husband abandoned us after we just moved to a new state after living overseas and my husband has sole control of our finances). My faith rests completely in God and acknowledgment of His sovereignty. The fruit of my renewed heart is sweetened by sacrifice and surrender.

Before all of this, I was ruled by fear. I could not rest in anything because I felt I had to constantly be “on patrol”. That sinful fear is not part of my nature anymore.

April, you talked about free will. It was hard at first to acknowledge that I have no control over my husband’s actions. None. I loved my husband deeply and was so hurt when he changed his mind without ever talking to me. I spent a year trying to be a perfect wife so he would keep his “baby promise” to me. My motives were wrong and I was unhappy because my efforts went unacknowledged.

I learned it takes TWO people committed to each other to make a marriage work and TWO people committed to God to make a marriage joyful. It takes only ONE person to deny commitment and break a marriage.

Though my marriage will likely end, I do not fear a joyless life. God’s hand is so evident in this whole situation…that buoys my spirit. In my renewed life, I am able to live “in the moment”–an ability that eluded me my whole life.

Wherever you are in your marriage, I encourage you to listen to what April says about needing to rectify your relationship with God. We are incapable of deep, lasting change without the power of His Grace.

This scripture has been so encouraging to me in these moments where I don’t know how to take another step:

Philippians 4:4-7 NIV

Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.


You know what is crazy? The start of this crisis was a mere two months ago. I feel like I’ve lived two decades in that time.

I remember being devastated in the days following the final “baby talk,” searching the web for an answer about my husband changing his mind about having a child. This website was the sole light offering hope for a marriage with this dilemma (everything else said to divorce and find a new husband). I am so glad I didn’t choose to heed that misguided advice. Maybe this divorce is inevitble, but acting on secular wisdom would have denied me the chance to grow into my role as a child of God. I would have continued to carry an impossible burden into my future.

Right now, my situation is so far from “normal” that I struggle with the reality of it daily. When I am overwhelmed, I lay my head down, imagining it on Jesus’ lap and I pray for His help and guidance. The pain, fear and anger come and go, but being anchored in God’s light gives me the ability to let the feelings pass without me being stirred to rash action.

Please, please use me to be an example of His grace in action! None of this is my doing outside of me choosing to be obedient. Use this evidence to glorify our Heavenly Father under whose authority I take comfort.

Let me add that in finding the Greatest Treasure, I also discovered my true worth. My self-worth was severely damaged by a rape many years ago. My then-fiance dumped me over the phone when I told him about it, which I realize now may have been more devastating than the rape. I began to believe I was worth less than others.

When my husband abandoned us, it felt like he was trying to dump us off the side of a road like unwanted kittens. That made me realize…wait! I am a child of God and in His eyes I am precious…this treatment is wrong and not an indication of my value. The lie that has haunted me my whole adult life was made powerless in that moment.

Even the mean-spirited actions of my husband have been used to God’s purpose. God is almighty, His power and ability are limitless!

April, I can never ever thank you enough for your obedience to God through your husband and taking on the enormous task of running this site!!! It is amazing to think of how many lives you’ve touched.


May God bless you and everyone today! ☺


Lord, I stand in total amazement and awe at what you are doing in my precious sister’s life. THANK YOU for bringing her to Yourself – even though it has been such a painful journey. THANK YOU for the faith she has in You and for the power working through her now. Lord, please provide for her needs. I pray for You to work in her husband’s heart.  I pray for every stronghold of sin and the enemy to be torn down by Your power, Jesus. I pray for this husband to hear Your voice and to listen and obey You. I pray for this wife to stand strong in the power of Your Spirit and to walk in obedience and in great faith in You. I pray for You to meet her every need and give her the wisdom she needs each moment. I pray for reconciliation and healing for this marriage. Most of all I pray for Your greatest glory.

Ladies (and gentlemen), please join with me in surrounding our new sister in prayer, love, support and encouragement.

90 thoughts on “New Life Springs from a Painful Trial

  1. I can really empathize with this sister in Christ. I know what it feels like to be dumped or feel like someone did a ‘bait and switch’ tactic on you.. Praying for you sis.

    Excerpt from ‘Trusting God: Even when Life Hurts” by Jerry Bridges

    “The circumstances of our lives frequently appear to be dreadful and grim or perhaps even calamitous and tragic. Obeying God is worked out within well-defined boundaries of God’s revealed will. Trusting God is worked out in an arena that has no boundaries. We do not know the extent, the duration, or the frequency of the painful, adverse circumstances in which we must frequently trust God. We are always coping with the unknown.Yet it is just as important to trust God as it is to obey Him. When we disobey God we defy His authority and despise His holiness. But when we fail to trust God we doubt His sovereignty and question His goodness. In both cases we cast aspersions upon His majesty and His character. God views our distrust of Him as seriously as He views our disobedience.”

    1. All in favor?


      Seriously…there are so many great resources mentioned in the comments! I know I haven’t jotted them all down. Is there a list on here somewhere?

    2. “We do not know the extent, the duration, or the frequency of the painful, adverse circumstances in which we must frequently trust God.” (…and not our own abilities)

      Thanks, Raphael, for sharing how obedience and trust are different, but interdependent.

      It sees to me that trust is at the heart of living in the moment. Jesus said:

      Matthew 6:25-34 NIV

      “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life? “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.”

      I love this passage. It reminds me that I can trust God for my provision in all things, releasing me from the weight and worry of an unknown future. ❤

        1. Raphael,
          I LOVE the quotes you share. You are such an encouragement and inspiration. I greatly appreciate all that you contribute to our discussions and how you are learning to live by faith and grow in Christ. I praise God for what He is doing in you and pray for Him to bring your family to Himself and for reconciliation and most of all for His greatest glory in your life. 🙂 Thank you for all you do to bless others here.

