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A Wife Changes Her Perspective

A wife’s response to “Things Are Beginning to Click – A Wife’s Little Victories”. Please remember that every wife’s story is unique.  Husbands usually take a long time to heal. Some husbands never change. We are not guaranteed that God will change our husbands, but we are guaranteed He will change US when we trust and obey Him and ask Him to change US for His glory.


Yes, this is the thought process I went through also, when trying consciously to change the way I related to my husband. We argued very little about everyday things, but I would feel hurt when it seemed he wasn’t affectionate and didn’t care about my feelings (we had just moved and he was devoting all his attention to renovating and didn’t seem to notice me much for weeks. Now I know that was his way of showing love, to hurry and prepare a weatherized, warm house for the winter).

It was when I decided to not take everything personally (my insecurities were huge) that things really started to improve. I realized it had been awful for him, too; he couldn’t just relax and be himself for fear of offending me in some way.

Learning to find contentment and total acceptance in Christ instead of anyone or anything else has been key in overcoming my insecurities. When I did this, I could relax and be myself–the person my husband fell in love with. I, too, would stop myself from responding in the old, negative pattern, and concentrate on thinking first. This made such a huge difference!

Instead of having to wait months or years for an improvement, it began almost immediately. This in turn made it easier for me to keep thinking in positive ways, which in turn made my husband enjoy my company. It really is true that when we think and behave in healthy ways–that reflect God’s will for us–that things do improve. At first I had to struggle with negative thoughts much of the time, but after several weeks I noticed myself thinking in positive ways without “counseling” myself first.

Although I’m not perfect, it’s getting easier all the time, and I’m so MUCH happier!


April, I wanted to clarify what I meant by saying that “things really do improve” when we do things God’s way. In my case, my husband began responding affectionately and with joy, exactly what I wanted. But even if he hadn’t, I was improved and much happier on the INSIDE because I had decided my happiness wasn’t contingent on him. I felt PEACE because I had decided not to give any human being the power to take that away from me.

I had worried so much about my weight, my age (I’m 13 years older than my husband), whether or not he might ever regret marrying me and what I would do if he did, etc.). But living with those worries was terrible! Underneath everything, every day, I was worrying about the “what if,” and no one can ever feel at peace living like that. It was only when I begged God to forgive me and help me change that I began to feel at peace. I still care very much about my husband and want to please him, but whether or not he is doesn’t determine my happiness or self worth as a person any more. What FREEDOM!

6 thoughts on “A Wife Changes Her Perspective

  1. I can relate to everything your saying here, down to the age difference. My husband is 15 yrs my junior and I’ve never really had a fear of him regretting marrying an older woman but when he shut down on me nearly a year ago, the fear did set in. But April instilled in me this information: My happiness and peace must come from my relationship with Christ and Him only no matter how my relationship is with my husband. It has taken me a while to “try” that method and I have failed several times but truth is, she is right! Only when I concentrated on my walk with the Lord, was he able to start a work in my husband’s heart.

  2. Vin,

    I have no doubt he is selfish at times. My greatest concern is YOUR obedience to Christ and YOUR walk with Him and YOUR behavior. THAT is where you have the power to allow God to work miracles. I believe God desires to change you first. 🙂

    But yes, I think you need to get well and rest for awhile – and not try to get this all figured out right this minute. 🙂

    I am very excited about what I know God is about to do in your heart!

    Much love!

  3. It is so easy to take things personally and when our emotions get the better of us, we loose perspective and sometimes we are not discerning the truth of our relationship. Our thoughts wander adn imagine the worse when in fact it is usually not so complicated. I find for myself, I get terrorized at a bad end or that I am not really appreciated but for many years, the sun never ever went down on our anger. Rarely have our frustrations lasted more than 24 hrs. They may come agaisn the next day mind you!! But we do not brood and there is a solution or a break at the end of the day. Somehow God gets us through each day and I reflect at how my emotions and fears got up and down at escalating rates during a criss so I keep these things in mind. It will pass!

    1. Miryam,
      Yes, we have to order our feelings and emotions around at times, and not let them take us captive. I think if we can rest in our husbands’ love and realize they do love us even if we don’t agree at the moment and we are going to work things out, we can be a lot more calm and peaceful and patient to work things out within the next day or two. 🙂

      Thanks for sharing!

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