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What’s the story on “My Demon” now?

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Kayla’s post, My Demon, is arguably one of the most powerful posts on my entire blog. It is such a God-inspired thing! God has used that post to open the eyes of thousands of wives to the source of the “voice” in our heads that accuses our husbands of evil constantly.  My husband, Greg, wrote a post in response, called “The Voice in His Head” that also helped many wives understand their husbands so much more clearly. Those two posts have been mightily used by God in the past year and a half. I asked Kayla if she would like to do an update to this post now that some time has passed on her journey to become a godly wife, and I am so excited that she was willing to do so! I know that this post will greatly bless you, too! You can find Kayla at www.lessonsofmercy.wordpress.com.

Do you remember the post I wrote titled “My Demon” from September 21, 2012? I was just over a month into my new respect journey when this revelation kicked me in the gut. (If you’ve joined since then and never caught it, it’ll help to understand this post by reading that one first.)

In fact, that one post was shared on numerous sites. I answered a whole lot of emails and comments on this topic because it rang true for just so many of us women. And it was very evident at the time, I was just “one of you.” The post wasn’t written by a scholar in the least. My real, honest emotions and thoughts are what made it relatable to others. And the revelation and wisdom came straight from God – because I’d lived 10 years of marriage at that point (and 29 years of life) running wild with the thoughts and emotions that presented themselves at any given time. And never knew any different.

April sent me an email and asked me what I thought about writing a follow up to “My Demon” – 18 months later.

Here is a sentence from her email:

“I think it would be neat to hear how you hear the demon’s voice now, how often, the intensity, what you do, and how much stronger God’s voice is now and the kinds of things you focus on and think about now.”

I pretty much immediately told her, “I’ll think about it” while in my mind saying – “No way!” April’s blog is amazing. It’s eye-opening, full of brilliant wisdom, insightful, helpful, and pointing out deeply painful but necessary truths to helping women change and save their marriages from a lifetime of misery! But even more than that — it’s hopeful. Even the things that are hard to read, are hopeful. Change can happen, my marriage can be better, I can be a better wife, he can open up and lead as these changes take place — there is HOPE for something new!

And the truth? I don’t think a follow up to “My Demon” is going to offer the hope April normally posts on her blog.

But — maybe, just maybe, there are women out there who are just like me. And this post might be for you! So, I’ll answer these questions.

  • How do you hear the demon’s voice now? how often and with what intensity?

I still hear my demon’s voice loud as ever and ALL THE TIME! He’s still a raging maniac full of accusations and specifics that beg to be entertained. He knows me full well, and the areas that I’ve learned to shut down permanently are rarely touched and new areas where he wasn’t attacking before, he’s thrown some boulders at wildly. He’s no joke. The closer I grow to my husband – the more respect I show my husband – the stronger the spiritual battle. The bigger threat we are to him, the more desperate he becomes and the more vicious his behavior.

  • What you do when you hear his voice now? How much stronger God’s voice now vs. 18 months ago? What kinds of things do you focus on and think about now?

I’m back and forth on what I do. I’m such a sinner. More often than not, I refuse to entertain the begging thoughts and accusations against my husband. But sometimes, I still stumble in my flesh and I dabble in the game. My journey for respect hasn’t magically or quickly removed all my selfishness, expectations, and ability to see all my husbands faults and sins with a magnifying glass. Especially because WE TRULY ARE A BRAND NEW COUPLE, and in ways that I never stumbled before, there are all new ways to tempt me. Now, my husband does things for me he’s never done before and talks to me in a way we’ve never communicated, and if that seems hindered, it’s even harder not to jump to conclusions or freak out a little bit at the thought of that going away.

I hear God’s voice and I have allowed His truths to change so many of my behaviors and patterns, but I can’t say He’s always screaming louder than Satan. I have to intentionally be still and silent to hear God and in the middle of my wrestling — some times I feel so wound up I can’t sit still. Even if that just means pacing the floor in frustration while my husband is at work. It’s still a choice like it was before to go to Him and listen. In my experience, God rarely screams. Satan however is a beast, and he’s deafening at times.

What I focus on and think of now is being intentional AND unrelenting. (I talked about this word in January.) I make an honest attempt at turning my wild thoughts back on myself.