          1. Thank you sis!!!!

            Today’s post has been so AWESOME! I didn’t know how important it was for me to read this post BEFORE I read an e-mail from my wife. She said it is over and for me to not contact her. I do feel ok and I will still pray for God to draw us closer to Him and one another. I won’t force her. I can’t show her Christ right now – I’ll just have to pray.
            I truly know that I would not have been able to handle this back in January (when we split). You and your hubby’s blog, fellowship at the local church (that I used to attend after my last marriage and now have returned), books and MOST IMPORTANTLY!!!! ABBA!
            I have to rebuild the bridges with my son and family. I do think God is working on her. Thank you for all the nourishing food. Our bad is being used for good. God is so AWESOME We will never, never ever be able to comprehend his AWESOMENESS!!!!

            1. Raphael,

              Oh goodness! I am glad you read the post first.

              A wife and I had a discussion about this kind of issue a few months ago. She was so distraught, “How will I be able to show my husband respect and that I am honoring his leadership now that he isn’t even here??” And I talked with her about the fact that whether she was there with him or not was really not important. What mattered was that God opened his eyes and that God worked in his heart. It may be that this time of separation was necessary for God to reach him.

              We will pray together about your wife and your children and about you – that you might continue on in faith and keep your eyes on Him alone and allow Him to work in your wife’s heart as He continues to refine and mature you for the journey ahead. How I pray that not one drop of this pain might be wasted, but that you might glean from this trial everything God has for you to learn and to bring glory to His Name.

              Much love to you, our brother!

              1. Thank you sis!

                I just read this a bit ago (Yup! Another quote)

                “It is not applying pressure or insisting upon our own will that brings victory. It is won when humility and trust unite in saying, “Not my will, but yours be done” (Luke 22:42). We are strong with God only to the degree that self is conquered and is dead. Blessings come not by wrestling but by clinging to Him in faith. J. R. Miller An incident from the prayer life of Charles H. Usher illustrates how “wrestling prayer” is actually a hindrance to prevailing prayer. He shared this story: “My little boy, Frank, was very ill, and the doctors held out little hope of his recovery. I used all the prayer knowledge I possessed on his behalf, but he continued to worsen. This went on for several weeks. “One day as I stood watching him while he lay on his bed, I realized he could not live much longer without a quick turn for the better. I said to the Lord, ‘Oh, God, I have spent much time in prayer for my son, and yet he is no better. I will now leave him to You and give myself to prayer for others. If it is Your will to take him, I choose Your will—I surrender him entirely to You.’ “I called in my dear wife and told her what I had done. She shed some tears but also handed him over to God. Two days later a godly man came to visit us. He had been very interested in our son Frank and had prayed often for him. He told us, ‘God has given me faith to believe that your son will recover. Do you have that faith?’ “I responded, ‘I have surrendered him to God, but I will now go again to Him regarding my son.’ I did just that and while in prayer discovered I had faith for his recovery. From that time forward he began to get better. I then realized that it was the ‘wrestling’ of my prayers that had hindered God’s answer, and that if I had continued to wrestle, being unwilling to surrender him to God, he would probably not be here today.” O dear child of God, if you want God to answer your prayers, you must be prepared to “walk in the footsteps of the faith that our father Abraham had” (Rom. 4:12), even to the mountain of sacrifice”

                Excerpt from ‘Streams in the Desert’

            2. Brother Raphael,

              You and your wife and your marriage are in my prayers. God has a plan and its for your ultimate good and His Glory, whatever that plan may be. I remember just holding on to that truth got me through several hard days. I heard similar words from my husband during our separation. That it was over, for me to just move on, and that He was filing for divorce. Being that we had small children we still had contact but it was very minimal, but like April said God didn’t need ME to work a change in my husbands heart, which brought Him even more glory because He gets all the credit. He called me to just keep my eyes on Him and He brought me to a place of satisfaction in Him alone even if He never restored my marriage. Though i would not want to feel that pain again , His grace and presence in that season of my life was so tangible… He is near to the broken hearted and He binds up their wounds. I got to know him more intimatly and depend upon Him like never before and it strengthened my faith in Him.
              2 Count it all joy, my brothers,[b] when you meet trials of various kinds, 3 for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. 4 And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. James 1:2-4

              1. Hi Sister Jessica!

                Thank you for your prayers. I am encouraged by your testimony!!! I ‘though’ I knew Him but we a getting closer and closer. I might not net a coat in the wintertime 🙂 !

                He <3 's HIS children. Nothing can separate us from HIS
                <3 !!!!!

              2. Hi Sister Jessica,

                I apologize for the late response. Thank you for your prayers and words of encouragement. I do still hope that you and your hubby will be willing to share your testimony. They do help stoke our ‘praise and worship’ furnace. The old testament is really just testimonies of how AWESOME ‘Dad’ really was, is and evermore shall be 🙂 🙂 😀 !!!!

        2. Thanks for the Raphael’s Christian Book List, brother! 🙂

          I have a question that I have been wanting to pose to you for a long time, but was too shy to ask. Since THE incident though, I feel that all of us have leveled up from mere individual blog commenters to an official community. (Conflicts when resolved really forge deeper relationships.) And so, I felt led and more comfortable to ask you this now. 🙂

          I am a Catholic Christian and I am not used to being called a ‘saint’. We do have many saints whom we admire, like Saint Therese, Saint Augustine, Saint Thomas Aquinas, and very recently Saint John Paul the Second…. 🙂

          What Christian Church do you belong to and in that church, do you call brothers and sisters in Christ as “saints”? I have no contentions with that, actually. I long to be a saint (but I don’t feel like I am even near to being one)! Your clarification would be most edifying. 🙂

          Thanks Brother Raphael! 🙂



              1. Oops! Sorry for the late post. I see y’all already addressed it =). Hey! How do y’all create the emoticons????

                On another note. The is SO MUCH ‘FOOD’ IN THIS POST! WOW!!!

