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Chasing Shadows – by Vinodhini

On our grand wedding day!

Vinodhini and her husband on their wedding day

By my precious sister in Christ, Vinodhini – thank you so much for sharing your story!

I’ve been on this blog since January, and I’ve found PEACE which had been missing in my life for a long time. April with her RIGHT questions helped me get back to a right relationship with Christ which in-turn helped me make the right amendments in not just my relationship with my husband but also with others around me. I’ve been married for four years to a person I loved for more than seven long years, we have a three year old daughter and I will turn 27 this year.

In the church getting Wed

History

I’m the first born of two daughters to a financially struggling Indian couple; however my parents gave us the gift of education and introduced us to the Bible and a protestant church – the BEST thing parents could afford for us! My childhood was not good, my mom comes from a very big educated Christian family and my dad comes from a rural atheist background. The combination conveniently made my mom the leader and my dad the follower; however this did not work well because it is against God’s sovereign plan for marriage.

  • Even today, my parents are deep down brutally scarred – an unloved wife and a disrespected husband.

I fell in love at the age of 14 to a boy in my church who comes from a badly broken family – his father a busy musician (just like my husband) and his mom a worldly perfectionist who wanted to have her way in every area of life, she left the family before 15-20 years to lead a lonely life. My journey of chasing shadows began from the time I fell in love.. I was badly addicted to this person…You can call it infatuation, blind love, or the teenage problem; I forgot my first love JESUS before that I was quite a good kid you see ;)..

My eyes would search for him in the church, I acted as if I prayed to see if he saw me, I would long to get a glimpse of him.. A fleeting shadow and the worse, I kept praying God remove his thoughts from my mind hahah..:). Another interesting thing is Satan is very clever to even turn the right things into wrong. When I was in my school, I had a dream that I would marry the boy and it was like a vision and I believe it definitely was God’s plan for me. But Satan turned Gods plan into my IDOL… In Indian culture, girls are not so much outgoing and dating is not a word used in our culture. So when I say I fell in love it means he was on my mind and only my mind and infact he never knew that I loved him so much!

I carried him in my heart, my mind and thoughts for years only and never knew his personally. After 5-6 years I actually got to interact with him for a bible study which was organized by him. This is the period of time, I got really really addicted to him. However during one of our conversation he indirectly told me he was already in a relationship and I should not have any feelings apart from friendship!!! Well, that CRASHED into me and I spent a year crying unable to take rejection. It was during those time that the devil drilled in thoughts like I was not very pretty and he wanted a beautiful fair girl (Indians have a big problem with complexion). All of this, added to my wounded, abused childhood leaving me scarred with negative thoughts. The devil took control of me.. For a yearlong between 2007-2008 tears were my only company.

However, in 2009 he proposed me and wanted to marry me and I was happy instantly. The happiness didn’t last long, I had unrealistic expectations from him. The world, media, the culture portrays a lot about romance which I had believed… and I was always defeated, and the negativity started building up!

Our marriage went off very well, with acceptance from our parents and elders in the family. In three months of marriage, the voices in my head were stronger and clearer…

  • I chased his time, while I chose not to remember the times he spent with me.
  • I chased his love, while I chose to not understand his love language
  • I chased his mistakes and chose not to see the good in him
  • I chased his past and chose not to live in my present
  • I chased being wanted while I chose not to accept him as himself
  • I chased being his priority and chose not to understand him
  • I chased negativity and chose to forget the positives in my life
  • I chased to control him and chose unknowingly to disrespect him
  • I chased unhappiness and chose to hurt and wound him and make him feel less a man
  • I even chased to wound him and chose unknowingly to hate him
  • I chased regret and chose not to see God’s many blessings
  • I chased MY UGLY SELFWILL and chose to let down God’s will!

I chased all the wrong things for the last four years!!

On the verge of all the negativity and bitterness and scars, I decided DIVORCE was the only solution. I threatened my husband with divorce time and again and finally one day he gave up. He said in Oct 2013, if all you need is DIVORCE go ahead!!! When I was threatening him to divorce, my sinful mind thought that he would fall to his knees asking me forgiveness and give all that I chased for!

I’m glad he didn’t do that, he showed me he was a man! He refused to give me what I was chasing after! Good because had he done that, I would have never found God, I would have been satisfied with shadows!! Since Oct 2013, I’ve been taking time to quiet my soul spend time in reading the Bible and prayer but not consistently and God showed me a way in JAN 2014! The answer to my search ended at PEACEFULWIFE BLOG!!! Then, I had a series of mails with April… Read a whole lot of stuff from the blog and

I realized that all I need is CHRIST and nothing else!! HE is the Bread of Life, the Living Water and He alone can give me PEACE!!

