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“What Would We Talk about If I Emailed You?”

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My precious sisters in Christ, I have so enjoyed getting to know many of you – hundreds and hundreds of you – by email and here on the blog over the past 2 years. I now count many of you as close friends. What I am going to share with you today is REALLY, REALLY, REALLY hard for me to share!  It brings me to tears, actually.  I SO DO NOT WANT TO GIVE UP MY EMAIL MINISTRY, because it is one of my favorite parts of this ministry God has given to me. It is where the real nitty gritty disciple-making process often happens.

Unfortunately, I cannot continue to spend 3-6 hours per day responding to emails. 🙁 That doesn’t count the other time spent on my blogs or writing a book.  This is creating way too much imbalance in my own life and I have got to take steps to make sure I am spending the time with God and my own family that I need to and that my life isn’t completely consumed by emails. I WANT SO MUCH to help every woman personally and individually – but I just am not able to. It’s probably way past time for me to acknowledge my limitations here. Even though I don’t want to have to do this, I know that I need to – but it makes me SO SAD!!!!!!

  • It’s TOTALLY fine for you to leave comments, updates (I LOVE those!) and questions on the blog and on the FB page. PLEASE DO!!!!!! I am thrilled to hear from you! I also love it when wives encourage and share with each other and form a supportive community together. 🙂 Y’all are GREAT at doing that! THANK YOU!

(If you have been emailing me recently, you may reply to my recent emails and we will finish the conversations we started. :))

The needs are very great. I don’t want to let any women slip through the cracks and not get help they need. And yet, I just cannot personally counsel every wife.  So – I have been praying and seeking God’s face and wisdom about this issue fervently.

RESOURCES:

HERE IS SOMETHING I BELIEVE GOD DESIRES ME TO DO:

Let’s all walk together through a typical conversation I would have when wives have emailed me in the past. I have seen God heal hundreds of women through the email ministry and the blogs. But, the most important thing is that women need Christ Jesus, not me. They need His wisdom, His power, His Spirit, His truth – not me. There is no room for any pride in my heart about this. Jesus must greatly INCREASE and I must greatly decrease. I am just the pipe through which the power of God flows. Our greatest need – for all of us – is Jesus, Himself. I am concerned that sometimes, the more I counsel wives, the more they may depend on me instead of God. That is not good. And, I am also concerned that maybe I might tend to give too much “advice” when I should be doing more pointing to Christ and the Biblical Principles of His Word. I still have TONS of things to learn here, myself! I have a lot of room to grow as a believer in Christ, as a wife, as a mentor… Please pray that God would empower us all to be faithful to Him and for His greatest glory in all of our lives, as well!

When I first “meet” a wife, I listen to her story, sympathize deeply with her pain and struggles (I have certainly been there, too!) and then I usually ask a series of questions, something like this:

1. What is your relationship like with Jesus?

2. Does your husband have a relationship with Jesus?

3. What was your parents’ marriage like?

4. What was your husband’s parents’ marriage like?

5. What is it that you believe you must have to be happy?

6. What are your greatest fears?

7. What sins, if any, are you cherishing in your heart that may be more important to you than Jesus?

8. Are there goals and priorities in your life that come above Christ?

The wife sends me her responses. Here is my thought process that I walk through with each wife:

1. If her relationship with Jesus is nonexistent or extremely weak, I know that this is the problem. I know this is where her focus has got to be. This journey to become godly wives and women is ALL about our walk with Christ. It has almost nothing to do with our husbands. Here are the two primary commandments God gives to all of us. If we don’t have these things at the top of our priorities and concerns, we are not going to have anything right with God or other people in our lives.

Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.” Matthew 22:37-40

2. If her husband is far from God (whether he claims to be a believer or not) – God’s command for this wife in this situation is very clear:

Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, 2 when they see the purity and reverence of your lives.3 Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. 4 Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. 5 For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to adorn themselves. They submitted themselves to their own husbands, 6 like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her lord. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear. I Peter 3:1-6

Talking with WORDS about spiritual things, sin, God and what a husband “should do” is not going to be an effective approach for a godly wife. It is not our words that will lead our husbands to Christ and to ourselves, in fact, lots of words about these things to a husband who is far from God will actually REPEL him from us and from God. The key is for us to verbally get out of God’s way and stop talking about these things and stop trying to verbally drag our husbands to God. This leaves room for our husbands to hear God’s voice. It gets us out of God’s way. In the meantime, our job is to live in the power of God’s Spirit and to show honor and real respect to our husbands. THIS is how we influence our husbands to come towards Christ and towards us. Ultimately, God must open our husbands’ eyes. But we can cooperate with God and walk in faith and obedience and the power of His Spirit. That is how God desires us to “win our husbands without a word.”