              2. Brother Raphael,

                For starters, try making your happy “eyes” into colons like this : and not long “eyes” like that =

                Then you can put a happy smile using either the close parenthesis ) or a super happy smile using the big letter “D”

                So, it becomes 🙂 and 😀

                and if you want to put in a heart, like I love doing… just type < and 3. Together, it become <3

                Try it! 🙂

              3. “Cool Beans!!!” =D !

                I love it <3 !!!! Thanks 'Saint Nikka'

                Aha! I got ANOTHER link ( I need to find a 'linkaholics and bookaholics blog – naw! I'm not there…yet).

                Have y'all heard 'He is with us'?

              4. 🙁 My song links don’t work. I guess I should only stick to books 🙂 ! Hmm, couldn’t get the big smile. That is ironic, I used to be called ‘smiley.’ I am thankful that my smile is real because of Him 🙂 :0 🙂 :D. I <3 the Lord!!!

          1. Well, Due to my circumstances. I am in limbo -so to speak. I was attending a Baptist Church in one part of NC, then I started attending my new wife’s non-denominational church. Now, I am back at and old church I attending after my first marriage fell thru. It is a small reformed church.
            Hmm, I guess I just say ‘saints’ because of Ephesians 1: 1 “Paul, an apostle of Christ Jesus by the will of God, To the saints who are at Ephesus and who are faithful in Christ Jesus” (NASB).

            I just think of anyone in Christ as a saint =). I don’t say saint ‘so in so’ -but ‘brother’ or ‘sister’ =).

            Hmm, I think I have a book on….JUST KIDDING =)!

            1. Thanks for your explanation. 🙂 You don’t need to end every comment with a link or quote from a book. Ha! 😀 Glad you still find humor amidst your situation, Raphael.:) Praying for you.

      1. Livelywriter,
        Exactly! God’s sovereignty and His sufficiency remove every reason for worry and anxiety and fear. The more we know Him, all of the cares and worries and needs of this life just melt away. Praying for God’s continued provision and sufficiency. He is the greatest Treasure there is. I’m so glad you have found Him!

      1. It’s nice to relax and laugh after the tense weekend last week… and how time flies. Imagine, we are into our new weekend! God’s A blessed weekend to all! 🙂 It’s already Saturday 7:30 am in Manila. 🙂

        Lamentations 3:22-23

        22 Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed,
        for his compassions never fail.
        23 They are new every morning;
        great is your faithfulness.

        <3 <3 <3
        Nikka 😀

  2. Dear Sister,

    I am praying for you now. Our God is All-Gracious, full of Mercy, Tender in His Care and is a Keeper of Covenant, Steadfast Love. I praise Him for enabling you to trust in Him during this storm and thank Him for the peace He has given you.

    Much love,

    1. Thank you for your prayer, Martha. It is amazing to really see how great and glorious God is. It is only by His Grace that I was able to be led to this place of His peace.

      I am beginning to understand the importance of praying for the spiritually blind. One glimpse of the Truth can change us.

      Peace and love to you. 😊

  3. Our dear sister,

    I am deeply sorry for the pain you’re going through but am so happy you have found the peace that only God can give to those who trust and follow him. Our prayers will be with you, for continuing peace, strength, courage, and wisdom. Much love to you!

  4. What a story of a woman truly after God’s own heart. Thank you for sharing such lessons on emotional surrender and identifying one’s worth in Christ. Your words are raw but dignified and hopeful. That part of me that needs refinement is the one that wants to wish you away to happier days, quickly. I don’t like unanswered questions, discomfort or pain. But there is value in such suffering. Your treasures have been hard won and you need encouragement to finish the race not pity or a shallow pep talk. This is the deep stuff and visions of my Lord under the weight of that cross come to mind. Mary, who endured that pain with Him, come to mind.

    You require us to stretch and grow with you in order to even finish reading the post. And we ask ourselves, “when the days of Job come knocking on my door what will my response be?” This life is just as unfair as the grace God gives us to endure it. God’s love and great goodness is so far above and beyond ‘fair’. May we find graceful grit to mourn with you over great losses and yearn with you for the hope of spring, accepting our own call to surrender that your life’s example presents to us today.

    April’s prayer is my prayer too.

  5. I am walking beside you in this journey! My husband left our family 3 1/2 months ago, because he was just sick of the way I treated him. Disrespectful, nagging, unloving… I was treating him poorly because I felt unloved, and had no clue that I was to show him unconditional love, respect & submission, regardless of his actions toward me. We were stuck in the “crazy cycle” (Love & Respect). It wasn’t until he left and I found my whole world turned upside down that I, face on the floor, cried out to God the Father for help, and He showed me the errors of my ways and revealed to me the truth. I have become a new person by the grace of God in the past 3 months, and I have a peace that God intended for this separation to occur so that He would bring me closer to Him, my Heavenly Husband, the only one who can fulfill all my needs. With that being said, He has also given me a peace that He will restore my marriage in His time, and will give me the opportunity to show my husband the love and respect that he deserves and that I should have been giving him for the past 16 years of marriage. Much of this I’ve learned from April’s posts, along with time spent daily in His word. I thank God for bringing me into this storm, for I would never have become this new person in Christ had it not been for these circumstances. My children and I walk with our Lord daily, and I pray the fruits of the Spirit will win back the heart of my husband, and that my new love of the Lord will be a testimony to others.
    Praying for you and all other marriages that are being attacked by the enemy. The enemy seeks to steal, kill and destroy, but Jesus comes to give us life, and to give it abundantly! Let’s join together to enjoy the abundant life with our Savior!