Nothing has changed, my husband is still the same busy, unromantic, not interested in sex, does not spend as much time as I would like to, my life is still the same! But I’ve learned to direct my thoughts, my boiling temper, and my frustrations and my hurts, my pain to God and not my husband!! I still get angry, frustrated but I now am able to hold myself in light of God’s Word. I now understand, I can’t expect my husband to be PERFECT when I myself was full of PRIDE, SELFFISHNESS, SELF-RIGHTEOUSNESS, GREED, ANGER, and MALICE and many more…

I’m the worst SINNER and I thank God that his GRACE saved me and in all my WEAKNESSES His GRACE is SUFFICEINT!!!

 

From Peacefulwife:

Vinodhini is experiencing many trials currently. It is a difficult time. Please pray for her, her husband and their daughter and extended family – for God’s healing spiritually, emotionally and physically and for victory over the attacks of the enemy. Please pray for her to be filled with the power of God’s Spirit, completely yielded to Him and sensitive to everything He is saying to her. Pray for every stronghold of sin and oppression and Satan to be torn down by God.  Please pray for her to bless and breathe life into her marriage and family by God’s power. Thank you!

When I found PEACE I got back my smile! 

86 thoughts on “Chasing Shadows – by Vinodhini

  1. Praying for sure!

    This post encouraged me greatly. I pray I get to this point of complete humbleness and brokenness of my sin and put my faith, hope, attention on God like Vinodhini.

    1. Thank you for praying for me 🙂

      Yeah, when I came to this blog I was already broken emotionally.. But April, helped me see my mountain of sin? Her question was simple and direct.. What were my IDOLs and what were my fears… Her question made me think, about it.. and thats when I was repentant of my sins… And there is still lot of things I need to change about myself…

      The idol of “wanting to be loved” is still strong… A idol I’ve worshiped for more than 10 years… Its not easy at all…

      The other thing which April made it very clear to me was – All around me, people are definitely sinful, but God intends to change me FIRST… This helped me a lot to focus on my sin rather than pointing mistakes… and its definitely not easy.. And yes I need all your prayers to destroy the strongholds of sin and oppression in my life and in all my family members!

      Lots of Love
      Vinodhini

      1. April does ask good questions…

        I need to think more about my idols I think one of mine is definitely wanting to be loved-not just by my hubby but anyone. Through counselling I have discovered I’m a huge people pleaser and I guess in a way I keep control of the saturation by being that friend who cares about everyone and forgives, and shares etc. I do it because I want to bless the people I love…but I think there’s some part that thinks if I let go and aren’t the one to ask for catch ups, send cards and message set it wouldn’t happen and it would show that perhaps I’m not loved like I want.

        Hmmm thanks for sharing. It’s given me food for thought!

        I pray you’re continued to be shown where you need to change, and God brings restoration to your marriage 🙂

        1. Godlywifetobe,
          I used to be very perfectionistic and a people pleaser, too. Then God showed me I was putting the approval of people above the approval of God in my heart and that I had to choose one or the other – I couldn’t do both.

          I have a post about people pleasing here.

          And my Youtube channel has a video about perfectionism, My channel is “April Cassidy”

          Much love!

      2. Thank you so much for this post. The list of wrongful choices you made, and we all make, was particularly helpful and I’ve copied it for myself as a reminder.
        Wanting to be loved by my husband is not wrong. Demanding it is. It is anti-love.
        It is God’s will that our husbands love us, but the hard part is learning that just as it is not our husband’s job to “make” us submit or straighten us out, it is not our job to “make” them love us.
        Painful to endure the deep disappointment of what feels like rejection, especially when the husband does not see any problem so it can feel hopeless. But God is working.
        He hears and answers every prayer.
        As we battle with our own selfishness, pride and as God asks us to release to Him our unrealistic expectations, we can pray for God to reach our husbands, soften their hearts, and also give them understanding.
        Often it takes so little to bless us as women, but we look for those little tokens often and often, desiring connection with our husbands.
        Its not easy to be dependent on someone who is so different from me, but God must have His reasons for us to be on this journey and tussling with these issues.
        Thanks again for your post.
        God bless you!
        Pam Wissman

        1. Pam,
          It is God’s will that our husbands love us, but the hard part is learning that just as it is not our husband’s job to “make” us submit or straighten us out, it is not our job to “make” them love us.