  • Why do I feel this way?
  • Am I giving too much weight to my husband’s short-comings and not nearly enough to his strengths and character?
  • How did I handle this situation?
  • Do I have disrespect to apologize for?
  • Is what I am tempted to say full of things that will be helpful to us, or hurt us?

At the end of the day — this respect journey has changed my life! I want every single woman on the planet to read the books I have, read the blogs I have, and see the world in a different way than it’s being portrayed and pounded into us in every direction.

Life is BETTER with respect. Life is BETTER with God. Life is BETTER fighting the good fight.

But does this journey ever get easier? No.

I’m so sorry if that crushes anyone’s hopes. Maybe your experience will be different from mine. Or maybe some of you older and wiser women are out there saying “Oh Honey, you just haven’t been doing this as long as we have, you need more time.” And maybe you’re right. But at this point, I doubt it.

I think Scripture paints a pretty clear picture that walking the straight and narrow will be hard. Persecution comes, trials come, heartache comes, and we’re all sinners until we cross over to eternal life.

Is there power in the armor of God? You better believe there is!!! When I intentionally get up in the morning and put on every ounce of protection I can muster on my body and mind – God is faithful to give me strength and courage to PRESS ON in the battle. But He never makes it easier, even though He’s with me. He only makes it change me by refining me IN the fire.

Is God’s way worth it? Absolutely. Is God’s way getting easier? No, it’s not.

But I’d never look back. I’ll keep fighting the good fight and being refined in the fire pressing on toward the prize. No matter how loud Satan is, how often he attacks, with what intensity he beats me down and no matter how many times I stumble and fall.

Practical Application:

If you’re out there wondering why you’re not a good enough Christian wife because this hasn’t “gotten easier yet?” – STOP IT! That’s still Satan beating you down.

MY belief? The more Satan attacks, the evidence that you’re walking the straight and narrow because he’s threatened.

In the battle…. try so hard to find that still and quiet place so God can refuel your strength, courage, wisdom and power to keep going and resist Satan’s voice. You can resist… but I doubt he’ll ever shut up.

RELATED:

For a follow up on THIS post from Kayla where she clarifies things a bit more, please check out her post “Easy?”

Tomorrow, I, Peacefulwife, will talk about my journey in relation to these issues! 🙂 Be sure not to miss Part 2 – My Struggles

HisHelper Reflects on Her Journey This Far

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Ladies,

I would love for you to answer these questions if you would like to! It would be interesting to see how these issues affect different wives at different points along their journey to becoming godly wives.

SOMETHING TO CAREFULLY CONSIDER:

Demons are real according to the Bible and they are extremely powerful. It is dangerous to try to have conversations with them. God is much more powerful than demons are, but we are not. Here is what Scripture has to say about some false teachers and the casual way they spoke of demons:

Bold and arrogant, they are not afraid to heap abuse on celestial beings; 11 yet even angels, although they are stronger and more powerful, do not heap abuse on such beings when bringing judgment on them from the Lord. 12 But these people blaspheme in matters they do not understand. They are like unreasoning animals, creatures of instinct, born only to be caught and destroyed, and like animals they too will perish. II Peter 2

8In the very same way, on the strength of their dreams these ungodly people pollute their own bodies, reject authority and heap abuse on celestial beings. 9But even the archangel Michael, when he was disputing with the devil about the body of Moses, did not himself dare to condemn him for slander but said, “The Lord rebuke you!” 10Yet these people slander whatever they do not understand, and the very things they do understand by instinct—as irrational animals do—will destroy them. Jude

22 thoughts on “What’s the story on “My Demon” now?

  1. Kayla’s original post has truly been one of THE MOST life changing things I’ve ever read. Seriously. But it’s funny how when I don’t keep that thought or knowledge of “many demon” on the forefront of my mind how easily I forget about it!

    For me, the voice is actually quieter and more subtle now…so as to blend more rather than being so loud and accusing. It can hide better that way. So I have to be consciously aware if it’s presence. It is a continual battle I agree; I’m thankful though that as our relationship has gotten better and as I know and trust my husbands heart toward me more, I’m more easily able to call the demon out as a liar. I’m forever grateful for the revelation of the reality of “my demon”.