        1. Well, I am happy to report that my husband returned to our family in September of 2014. We sold our home and purchased another, closer to his office (the drive to our former home was very far for him, and was near to my family, which was another area of contention for him). I followed his lead in allowing him to choose the new location for our house. We still have normal ups and downs, like every married couple, but we are much happier, our lives are much more peaceful, and I work harder to make sure I am the wife God intended for me to be. It is something I must continually work on, though. I’m not “fixed” and it’s not as though we all of a sudden have a perfect marriage, but we are restored and following through with God’s plan! Thankful daily to what God has done and the seven months that God created separation in order to refocus my life.

          1. Thnks so much for taking the time to respond! I am so excited to hear what God did in your marriage. I am praying for reconciliation in my own marriage, but not until I am in a better place spiritually. Regardless of what happens in my marriage, I am excited to see what God will do in me during this separation. It was definitely a wake up call I needed to find myself again and then to figure out how to be a better wife as well. I’m also praying my husband will find who he is in the Lord again. Your testimony blesses me so much and I’m praying I can have a testimony of God’s reconciliation as well, first to Him and then to each other. I would appreciate your prayers as I’m in the rough beginning parts of separation right now and the emotional turmoil is very difficult. And I’m still so susceptible to my husband’s words or actions and they affect my emotions quite a bit. I’m trying to work on my happiness and hope being in the Lord. I still have a long way to go but I trust the Lord in what He wants to do in my life. God bless you and your marriage.

    1. Standing forever,

      You will be in my prayers, also, that your husband’s heart will be softened and your marriage restored. I am so sorry for the deep pain you have experienced, but know it brought priceless treasure in personal and spiritual growth. Thank you for your encouragement to us all, and much love to you!

      1. Thank you, Elizabeth! My husband is such a good man and I already see glimpses of a softened heart. He has said that my behavior is completely out of character for me – (it’s because of God)! Praise the Lord for showing me the truth!

    2. Standing Forever,

      You and your marriage and children will be in my prayers. My husband left our family for 11 months and in that time God called me to Himself in a deeper way but He also like you gave me a peace that my marriage would be restored, that my husband would one day come home and he did. And the way God did it there was no doubt it was Him, he brought him home when i was ready to enjoy him and be a gift to him. I too was a very disrespectful and nagging wife and so full of pride and self rightousness. Not only did God do a work in me but he worked in the heart of my children as well. He is so sovereign what the enemy meant for bad God used for my good and His glory. The enemy kept whispering that my children would be permantly damaged but He is a liar. God used this to teach them never to give up, the power of forgiveness, and to boost their faith in a miracle working God. Whenever i hear stories of women who were exactly where i was it spurs my heart to pray because i know what you are feeling and i know that what God did for my marriage He can do for yours. Be encouraged my sister and continue to keep your focus on Christ allowing him to meet every desire in you and soften your husbands heart in His timing His way.

      1. Thank you for your encouraging story! I am so thankful that you shared the wonderful things God did in your life! I am amazed that we serve a God who would show us such mercy and would be willing to give us chance after chance to get things right, but that’s exactly what He does! The pain I feel many days and nights just wanting to hold my husband and let him know how sorry I am for causing him years of pain by my words and disrespect is almost too much to handle. He left here a broken, beat down shell of a man, and I will spend the rest of my days trying to rebuild him the way God intended, if given the opportunity. I pray that other women use April’s blog as an opportunity to grow as Godly wives before they ever feel the pain of separation that you and I have felt. Thank you again for your encouragement – and for including the testimony about your children. That is one of my biggest worries, and it makes me smile that God even used your struggles for their good! Hugs!

        1. Standingforever,

          What would you say to wives whose husbands may be feeling the way your husband does but whose husbands haven’t left yet? What would you do if you knew these things earlier?

          Praying for you!

          1. Oh, April, if only I could go back in time!! That is something I dream of nightly! Ladies, let my story be a warning, no matter how much you think, “it won’t happen to me”, if you are not following God’s plan for marriage, He may choose to remove your beloved from you in order to discipline you and bring you closer to Him. My husband left our family beaten down, feeling worthless and defeated because I was self-righteous and too proud to live by God’s word. To be completely honest, I really had no idea that God expected me to be submissive and respectful toward my husband regardless of what I was feeling. I grew up without a father, so I had no model of what a Godly marriage looked like. When my mom did remarry when I was 14, she did not give me a model of a Godly marriage – there was no respect in her marriage.

            But, knowing what I know now, here are some things I would do differently:
            ~ speak respect daily – encourage, build up and praise him for any little or big thing, both to him and to others!
            ~ find what it is that is important to him and make it a priority to get it done (for my husband, it is a clean house, which was not a priority for me, but is now)
            ~ make sure he knows that he is your priority, above your children, your friends, your family, your social media, your job, your books, etc. When he is around, put him first (only second to our Heavenly Father)
            ~ allow him to make the decisions for your family and then support him. Since my husband has left, I have had to get a new car. I asked him to choose the car he felt would be best for the kids and me, and I completely allowed him to make the decision (I would have NEVER done this before our separation). Afterward, I was so impressed with his choice, and I made sure he knew how much I appreciated his efforts. He was beaming with pride that he made a decision for the family that pleased me.
            ~ put his needs before your own. I can honestly say that, had I done this, I believe my husband would have returned the favors ten-fold. Our spouses want to please us, and are better able to do that when they are felt appreciated and respected.
            ~ NEVER take him for granted, for anything! My husband used to bring me coffee each morning, as he would leave for work before I got up to get ready. I found myself demanding my coffee on some mornings, and then realized too late that I took this kind and loving gesture for granted, expecting him to do something for me that he was doing out of love. I also became annoyed when he would want to hug me while I was in the middle of something “more important” – SERIOUSLY?!?! I cannot believe I ever thought that way! What I wouldn’t give to have him here tonight, hugging me!
            ~ Perhaps most importantly, I would place God FIRST in our marriage. He was missing. I honestly believe God allowed this storm cloud to rest above us so that we would find Him and draw close to Him. For me, I know that the only way our marriage will be restored is by following His word and plan. I don’t know exactly what that plan is, and I don’t know what the timing will be, but I know He is with me every step of the way, and He will meet all of my needs. I have never in my life been as close to our Father as I am now, and it is a relationship I treasure and will never be without again!

