A wife’s response to “Things Are Beginning to Click – A Wife’s Little Victories”. Please remember that every wife’s story is unique. Husbands usually take a long time to heal. Some husbands never change. We are not guaranteed that God will change our husbands, but we are guaranteed He will change US when we trust and obey Him and ask Him to change US for His glory.
Yes, this is the thought process I went through also, when trying consciously to change the way I related to my husband. We argued very little about everyday things, but I would feel hurt when it seemed he wasn’t affectionate and didn’t care about my feelings (we had just moved and he was devoting all his attention to renovating and didn’t seem to notice me much for weeks. Now I know that was his way of showing love, to hurry and prepare a weatherized, warm house for the winter).
It was when I decided to not take everything personally (my insecurities were huge) that things really started to improve. I realized it had been awful for him, too; he couldn’t just relax and be himself for fear of offending me in some way.
Learning to find contentment and total acceptance in Christ instead of anyone or anything else has been key in overcoming my insecurities. When I did this, I could relax and be myself–the person my husband fell in love with. I, too, would stop myself from responding in the old, negative pattern, and concentrate on thinking first. This made such a huge difference!
Instead of having to wait months or years for an improvement, it began almost immediately. This in turn made it easier for me to keep thinking in positive ways, which in turn made my husband enjoy my company. It really is true that when we think and behave in healthy ways–that reflect God’s will for us–that things do improve. At first I had to struggle with negative thoughts much of the time, but after several weeks I noticed myself thinking in positive ways without “counseling” myself first.
Although I’m not perfect, it’s getting easier all the time, and I’m so MUCH happier!
April, I wanted to clarify what I meant by saying that “things really do improve” when we do things God’s way. In my case, my husband began responding affectionately and with joy, exactly what I wanted. But even if he hadn’t, I was improved and much happier on the INSIDE because I had decided my happiness wasn’t contingent on him. I felt PEACE because I had decided not to give any human being the power to take that away from me.
I had worried so much about my weight, my age (I’m 13 years older than my husband), whether or not he might ever regret marrying me and what I would do if he did, etc.). But living with those worries was terrible! Underneath everything, every day, I was worrying about the “what if,” and no one can ever feel at peace living like that. It was only when I begged God to forgive me and help me change that I began to feel at peace. I still care very much about my husband and want to please him, but whether or not he is doesn’t determine my happiness or self worth as a person any more. What FREEDOM!