  2. I have had a different experience, I hope it can be helpful for us to share the many different ways this process can play out. Since beginning this journey in Dec 2013, my experience has been more like a crash course followed by a chiropractic adjustment of the mind. The change in myself and my spouse has been nothing short of miraculous. My love, respect and devotion to him is no longer merit based. He is not perfect, nor am I, but my mind is at peace as a wife and that season is over. (Lest you think I had a minor case of controlling/hurt wife syndrome, I’ve had one divorce, now on 6th year of 2nd marriage, been through codependency groups/counseling, and have weathered affairs, addictions, you name it) Now God is bringing to my awareness other things that have to go, and I’m starting over, fighting my other demons on other fronts, fully believing I’ll be right back around soon, fully free from other issues. Here is my newest understanding: that I have been given grace to receive complete freedom from 3-4 strongholds now in my life, but I keep sweeping my house clean, only for other demons to come reside there. (Matt. 12:43-45) There will always be spiritual warfare, but I don’t believe I have to have one addiction or compulsion after the next. I’m trying to learn now how to fill my “house” back up with good things, Spirit-filled things, so these demons don’t find me inhabitable any more. As for the marriage, since December, my husband has done a couple things that would have either sent me through the roof or the floor a few short months ago. And can I tell you, I love him more every day, and feel more and more grateful to be on this journey with such a precious fellow traveler.

    1. H31,

      Yes! I LOVE when many wives share their experiences. I think each wife’s story is unique and each journey is unique – so the more stories we can hear about how God works in people’s lives, the better.

      I do agree that God is able to give victory and power – I will be sharing about the changes in my life in tomorrow’s post. It took a LONG time for us to get there. And there will always be spiritual warfare. Yes.

      Thank you for sharing your understanding and your story! When/if you are ready, I would love to share your story as a post if you are interested! 🙂

      Much love!
      April

  3. Kayla- I am grateful for your update…. it helped me to feel more ‘normal’ in still battling this….

    For me. I still very much feel that temptation to give in to those lies and accusations against my husband and I have to be very, very careful.

    HERE is what has changed for me. It is not easier. It is not less frequent. BUT now I can (usually) identify the lies and accusations as what they are instead of letting them confuse and blind me. I can USUALLY stay centered in God. I can generally see my sin better than I used to. We can usually get back to being us quicker after something that would have knocked us a loop for days or weeks before.

  4. One month into this journey and I’m having good days and bad days. My demon is very much alive. It takes me longer to recognize his voice which begins very quiet, then begins to rage within me. Last Saturday I had a Psalm 107 moment after I “cried unto the LORD in (my) trouble, and He saved (me) out of (my) distresses.” I felt His peace. Today, I am again stuck in negative thoughts about my husband, seeing what he does wrong (in my estimation), and not even wanting to be around him. My prayer gets as far as, O God, then I realize that if I were to speak another word it would be selfish. As I write this, I am reminded to take every thought captive and that in Him is our victory. None of this is really about my husband. It is about me and my humbly seeking God’s face.
    Last week I read a verse that could be interpreted, we give you this word in hopes that, as you grope, you will grasp hold of it. Sure wish I could find it again, ’cause I’m groping — the grasping of it will come in time if I continue seeking, and that is a threat to my demon.

  5. Marcia,
    I know that demon of negative thoughts. I have been fighting and will keep on fighting it .I have realized that when I harbor negative thoughts towards my husband during the day, by the time he comes home in the evening, I am so cold towards him and anything he says or does has flaws. The Lord is helping me to cut the thoughts at their onset; whether he did something wrong or not. It is a battle.
    My hubby is currently not working. some days I just start thinking of him as a lazy man; which he is not. when the demon comes, I am learning to repent immediately and pray for him for God’s favor to get a job.

  6. For me, my focus has shifted 180 degrees from obsessing about my marriage and listening to the lies of the Enemy that tempt me to condemn my husband, to learning to quiet my thoughts and fix my eyes on Jesus and His truth.