          LOVE THIS! If we can only get this in our minds and hearts! We would spare ourselves so much grief!

          Thank you for sharing your heart and your story and thank you for the insights and for your love for our sister, Vinodhini. 🙂

      3. Vinodhini,
        You have me in tears! So happy for your triumphs! And so sad to hear you are struggling! The world is such a roller coaster. . . Praise the Lord for the SOLID ROCK he is to us!!!! So glad you have HIM through it all!

  2. Father, I thank you for constantly chasing after us, even if we continue to chase after things other than You. I lift up my Sister-in-Christ, her relationship with You, the reconciliation of her marriage, and all other areas of her and her husband’s lives. I thank you for Your Word, which is Truth–the only Truth, and I thank you that you remind us of Your Truth, so that we can use it to see through Satan’s schemes. Father, I am so grateful for the reminder of being our Provider for all we need, as well as the reminder that this is DAILY provision. Continue to show Your Glory through my Sister and her marriage, as she finds refuge in the shadow of Your wings. I pray all of this in the mighty name of Jesus, AMEN!

  3. Hey Kelly,

    I’m glad my messy story brings a message!! Praise be to God!!

    Wat a lovely night you both had 🙂 To hear the still silent voice of God is the best thing, but to heed to it is a choice and a constant choice we have to make consciously!! I find this so difficult specially to read the bible in the mornings, when my sleep takes over me…

    Lots of Love
    Vinodhini

    1. Vinodhini, I do my Bible study in the morning as well, I have to wake at 4:30 a.m. if I’m going to get that done in time to get ready for work. It’s very difficult to focus on the Word and on what God is trying to say that early when the sleepiness is still hanging over us! I pray that God will give us both more focus and attention on Him, and reveal new truths and wisdom during our early morning study times!

      I also want to commend you for the work you’re doing on yourself in this journey. Allowing God to pull things from us that we’ve gotten so comfortable with (pride, control) is, as April always warns us, very, very painful. I can see God working in you, I can hear it in your words, and I’m so excited for you and your marriage!

      1. Oh yes !elissa, I would love to get up at 4:30 pls pray I do, I want more time with God. prayer sustains me, the more I pray the better my day goes, able to fight off temptations, and hear Gods voice clearer, and then consistent prayer throughout the day, at least as. Much as Possible, dropping and forsaking other things for God, pls pray, thank you!

  4. My sister, thank you for sharing with all of us and like the bible says, they overcame by the power of their testimony and the blood of the Lamb, you have indeed overcome the situation in your home. Colossians 1:27, GNT) says,
    27 God’s plan is to make known his secret to his people, this rich and glorious secret which he has for all peoples. And the secret is that Christ is in you, which means that you will share in the glory of God.
    since Christ in you, he is your Riddance….

    I personally landed on this wonderful site on Monday after hearing the word “respect” several times and ventured out to understand better what that means and how i can show my husband respect…. am on the learning curve and will share my full story/testimony soonest

    Stay blessed all.

    1. Fascinating woman,

      We’re so happy you’ve joined us! This site has been such a wonderful blessing in my life, and I’m sure it will be in yours, too. Again, I’m so glad you’re here, and much love to you!

  5. Vinodhini,

    Thank you for blessing us with your story. How beautiful that you are able to rest in God’s peace during this time of great trial! You are most certainly in my prayers and heart as you seek to do God’s will and to bless your husband and family.

    Recently, I have become more aware of what a vicious spiritual battle is raging around me and how desperately I need the mighty power of God moment by moment. I have been praying on the Armour of God and praying protection over my children and my husband (when he’s asleep!).

    Here is my personalization of Ephesians 6:10-18. I pray it might be a blessing to you and others as we learn to stand strong in the mighty power of our Sovereign Lord.

    Be strong in the Lord and in His mighty power. I put on the full Armour of God so that I can take my stand against the devil’s schemes. For when the day of evil comes, I will then be able to stand my ground and, after everything, still stand.

    I stand firm then with the:

    BELT of TRUTH buckled tightly around my waist

    BREASTPLATE of RIGHTEOUSNESS worn firmly in place over my heart

    SHOES of the GOSPEL of PEACE fitting my feet with readiness

    SHIELD of FAITH clenched high to extinguish the evil one’s flaming arrows

    HELMET of SALVATION securely covering and protecting my mind and senses

    SWORD of the SPIRIT which is the WORD of GOD, steadfastly grasped and wielded in my hand, heart, mind

    I will pray at all times in the Spirit with all requests. I will be alert and persistent in praying for others.