3./4. The answers to these questions tell me what each spouse believes is “normal.” This tells me how the husband and wife were “programmed” to believe marriage should be when they were growing up. The farther their parents’ relationship was from God’s design, wisdom, truth and power – the more correction will need to be done now.

All parents are imperfect, wretched sinners. All people on the planet are, according to God’s Word. “For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.” Romans 3:23.  There are some things that parents have done, all parents, that were not godly examples to their children. And, of course, we have also been greatly influenced by the ungodly and worldly culture around us, as well, even in the church. So, it is time to evaluate our marriages by the standard of God’s Word instead of clinging to the imperfect examples of our parents. We must all throw out anything in our understanding of God, ourselves, life, masculinity, femininity, family and marriage that does not match up with Scripture. So we dig all the way down till we get to Christ in our hearts, the Rock. And we build our understanding from scratch on God’s Word for all of these things.

If there are SERIOUS problems in the marriage – real abuse (current or in the past), infidelity, uncontrolled mental disorders or active addictions, I refer people to find experienced, godly, biblical spiritual help and sometimes also medical help or any help that they may need in their situation. I am not qualified to counsel on these severe issues. God’s Word is always true and God is able to heal. But people may need more resources than I can personally offer about these issues.

Some of the commands God gives us in His Word for how we are to build our lives and marriages are found here:

Ephesians 4 and 5

I Thessalonians 5

I Corinthians 13:4-8

I Corinthians 11:3

Titus 2:3-5

Galatians 5:19-26

Romans 12:9-21

The Bible and Divorce (at the bottom of this post are ALL of the scriptures there are in the Bible about marriage and divorce)

5.-8. These question helps to reveal idols. We ALL have idols. Unless we have consciously dug them out and torn them out by the roots, “the human heart is an idol factory,” and there are things that we believe we MUST have to be happy that are not Jesus. But God will never allow us to find contentment in anything but Himself. So, as long as we are pursuing idols, and putting other things above Jesus, we are going to continue being miserable, afraid, worried, discontent and lonely. Our greatest fears are often the opposite of whatever our idols are.

If we are trying to find our happiness in being in control, SELF, our husbands, marriage, money, health, beauty, career, children… those things cannot satisfy us. They cannot fill the gaping hole that only Jesus can fill in our hearts. We have got to be willing to part with and crucify all the sin in our lives in order to come to Christ. He is more than willing and able to forgive us of our sins. But first, we must confess our sins and agree that what we are doing is sin, then He is faithful and just and will cleanse us from all unrighteousness. (I John 1:9)

The main sins I see over and over are (and these were my own sins, too!):

  • UNBELIEF – I don’t think God is trustworthy. I don’t think He is who He says He is in the Bible. I don’t think I can stop trusting myself and trust Him instead. I’m afraid He will take away my family and all the things that matter most to me if I were to trust Him. I think He is actually “bad” and that He doesn’t REALLY have loving motives and good motives towards me. I can’t let go of control. If I do, my world will fall apart. I live as if I am sovereign, not God. I live as if everything depends on me, not God. I am completely consumed by fear. I don’t know God. I don’t know His love. I don’t believe His Word. I may think I believe His Word, but I don’t live like I believe His Word because my actions show my true priorities and where my ultimate trust is – and it is in myself.
  • IDOLATRY

– I depend on other things or my husband or myself to find contentment in life. My greatest goal is my own happiness. If I am not happy, I am justified to sin in any way I want to in order to find happiness. I will be happy no matter what it costs me or anyone else. I expect my husband to be responsible for my happiness. I do not take responsibility for my own happiness. If I am unhappy, he needs to fix it. I don’t look to Christ to find contentment, peace and joy. I expect my husband to meet needs that only Jesus can meet in my soul.