            Wives, don’t wait another day before deciding to follow God’s perfect plan for your marriage. Remember 1 Peter 3:1-2 “Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives.” I pray that none of your readers will feel the pain that I have and am feeling. If my story helps any of them avoid marriage separation/divorce, and can help wives learn to respect their husbands as God intended, then I know it is serving a higher purpose.

            1. Standingforever,

              Thank you so much! I would love to compile your comments into a post, please, if that is alright with you? Such powerful truth here. And I love your practical suggestions. Beautiful!!!! I am praying for you and your husband – for God to bring you both close to Him and to restore your marriage and use you for His kingdom’s purposes and His greatest glory!

              1. standingforever, as I read your post I am in tears. I am in the EXACT same position as you are. I feel as though I could have written it right down to the coffee and being irritated by hugs when I was “busy”. My husband left about 4 months ago. I came across Aprils blog and it has opened my eyes so much to the sin in my heart and marriage. God was certainly missing in our marriage and I am praying that this separation is going to bring us back together the way God intended. I will keep you in my prayers

              2. Rita, I am so sorry to hear that we are going through the same painful experiences. I will be praying for you, as well! I have faith that our almighty God will honor our obedience. When Jesus said, “forgiven them, for they know not what they do”, He may as well have been speaking about the fact that I did not know that I was not being a Godly wife. Not that I know and I am applying His principles to my marriage (even without my husband at home), I know He will forgive me and give me another chance by restoring what the locusts have destroyed. Continue to walk in faith and love!

              3. Rita and Standingforever,
                I am praying for both of you – for you to clearly hear God and to abide in Him and find healing in Him. I also pray that God might open your husbands’ eyes and bring them to Himself.

      2. Hi Jessica!

        Thank you for sharing your story. I especially loved that part where you said that “The enemy kept whispering that my children would be permanently damaged but He is a liar.”

        So true! How many times did the enemy taunt us to think that we are “broken goods” and we have the “right” to get mad, get even, and wallow in self pity! How many times did the enemy have us believe that since we had a “broken childhood”, we could blame our childhood for the present problems that continue to crop now as adults?

        It is so convenient to blame our circumstances for what and who we are now. But, that too is a LIE.Only we are accountable for our actions, no matter what the circumstance. The Truth is, if I may borrow Nancy Leigh de Moss’ words, that we can trust a wise, loving, sovereign God to control every circumstance of our lives. Joy, peace and stability come from believing that every circumstance that touches our lives has been filtered through His fingers of love and it is part of a GREAT, ETERNAL plan that He is working out in this world and in our lives.

        God bless you, sister! Thanks for sharing your story and encouraging our sister, standingforever. It always is so uplifting when somebody who has already “been there” shares what she’s learned with somebody who is in the middle of it. Hope abounds.


        1. Nikka

          I absolutely love that quote by Nancy Leigh Demoss I need to write that down and keep as a constant reminder how quick I can be to forget that truth at times. Thank you so much for sharing: )

      3. I would LOVE to hear more, as well. If it’s God’s will, I am sure we would all be blessed!

      4. Hi Sister Jessica,

        Hmm, I am joining in the ‘please share’ chorus. As HE said: “And they have conquered him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony, for they loved not their lives even unto death.” (Rev 12:11 ESV) Not trying to ‘thump you over the head’ with Daddy’s words but PLEASE OH PLEASSSEEEEE SHARE :)!
        I hope you have the opportunity to tell your testimony in your church. SO MANY marriages are being attacked. We need extra fodder from other saints who have ‘been there …God delivered’ :)!

        1. Thank you for that encouraging reminder Brother. I am gonna talk things over with my hubby and make sure hes o.k. with me sharing.

    3. Standingforever,

      PRAISE GOD for what He is doing in you! WOOOHOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!

      I could read stories like this all day every day. How I love to see our God at work in mighty ways among His people. I am so excited about what God is doing in you – it is beautiful! I can’t wait to see all that He has in store. I pray for Him to continue to refine, mold, chisel and make you into the image of Christ and for Him to do the same for your husband and to bring your husband to Himself. I also ask for God to restore your marriage and to make it something glorious for His Name’s sake that will bring many to Christ.

    4. Amen! Thank you for this post. The only difference between our circumstances is 20 vs. 16. I needed this today!

      1. You will be in my prayers, Catherine! Sadly, I believe more and more marriages are under attack by the enemy. But God! Nothing is impossible with God!

  6. Standing with you in prayer In Jesus precious Name!!!!
    I have walked through such a similar trial with Christ and I know He will bring you forth as gold. My joy is just bubbling over seeing what He is doing in your life as you trust His sovereign hand.

    This song has really encouraged me lately as i walk with God through some difficult things

    1. Jessica,
      Thank you so much for sharing! Isn’t it incredible to watch these transformations that only God can accomplish – in your life, but also in the lives of others? Thank you for sharing this joy with us!