    Whereas I used to be very proactive with DOING things to improve my marriage (which only seemed to repel my husband), I now just focus on Jesus and my relationship with Him. It’s amazing how the rest takes care of itself. As Marcia stated above, “None of this is really about my husband. It is about me and my humbly seeking God’s face.” That way, I’m not merely trying to quiet the lies, I am replacing those lies with truth.

    The words of the song Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus keep coming to mind…

    O soul, are you weary and troubled?
    No light in the darkness you see?
    There’s light for a look at the Savior,
    And life more abundant and free!

    Refrain:
    Turn your eyes upon Jesus,
    Look full in His wonderful face,
    AND THE THINGS OF EARTH WILL GROW STRANGELY DIM,
    In the light of His glory and grace.

    Through death into life everlasting
    He passed, and we follow Him there;
    O’er us sin no more hath dominion—
    For more than conqu’rors we are!

    The troubles of my marriage have grown “strangely dim”. While some things have improved, many things that I would have liked to have changed in my husband have not. BUT, peace pervades me so completely that I don’t seem to notice what’s lacking so often. It is not where my focus lies anymore. Jesus has changed ME!…The sin of many idols I had pursued above Him have been purged, and I know that I am more peaceful because of that, and if reflects in my marriage as well.

    As I am walking in the Spirit, sin does NOT have dominion over me! There is so much freedom in that fact. Therein lies the power to defeat the “demons” that seek to put me back into bondage to their lies. As I abide in Him they cannot touch me.

    Heather (HisHelper)

    1. Pondering this further… I can’t help but think that God meant what He said when He told us in Colossians 2: 9-10 (Really the whole chapter of Colossians):

      “For in him (Jesus) dwelleth all the fulness of the Godhead bodily.
      AND YE ARE COMPLETE IN HIM, which is the head of all principality and power.”

      The principles of respecting our husbands and living a life of faith are laid out before us here at the Peacefulwife website, but the application of these things are really brought to life through the Fruit of the Spirit:
      love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, temperance.

      It is one thing to learn that certain phrases or body language communicate disrespect to our husbands, or that our condemning thoughts toward our husbands lead us to disrespect them, but the power to overcome that sin is found in Jesus.

      All the time I was trying to improve my marriage, I was doing it in my own strength with many tears, frustration and constant failure. My ultimate pursuit in life was a godly, Christian marriage. (Not a bad thing in itself, except that for me it was an all-consuming desire, set far above my pursuit of Christ.) I can easily slip back into trying to walk out my life in the flesh. The difference for me farther along in this journey is this: Now that I have tasted the glorious intimacy and fellowship with Christ and walking in His Spirit, I am more sensitive in knowing I am slipping back into the flesh when I do sin or neglect seeking that fellowship with HIm. Something just feels wrong. If I have slipped into sin I actually resist spending time with the Lord. Then I know I need to examine my heart and quickly return to the Father and repent (and, if necessary, go to the person I have sinned against), resting in the fact that Jesus is right there waiting for me, not condemning me, but ever so glad to be back in fellowship with me again.

      Isn’t that just incredible love the Father shows us?! When you are loved like that, and are focused on the Source of that love, it is hard not to let it overflow to those around you, even in the most difficult relationships. The troubles may be all around you, but fixing your eyes on HIM and not the circumstance brings victory because His joy and His strength are freely yours.

      Heather (HisHelper)

        1. Absolutely, you are always welcome to share, April! Those are some extremely hard-learned lessons that I’ve only very recently had the privilege to even begin to understand and experience! I wouldn’t trade them for anything!! It is almost surreal how overall content He has made me. As the Lord has begun to answer some specific prayers in regard to my marriage, I find myself thankful and satisfied with those answers, but they just do not compare to the joy I find in Jesus. Whereas before, the Lord allowing me a little taste of what I had asked for when I prayed about my marriage would have made me even MORE discontent, and only fed my hunger for MORE. That idol was insatiable, and I know now why He refused to give me what I had prayed for so desperately! I don’t know what He has in store for me and my husband in the future, as far as further answering my prayers, but I know that He alone is more than enough. The rest is just icing on the cake! 🙂

          1. HisHelper,
            I completely relate to you!!!!! It is only when we realize that JESUS IS THE TREASURE – everything else falls into its proper place in significance and importance and we can experience His supernatural peace, joy, power, strength, hope, faith and all the riches of heaven. This is what I long for every man and woman and child on the planet to find!

  7. Hi Kayla!

    Thanks for sharing your heart. 🙂 Your post was one of the entries I read again and again during the start of my respect journey and it has blessed me too. 🙂

    This journey is really a constant struggle, but for me, though my demon is still noisy and annoying, he is not nearly as powerful nor welcome anymore in my heart and spirit, ever since I became regenerated in Christ in September 2013. 🙂

    The enemy’s voice is still louder than God’s Whispers but his lies are easier to detect now, so it is easier to hold things captive for Christ, the moment the enemy taunts and provokes me to sin or to be worldly again. Sort of like a metal detector in the airports… He tells a lie and my spiritual alarm goes off.

    What is notable is that the devil’s voice is really easier to hear anytime, every time, wherever, whenever — in the middle of watching TV, while blogging, while driving, while using the toilet (!), even while praying — but God’s Voice is not nearly as “audible” as the enemy’s.

    God’s Voice could only be heard CLEARLY when we are still, when we are silent, when we are not caught up with ourselves and with our million and one chores… God’s Voice is also very much evident in the Scriptures and through other people and events in our lives… But He also talks to us in that soft, loving Voice of His. BUT, we have to be aligned to His Frequency to hear Him.

    John 10:27

    “My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me.”

    When it comes to TALKING and HEARING voices, the Enemy is waaaay more talkative than God. He is relentless!!! He doesn’t care if we are “busy”, he butts in all the time! He has no manners whatsover! But our God is a Gentleman. He will not force you to listen to Him unless you are ready to do so.

    Before, when the world was still so much in me, and I “loved” it so much even though I professed to love the Lord, the devil could easily and without much effort piggy-back on all my daily struggles and issues — my obsession with weight, my obsession with career, my obsession with people’s approval — and I would easily fall into depression and despair. I was so easily oppressed! 🙁

    Nowadays, after I have died to myself and constantly die every minute and second if need be, the journey though still not a walk in the park, is no longer a seemingly insurmountable task.

    Philippians 4:13

    13 “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.”

    And whereas before when I felt as though the world was on my shoulders and life was such a drag, a chore and even a curse, now I have realized and experienced for myself that it is beautiful, a joy, and a blessing. 🙂

    Yes, this road that we tread is never easy and will never be easy in the worldly sense of the word, but it becomes so when we only carry burdens that the Lord had intended for us to carry. When I told the Lord that I would submit to Him then to my husband, I relinquished all forms and desires of control in all aspects on my life… and it has freed me and removed me from bondage! Bondages that have chained me for 37 years of my life!!! Praise God!!!!!

    I now understand what the Lord meant when he said in Matthew 11:28-30

    28 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

    It never is really easy, in the “Wow, I could do this with my eyes closed” sort of way. 🙂 But, it is “easy’ in the “God’s grace is sufficient” way. Every suffering, every trial, every temptation is tailor-made just for us. We can overcome it; we can survive it and thrive in it; we can resist it. It’s custom-fit just right to make us more like Christ as we share in His Sufferings. 🙂

    1. Nikka,

      I just love all of this discussion! So many important points and issues going in with all of these topics. I hope you might allow me to use this as a post, too, please? Thank you for this!

  8. From a reader:

    I love your blog. I read it everyday. Thank you for what you do. You are such a blessing and so are the guest writers.
    I read this and it speaks to the battle I have fought and am finally on the winning side now. I too had the same struggles. God has helped me to overcome in such a powerful way that I rarely struggle with this anymore. When the temptations or thoughts do come, I am able to quickly and resolutely stand against them. And they are not able to change my mood or my attitude toward my husband.
    Because this is such an important issue, not just in marriage, but in life. I wrote about it today.
    I hope it is helpful to someone. This has been life changing to me to understand the power of Forgiving Living.

    http://isaiah54project.wordpress.com/2014/03/13/the-answers-to-our-own-darkness/

    God bless!
    Donna

My grandmother is on hospice and won't be with us much longer (11-30-16). I will get to comments when I am able to but I need to be with family right now. Thanks for understanding.

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