– I depend on myself to find contentment. If I can just be in control and be in charge of everything, it will all work out “right.” I live as if I am sovereign, not God. I trust myself, not God. I may say I trust God. I may think I trust Christ. But my life is full of worry, defeat, fear, anxiety and a desperate struggle to try to MAKE everything happen the way I think it should. I don’t realize that trying to have control is actually an illusion. I don’t control very much at all. And I don’t realize that trusting God is so much better than trusting myself. He actually IS God and He IS sovereign. I am not God. And I am not sovereign. And if I try to live as if I am God and I am sovereign, I will be one miserable person. God will NEVER let me find contentment in trusting SELF.

– There are many other idols, too: children, beauty, health, money, power, fame, the media, attention, youth, our husband’s love, our husband’s behavior, our husband’s salvation, our husband’s pure thought life… we can make almost anything into an idol that we cherish above God.

Because we are cherishing sin in our hearts, we are not full of the Holy Spirit. This is often why we don’t have God’s peace, joy and power in our lives!

Here is a test to see, are we full of God’s Spirit or not? Do I have ANY of the qualities in verses 19-21 in my life? If so, I am cherishing sin in my  heart and living in the power of the sinful nature, not the power of God’s Spirit. If God’s Spirit lives in me, I will crucify the sinful nature and it will be buried with Christ and I will put on my new nature in Christ and have the fruit of His Spirit (verses 22-23) in my life in increasing measure. I may stumble every once in awhile, but I immediately get up and repent and return to Christ. I cannot bear to continue on in sin. If I am living in sin and I am happy living in sin, I have a MAJOR problem.

19 The acts of the flesh are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; 20 idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions 21 and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God.

22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. 24 Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. 25 Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit. Galatians 5:19-25

My prayer is that we would all repent of every trace of sin and submit our lives fully to Christ as our Savior AND our LORD. I ask every wife to focus on HERSELF, not her husband. This is ALL about her relationship with Jesus. Here is something amazing I have learned:

My degree of respect and biblical submission to my husband is a tangible indicator of my degree of reverence for and submission to Christ.

Jesus clearly says, “If anyone loves Me, he will obey Me…. anyone who does not obey Me does not love Me.” John 14:22,24

The only motives God wants to see in our hearts are:

1. We love God with all our hearts, minds, souls and strength and want to please and obey Him.

2. We want to love and bless others with no thought for getting anything in return.

God will use our marriages to refine our motives until our faith becomes beautiful and pure and we become holy in His sight!

I pray that this post might help give you a boost if you need it to seek Christ with all your heart and to begin down the narrow path that leads to Jesus and His Life, peace and joy. You are welcome to leave comments! 🙂

RELATED:

Stages of This Journey

The Biggest Problem in Our Marriages and in Our Spiritual Lives – idolatry

How to Stop Idolatry and Truly Live for  Christ

Contentment Comes from Having Jesus as Lord

Things that Fuel a Spirit of Discontentment in Me

Roots of Insecurity

My Security is in Christ. He is my identity!

How to Make Your Husband an Idol

I’ll MAKE Him Love me!

But I’m Right!

FAQs  – why do I have to change first?

What is Respect to Husbands?

Signs Your Husband May Be Feeling Disrespected

Spiritual Authority – Building a Firm Foundation

A Husband’s and a Wife’s Authority in Marriage

Are Women Spiritually and Morally Superior to Men?

Biblical Submission

Biblical Submission Does Not = A Husband Is Always Right

Biblical Submission is a Huge Key to Peace

The Place We Must Start – being willing to consecrate our lives to Jesus

Praying for My Husband So That God Will Hear

Praying with Humility

Praying from an Obedient Life

Dying to Self

I Want to Feel Loved!

Breaking the Romance Addiction (idolatry of romance)

The Fantasy of Romance (idolatry of romance)

Expectations – idolatry of our own expectations

JAMES 4:

What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you?  You desire but do not have, so you kill. You covet but you cannot get what you want, so you quarrel and fight. You do not have because you do not ask God. When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures. You adulterous people, don’t you know that friendship with the world means enmity against God? Therefore, anyone who chooses to be a friend of the world becomes an enemy of God. Or do you think Scripture says without reason that he jealously longs for the spirit he has caused to dwell in us? But he gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says:

“God opposes the proud
    but shows favor to the humble.”

Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. 8 Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. 9 Grieve, mourn and wail. Change your laughter to mourning and your joy to gloom. 10 Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up. James 4:1-7

 

 

32 thoughts on ““What Would We Talk about If I Emailed You?”

