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Apologizing Stories

So, I am excited to report that I had a professor friend edit my book – and I am working on the revisions of the manuscript. Woohoo!

I am in need of several stories to share about wives apologizing to their husbands (about their disrespect, control, etc…) and a variety of husband’s reactions. Some husbands say nothing. Some husbands get angry. Some get really sad. Many of them are skeptical and wait a LONG LONG time to see if their wives are really going to change.

When you apologized, what did you say? How did you apologize? How did your husband respond?

If you are interested in sharing your story, please write your story and submit it here in the comments section. I will choose from the comments I receive and share some of  these stories anonymously in the book.

Thank you so very much! I would love to have stories in the next week or so, please. About 500-1000 words in length would be ideal.

 

Thanks for your help! 🙂

 

55 thoughts on “Apologizing Stories

  1. When I apologized to my husband we were laying in bed together with me rolled over looking at him.. we were talking and laughing and just enjoying time together. I felt this was a good time. I told him a lot of things I appreciate about him… things he does for me or just things about him in general I love. I then told him how Thankful I am he puts up with me.. he laughed kind of like what are you talking about, I started naming things that I do that are disrespectful, and how much condemnation I had, and how I was not obeying God, he looked at me very confused and was just like babe what are you talking about you are fine, you are perfect I love you. -What?!?- this is the same guy I got in an argument with last week and he told me I was disrespecting him, and the same guy a few weeks ago told me I was being selfish and before that had asked me why am I being a brat? So why now was he acting like that wasn’t even the case? Oh well I just kept telling him and then apologized and PROMISED I was going to try my hardest to change and let him know I knew God was sovereign enough to make me this wife if I was willing. He smiled and hugged me and loved on me and kind of dropped it, but I could tell by his actions he appreciated my sorry but why wasn’t he saying he appreciated it? Oh well I thought. The next day I wrote him a letter and hung it on the fridge, it was telling him sorry again kind of and just letting him know I need him and loved him and respected him and I want to be there for him for everything and lift him up and be an awesome help meet for him. He Text me while I was at work after he had read the letter and said “I LOVED your letter. it means so much to me, I’m going to keep it on the fridge. He then said sorry. Sorry?! For what I was confused, well turns out my husband was EMBARRASSED by my apologies. He was embarassed that he had called me disrespectful, braty, selfish, when all the while GOD was working on me and needed no help from him. He felt convicted that I felt convicted! It taught us both a big lesson about trusting our spouse to God. He felt all those times he was trying to force me to be more respectful he could have just been loving me and let God handle the dirty work. Still I am so glad I apologized. His response was humbling and reminded me to continue to trust him to the Lord. It also reminded me I have such a wonderful husband and need always to respect him so I can also show the love of Christ through me so he will actually WANT to love me and spend time with me. Since my apology he has been even better to me than before always putting my needs first and his actions now continually give me the push to keep going respecting and serving him since he loved me when I was unloveable and the strength I get from God is so tangible I can feel him cheering me along sometimes. My marriage is Better than ever, I have more peace than I have ever felt before. This blog has blessed me and I know the Lord brought me here for a reason. I can’t wait to see how all the husbands reacted to the apologies!

      1. You are writing a book? I must have missed it if you mentioned it before. That is wonderful! Can you tell us more about it and when it will be published?

        1. Cheryl,

          I had a professor friend edit it, that took a few months. Now I am doing revisions. Hoping to have it ready to pitch by the beginning of June. Not sure exactly how we will publish at this point. I am writing about godly marriage and becoming a godly wife with emphasis on practical ideas to honor and respect our husbands. Please pray for God’s wisdom for Greg and for me!

    1. Thank you, Nicole! Your testimony really encourages me because there are a few things (attitudes and mindsets in my husband) that I’ve been holding onto so tightly lately that I just know God will totally take care of once I entrust them to Him. I know the good I ought to do (consistently, purposefully letting go and trusting my issues and my husband’s character to the Lord), but I need a boost of heart strength to follow through and just do it! Your story helped!! Thanks, and may God continue to bless your marriage immensely!

    2. Nicole,
      ” I started saying things that I do that are disrespectful, and how much condemnation I had. ..”

      I don’t know if you simply used the wrong word here or if you really felt CONDEMNED, but I’m praying for you that you understand that we are CONVICTED of our sin, but Jesus came so that we could have LIFE (not be condemned). Sending much love to you, sister!!
      And love your grace- filled apology story!! Good stuff!

      1. Thank you Fallenshort! We don’t have to be condemned anymore if we are in Christ, we can have godly sorrow that leads to repentance and life instead of worldly sorrow that leads to death. 🙂

  2. Apologizing to your husband? If past practice dictates future behavior, I would not take your words seriously. The first time that I made a decision that did not agree with your world view I doubt that you would maintain your “beliefs”. Words are cheap. SHOW me your sorry, PRAY WITH ME. WATCH me submit to God, see what it looks like. I’m not perfect and neither are you, if you are serious let’s do it together and BOTH apologize.

    1. Boycotting marriage,
      Thank you for a masculine perspective in this issue. I wonder something, say that your ex wife did actually change… How long would it take for you to believe that she had truly changed, do you think? What would you be looking for? How do you think a husband might respond during the phase where he is very skeptical?

      1. Well now there’s a thought! I know God can change her if she simply asks. Under normal circumstances I would say you should see her trying immediately, struggling for sure but trying.Under my particular circumstance? I would say a least a few years.

        She had me arrested, called everyone we knew and told them I beat her, false domestic violence accusations etc. all for the “biblical grounds for divorce”. She read more books than anyone I know on submission and a Godly wife. Had them highlighted and took notes, went to seminars, meetings, bible study all of it. Then did what she wanted to do. To this day she still tries to control me through the kids and the police / court system. That is how bad things can get in a women’s heart. She is not happy, I never see her smile without forcing it and continues to over eat and not exercise. A true downward spiral of controlling others and not herself.

        In summary, a change of heart is slow but possible. Thanks for being interested in my thoughts.

        1. boycottingmarriage,

          I am so sorry. 🙁 It sounds like an incredibly painful situation for everyone. I am praying for you both.

          I know that when I was controlling, I was not happy either. It was impossible – I was motivated by fear and trust in myself instead of trust in God.

          I pray that you both might be able to live in the supernatural peace, joy, freedom, healing and abundant life of Christ. I pray for healing for your children as well. Thank you for sharing.

        2. Wow! Bless you brother! My first marriage has haunted me. I can relate to alot of what you have said. God can turn the Kings heart…as well as your wife’s heart. Nothing is too hard for Him. I’m learning more about trusting Him and growing in my relationship with Him. He is our true treasure. Nothing can compare to Him. I hope you find fullness in Him. It is wonderful to have a spouse -but ‘He takes the cake’ =). I do hope that God will ‘break her heart’ and replace it with a heart of flesh so that He can be glorified thru her.

          May God be glorified thru and in you Brother ‘boycottingmarriage’ , I hope you might be willing to change your screen name in the future.

  3. My husband and I have been married for about 7.5 years. I have been disrespectful and controlling the entire time. About a month leading up to the day that I apologized, my husband had completely withdrawn from me. He barely talked to me, he wouldn’t look at me, he tried to avoid me as much as possible, he started standing up to me (he had been very passive), and there was really no physical contact. He had also stated that he was done with our relationship; however he wasn’t going to seek a divorce. He had talked about moving out also.

    It was during this time that I started crying out to God for my marriage and also rediscovered April’s blog. I finally was convicted of my actions towards my husband as sin. I had known I was controlling all along, and I knew it wasn’t good, but I don’t know that I felt like it was sin. My husband has sinned greatly against me, with more “obvious” sins, so it was easier to justify the “little” sin of control.

    I knew I needed to apologize and one night he was telling me about how I didn’t respect him, that I didn’t accept who he was (because I was always trying to control him or was being critical of him), that I always put our daughter and my family first and that he didn’t think I had forgiven him for things he had done. Normally, I would have tried to fight and defend myself, but I knew what I had to do. I agreed with him that I had done all those things. I said “You’re right. I’m sorry that I did all those things to you. I hurt you. The Lord has convicted me of what I’ve done and I want to change.” He was very, very angry. He didn’t believe me. He had no reason to and I knew that I couldn’t expect him to believe that I was sincere. We had had talks like this before and while I was sorry he felt that way and I wanted to change, I failed each time. In his anger, he said “You don’t get to try anymore.” He also told me that what I was doing was trying to manipulate him and he said, “You’ll never change” and “You’re only trying because we’re on the rocks.” I let him say all those things without defending myself, because I knew from there that my actions had to show him I was serious.

    It’s been almost 3 months since I fully submitted to the Lord in this area and since I apologized. He definitely has been very skeptical and has tried to push me to see if I am sincere. I don’t expect that trust to come quickly. It took almost 8 years to get this far along so it could take a long time to come out of it. At one point, he told me “You’re just stuffing it all inside.” He believed I was just making out an outward change but not an inward change to try to get him to stay. During this time, we’ve had some peaceful periods and I think things are getting better, then I would mess up and he would jump to the extreme of wanting to leave me and saying that we will never work out or that he doesn’t want us to work out.

    I haven’t been perfect, of course, but I’m different than I was in the past. I apologize quickly if I find myself disrespecting him. He’s very sensitive to ways that I try to control him and he’s lashed out in anger (verbally) a few times when I’ve tried to exert control over him.

    Overall, I can’t believe the changes in our marriage in just 3 months. I still have some fear that one day he’ll just leave me, but I am just trying to trust in God that he’s working in this situation and he’s free to work on not only me, but also my husband as he sees fit since I’m no longer standing in the way. Mainly in the last month, I’ve seen some really positive changes as he has started being physically affectionate with me again, joking and playing around with me, he seems to want to spend time with me, he’s started talking about the future, he’s started telling me some of his desires (I always shot down his ideas and desires if they weren’t something I liked), and he’s been more involved at home.

    1. Jeanne,

      Thank you so very much for sharing!

      It is extremely hard when you are genuinely seeking to change and your husband is still so skeptical. And a lot of husbands do get very upset if a wife slips up even a little bit – they feel like it means that they aren’t really changing. But – ultimately – you are doing this for God, not for your husband. Although he will be a beneficiary. 🙂 I’m so proud of you for realizing that it is going to take time and for being so patient. That is wonderful!

      It took Greg 3.5 years to feel safe with me again – after 14.5 years of my disrespect and control.

      I’m so glad that you are seeing some positive developments. That is very encouraging, I am sure!

      I am so excited about what God is doing in you and all the things He has in store for the future. Please keep me updated!

        1. Yes, I’ve read this post quite a few times. Extremely helpful post over the last few months and even rereading it today has been great. Its a great reminder to read the section about the “key ingredients to a successful journey.”

        2. I am really going to need to read this and the Quiet Frustrating Phase post again today. He was in a crabby mood yesterday and it got to me. Like I said in my apologizing story, I fully know this is a long road, so I wasn’t expecting everything to be fine anytime soon, but it is really disheartening to feel like you are going backwards at any time. He said something like, “I don’t care how long you go, if you do it at all, I can’t live like this.” He had acknowledged how long it had been since I had tried to control him or be disrespectful, so I guess thats something to know he’s noticing. I know one day when he feels safer, me messing up won’t feel so big to him, but that will take time.
          He wasn’t being very nice to me or my daughter yesterday and I “called him out” on it, but not in a respectful way, better than I used to, but still not right. He did end up apologizing later for him getting upset, but I do wish I would have handled it better.

          Tomorrow is our 8 year anniversary. Hopeful that this year will lead us into our best one yet.

          1. Jeanne,

            Hopefully, the stumbling and hurt feelings will happen less and less often and the recovery time will be quicker in time. That is what often happens.

            Happy Anniversary!!!

            You may want to search my home page for “anniversary” may be some helpful posts for you! 🙂

    2. Jeanne,
      You have just saved your marriage. You have guts and that’s enough! This is for your husband:

      Greetings to you in the name of Christ,

      The Lord has blessed your marriage with a second chance. Please be patient with her, it can’t be easy what she is doing here. Imagine your running a crew of men for 8 years and one day they put a trash bin and shovel in your hand and make your trash boy your boss. That must be close to what she is going through. My friend, if my ex wife had half the guts of your girl I would cry myself to sleep each night in bliss. Hang in there to both of you. Jeanne, I look up to you as a courageous sister in Christ.

      1. Boycottingmarriage,

        Wow! I am impressed. You understand quite a bit about just how difficult this respect/biblical submission journey is for wives. Thanks for encouraging our sister! This is the hardest part – those many months when a wife sincerely desires to respect her husband and honor his leadership – but she is still trying to understand the ways she is inadvertently showing disrespect and still trying to learn what is respectful (which is rather like learning a new language in many ways) – and her husband is skeptical and maybe even antagonistic.

        That is what normally happens. It takes many, many months for most husbands to begin to give their wives any sign of hope. I understand why husbands would be so skeptical if there are many years of disrespect and control. And it is frustrating to wives and husbands that wives can’t just “flip a switch” and suddenly be perfect, godly wives. But – it doesn’t work that way. It is a long process of learning, stumbling, getting back up, seeking God with all our hearts and trying again and again.

        If a husband could be understanding, patient, supportive, loving, kind and affectionate during this process – it would make this process SO MUCH EASIER and faster for wives. That is for sure.

        Thank you for sharing.

        1. Off subject comment:
          In the last 48 hours I can’t tell you how much my faith in a future has been reinforced by this blog. I see women, REAL WOMEN (Christ centered) actually doing what God’s word lays out for them. I really can’t believe it. Women like Jeanne and the other posters here make me want to jump for joy. There is hope for America! (Really, our entire country is at risk over the femi-Nazi take over). Thank you sisters,

          Keeping the faith in Christ…

          1. I am overjoyed with the restoration of your faith, boycottingmarriage. Maybe you should change your name to restoringfaithinmarriage or something. 🙂

            Let us not boycott, marriage. It is a way to glorify God, while on earth.

            God bless you. I will include you in my prayers.

            Nikka

          2. You have a very valid point there. I must admit, I really had no idea women like this still existed. You are all becoming and endangered species. I will give it some thought. The name was chosen in jest, but you are right. I’ll think of something better.

          3. boycottingmarriage,

            All of us here at this blog, that I know of, were not very godly wives, even though we may have thought we were. But then God opened our eyes and we are on a pilgrimage to learn what it means to be the wives He designed us to be. There are very few people even in the church today who truly live out God’s Word and are filled with His power. It is our prayer that God change that – and that He start with us.

            Imagine if God’s women, those who claim Christ, all over the planet, began to live out God’s design for biblical womanhood and marriage. I believe that would empower our men to become the men God designed and desires them to be – and allow God to greatly bless and speak to our men in ways we can’t begin to fathom. I can imagine the explosion of God’s power that would happen in the church around the world and how the world would be impacted for the Kingdom of God if we were all walking in the power of God’s Spirit and in obedience and full submission to Him.

            That is my dream, my purpose, my goal – to be fully available to God to be used by Him to reach my sisters in Christ for His glory however He may want to use me. He is at work in mighty ways here. I am in awe of all that He is doing. 🙂

            I can’t wait to see what He has in store for your walk with Christ.

          4. April — you said,
            “…..but then God opened our eyes,”

            — I just want to say I like those 6 words. That is it. GOD opened OUR eyes. It means that it is through GOD that we become aware, and we have to start with OUR selves. Of course, it does not mean that our husbands will become “what we expect them to be” immediately. But it is so much more fulfilling to change ourselves, fix our own flaws, and leave the flaws of our spouse to God — at least, it was so for me. The truth is, it is very rare when it is just “one” person that is at fault…. but we only have control over ourselves. I think recognizing that, was a freeing moment for me. In focusing on my own flaws, I was able to get rid of the huge bitterness that I had about my husband’s faults… and once I started self analyzing, my husband’s actions did not seem much worse than mine.

          5. Prayinglikehannah,
            Yes, this is the key. I can’t open my own eyes. I can’t open anyone else’s eyes. I can’t open my husband’s eyes or another woman’s eyes. I can explain and explain but until God opens someone’s eyes, they can’t see. And once He does do this – He illumines our hearts, minds and souls so that we can understand. It is amazing!

            I don’t know of any marriage where everything is one person’s fault. We are all wretched sinners. We all are capable of bringing pain and adding heartache to our marriages. But our power is when we focus on ourselves and our relationship with Christ, that is for sure! It is not something we WANT to do. We all go kicking and screaming – pointing at our spouse – wanting him to change. But when we do see this, it is very freeing and empowering!

      2. boycottingmarriage,
        Thank you for this. This was so encouraging and I appreciate you taking the time to share.

    3. Hi Jeanne!

      I just wanted to encourage you in your walk with Christ and in this respect and submission journey. 8 years of disrespect, 3 months of respect… and I am sure you see how freeing and liberating letting go and letting God is, even in such short a time. 🙂

      May the Lord continue to instill changes within your heart and your husband as He continues to mold both of you to be more like Christ. May the Spirit guide your path every step of the way!

      God bless! 🙂
      Nikka

      1. Nikka, thank you! It really is freeing. It is so much better living this way than the controlling way. Thank you for this encouragement!
        Jeanne

  4. Apology

    I have been studying The Respect Dare by Nina Roesner for over 2 years and I gave been leading groups for 1 year. On July 4, 2013, we were eating breakfast at our son’s home with his family. My husband said something about needing some newspapers folded for the tomato plants in the garden that day. I made the comment that I didn’t know he needed them. I felt I was just stating a fact that I didn’t know he needed them THAT DAY. What I didn’t say was that he had asked me earlier to do that for him sometime (no date specified) and I said I would.

    He was very rude to me the rest of the day. I asked him that evening what was wrong and he told me. He said he felt it made him look like the bad guy – an ogre. I told him that I was sorry. I did not try to justify my thoughts or words. I knew there was a better way.

    On July 7th we were together again for a meal, this time at our home. I said that I had something to say to everyone. I told them that he had asked me to do the papers for him and that I was wrong in what I said on July 4th and I wanted to apologize for that. Apology was accepted by all. He glowed the rest of the day and treated me with such kindness and thanked me for the apology.

    Wow! What I learned is that he needs to feel uplifted and respected in front of our children.

    Thanks for giving me a chance to share. I pray that this will help someone else.

    Stefanie

    1. Thank you for sharing that, Stefanie! It made me think of how my sweetie is very sensitive to my responses to him. Unfortunately, although I’m slowly yielding my anxieties to God, my knee-jerk response when my husband gets frustrated or upset about anything is to panic for a split second as my mind races wondering how I can make things better to keep him happy. Well, he HATES that fearful response. He says he feels like an “ogre” (same word) or a “jerk.” Lol. Seems like men can be very sensitive that way. I have assured him that I don’t think those things about him at all, that I’m just controlling (!!) and a bit hyper-sensitive to negative emotions and conflict around me, but he still gets really agitated with my response. Time, the Word, the Holy Ghost, and surrender will change and is already transforming things. I am slowly coming into myself and being a healthy submitted wife instead of a passive, fearful one.

      1. Growingupspiritually,
        That is really interesting! I have never heard a man articulate that thought, but it makes sense. Hmmm… I will have to think about that. I wonder how a husband would rather his wife respond? Did he happen to say what he would prefer? So, he doesn’t want you to be afraid of him? Am I understanding properly?

        Thank you for sharing! I am praying for wisdom for you both!

        1. My husband has requested a little emotional space when he gets irritated with situations and circumstances so that he can vent and express how he feels. I’m so quick to try to put out fires and fix everything. It’s an involuntary, immediate response that I’m working on curbing. Although it truly has nothing to do with him and everything to do with my flesh and my past, he still takes it personally and says it makes him feel like I’m scared of him. He’s an affectionate, thoughtful guy though. Genuinely caring and likeable. I fear rejection, and I’m controlling, but not because of him– I have carried that from childhood (father issues.. sigh). He “gets” that intellectually, but in the heat of a tense moment, his upset responses to negative occurrences unsettle me, and my panicky responses to his upsets frustrate him even more and take his attention off the situation and onto me (and then I’m the one wanting the emotional space! Lol.). It’s a cycle, but we have a great marriage on a lot of levels, and we’re both starting to be able to laugh about it and talk things out as they’re happening. He has assured me a bunch of times that he gets frustrated with life but that he’s happy with me, and I’ve assured him that my issues are unrelated to him and that I’m working with God to become a resting, peaceful person in Christ.

          I found an interesting article that relates somewhat to this situation, especially the part about courtship and then marriage. Not giving you more to read/do though, so no pressure to read or respond. http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/anger-in-the-age-entitlement/200811/the-fear-shame-dynamic

          Thank you for all that you do, your kind comments, and how hard you work to care for and encourage each wife on this blog. I love your story and how God allowed you to be humbled but has blessed your journey with much fruit and impact. God is good.

        2. My husband is the same way. His ex-wife once falsely accused him of abuse (I have never, ever felt physically afraid of him – I know he would never raise a hand to me!) but one time during an argument, I did tell him that I felt scared – and that didn’t go over well. He was very sarcastic about how “scary” he is.

          I realize now that it just hurt him to think that I could feel scared by him at all. I felt scared emotionally, but it doesn’t come across that way to him. I am going to try very hard to never use that phrase again, but find another way to handle it when he gets upset.

          1. M,
            That is so interesting. I pray that God might bring us someone who can give us some insights about how a wife could best handle such a situation in a godly way.

          2. I wonder if it would be taken any better for us to say that we’re concerned our intimacy is at stake if the harsh tones and anger continue. Because when I feel “scared,” I’m more afraid for my heart, for whether I feel emotionally accepted and safe. I wonder if mentioning the possible loss of intimacy and emotional closeness would make an impact. Maybe in their anger, that wouldn’t be a factor for them, I’m not sure.

            It’s definitely something that I will continue to pray about!

          3. M,

            I am not sure how much husbands would connect with “emotional intimacy” being at steak. But, I do think a wife’s trust and ability to feel open and vulnerable are at stake. I don’t think some men realize how scary they can sounds and be – they are so strong and big and powerful. That is frightening when they lose their temper.

            Yes, let’s do that and let’s share any insights we might find!

  5. When I apologized to my husband he got angry and said my disrespect was partly his fault. He said he should’ve been harder on me. I wanted to comment that abuse isn’t a good option either but I said nothing because he wouldn’t hear anything anyway at that point. I think he just needed to talk out his feelings. He said he’d like to be happy about this and recognized my courage with saying something but that he just wasn’t ready for all that. He was skeptical. That was 5 months ago. I followed it right up with homework for myself to keep moving forward and focused on the Respect Dare by Nina Rosner. Such a blessing! It kept me going through the times he bated me to test me. I also read several books from your list and worked on things like boundaries. Now he’s beginning to change and I find myself being skeptical. We have not had the major bouts of anger that overwhelmed our marriage last year. I’m learning so much patience. God has been very good to me! Submission has definitely saved my marriage and softened a critical, dominant husband.

    1. Refined,
      I love this!! And I am so glad that you didn’t let his response daunt you. It is fascinating to me that now he is changing and you are skeptical. 🙂

      I love love love what God is doing in you! Thank you so very much for sharing your story!

  6. God lead me to your site about 3 months ago. And I was just floored in amazement of the things I learned. I had no idea how disrespectful I was or what disrespect looked like to my hubby.

    I did not apoligize in the very beginning. I wanted to see how this respect thing would really play out. I started being more respectful to him and saw major changes in the way he behaved, including, but not limited to, being more loving to me! And what a BLESSING to be able to PERSONALLY watch our God work in my husbands heart. I have also started reading Love & Respect and one night my husband asked me about the book. Well, that night I had him SOOO intrigued with this whole concept and we had a great LONG talk (my hubby is not usually the long talk kind of guy) and I “officially” apoligized then. His reaction was kinda like, whoa/wow, who the heck am I talking too, are you really my wife? I felt so connected to him that night and I know he did too.

    I feel overall that my hubby is skeptical, but with Gods gracious guidance I will press on and have faith that my husband will see that the new me isn’t going anywhere. I have prayed and also had my BSF group praying for a Godly marriage & to draw my hubby near Him…God showed me your site! Same people then praying to show me the best way to be a godly wife… God then showed me 1 Peter 3:1-6! God not only brought me here but also guides me through your site. He is the best navigator I know:)

    This is my first post on your site. My hubby is a believer, but has always been pretty far from God and I came to Christ about 3 years ago. What you are doing April has been such a blessing to me, my husband, and 3 children. This is radically changing the future of our family and it’s only been 3 months! I can’t wait to see what else the Lord has in store.

    1. SeekingG&QSpirit,
      I love your approach. I think your story will be extremely helpful for many wives. Sometimes the wisest thing to do is not to talk about it, but just start changing. That can be a lot more effective with many men, especially if they are feeling very disrespected. I think it is amazing that he asked you about Love and Respect and that gave you such an incredible opportunity to have an open dialogue and to share your heart and all that God was changing in you. WOW!

      I am thrilled that you are here and that you shared your story. I can’t wait to read all the future chapters, too! 🙂

      Much love to you! I have to cry happy tears of joy and thanksgiving to see what God is doing in you and in other wives – what powerful answers to prayer God is showing me every day. I just can’t possibly thank Him enough for His graciousness and for the work He is doing in women around the world.

      I am the most blessed woman on the planet to get the honor and privilege of ministering to wives like this and to see Him change people. It never gets old!

  7. I didn’t apologize until I was several months along in my new respectful, peaceful life. When I first felt convicted by God to change my ways, my husband and I had been married for 20 years and needless to say, he KNEW me very well. That was in 2003 and I had never heard of the Respect/Love concept of marriage. I came from a broken home and was never exposed to a Godly marriage. I had no idea how to relate to my husband. I was fearful and controlling. Thank the Lord, my husband is a Mr. Steady or he would have surely divorced me!

    I began by deciding to trust my husband and respond enthusiastically to his sexual needs. Just doing those things made such a positive difference in our relationship!

    It wasn’t until 2008 that I put a name to mine and God’s “marriage repair plan” when I heard a radio program called Revive our Hearts where Nancy Leigh DeMoss was discussing a new book called For Women Only by Shaunti Feldhahn. EYE OPENING. I went to the Revive our Hearts website and found a 30 day Marriage Challenge with ideas on how to bless your husband every day for a month.

    At first I was just trying to improve my marriage, but after reading Feldhahn’s book, God began convicting me of MY sin. It has been a learning process for me about how to treat people right and to rely fully on Jesus.

    My apology came spur of the moment one day when we were cuddling (aw, I know) and I said “I wish so much that I could go back and do our earlier marriage years over. I treated you badly without even meaning to.” He was aghast. “How?” he said. I replied “I was disrespectful to you and your leadership in our family.” He grinned and hugged me saying “That’s alright!” (He is not a long talk kind of man.)

    Today is our 31st wedding anniversary and we are doing very very well! I know that we would never have made it to this mile-stone without God opening my eyes to my sin.

    Every husband is different but I think mine would not have responded favorably to an apology at the beginning. He would have seen it as an empty ploy to manipulate him more. For me, waiting until he had already seen permanent changes in my attitudes was key.

My grandmother is on hospice and won't be with us much longer (11-30-16). I will get to comments when I am able to but I need to be with family right now. Thanks for understanding.

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