      1. April,

        I thank God for what He is doing on this blog and in all our lives it’s such a display of His power glory and grace. I thank God for leading me here 🙂

  7. This truely inspired me and lifted me up today. Thank you for your testimony of God’s work in you. I cannot tell you how it has touched my heart.

  8. Dear April… 9 months ago the concept of “heaven sent” would have been foreign to me. I now know it is not only possible, but miracles are around us every moment. Through your site, which “found” me in September last year, I’m learning so very, very much –– how to let God into my life; how to become calm and live peacefully for “real.” How to see miracles and let God work miracles on and through me. What a blessing you are to me; what a blessing all who come and share here are to me. Even the ones who give you trials (but count me in the camp of women who benefited from TH posts and discussion!).

    I’m still in “quiet” phase in every level of my being. When I can work through this sufficiently, I plan to share some thoughts (miracles and blessings I’m experiencing almost daily and how they’ve been right in front of me all along…I just didn’t “see” them for what they are!! Doh!) jotted down in a journal as I work to “get right” with God. For now, I get a cup of coffee, grab my laptop and sit in bed reading (5am West coast!) and examining…often with lots of crying (both joyful and the other kind where I just cry and cry with shame at what a truly awful sinner I am and how it has just devastated the man I love and cherish most on Earth). I’m hopeful God’s grace allows me the opportunity to transform and grow into a godly, feminine woman for whatever purpose is best in God’s plan for my life. I feel like a dried out sponge soaking up everything and it all seems to just “appear” when I most need! (another Miracle!)

    I want to thank you, April, and let you know I keep you and your family –– and all my sisters and brothers in Christ here –– in my thoughts and prayers. Your openness with what you feel and believe is so beautiful and courageous and an inspiration. I’ve loved seeing how God works in so many relationships on this blog and encouraged to see little green tender sprouts in mine…

    Hugs to all! ;-))

    1. Jules,
      Thank you so much for sharing! I am thrilled to hear all that God is doing in your life and I can’t wait to hear more about your story when you are ready to go into more detail. 🙂 Thank you very much for the prayers for me and my family and thank you for praying for the readers here. That means the world to me!

  9. Blows and wounds cleanse away evil, and beatings purge the inmost being. Pro 20:30.

    We think we deserve good life, but we deserve nothing but hell and only through the blood of Jesus we are given the gift of life. All the heart breaks I had because of my husband were not heartbreaks at all, it seemed like hurt because of my disobedience against God and my husband.

    Last year during my journey with April, I came across this verse in my prayer time which changed me in a powerful way, as I realized that blows and wounds I feel in my heart are due to the evil in me and I asked God to use this hurt and pain to cleanse me completely of all evil. And He did…

    Same time this year I am a happy, peaceful, joyful, submitted wife. Even now if I feel a little hurt or pain from my husband I will immediately realize that some evil has crept up in me and I will immediately ask God to cleanse away that and that very instant I will feel the hurt turn into peace.

    This may not apply to everyone but for most of us, our husbands who have an understanding about Jesus, the hurt we feel is not due to our husband it is due to our evil.

    1. Pretty,
      Thank you so much for sharing what God is doing in you!

      I am thankful that whether hurt and pain are caused by my own sin or by someone else’s sin or even from the enemy, God is good and is able to use all things, even painful things, for our ultimate good and His glory. What a precious promise to those who love Him and are called according to His purpose. Rom8:28-29

  10. Thank you for sharing “A Wife’s” story April. I would say it’s similar to my first marriage’s end. Although by the grace of God, we both enjoy a healthy relationship with his children and grandchildren, it is only also by the grace of God that I can say this marriage will stay together. April, your posts always give me encouragement to do my part to keep that true.

  11. I have been listening to teaching/sermon podcasts daily as I am trying to put my focus on spiritual growth instead of obsessing over my marriage. As I listened to this sermon today, I was able to see the hurts, disappointments, and insecure thoughts for what they are……’weed seeds” sown by the enemy, in hopes of choking out the good seed that God has planted in the soil of out hearts. When that good seed grows and matures, the power of God’s love working through us is going to change lives and the world. The enemy is desperate to stop that from happening, so he is constantly trying to take our focus off of God. The more we focus on these distractions (weed seeds) , they will grow and choke out what God is doing inside us. If we choose to instead focus on the good things God is growing inside us, they will get bigger and stronger. This was really eye-opening and helpful for me today and at first I didn’t think I was going to get anything out of it. Ha! I hope it blesses someone else today. 🙂

  12. Wow…seeing my comments put together like that blows me over. Oh how mighty our God is that He could effect such a transformation in me–me of such little faith! It just hit me that this explosion of spiritual growth in me is a demonstration of the power of faith as Jesus said,

    Matthew 17:20 NIV

    He replied, “Because you have so little faith. Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.”

    My mom had a necklace of a cross with a mustard seed in it and I have always remembered that verse because of that–today I finally “get” it. Praise God!

    My gratitude for all of you is greater than you can imagine. I feel the sincerity of your words and the warmth of brotherly/sisterly love. You all have been beacons of light illuminating the path to Christ. I pray to be a beacon too!

    I am completely overwhelmed by all the good that is coming from all the bad. Lord, You alone have the power to do this!

    There are still many unknown challenges ahead. Bad things will still happen! I trust God to guide me and to provide me with the strength to endure them…and even be joyful through them. ☺

    We are doing a Bible study at church that is resonating so powerfully with me. It focuses on the life principles from the beatitudes. I can highly recommend it! It is quite a deep study.

    The book is from the Following God Discipleship Series – “Renewing the Heart…for Women” by Barbara Henry.

    Thank you for all your prayers. I hope I can catch up with responding to your comments!

