Vinodhini and her family
We all deal with temptation from the enemy and from our own sinful nature. Whatever the source of the accusing voice you hear against your husband – we must die to ourselves, our sin and resist the temptations of the enemy and submit to God! Here are two wives’ stories.
A few things in order which I did to shut those accusing voices against my husband…
1) Since Feb 2013 I was in the process of identifying my sins (Idolatry, pride, self righteous, identifying myself as the spiritual leader etc) Though I confessed them, though I started practicing to control my anger, my tone and the voices in my head I failed miserably and my husband was ready for separation.
2) My husband asked me to change myself before I destroy relationships. He CAUTIONED me. He told me clearly that I should change while I always felt HE should change.
3) I was not convinced about my need for change, but since he kept himself away from me I started missing him. That’s when I began to think how can I bring back life into marriage.
4) One day while doing a simple google search I found April’s blog in Jan 2014 and the post was something like number of things wives do to make their husbands go away. That struck the chord… I REALIZED I WAS doing just that. I almost spent close to 20 hours in two days to read popular posts in this blog.
5) I wrote my story and the mess I was in to April and the QUESTIONS she asked me made the difference to me!!!!!
6) I had a clear understanding about my IDOLS, the IDOL was my HUSBAND AND MYSELF. I wanted things my way, keeping ME above everything else. I had to purge my thoughts and my actions. It was hard… It wasn’t easy but soon I felt lighter.
7) The most important question which made THE difference in my life was – WHAT IS MY RELATIONSHIP WITH CHRIST???
Ahhh… this was my Ahhaaaa moment!!!… Where was Christ in my life, If I had Christ in His rightful place… If my relationship with him would be right… Everything will be right!
My eyes were now open to see my HUSBAND as my HEAD appointed by Christ… And I began to see him as a co runner in this race of life… And I understood my role as his HELPER.. I understood that he is weak, sinful and needs CHRIST… But I was doing everything wrong by CRIBBING, DISRESPECTING, SHOUTING, LISTENING TO THE VOICES IN MY HEAD, SATISFYING MY DIRTY FLESH etc… And I was not being the HELPER God wants me to me… I started giving CHRIST the rightful place… Everything is not ALRIGHT now..
- My husband still is the same… He does what he used to do before.. BUT I no longer REACT to his actions… I still hear voices accusing him in my head… But the moment I hear them, I say, “Jesus, can You see what’s happening? Did you see how my husband hurt me?? But I submit to You.” And when I go to him I find PEACE!!!!
8) Now I know how SIGNIFICANT GOD is and how INSIGNIFICANT I am… I’m far from being perfect, my storms in life have not reduced, I have too many problems to handle.
I am WEAK, but HIS GRACE is truly SUFFICIENT in everything!!!!!
Dong and Nikka
When I repented for my sins and when God opened up my spiritual eyes, I was at my most “broken in spirit” state. Everything I was holding on to seemed shattered — my religion/faith, my career, my relationships with my immediate family, my relationship with my husband… We were also at a point in our lives when we were selling my parents’ ancestral home, etc. So, everything that brought me a sense of security, of comfort, of familiarity was removed from me… and I was left “naked” and “helpless” before God.
It was in this state of brokenness that the Lord found the perfect opportunity to call me by name again. I was very poor in spirit. I answered Him and He convicted me of my sins.
They were so many!!! I was stunned. I couldn’t speak for days.
Then, I repented. Then, I offered my life and submitted to Jesus. Then, I submitted to my husband Dong. By then I was just so tired of leading, of living in fear of the future, of “controlling” our lives…
Two weeks after that, I found your blog.
I perused the top posts again and again. I printed them out, read them over and over… highlighted important points and read my Bible. Before that, I was scared to open up the pages of the Holy Book feeling that I could never interpret the verses correctly and I might be misled… but the way you shared about your life and quoted Scripture made me believe that I should stop the fear of reading the Bible and just do it. I felt that if you can put into practical application what you read in it, I could do that too!
That started my love for the Holy Book. I now spend hours devouring every word, and understanding the wisdom embedded in them!!! I am so thirsty for God’s Word and the more I read, the more I learn about myself, my God and my faith. The more I learn about God, the more I find get to know myself and my relation to God. — that is,
- I am NOTHING and yet He considers me to be His Child.
- I am NOTHING and yet, Jesus died for ME!
All along, my notion of God was fitted according to how I thought Him to be, and not Who He really was — which was that He was sovereign and in control. I was not, even with my best efforts.
What took you a good two years or more to learn Biblical submission, took me only less than two months to “learn.” So much so that just a few short weeks of practicing it in real life, my husband already asked that I blog it for Filipinas and non-Filipinas all over the world because he felt that godly advice on marriage is much needed in this day and age.
Thank you for connecting the dots for us, April. I know that without your blog and without your transparency, honesty and loving leadership to us women, the path would have been more difficult. I praise God for what He has done through you and through your ministry. I praise God for the community of women here who regardless of denomination bond together because of our common love for God.
NIKKA’S RESPONSE TO A FRUSTRATED WIFE:
I feel that the Lord is about to make a breakthrough in your life!!! I am hopeful for you, sister in Christ! Though you claim to have ‘blinders” on when you are overcome with the unbridled desire to rant at your husband or to tell him off on what he is doing wrong, the mere fact that you can acknowledge that:
1) You have a problem.
2) The problem is you cannot stop yourself from telling him what he needs to do or not do, etc… and
3) You are giving in to the voices in your head and to your sinful flesh
– are already signs that you are not as spiritually blind as you think you are. That is wisdom right there. The ability to know that something is not right. Knowing it though is one thing, being able to do something about it is another.
I can sense that you are trapped. You are in deep spiritual bondage, and long to be freed from the vicious cycle of wanting to point out your husband’s flaws when you so desire to just respect him and keep silent. The spirit is willing but the flesh is weak.
Prayer, my dear sister. Lots of heartfelt, humble prayers to our loving God.
That and a repentant heart. Psalm 51:17 “My sacrifice, O God, is a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart you, God, will not despise.”
As a challenge, can you just for the day, just keep still? Do not judge him. Do not say anything bad to him. Do not even allow yourself to think badly of him. Today, focus only on his good points. Resolve to say nothing negative to your spouse at all. If the temptation arises and your demons start their maniacal accusations against him again, hush them up by holding your tongue so as not to give them power or say something you might regret. And while you are doing this, keep in mind the verses …
- ”Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.” —Ephesians 4:2
- Proverbs 10:19 “When words are many, sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise.”
I shared with you these verses because you cannot just STOP and have a void. You have to STOP and redirect your thoughts to God’s Word so your mind and your tongue can be bridled.
This is a daily journey. All you need to do is take baby steps. Be patient with yourself too while at it. Nobody masters this! Not April, not me, not anybody among us.. We fail but we rise up again. We sin, but we repent and move on. The important thing is you do not remain fallen. Just stand up and do your best again.
You can do everything through Christ Who strengthens you!!!
God is so good.