  6. Hi Vin!

    How ironic it really is that at a young age, you set your heart on loving this prince charming even from afar, after much tears and heartache, and when you did finally get him, you ended up resenting him and even hating him!!!

    Just goes to show that nothing and nobody can really make our hearts full except our Lord Jesus Christ. People, no matter how we love them with our whole being, will always fall short.

    Your story is a blessing. 🙂 Will pray for the storms in your life to subside, or at the very least for you to stay still amidst the terrible waves. God does disturb us sometimes, to find out if we will sink or stay afloat.

    God bless you, sister!

    Love,

    Nikka

  7. P.S. Here in the Philippines, skin color is a big issue too. The fairer one’s skin, the “prettier” one is deemed to be. There are no suntan lotions here.Everything sold is skin whitening this, skin whitening that! Let us not be fooled by what the world says to be beautiful. We are beautiful because God created us and we are His Children, whatever part of the world we are in, and whatever the color of our skin may be.

    1. Hi Nikka!

      On the flip side, I was going back and forth with my daughter this morning about how appropriate it is to wear shorts when it’s 50 degrees. My friend said, longingly, “Well, she’ll get her tan before the rest of us!”. Seems the grass is always greener. . . .

  8. Vinodhini:
    This is such a sweet story. January? You are a fast learner. Your post is very helpful to me today. Many nuggets of gold in it. Thanks for sharing.

  9. Thank you for sharing this authentic and genuine article. I can relate in more ways than I would like to, but God is breaking me of pride, offense, and perfectionism. I had an ideal of what I thought marriage and my spouse should be and when that did not happen, I become angry and easily offended. I was hurt and disappointed at this perceived failure. I will intercede for you and your family.

  10. I remember the moment I was going to walk away from my husband early this summer. I’m so glad God literally stepped in on my husband’s behalf so that I’d stay long enough to avoid huge hurt to my children and learn a different, healthier perspective. Some Christians experience what’s called the dark night of the soul when they are absolutely faithful but their hearts feel so far from God. It’s a deep loneliness that can continue for years. This time reminds me of winter when everything on the surface seems to be dead or even under a blizzard. This also makes me think of the root of Jesse and the shoot that brings life to the dead stump of Israel. My faith in God has always been strong but my own marriage has certainly undergone a dark night. I’d say the last eight years of my marriage have been difficult, with the last 3 being the worst. Just this past Saturday I told my husband that we both have not gotten the marriage we expected, we may be getting more than what we ever hoped for. I am literally sensing the change of spring in our relationship and in his relationship with God, thanks to learning true Biblical submission. I’ve been following the Peaceful wife since October and have been meeting with 2 to 3 other friends in my area to pray and lift each other up just on this topic. We’ve been meeting for 2.5 months now. Old girlfriends from highschool states away have even heard of the Peaceful wife and friends of friends will call me back to talk about what’s happening in their love lives and marriages thanks to this site! Dying is sooooo painful. It feels so dark…until there’s light.

    Vin ( May I call you Vin?), keep up the good work. You are influencing generations after you for Christ. You have been privileged to see the worst of your husband, not to beat him up for his weaknesses but to be the one to cover him when he needs you the most. How beautiful you are, Vin, clothed in Christ. You are certainly radiating His goodness, even in the dark. HOLD ON!

    1. Refined,

      What a blessing to have “real life” friends with whom you can discuss all of the things you’re learning! What an amazing support system for all of you!

      When you wrote “It feels so dark…until there’s light,” it reminded me that I heard someone say once (I think it was Israel Houghton, a Christian vocalist) when the Bible says joy comes in the morning, it doesn’t necessarily mean the literal morning. We can’t expect morning to come and everything to be fabulous. What do we do in the mornings? Our eyes are opened. Joy comes when our eyes are opened to God’s truths!

  11. I found this site on Monday. It has already blessed me in so many ways. I am praying every minute I can keep myself quiet and wait on God to direct me. My marriage is on the verge of crumbling. My husband tells me he has met his soul mate. We have been married for 18 years and have 4 awesome awesome kids! I told him — over and over and over and over again… that God didn’t put us together for a joke. I have repeated my argument, anger, disbelief, rage, sadness, etc… so many times to him it is driving him crazy.
    After a big blowout on Sunday, I found this site on Monday… and I realized that this is straight from God. He wants me to wait quietly and patiently. He is at work, and anything I say to my husband means nothing! It is in his hands!
    Please pray for patience for me. Pray for change in ME, Pray for my husband to hear God speaking to him.
    Pray for my kids to be shielded from any pain that this may cause. I don’t even know if I am doing the right thing right now, but I feel like this blog will help me every day!
    Thanks 🙂

    1. 1971,

      It is wonderful to meet you!