  1. Thank you so much for your encouraging words. Thank you for all your councelling via email. Its been a absolute blessing. This journey is all about our walk
    with God and our absolute love for him first above everything. God bless you april. I know your ministry is led by the holy spirit 🙂

  2. Just wanted to let you know I love you, thanks for loving us the most important and loving thing you can do for someone is point them to Christ.That is why we exist to make Christ known so it is beautiful and loving to want us to depend on Christ and not you. He is our ever present help in time of need. I will continue to bathe you, your family, ministry, and book in prayer.

  3. In Exodus 18, Jethro told Moses that what he did was too much for him and he could not perform it by himself. He had to select from all the people able men, such as fear God, men of truth. Moses had to develop new leaders.

    Dear PeacefulWife,

    Maybe (and I don’t know how), but, maybe it is time for you to have “identified” women leaders to help others. And you could share the burden.

    You have helped me so much. I barely argue with dh now. No need to anymore.
    What a blessing you have been for us.

    Jethro suggested to Moses rulers of thousands, rulers of hundreds, rulers of fifties, and rulers of tens.

    Like my husband says, when we have a problem, go to the Bible. Now, you cannot do it on your own, but maybe God doesn’t want you to.

    There could be people that you trust that can answer questions, not just you. If you find at least 6 identified women leaders, each could have a day of email and one day for you.

    God wants you to be happy in doing your ministry and not to be burdened. Even God rested on the 7th day, so it is normal for you to rest and have leisure with you family.

    I really hope this helps. I am sure there is positive way out of this: you could still help many women I am sure.

    May God bless you PeacefulWife.

  4. There is SO much wonderful, detailed help right here on your well organized blog. Jesus is the answer and we need to trust that He will do the work in us as we seek Him and His truth and in others as they do the same. We point to Jesus again and again.

    Also, I agree that sometimes people will look to us instead of Jesus. I have had this happen in ministering to women. We can be working harder at their growth than they are.

    Thank you for your ministering heart and for doing the right/hard thing by stepping back. Jesus didn’t live an over busy life. He had a relaxed and peaceful one with plenty of times He pulled away to spend time with The Father.

    Lord Jesus, praying for the sweet peace of your conviction to permeate April. Hold her precious hurting heart in Your hand. May Your truth prevail in our lives as we seek You and Your Word. Thank You for Your grace and healing. Your promises that are TRUE. Amen

  5. April,

    God bless you! You have compiled so many wonderful resources here. You have really poured your gift out here and although it is great communicating with you directly, when I first encountered your “hands-on”, one on one contact, I thought to myself – “How can she do this?”

    There a ministry “machines” that can’t/don’t do that. However, the revelations that God shared through you on this site are living and the Holy Spirit does move through them! That is all that is necessary!

    I read over your site for two hours and it changed my marriage before I ever received any response from you! Then I continued to read another article or two daily as well as listen to your playlist of videos on Youtube. I also, began to research some of the other authors that you have recommended.

    I look forward to your book, more articles, videos and whatever else God want to do through you! I feel like I need the gift that is flowing through you primarily!

    So much love to you Peacefulwife!

  6. I have benefited from your email ministry and am so grateful for that, but have also wondered how you maintain such a great site with daily posts, involved in commenting, and responding to emails. Your site is such a deep well of information and encouragement. As others have said, I have spent hours going through it and through your YouTube channel and have found so much information. I also appreciate how you have a post each day. I look forward to it each morning, its like a daily reminder to keep up the work we’ve started in our marriages and relationship with Christ. One thing I’ve found is the comment section on each post is so useful. Many times, a woman has commented with a similar situation and I’m able to relate to the advice/encouragement given. Thank you so much for how you’ve put so much into your ministry. God is using you in a big way!

    1. I agree that waking up to a new post is such a blessing. I usually read it while I am getting woke up. Jeanne said it best when she said it is a daily reminder to continue on the path to a godly marriage!

  7. April, I love how you stay on top of things, that says alot about you. God wants us to amount to His greatest potential for all of us. These are the people He can use, these are the people He can trust, when He says go this way we must follow because He is our help. Thank you for obeying God and your husband about these issues. Aren’t the always right? And yes we must not idolize you, If we do, Christ isn’t foremost in our heart. I love how you are getting things in order, this is even in itself righteousness, obedience, and a Love of God. Keep doing the WILL OF GOD…………….