    My mom is coming up tonight to visit my son and I…the first time I have seen her in 18 months!!! I am so excited to finally see her. I am sure many happy and sad tears will be shed.

    Dear Heavenly Father,

    Thank You for all the love and true Christian fellowship of the people associated with this blog. Please look after each individual care and worry; bless each person with greater faith in You and cloak them in Your peace. Make each of us Your willing servant and let us draw unbelievers to You by the visible demonstration of faith in our Savior Jesus Christ.


    Love and peace to you all! ❤

    1. Hi Livelywriter!

      I was in the other post when you wrote down these comments, and I agree… having them all written down all at once was SO powerful to read.

      People, not in the Spirit, will view what is happening to you with utmost curiosity. To outsiders, it will seem as though the world crashed on you, and they expect the “normal” response of anger, bitterness and depression… and if you react that way, they will find it “justifiable”.

      But they see you and will wonder why it is you are not responding “normally”. Instead of anger, there is forgiveness. Instead of bitterness, there is understanding. Instead of depression, there is peace and joy!

      Truly, this is what happens when it is no longer you but Christ who lives in you! 🙂 It is the Spirit of God moving in you that is making you act “weird” to the world’s eyes, but is in fact, how Children of God must act — with faith, confidence and trust in our Loving Father, who will not forsake us nor abandon us ever!

      I am blessed by your sharing, Livelywriter. May God use you and your story to witness to Him. It is in these Job-like times that your witnessing will prove more powerful to the unbeliever than on any other “happier” circumstance. God be with you, dear sister, as you continue to carry your cross.

      “For the word of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God.” — 1 Corinthians 1:18


      1. Nikka,
        Exactly! This is precisely how God brings glory to Himself as He empowers us to walk through trials in a way that is so unnatural and so supernatural that others stop and gawk in total confusion. His Spirit working powerfully in us draws many to Himself as we go through the fire.

        I praise God for what He is doing in Livelywriter’s life and in the lives of so many women (and men) here. God is good. He is love. He is incapable of having evil thoughts or motives toward us. We have total access to the God of the universe, living in our hearts, and we have total access to the riches of heaven as believers in Christ! His grace is more than sufficient. I can’t wait to see all that He has in store!

    2. Livelywriter,

      I love this! I’m so glad that even seeing your own story is powerful for you right now. I have heard many wives say the same thing – seeing their own story as a post made such an impact on them. I’m very grateful for your willingness to share. 🙂

      My mom had a necklace with a mustard seed in a tear-drop shaped piece of glass. I remember how tiny the mustard seed was. How crazy that Jesus says that is big faith. I ask Jesus to give me and all of you the BIGGEST faith possible for us to have. How I long for us to all be people of strong faith that bring great joy to the heart of God.

      Thank you for sharing about the Bible Study. Our pastor did a sermon series on the beatitudes last year and how they build on each other progressively in our walk with Christ. That sounds amazing.

      What an encouragement today has been. You are a priceless blessing to me. 🙂

      Much love,

  13. No other post has made the tears well up in me quite like this one. The rawness of your situation, coupled with the hope that you hold in spite of the reality you face, is truly breathtaking. We serve a God who gives us the courage to fight tragic battles with our head held high and peace in our heart. Peace a midst trials is nonsensical to the world and, believe me when I tell you, this may be the greatest opportunity of your life to show the world the One who dwells within you.

    It’s in times of grave pain and trials that people are most open to God and your joy in the midst of your circumstances will be a great testimony to those who are watching you from the sidelines (and, trust me, there are ALWAYS people watching from the sidelines). God has called you for such a time as this. Keep your eyes focused ahead, just like you are, and the Lord will use you to impact more hearts than you could imagine.

    It will be a year on Monday since I faced the most devastating battle of my life and marriage. The countless tears I have cried the past year from a pain I thought I would never survive have given me a perspective I would never have gained otherwise. Although I have prayed for many years that Jesus would strip away the strongholds in my life, I never thought he would do it all at once – and while fighting for dear life to just survive another day and not give into hopelessness. But I have learned so much about the beauty of forgiveness and the power of prayer in the past 365 days and, although I would never want another human being to have to endure what I have, I have been transformed and renewed in more ways than I thought possible. Although we will be subject to all accounts of pain and suffering in this life, we serve a faithful and merciful God who uses our times of greatest trials to accomplish His greatest will in us, if we let Him.

    In the spirit of thankfulness, which you so beautifully articulated in your post, I want to share with you the GOOD that God has brought out of the most painful and heartbreaking time in my life:

    1. I was brought to April’s blog
    2. Modesty: Although I was pretty modest before, I have learned the importance of a modest attitude and how to be feminine and beautiful through my attire and my heart toward others. How to truly do unto others and I would have them do unto me. Would I be comfortable with another woman dressing like this in front of my husband? Would I want him seeing those parts of her skin? It has caused me to truly look out for my fellow brothers in Christ and the men of the world.
    3. Trust: It has been broken and is being rebuilt in my marriage day by day, but I have learned that I can truly trust my Jesus with my heart. He held it together when it was broken and is turning the pieces of it into something more beautiful than it was before it was broken.
    4. Respect/Submission: I have learned that we respect and submit to our husbands, not because they deserve it or have earned it, but because we desire to obey God.
    5. Selflessness: I have learned to give up so many of my previous desires so that I may focus my heart on things above and in being an example to my husband through putting his needs and desires above my own.
    6. Prayer: I have learned the power of prayer in some amazing ways. It’s not just to petition or ask things of God, but for comfort and praise.
    7. Words of Affirmation: This has truly taught me the importance of treating and talking to my husband like Christ, even when he’s not acting like Him.
    8. My Walk: My relationship with Christ has deepened in ways I never could have imagined. I think of myself as holding on to the bottom of Jesus’ robe for dear life. He is whisking my heart away daily to the secret place to bask in His love.
    9. Hope: I have learned that we can and should have hope in all situations, realizing that although our circumstances are ever changing, our God never does. He is the same yesterday and today and tomorrow.
    10. Joy: I have learned that joy is a choice. My name on here is not a statement of what I am, but of what I am becoming.