      I am SO SO SO sorry that things are this painful right now. 🙁 My heart mourns for you both and for your children.

      I invite you to read:

      “Having God’sPeace in the Midst of the Storm”
      “A Peaceful Separated Wife”

      I would also recommend the posts at the top of my home page as a great place to start and

      “Stages of This Journey”

      I am praying for you! For God to work in you and to radically change your heart to make you new in Christ!

      What is your relationship like with Christ?

      what is your husband’s relationship like with Christ?

      How long has this soulmate thing been going on?

      Please especially read the posts at the top of my home page about disrespect and respect.

      I’m right here if you want to talk!

    2. My dear
      Isn’t God grand to have taken you by the hand and led you to this shelter in your storm?
      No matter what, He will be faithful to you and will both guide you and bless you.
      God hears every prayer and He will answer each one.
      The key is trust.
      Prov 3: 5,6 “Trust in the LORD with all your heart, lean not on your own understanding. Acknowledge Him in all your ways and He will make your path straight.
      Ps 37 says “Delight yourself in the LORD and He will give you your hearts desires.”
      God never comes through when and how I thought He might, but He always, always, always comes through. He is a way maker. His M.O. is taking the worst and bringing the best out of it for your blessing and His glory.
      He will not control your husband and make him do what you’d want him to, but God will absolutely take care of you and work in marvelous ways.
      I will be praying for you and your family
      God bless you!

    3. 1971, my heart breaks for you and your family. I’m so glad God led you to Peacefulwife – there is so much love and support here! Please know that you are not alone. You are in my prayers as you learn to wait and lean on God.

      “Do not be afraid or discouraged. The battle is not yours, it belongs to God!” 2 Chronicles 20:15

      “Do not be afraid. Stand firm. Be brave. Watch and see how the Lord will rescue you today!” Exodus 14:13

      “The Eternal God is your refuge, and underneath are the Everlasting Arms.” Deuteronomy 33:27

      1. Cat– Thank you! I ended up having a really bad afternoon, and your verses helped me to remember my goals!
        I am trying to work and function as normal as possible… but these thoughts get into my head and I am done! I know it is Evil trying to invade my space! But it is sooo hard for me right now. One minute I am fine, the next devastated.
        Keep praying
        Thank You

        1. 1971,

          My situation is not unlike yours and today was rough here, too. I’m so glad I was able to encourage you with God’s Word. Dig into it! It’s our source of power! I have been in awe of how clearly and meaningfully God speaks to me through His Word over the past several months since I began this journey.

          Yes, you are right that those thoughts invading your space are from the evil one. Can I share a couple more verses (which I personalized to pray) that I have been clinging to lately as I battle the evil one’s flaming arrow attacks on my heart and mind?

          “The weapons I fight with are mighty in God’s power, destroying the strongholds of Satan and breaking down every proud thought and thing that attacks my knowledge of and faith in God. With these weapons, I take captive every thought and every emotion into obedience to Christ!”
          2 Corinthians 10:4-5

          “The Word of God is living and powerful, sharper than any double-edged sword, piercing through my soul and spirit, joints and marrow, judging the thoughts, desires, and motives of my heart.” Hebrews 4:12

          “I will fix my mind continually on what is true, noble, just, pure, lovely, and of good report. I will think only about what is truly worthwhile, good and praiseworthy.” Philippians 4:8

          In a comment above, I shared Ephesians 6:10-18 – Putting on the whole armour of God. This is so important! We don’t have to be devastated by the vicious attack we are under. Read Romans 8:31-39 — we are MORE THAN CONQUERORS through Him who loved us! We have the Helmet of Salvation to protect our minds from the doubts and lies of Satan, the Breastplate of Righteousness to keep our hearts from being swayed by attacks on our emotions, the Shield of Faith to hold high against the fiery arrows we are bombarded with by Satan and his forces, the Sword of the Spirit (God’s Word) to fight back, the Shoes of the Gospel of Peace to be ready and able to walk in God’s will, and the Belt of Truth (Jesus and God’s very Word!) to hold it all together. How can we possibly loose this battle?! God is on our side and at our side!!!!

          And, I just came across this and found it very moving:
          http://www.desiringgod.org/blog/posts/a-song-for-the-suffering-with-john-piper

          Praying for God’s mighty power to flood your heart, soul, and mind and for you to stand firm against the attacks of the evil one, not allowing him to get his claws into your mind and heart because you belong to the King!

    4. Hi 1971,

      I will include you in my prayers, as well as your husband.

      Another deception of the devil is the “soul mate” idea, that we can only feel “complete” once our other half finds us or we find them. Truth is, we can never feel or be complete with another fellow human being, no matter how compatible we are or how much we love the other person; and that includes definitely, persons apart from our own spouse!

      It is only in God do we feel complete. It is only God Who completes us.

      Hang in there, sister. The Lord is in control.

      Love,

      Nikka

      1. Yes so true! Thank you. I feel loved and we don’t even know each other. I appreciate all the prayers. I am feeling better :)… oh and I opened up my Bible for about 15 quick minutes that I had. Read a couple things… printed some stuff out, and will be keeping my thoughts towards God!
        JP

        1. That is the way to go! God is good! 🙂

          Focus on yourself and your own walk with Christ, and be amazed at how the Lord is in control, when we allow Him to take full control.

          This is just a trial for you and your husband. Prepare your spiritual armor. The enemy thinks it can win this, but with God on your side, how can you lose?

          Hugs,

          Nikka

      2. Nikka,
        I totally agree that the soul mate idea is not of God but of the enemy. No person is perfect. You are exactly right – only God can complete us and give us real meaning, purpose, acceptance, unconditional love and meet the deep needs of our souls.

        Thanks for encouraging our sister!

    5. 1971,

      We are with you in spirit and in prayer. This site will energize you and bring unprecedented scriptural encouragement and great wisdom to you. I’m so glad you’re here! Much love to you, my sister.

    6. Dear 1971
      I’m so sorry for the situation you are in. I’m glad you were searching for help and comfort and found it here. May you grow in strength, wisdom and patience. God bless

      1. Another great message on this blog, and so many helpful and edifying comments from all over the world here. A lot of collective wisdom on this site!! It is great to have fellowship with other wives who can relate to each others’ marital struggles, personal insecurities and sins, etc. It is a safe place. I am thankful for what God is doing among his daughters.

        I would like to ask for prayer. I am overcoming being the type who bottles everything up and puts on a smile- a performer for God and man. The importance of having a “positive confession” message at church only made it worse. Lol. While I definitely believe in the power of our words to build or tear down, I am working on becoming more honest emotionally and accepting myself with my many weaknesses. I have always been scared of my failings and negative feelings, to the point of living in denial and not embracing the real me. I used to be extremely out of touch with how I really felt about a lot of things, but somehow, by God’s grace and in spite of a big fear of rejection, I managed to fall in love and get married to God’s choice mate for me.

        I am doing some major changing on the inside right now to become the authentic, truthful person God wants me to be, and I just need grace to let go of the fear of man and especially the fear of my husband’s rejection. He might not ADORE everything about the real me, you know? He is a loving man, but he already doesn’t love every little thing anyway- and it hasn’t killed me! There are areas that I am acting like I’m happy about and ok with on the outside, but inside I’m all conflicted. Like the fact that we moved out of state and away from our church family for a temporary stay for a job, but a year later we’re still away and watching church online (more me watching than him). Stuff like that. Could be worse. I have made “God’s will” way more important than knowing and loving God himself, which is a sin. I’ve been all worried about where God wants us to be and how we’re not “busy for God” any more. Although I think we do need to make some changes, I shouldn’t exalt FEAR over almighty GOD. I have let this keep me from hearing God’s voice. I want to humbly confess it and ask for prayer. I have tended to focus on negatives instead of the many, many positives in my life. Thanks, ladies!

          1. Growing Up Spiritually

            It is a difficult balance sometimes to be respectful, discerning, wise, not complaining, not argumentative, and yet vulnerable, real and authentic all at the same time!

            Praying for wisdom as you learn to share your heart and emotions in a genuine way and for you to draw closer and closer to God and lay aside your fear.

            Much love!

  12. Discernment is a struggle sometimes, knowing when something is from God or just a “thought” from yourself.

    What a sweet night it sounds like you had, because you chose to be obedient! The “peace and joy” of putting God first is amazing. So happy for you!

    1. Melissa,
      That takes time and being REALLY close to God to be able to figure out!!!! 🙂 It takes a very careful monitoring of our motives all day long and a very quick taking our thoughts captive if they are not of God.

  13. I think one of the most important messages I see here is one that I have struggled with over the last year but have finally been able to understand most recently. It’s one that i have to remind myself of when I pray, when I worry, when I struggle thru hurt or anger.. Its that we have to love God regardless of our circumstances. He is not necessarily going to change our circumstances but he will change us in order to deal with and endure the circumstances we have. And if they change it is often because of our faith and a change inside of us..

    This is wonderfully written and praying for you and your family..

    Gail

  14. Thank you for sharing your story Vinodhini. What an encouragement to those whose marriage is unwinding. Praying for you and at the same time I am excited to see what God will do to your “mess.”
    It is so humbling to know that the Lord knows just how idolatrous we are and yet, He still loves us. He is so gracious and is ready to forgive and help us become more and more Christ-like everyday.
    -Marie
    P.S. Ha, Nikka. I am what you would call a fair skinned Filipina. And actually, I always wished my I had that tanned, sun-kissed Filipino skin like my siblings. Like you said- nothing will ever satisfy us except for our Lord Jesus Christ. 😉

    1. Hi Marie!

      You are a mestiza then. 😉 You would be envied for your skin in the Philippines…

      I used to be very insecure about my looks, but the Lord changed me. He made me view myself as not simply a “body” but a spirit. Now, I take care of myself because I am a Temple of the Spirit, without obsessing with weight, skin, hair, or whatever part of my body I spent a great deal of time worrying about! So many wasted hours really!

      Glad to find a fellow Filipina here in April’s site. 🙂

      Love,

      Nikka

      1. Nikka,
        Love that! Yes, we are a temple of God’s Spirit! He is most concerned with our character and inner beauty. Then that radiates to our faces, doesn’t it?

        I know there is a wonderful Filipina sister on http://www.peacefulsinglegirl.wordpress.com, too!

        Sometimes we see TV programs at night that Greg watches that show food from the Philippines – it makes me feel like I get to visit my Filipina friends – almost. I always enjoy that! I imagine us all sitting together eating yummy food and talking for hours!

        1. Ha! Filipinos LOVE to eat, April! All occasions are centered on food and fun company. 😀

          If you will not be able to visit the Philippines ever, you can get a feel of it through TV shows and through being friends with Filipinas, like us. 🙂

          What is wonderful is that in your Peacefulwife Haven, I forget our distinctions by race, color or nationality. I just always feel bonded with all of the women here, because we are all sisters in Christ, and we all have one Father, and are fallen because of our mother (Eve). In your site, we are all “one.” 🙂 What a great gift to feel this universal love for the Lord! 🙂

          1. I have loads of Filipino friends and I can attest to the eating 😉 I went to a child’s party and literally had a woman put food into my mouth ” eat, eat! ” she said. I was more full than when I leave my Greek Grandmothers 😉

  15. 1971,

    I’m so sorry. .. . .

    You have many sisters here who will love you through the pain of this journey. These ladies (and a few gentlemen) are the best of the best at encouragement and support.

    And (possibly unlike other friends/ family) we all believe in the restoration of your marriage – No matter how hopeless it might seem. Miracles are real here!

    I am praising our Lord that you are already focused on Him!! I will pray for your family as well.

    1. Thank you ! Yes I have an awesome family and lots of fellow Christians who are praying for me! I have reached out to anyone I possibly know that is a believer to have them pray for me.
      i have found a church this past Sunday… we haven’t bothered to put that on our list for the past 10 years… I have searched for a place where I felt I belonged… and low and behold I found one just like that!
      So I know that will help all of us. I am staying strong. Waiting for my husband to come home from work, and praying that I am calm and out of my funk before he walks in the door. And praying that I have a good night until I can just go to sleep… and try again tomorrow! I also get up at 4:30— used to be to workout, but this past month the early morning has been used for my time with God.
      I hope I can find time to workout, as of course my day is filled with so many things. Things that I have piled on myself to fill the void that I have been feeling for the past 5 years… yes of course, I have felt it just like my husband. So my professional volunteer plate is so full right now, I barely have time for anything else.
      I know I need to clear my plate… which I am working on that too! But for now, finishing up a few commitments is what I need to do.
      Thank you again.
      I look forward to a post tomorrow.
      JP

      1. 1971,

        It can be very difficult to fit in a workout when you want to spend time with God in the early mornings. Sometimes (more often than I’d like), I end up skipping my workouts. But there are some I’ve found that are only 15-20 minutes long and I will just do those to get them in.

        There is a website, giaimtv.com, you can subscribe to for $10 a month I think. They have a ton of workout videos, you can choose what type of workout you want to do (cardio, weights, etc.) and for how long. If you only have 10 minutes, they have snippets of workouts that are just 10 minutes so you can fit them in.

        I’m SO GLAD you found a church where you feel you belong! Fellowship and community is important. We were built for relationships!

        To get out of your funk before your husband gets home – worship, worship, worship! Turn on some worship music and sing at the top of your lungs! Find some upbeat praise songs if you can.

        God is good, and you are squarely in the palm of His hands.

        1. Melissa,
          Beautiful!!! What great ideas and good encouragement about worshipping God. I like to sing praise songs at the top of my voice if I am feeling down. I can’t be sad and sing God’s praise!!!

  16. Great post today. I’m also an South Indian from neighbouring state(Tamil Nadu) of Vinodhini.. I ended up in PW July 2013 while searching in google for ” How to respect your husband better? “. My husband always complained of not being respected and I complained of not being loved. I thought these are petty issues coz I’ve seen this in my parent’s marriage. I started talking with April about this and she was the first to tell me that these are not petty issues. I always looked for people who could tell me that I was right and my husband as wrong. But April was the first person to tell me to look at me first . Change started with me. The results were immediate and started seeing it even in the first week itself. My husband started telling me that he liked the way I handled this/that. Within a month after I started keeping my mouth shut and responding in a loving, smiling, patient way, he started seeing himself. We are married for 10 years and for 10 years whatever goes wrong comes on my head. He is highly critical and judgemental and harsh and hard. He always blamed me. For the first time he said “I am wrong”. I was so humbled to see how quickly God works when we allow Him to work. For 10 years I’ve been yelling and shouting in the top of my voice telling/instructing my husband to see his mistakes, nothing happened. Only after I started to close my big mouth, my husband started hearing God’s voice. I was so disappointed also to see how I’ve been a hindrance to my own peace and joy by lack of submission. Now we have a peaceful and joyful marriage. I am so much blessed by April’s ministry and prayers.

    1. Pretty,

      I am so excited to hear from you!!!!!! What a blessing to receive your update! I am just crying happy tears of joy, my beautiful sister! 🙂 THANK YOU THANK YOU for sharing what God has been doing in your heart. You made my day! When God sends me wives’ stories about how He has changed and healed them and/or their marriages, it is like Christmas morning to me. SUCH a beautiful gift!

      I wish I could give you a big hug! Much love to you!

  17. So many amazing stories, so much grace & so much awesomness. God is a big God who is doing a mighty work. I’m late in the game reading today’s post. Vin, thank you ao much for sharing a bit of your history. The list you wrote as amazing & just what I needed to hear today. You encourage me to keep my eyes on God & off my husband’s words & actions. Not always easy when they hurt just a bit. I continue to pray for you & for your husband. God is so faithful at bringing glory from our difficulties. He is using uour story to reach many. May you continue to find your strength in Him as you seek His will for tour life. And what you are modeling for your daughter? Awesome!

  18. Kelly!

    Funny how your husband thought that to be Top 1 in “Most Un-Fun Things To Do for the Evening!” Haha. 😀

    Reading God’s Word is really vitamins for the spirit. I cannot imagine a day now without reading.

  19. I just read a funny article, I thought anyway, criticizing your work. Especially disappointed was the gay woman that it didn’t work on her “fiancé. I think people have no ideas what the biblical concept of marriage is anymore.

    1. Sandy,

      That is not surprising to me! I have seen people try to take Jesus out of what I talk about and apply whatever is left. That is not going to work! For sure! He is the most important part of the whole thing!

  20. Girls, please pray for me. I thought i understood all this, but lately i battle with so many negative thoughts…

    1. Dear Lord,
      This is not about us or our struggles. It’s all about You.
      Thank You for being with Daniella whether she is in the middle of a storm or feeling at peace. You are the Savior of the world and You came to make things right.
      We unite, here on this website, to declare and remember that You are our Lord, our deliverer and our healer.
      Thank You!
      Praise You.

      1. Amen!

        On Thu, Apr 3, 2014 at 1:33 PM, Peacefulwife’s Blog wrote:

        > PamW commented: “Dear Lord, This is not about us or our struggles. > It’s all about You. Thank You for being with Daniella whether she is in the > middle of a storm or feeling at peace. You are the Savior of the world and > You came to make things right. We unite, here on ” >

    2. Daniella,

      I am praying for you now! Those thoughts are either from the sinful nature or the enemy. Check out today’s post, and you may want to read My Demon also.

      Much love!

My grandmother is on hospice and won't be with us much longer (11-30-16). I will get to comments when I am able to but I need to be with family right now. Thanks for understanding.

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