  8. April,
    I’m glad you’ll be taking good care of yourself and your family responsibilities by finding a better balance. You’ve touched so many lives by this website, and none of us can ever thank you enough for your godly teaching and reminders. We love you deeply as our sister and true friend!

    All along, you’ve said from time to time that you wish that at least one godly wife in each church would rise up to teach other women what God requires of wives who wish to live in harmony with his Word. All of us here appreciate your godly counsel very much, but undeniably, it’s also been the opportunity to interact with another godly woman personally–as well as the many wives who comment here–that has been such an encouragement and “pillar” to us in times of pain, heartache, and confusion. It’s obvious to us all that you can’t continue doing this with the growing number of wives looking for godly counsel and help with applying Bible principles. Therefore, here’s what I’m hoping you’ll consider doing: We know you’re writing a book. How about creating a study guide for women’s groups to go with the book? I believe God has used you to START what is a growing groundswell of women who want very much to share with others what they’ve learned and help other women. We could start local study groups using your book, website, and study guide as an organizational format to gaining scriptural wisdom from the Bible. The women in these groups could lend encouragement and support to each other in much the same way that you’re providing that to each of us now. YOU would not be the focus of this study, but God’s word would. We would all be doing for other women what you have done for us! This would just keep growing and growing! I’m very excited about this! It would take the burden away from you, and at the same time, allow other women to help spread the good news of what God can do!

    I’ve already spoken to a dear friend about this, and we want to begin one soon! Please do at least pray about this. I know that whatever decision you make will be the right one made in accord with God’s will. We love you so much and are very, very glad God has used you to love us!

  9. April,
    I am glad that you are being honest with us. I really appreciate the time you have taken to answer my emails, and I completely understand that you need to focus your time on your greater priorities! I sometimes cannot even take the time to answer one email because I have so much to do at home, and I want to spend my free time with my family, not staring at a screen.
    Your blog posts are so detailed and inspiring, and they are more than enough help for anyone! : )

    Paulina

  10. ” I cannot personally counsel every wife”
    You are not meant to take on what only the Holy Spirit can do. Only share Gods word and point others to THE counselor. Which you have done for me and God has shown me to not email you and make myself your project. It is mine and Gods project and your blog kept pointing me back to him time and time and time again 🙂 and I got it. Now I spend daily time with him. several times on my knees to correct my attitudes and heal my heart. He is a beautiful trustworthy counselor. Thank you for pointing to him and his word. I will never forget you or what you have done for me through this blog and will continue to use it as reminders .So much is being healed and brought into balance for me. Praying for balance in your life as well.

    1. Very wise, Marie.

      After a little bit of time and learning what being a peacefulwife is all about, it is easier to tune in to that Holy Spirit…. now, if I am very, very still and listen, I often hear Him speaking things to me that I have learned on this journey thus far. After you get the basics -and there is so much information here to help you do that- you can pick up on His voice much clearer because then we are trying. He is The Wonderful Counselor!

  11. Ladies,

    I appreciate all of your love, encouragement, friendship, support and understanding so much! Today has been PAINFUL for me! I think I must feel a bit like a mama who has to send her babies off to college by herself for the first time or something. I don’t really want to let them go!

    But, guess what?????

    God surprised me with the most amazing gift today. I just can’t stop praising and thanking Him!?!!?!?

    There is a dear friend of mine here in town. I have known her for years. She has had a very, very difficult time lately in every area of her life. I have been to visit with her and have shared so many things that I have learned multiple times with her. She could not hear me. I haven’t seen her in a few weeks, and really have barely even had contact with her. Guess what God did??? He spoke to her. He caused the scales of sin to fall from her eyes and showed her her sin. She had a blinding light on the road to Damascus experience. She has completely humbled herself and repented. God convicted her of everything. Every day the past week or two, she is growing by leaps and bounds. It is ALL God. He is speaking to her daily. She is listening. She is obeying Him even though it is excruciatingly painful right now.

    He did all of that without one word from me. 🙂

    He is fully able to speak to His people. I’m so thankful He is willing to use me in a small way. But He is truly all that His people need. What an amazing GIFT He gave me today!

    I have been growing myself so much the past week or so. Spending all the time I can at His feet. Laying everything before Him, soaking in His presence and His Word… I just want to be with Him, to know Him more, to be in the center of His will.

    He is SO VERY GOOD!

    Yes, it is the Holy Spirit’s voice we all need to hear! As we learn to take each thought captive and shoot down the ungodly thoughts and lies and sinful thoughts, and as we focus on thanksgiving and praise and good things, we can begin to hear that still, small voice more clearly. I’m so thankful that Jesus did not leave us as orphans but has given us the Wonderful Counselor!

    I am always amazed to hear stories from wives about how God speaks to them and gives them just the right words or just the right power of God to respond in a godly way in difficult situations. He is all we need!

    Marie,

    I am so in awe about how God spoke that message to you a few days before my post. Thank you for sharing and I am thrilled about what God is doing in your life and marriage!!!!! Please, please continue to give me updates as you grow and learn. And, I hope you might be willing to write a post or two when you are ready – if it is God’s will, of course!

    Elizabeth,

    Greg and I have talked about a study guide to go along with the book. I haven’t written it yet. But – that will probably be my next project! I definitely love that idea. Thank you for sharing. Yes, I cannot wait to see how God uses each of you to go out and teach and mentor other wives and how God will spread His Spirit, truth, power, wisdom and love through many thousands more wives’ lives! So exciting!!!!!!!

    Jeanne,

    I LOVE the comment section on the blog and the sense of community and unity and how encouraging, loving, respectful, godly and supportive the women are here! The way I did all of this was I easily spent 40-50 hours per week on ministry. This is my calling and my passion. But as the volume increased, the load began to be so much greater. I LOVE emailing wives and connecting with wives and loving them and getting to know them personally. I don’t know how to turn anyone away. I love them ALL! But, I have reached my capacity. So, it is time to adjust to the new demands. Thanks for the encouragement, I am so excited about what God is doing in your life!

    Paulina,

    I do try to be honest and transparent and to talk about my weaknesses. Whenever I mess up – I usually write a post about it on my FB page! I want women to know I am not perfect, and I am human. I am not the key here. God is. 🙂
    I didn’t have a mentor at all when I was on this journey. I had 30+ books in 2 years, the Bible, my prayer journal and God. Plus, I had a determination to do this and to become the woman God commanded me to be no matter what the cost to myself and no matter what it took. I could never have imagined anything beyond my own marriage at the time. I just wanted to please God, live for Him and bless my husband. But God has so richly blessed me beyond my wildest imagination! Makes me cry happy tears of joy just thinking about all that He has done in my life. He is so very faithful! I don’t deserve any of what He has done for me. His grace truly is amazing.
    I can’t wait to see what God has in store for you, my sweet friend!

    Sharon,

    Yes, my husband has been asking me to slow down on the emails. He is very wise! I would sit there and look at 100-150 emails per day and just didn’t want to turn anyone away. But, I spent some time with God earlier this week, examining my motives and His commands to me – and I realized that some of my expectations of myself just are not possible. I have to let some of them go because things are changing. This has been a really tough thing for me to let go – but – I try to always remember that all of this ministry is God’s, not mine. And He could ask me to let go of any of it at any moment, and I need to be ready to say, “Yes, Lord. Your will be done, not mine.” I want to hold everything very loosely. Thanks so much for the encouragement and prayers, my beautiful friend!

    Mum of 5,

    That is so my prayer – that I will be completely obedient to God’s Spirit. Thank you for praying for me. You are a gift. 🙂 I am so glad God has blessed your walk with Him!

    Jessica,

    Thank you so much for the prayers! This is a time of changes and many new decisions. I want to be sure I am still and listen to Greg and to God carefully and not rush ahead or drag my feet. You are a blessing to me, my sister!

    Yas,

    I am so excited to hear about how things are going with you! PRAISE GOD! What an answer to so many prayers!!!!! Yes, I think about Moses often. I do have some godly women who I refer some women to. And I will continue to pray about exactly how God may want me to do all of this. I definitely need continued prayers for wisdom.

    You are precious to me!!!!!!! Much love!

    A Fellow Wife,

    Thank you for being a co-laborer in Christ with me together on this journey! I love seeing all that God has done and is doing and will do in your heart. I love seeing you hear God’s voice and walk closely to Him. You are such a blessing to me!

  12. April:
    While I know I will miss the “one on one” commune with you – I understand that you must do what is best for you. I can’t imagine how you find the time sometimes. You are wonderful and I feel as if I know you personally. I too feel “sad” to not be able to communicate with you 🙁 , so I understand how you feel. However, freeing up some time will not only allow you to spend more time with God and your family – but help you to minister to us in other ways through your blog. Best wishes re your book.

    1. prayinglikehannah,

      I count you to be a dear friend, too! I hope you will send me updates and comment any time on the blog. I cried a lot last night about the whole situation. And actually felt anxiety – which is pretty rare for me these days – wondering if I am making the biggest mistake ever. But then Greg said, “I think the kids and I are looking forward to having more of your attention.” And he held me and we had the sweetest time together – and I realized – I am doing the right thing. Greg is very low maintenance and doesn’t ask for a lot. But – he needs my full attention a lot more often. So – DEEP BREATH for me.

      I will continue to pray about how best to handle this. I thank you for your patience as I realized that I was in over my head!

      I do hope that we can continue our friendship here on the blog. I always enjoy hearing from you!!!!! Thank you for your understanding, prayers, encouragement and support. 🙂

  13. My dear friend in Christ,
    Although it is sad to all of us “wives” that have come to think that we are your only project 🙂 we all understand that you must have a life of your own and we should be depending only on God for our own help and strength. I for one want to thank you on a personal level for praying for me and being there for me during the most painful part of my journey. I know it was no accident that I happened upon your blog because had it not been for what God did for me through you, I would not still be sitting in my home married to the man I love. I would have just packed up and left and went to find happiness in “someone” else other than God. I have wondered how you do what you do because I can get 10 emails in my box and get overwhelmed and not even read them. You are truly a blessing and God chose you because he knew you could do it! I will still look forward to your blog posts every morning and will still continue to pray for God to bless your sweet life and family and bless you in a way that only He can.

    I do hope God will see fit to help you do an outline that we wives could use in our own study groups. Me & another peaceful wife are beginning this in our church and are so excited. None of us have a perfect marriage, but feel we all have been through enough to help each other or at least be a support to each other. Sometimes this journey can be very lonely and sometimes we just need someone we can call and talk to and get a hug around the neck from. That’s what I want to be for others…God willing of course. Thank you again for your tireless work on this blog and for being a great light in this dark world. Much love to you sweet sister!

    1. LearningtoLean:

      If you are ok with doing so – it would be nice to hear how God worked through April to keep you married to the man you love 🙂 as you put it. Maybe you have already shared, if so, April please just lead me to her story. Maybe you do not want to share and of course, that is absolutely ok too.

    2. Learningtolean,

      I am so glad God allowed me to be there for you, too! I praise God for what He has done, is doing and will do in your marriage. 🙂

      There were so many days that I would have 100-150 emails per day, many of them were 1000-4000 word emails with very, very difficult situations. I love love love ministering to women. But, I know I have to step back a bit.

      I hope you will continue to comment on the blog. 🙂

      I am so excited to hear that you and another wife are planning to start studying these things. There is very little support in many churches for wives on this journey. I can’t wait to see all that God has planned!!!!!

      Please pray for me to have wisdom about a study guide. 🙂

      Much love my precious friend

    3. Great to hear! I would love to do a study with friends too. Unfortunately I have mainly unmarried friends or friends who have good marriages.

  14. April, I
    I’ve often wondered if you’ve been doing too much, I’m glad that you have a husband that can speak into your life about these things! 🙂 I’ve emailed you once since my respect journey began in December and I really wasn’t sure if I should. Ever since this journey began I’ve felt like God is teaching me these things to bless my husband and our marriage but also so that I can one day help other women. I’m not ready yet as I’m still pretty new to the journey but I often think about leading a group of women at church in a respect study just using your posts. You have so many great posts here that cover everything that is essential. A study guide with your book would be great but too but I think you have already put enough out there for a woman on her own or a group of women could work through.
    Thanks again for all you’ve done to help us women learn to be the wives God has called us to be!

    1. Melanie,

      I am so glad to hear from you and to hear what God is doing in your life. I never get tired of hearing how God works and transforms people. I hope you will keep me updated! Yes, I do seem to have enough posts to cover almost every possible topic! I pray God might use this blog to help put the dots closer together for those who come behind me.
      Thanks for the encouragement! Let me know when you would like to share a story as a post. Wives need to hear from other wives at every stage of this journey. 🙂

      Much love!
      April

  15. I will be forever grateful to God for sending me directly to you!! I would not have the peaceful marriage I have today and would not be peaceful woman I am without your coaching and leading me to the Truth!!! I feel so grateful that I was one of your firsts, and the hundreds of emails we shared may very well end up in a book one day called, Dear April!! You have a gift and I pray Gods blessings on you and your family!!! Sending you a big hug!!!

  16. “1. What is your relationship like with Jesus?
    2. Does your husband have a relationship with Jesus?
    3. What was your parents’ marriage like?
    4. What was your husband’s parents’ marriage like?
    5. What is it that you believe you must have to be happy?
    6. What are your greatest fears?
    7. What sins, if any, are you cherishing in your heart that may be more important to you than Jesus?
    8. Are there goals and priorities in your life that come above Christ?”
    April, these questions and how you broke them down were really thought provoking and even convicting. As a husband, I wondered how answering questions like these 33 years ago could have changed my heart an helped me avoid the damage I have done to my marriage.

    1. elovesc33,

      Yes. I wish that I had seen these questions 20 years ago myself when we were first married. Could have spared myself and my husband a lot of pain if I could have identified all the idolatry and sin in my own life that first summer in 1994!

      I’m so glad this post spoke to you. I pray that God might do an incredible work in your heart even now. 🙂

  17. April your contact with me came at a time I needed it. I was feeling convicted and needed to change for ME more than me changing so my husband would change.

    I’m thankful for the time you took to answer me and provide encouragement and wisdom.

    I’m so excited about the book and I know it will be a blessing to many husbands and wives. Praying that everything goes smoothly for getting it out there and your family is blessed for the sacrifice you have made.
    X

  18. April,

    I just echo all these words! I am forever thankful and grateful and my marriage is forever changed! I am a changed woman, he is a changed man, and we look forward to continuing your ministry with the people we encounter who can benefit from the lessons, and changes we’ve experienced. So thankful for your ministry and thankful that you continue to walk out the lessons you share with us.
    Your help both personally and especially through your posts has been priceless. I can’t wait to get and share your book-so thankful to be a part of it too! 😊
    Truly forever grateful my sister!

    1. Emily C.,

      Thank you so much for the encouragement. I love love love hearing all that God is doing in your life!

      I hope you will comment often and share your story, your heart and all that God is teaching you. And please share updates, too! I always love updates. They make my day. 🙂 Thank you for the blessing you have been to me!

      Much love, my precious sister!
      April

  19. Oh, I just want to thank God that he brought me to your blog, April. I was convicted of a great sin of pride several months ago, and then just 10 days ago Holy Spirit opened my eyes to a humongous idol I had set in my heart between myself and God. I had no idea that I was so full of pride and I certainly had no clue that my husband – all he doesn’t do and all he does wrong and everything about him – was the stone in my heart. I have been reading here ever since, wondering how this all works and what it looks like for me to submit to my passive husband.
    I think I’m in the middle of a miracle! I confessed to God and to my husband, and today — I don’t know how to explain it, but something has changed in me. I am in awe of the power of our awesome God.
    I am remembering back to my first years as a member of Alcoholics Anonymous, wondering, “How does this work?” while reading the chapter How It Works, looking for the secret formula; wondering “What do they mean – the kit of spiritual tools? Give me the hammer and screwdriver so I can fix it!” Thank God — He opened my eyes then as He is doing now!
    From where I sit at this moment, the secret formula is faith the size of a mustard seed, the mountain is the idol in my stony heart, and our God is the mountain mover. I have only done what He has asked me to do: confess, repent, seek His face, and thank Him a lot!
    Thanks again, April, and everyone here. I’ll keep coming back ’cause He’s not done with me yet 🙂

    1. Marcia,
      Well, you sure know how to make my day!!! How I thank God for what He is doing in you!

      I love the analogy to AA. It is VERY similar – a different kind if idolatry and addiction, but the recovery is so similar! I am thrilled about what God is doing in your heart! I can’t wait to see all He is going to do in you. Please let me know how you are doing!!! Much love and a HUGE hug, my precious sister!!

My grandmother is on hospice and won't be with us much longer (11-30-16). I will get to comments when I am able to but I need to be with family right now. Thanks for understanding.

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