    Bless you for your candor and for reminding all of us that our God really is involved in every detail of our life, and that He cherishes every step we take in obedience and trust.

    1. Wow, thejoyfilledlife!

      Thanks for sharing, in bullet points, at that, your own journey. The image of you holding on to the bottom of Jesus’ robe for dear life stuck with me. It showed great humility and total trust. It was not even a walk with Him, like holding hands side by side. It seems to me that your own journey has been a life-and-death situation that has weakened you physically (like the bleeding woman who held on to the tip of Jesus’ robe) but only managed to strengthen you spiritually.

      God bless you, dear sister and may you continue on this road to obedience in trust in our Sovereign God. In Jesus’ Mighty Name. Amen.

      1. Your prayer is a blessing, sweet sister. I love that you so freely share your love for your fellow sisters without restraint. <3

        You are right that my trials have been physically weakening, yet spiritually strengthening. This is what the Scriptures say is our goal though, isn't it? Beating our bodies into submission so that the Holy Spirit can lead us. Sometimes it takes the death of our body to set our spirit free. It takes denying and quieting our physical nature so that we may clearly hear the still, small voice of the Spirit. He is so faithful.

        1. “Sometimes it takes the death of our body to set our spirit free.”

          I couldn’t agree more, thejoyfilledwife. In my case, it was a 4th pregnancy that was so unplanned and so surprising that happened at the peak of my uber busy broadcasting career, that the Lord chose to get to my heart.

          I was rebellious for a long time, not even divulging to others that I was pregnant. I was in denial. But I couldn’t hold off the “fat” comments for too long and I had to say something. I was showing and I was an oncamera personality, and I couldn’t hold it off much longer. It ended up that I had to resign from the TV network over some disagreements with my contract but in retrospect were really matters of pride on my part… But even that, the Lord used to make me stay put and to keep me still.

          Before my conviction, I was all over the place, spreading myself too thin,too obsessed with career and making a name for myself so I would feel that I mattered.

          The pregnancy FORCED me to keep still. I was the most impatient pregnant woman on the planet at that time. I was raring to pop out the baby so I could resume to my career!

          But, a miracle happened. The moment I gave birth, the Lord had instilled in my heart a desire so ALIEN, that I found it refreshing. I wanted to give up my career. I wanted to be still. I wanted to submit to my husband and let him lead me and our family.

          This verse holds true for me: 1 TIm 2:15 “But women will be saved through childbearing–if they continue in faith, love and holiness with propriety.”

          God had saved me when I gave birth, and in effect he also gave birth to a new me. 🙂 I am a new Nikka. I never want to go back to my former sinful self ever again.

          2 Cor 5:17 “Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come.” 😀

          Here’s to “rebirths” for all of our sisters here, as the Lord continues to conform us more and more to Christ.



    2. Thejoyfilledwife,


      I have been at work today and couldn’t comment until now. But… WOW!

      I am so thrilled that you shared these precious treasures with us!!!!!!

      THIS is why I have so much passion for doing what I do here. Hearing stories like yours and Livelywriter’s and so many hundreds of other women – this is how God allows me to build up treasures in heaven. I get to be a tiny part of being the clay pitcher that pours out the treasure of heaven into the lives of others and I get to see Him work miracles in so many lives. It never gets old – hearing what God is doing in people’s lives.

      THANK YOU so much for sharing your heart and your story and how you have already begun to see God bring good from this painful mess.

      I wonder if you might allow me the honor of sharing your story? Maybe Monday would be a great day to do that? What do you think? No pressure. But if you would like to allow me to share, I would love to.

      Much love!

      1. Hi April,

        Your sweet spirit always shines through in your words. You have a gift. Thanks for your encouragement and for being a constant reminder that this life is really not about us.

        If the Lord brought me through these trials for no other reason than to share the hope of Christ with other hurting hearts then it was worth it, right? If you believe my story can be a blessing to others, I’d be happy to be candid. After all, pride is one of the biggest strongholds the Lord has helped me to overcome through all this. Let me know the format you’d like and I’ll work on it over the weekend. Let me know how best to contact you regarding this.

  14. ” Through this heart-wrenching experience, I came to accept Jesus as my Savior. I thought I was a Christian prior to this, but I saw that I had never completely surrendered. ”

    Exactly my sentiments too. I really thought I was a Christian, a “good” one at that. How wrong I was to view myself as such. It was humiliating to be shown by the Lord one’s own self. It was humbling too… but more than anything, it was liberating to know one’s self for who one truly is — a wretched sinner in need of God’s Mercy and Grace.

    I thank God every day for opening up my spiritual eyes. My R.I.P. to self day was September 1, 2013. That was when I totally, completely surrendered my all to God. I continue to die to self to this day, and I cannot get over the peace that Christ has given me and continues to give me as I hold all thoughts captive for Him.

    God is so good!!! <3


  15. Could you please UNsubscribe me? This is not at all pertinent to me. I am neither separated or dealing with a “sinful” man. My hubby is an honorable Christian, and I find this email creepy. I enjoyed the other content though so I will still visit the website…the other content is great.

    1. Kristy,

      You may unsubscribe by clicking on the unsubscribe link on the email you receive. 🙂 I cover quite a range of topics. I’m thankful that this one isn’t an issue in your life. Praying for God’s greatest glory in your marriage and in your walk with Christ.

Comments are closed.

%d bloggers like this: