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Who Is Calling Us Out for Our Sin as Women?

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Adminitrative note:

I am taking an email vacation through January 6th.  You are welcome to comment on posts, but I would appreciate it if everyone could hold emails for a few weeks, please.  Thanks so much for your patience and understanding!

I don’t know if you realize this, but almost no one in the church is confronting us as Christian women about our sin today – to our great detriment.

That is a HUGE problem.

  • If we don’t even realize we have sin in our lives – we can’t begin to do anything about it.
  • In our culture today, many times we make excuses for our sin, or rename sin to make it sound more palatable.  And – unfortunately – many times we are not taking full responsibility for our own sin.

We have bought the idea that we are somehow morally or spiritually superior to men or to other people.  But that is not what scripture teaches.

Scripture teaches that ALL have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.  Romans 3:23.

God makes no distinction between the sins of men vs. women.  We are ALL wretched sinners before a holy God.

ALL sin separates us from God and destroys us spiritually and hurts those around us.  If I cherish any sin in my heart, the sinful nature is in control and I forfeit God’s Spirit working powerfully in me and filling me when I grieve His Spirit.

GOD HATES SIN

 So I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. 17 For the flesh desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the flesh. They are in conflict with each other, so that you are not to do whatever[c] you want. 18 But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the law.

19 The acts of the flesh are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; 20 idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions 21 and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God.

22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. 24 Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. 25 Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit. 26 Let us not become conceited, provoking and envying each other.  Galatians 5

  • If I have ANY of the fruit of the flesh going on in my life – I HAVE A BIG PROBLEM!
  • I cannot be godly/righteous on my own at all.  I HAVE to have God’s Spirit flooding my soul to live like God wants me to.
  • If I don’t have all of the fruit of God’s Spirit growing and increasing in my life on a daily basis  – I ALSO have a BIG PROBLEM!  This is not the life God wants for me – He wants me filled with His Spirit and power every moment.  Until we get rid of ALL SIN, we don’t have God’s Spirit filling us.  I remember the shock when I first began to feel God’s peace about 5 years ago.  “Wow!  So THIS is what peace feels like?!?!”  I had been a believer in Christ since I was 5 years old – but I had not experienced much of God’s peace and joy until I laid down all my sin and really began to submit myself FULLY to Him!

My precious sisters in the Lord – we have been so deceived about SO MANY things in our culture to think they are ok when God says they are sin:

  • pride (thinking I’m always right!  I know best!  Everyone needs to do what I say.  This was Satan’s sin, and is a root sin of MANY other sins.  Satan tried to be equal to God.  Unfortunately, I believe I actually set myself ABOVE God in my heart, thinking I knew better than God and I was above having to obey Him in some areas, that I was excused from having to obey certain parts of God’s Word.  My pride was OFF THE CHARTS)
  • self-righteousness (I’m better than my husband.  I’m better than other people.  Jesus had more intolerance for this than just about anything else.  This was the sin of the Pharisees.  He condemned it over and over again.)
  • idolatry of self or trying to be in control ourselves  (Idolatry means something I believe I MUST HAVE to be content and happy that is not Christ.)
  • idolatry of romance  (If I don’t have romance in my marriage, I am justified in doing whatever I want to do and I don’t have to obey God’s Word anymore.)
  • idolatry of happiness (If I am not happy, I am allowed to do anything it takes to make myself happy even if it is sinful.  Happiness is my ultimate goal, not obedience to Christ.)
  • idolatry of beauty/thinness (including eating disorders)
  • idolatry of expectations
  • greed, love of money (idolatry of money)
  • having no FEAR of God, not trembling before Him, not trusting in and understanding His sovereignty.  The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom.
  • people pleasing
  • having unhealthy boundaries and trying to control others or allowing them to control us
  • playing the martyr
  • using guilt to manipulate
  • unforgiveness
  • lack of faith in God
  • immodesty  (What Guys Think about the Issue of Modesty)
  • possibly the use of certain types of birth control
  • bitterness
  • lack of godly love for other people
  • materialism
  • losing our temper/yelling/screaming/calling people names/cussing (this is sin even when we have PMS)
  • slander
  • embracing ungodly definitions of femininity, God, ourselves, masculinity, marriage, family or anything else
  • thinking that women are morally/spiritually superior to men
  • encouraging other women to disrespect God or their husbands or to try to control God, their husbands or other people
  • giving unbiblical advice to others
  • not training our children in the nurture, admonition, truth and love of God and His Word
  • nagging, criticizing, humiliating, belittling, making fun of and verbally destroying our husbands
  • encouraging unbiblical divorce for others
  • hatred
  • not apologizing and repenting to God and our husbands (and others) for our sin – or apologizing half-heartedly but then justifying and excusing our sin and not taking full responsibility
  • defending ourselves pridefully instead of listening
  • sex outside of marriage
  • abortion (Psalm 139 – God creates babies in the womb and knows them by name and has plans for their lives.  He does not give us the right to destroy another person’s life.  That is murder.)
  • gossip
  • lust (including emotional lust or sexual lust when we read romantic novels or watch romantic movies or look at porn)
  • resentment
  • gluttony
  • apathy toward the poor
  • lack of sharing the gospel
  • complaining
  • contentiousness
  • disrespect towards our husbands
  • disrespect for any God-given authority
  • usurping our husbands’ God-given authority
  • divorcing our husbands for unbiblical reasons
  • disobedience to God about ANYTHING
  • living in worry and anxiety instead of faith in Christ

If we don’t realize we are sinning, but continue on being deceived, we continue to cause more and more destruction in our own lives and in the lives of those around us and we will grow farther and farther away from Christ.  That is what happened to me for so long earlier in our marriage. How I WISH someone had confronted me about my sin!!!!!  Yes, it would have been painful, but it is always better to be confronted earlier rather than later about sin.

The more I continue in sin, the more my heart becomes hard until I lose all sensitivity to God’s voice

THANK GOD!!!!!

Jesus died for our sins!  His blood is MORE than sufficient to cover any sin we have committed.  That is GOOD NEWS because we are ALL wretched sinners in desperate need of the grace of God.   NONE of us can earn our way to be right with God.    God  laid our sin on His Son’s shoulders and poured out all of His wrath that we deserved onto His perfect Son so that we could receive the gift of forgiveness for every sin and eternal life with God in heaven.  Jesus is the only way to God the Father.    We can have new hearts, minds and spirits in Him.  He is able to give us NEW LIFE.  He can crucify our old sinful nature and we can put on a new man in Christ!!  WOOOOOHOOOOOOOO!

  • We can repent and turn from every sin.
  • We can acknowledge that our sin is wrong in God’s holy eyes.
  • We can begin moving toward Christ and accept His forgiveness and His gift of His death in our place – receiving Him as our SAVIOR.
  • We can commit ourselves to Him as LORD – submitting ourselves fully to His will and to His Lordship and seeking to please and obey Him above all else out of gratitude for all the grace, mercy and forgiveness He has given to us that we did not deserve.
  • He can fill us with His Spirit and we can find TRUE peace, contentment, satisfaction, acceptance, purpose, identity and springs of Living Water in Him!  He can empower us to live lives of obedience to His Word.

ONCE WE KNOW CHRIST JESUS AND HIS SACRIFICE FOR US – WE CANNOT GO ON DELIBERATELY SINNING!

This is a VERY sobering warning from scripture for us all!!!

If we deliberately keep on sinning after we have received the knowledge of the truth, no sacrifice for sins is left, 27 but only a fearful expectation of judgment and of raging fire that will consume the enemies of God. 28 Anyone who rejected the law of Moses died without mercy on the testimony of two or three witnesses. 29 How much more severely do you think someone deserves to be punished who has trampled the Son of God underfoot, who has treated as an unholy thing the blood of the covenant that sanctified them, and who has insulted the Spirit of grace? 30 For we know him who said, “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,”[d] and again, “The Lord will judge his people.”[e] 31 It is a dreadful thing to fall into the handsof the living God.  HEBREWS 10

29 thoughts on “Who Is Calling Us Out for Our Sin as Women?

  1. I totally shouldn’t comment on this (you know, since I’m a dude and he who casts the first stone and whatnot)… but I listen to a ton of sermons via podcast. I’ve noticed that when the preacher has to reference a sin as a ‘prop’ for an illustration about dealing with ‘sin in our lives’, 7 out of 10 times it’s pornography. 2 out of 10 times it’s adultery. Then they’ll toss in bitterness every once in a while at the end of a short list.

    My point is that while I’m horribly aware – both personally and with friends – that there are devastating consequences and ubiquitous participation in sexual sin for men (and increasingly for women), the ‘response sins’ of anger, unforgiveness, judgment, and others can also have consequences. And let’s take the response out of it. Most of your long list would be considered menial, no big deal sins. And they might not have the huge, in your face repurcussions. But all of them, over time destroy. Just like porn can affect men and women, that list… ouch. 🙂

    1. WhyILoveTina,

      Dr. Tim Keller – Grace Filled Marriage – talks about how marriages can and do survive affairs and pornography, but what they often cannot survive is the resentment, bitterness and unforgiveness of the offended spouse.

      All sin is wrong. All sin is destructive. Some sin is more visible and we, in our human “wisdom,” label it “worse” than other sin. But ALL sin is evil and keeps us from fellowship with God and with each other. Any sin, left unchecked, can grow and fester like cancer and can eventually destroy us.

      I appreciate your insights!

      1. I should read that book (Dr. Keller’s).

        BTW, thanks again for your ridiculous diligence and consistency and heart for wives, women, marriages, Jesus. My Bible Study leader and I had a conversation about being a husband: How we’re supposed to love our wives with no expectation from them (typically, with guys, this is an expectation of greater probability of sex or some other act of service). Our conversations have been informed by this idea of giving respect (or love) as an act of love for Jesus primarily. That seems to be the message of this blog and an influencer if indirectly on a group of dudes in a metro ATL men’s group.

        1. Whyilovetina,

          You’re most welcome. Please pray God will empower me to be faithful to Him and to clearly speak His life-giving truth – even when it is painful to hear – that He might change thousands of women and marriages for His glory!

  2. April,
    You are soooo right! Had it not been for the Holy Spirit prying open my heart and showing me the ugliness of my sin, leading me to repentance and change, and then later bringing me to your blog for practical application, I would still have not heard about the truth of my sin as a controlling wife. I grew up in the church and have had a saving faith through Jesus Christ for at least 35 years. Never heard it taught.
    I praise The Lord that you are willing to teach these truths! And I pray that many women find your blog today.
    Much love to you,
    Martha

    1. Martha,

      It blows my mind how blind I was to my MOUNTAIN of sin – even though I read my Bible every day, prayed a lot, went to church constantly and thought I was the best Christian woman ever. We NEED to see the truth about our sin – so that we can turn to God humbly and repent. Then He can change us dramatically and we can become the women He longs for us to be. 🙂 It is my prayer that His Spirit will sweep among the women (and men) of His church, open our eyes and cause us to rise up to become a godly generation – fruitful and holy in His sight. 🙂 But – I believe that God may want to change the women before He changes the men. I can’t wait to see what He has in store!

  3. Had a conversation with a friend many years ago – we ran into one another at Walmart about how she was struggling to get over her own bitterness, etc. after finding out that her husband has been using online porn. She talked about how betrayed she felt, how she didn’t know if she could ever trust him again, etc. And the whole time she was talking to me, she stood there with the books she intended to purchase in her hand. Every single one of them had a cover on which a woman was nearly falling out of her dress while a strong man – either bare-chested or with his shirt mostly open – embraced her. I knew what was in those books. And it broker my heart that this friend did not see her hypocrisy.

    As for self-righteousness, I know SOOOO many women who think they are more spiritual than their husbands and are willing to point it out!!!

    1. I have a Christian friend who justifies her use of literary erotica. She said pornography is pictures or videos. I did not agree. When she asked if I had read “50 Shades of Grey” and how much she loved it…. I about spit my enchilada out of my mouth. I then went on to engage in a long conversation about how the book left her with lustful feelings and not for her husband, how the book was based around a relationship that was not rooted in marriage and how we women are hypocrites for telling men they can’t look at porn when we woman have made it a best seller! What are we women thinking!!!! I didn’t mean to point out her sin so purposefully but I could not allow her to think I could even begin to engage in a conversation about a book that is so obviously pornographic. It has strained our relationship. But I am not sorry about that.

      1. “I then went on to engage in a long conversation……It has strained our relationship. But I am not sorry about that.”

        Thank you for being brave and willing to do so!

      2. Sara,

        I am so glad that you rebuked your friend! What a blessing to have a friend who loves her enough to talk with her about this.

        Yes, sin become habit and hardens our hearts and becomes more and more deceitful and destructive over time.

        I praise God for what He is doing in your life!

  4. Mr. Robertson called out the sin of homosexuality (among other sins) today to GQ and has been placed on probation today by A&E. It seems today anytime we refer to a sin as a sin someone feels like we are encroaching on their rights. I can’t even imagine talking to my friends about sins that have consumed my life…. they see these sins as entitlements (I work hard, I should spend as much money as I want. I am tired, I should yell at my kids etc…). If our priest actually pointed out those sins- started talking about SIN as SIN- how it affects your life and your relationship with God- people would leave the church in droves. They don’t want to look in the mirror.
    I look to my priest to be my spiritual advisor. I look to several key friends to call me on my sins if they see me starting to slide. It is hard and humbling when it happens. But you are right- better sooner than later. Sin becomes habit and those habits are hard to break. I am trying to find ways to introduce my story to other friends so that perhaps my life can help them see the sin in their life. I continue to pray God uses my story and the slow road to repair of my marriage to show others their own sins.

  5. I think it’s fear of confrontation. Nobody wants to utter what could be seen as a discouraging word. It is the way society has become. They have even introduced “silent saturdays” at kids sporting events. Because cheering is seen as discouraging others. Athough, that also means that parents cannot console their kids or pick their spirits up when things are not going well either..

    I think it’s fear of being accused of “hate speech”.. Sara’s example is perfect, Mr. Robertson being asked a specific question and then penalized for an honest answer. Now it’s reported that it was hate speech and he has a controversy on his hands. Good for him.. It was said a bit gruff if you read it but it was definitely in context of what he has asked. GQ knew what his answer would be. And it definitely was not hate speech. He said a few times, “That’s just me, that’s how I am”… But society and media have already started the attack and spin on it.

    I think it’s fear of losing tax exempt status. Anything a Pastor or the elders of a church does or says can be seen as politicizing if “that thing” they speak of is a current political hotbed. Then you have audits and all sorts of legal issues. Some how women went from being a group of constituents to a an actual political issue. If the message is not “women should be allowed to do what they want, when they want and how they want with no consequences” well then we are abusing them, taking away their rights or enslaving them..

    I think it’s fear of losing membership. If we talk about anything too heavy members will find a new church with a nicer, prettier message. A place where what sin is and the consequences of sin are sugar coated. Forget talking about the truth, we have to find a way to soften the blow first. Why? It’s only your members soul your talking about. Personally, I want the information as it is and how it is because I have to make decisions every day that have eternal consequences! Big ones, like Heaven and hell.

    Honestly, if I had understood this earlier on, I’ll say it again, I would not have been an Athiest for 22 years. Deciding between Heaven bound and hell bound is a BIG deal. It’s huge. I could have gotten that wrong and there’s no making another choice at that point!

    This is an issue that goes beyond just impacting women. I don’t know if it’s an issue beyond America tho. That would be interesting to know. We don’t live in a place where a bible is so precious but illegal that you have to sneak it in. We just go to the local Christian store or online and can order any version, download it for free, have it audio, visual, movie format, devotionals, pictures / maps or not.. I mean we have so many choices. We don’t live somewhere that you can be jailed or killed for your beliefs. We live in a place that talking about the harder things like sin or just evangelizing at all only carries a consequence of “someone might get upset with us” or “make fun of us” or “leave our church” or “call us a name”….

    Like it or not, a lot of Christians have become cowards. In geographical locations where there is no risk to being a Christian. Yet, in places where they are killed and jailed every day they take the risk. Church leaders and mentors do call out sin like not trusting God or gossip or lying or other easy to talk about / easy to hear stuff. But beyond that it would be risky..

    Sort of like when I saw your posts about divorce. I thought now, there’s a woman with courage..

    Gail W.

    1. Gail,

      True! I agree that many people do not want to be confronted about sin – and people may leave a church if a pastor did this.

      I don’t think our days of total freedom to practice Christianity will continue on indefinitely – it will be interesting to see what happens when we begin to experience REAL persecution here.

      How I pray we will be prepared.

      Thank you for your insights, Gail!

  6. April,

    I think our days of total freedom to practice Christianity are at risk, (too). Only I do think that Christians are often afraid to disrupt the proverbial apple cart because they may be met with confrontation. But think of this. If the Christians who had crossed paths with me throughout my life had not walked the talk, been unafraid to express themselves and had not been honest with me, what are the chances I would still be an athiest today?

    We don’t really know what persecution is. Someone saying something ugly to us or being against us for saying a truth sometimes feels like persecution but it’s not.

    Sometimes it’s difficult to for us to even confront women we know (friends) with their sin. Even more if it’s family. Also, not everyone is skilled at giving honest feedback in a loving way. Unless we have a lot of practice at it. For example; I get practice in my role at work often but I also have tools and training to do it. Maybe that’s something that the church should embrace. Providing training and tools in this. Just a thought.

    Gail W.

    1. Gail,

      We obviously still have freedom at this point. I do not expect that to continue indefinitely. However, the church thrives when it is under persecution – so I am not afraid if that were to happen here – I trust that God will use it for His glory and our good ultimately.

      I pray we will use this time of freedom to the greatest possible advantage and glory of God!

  7. April,

    I just read how I wrote that. The first sentence was supposed to read, “I don’t think our days of total freedom to practice Christianity are at risk at all “either”… Missing one word at the end (either) sort of changed the whole context of the rest of it.. 🙂 I was typing fast and multi-tasking. I completely agree with you..

  8. I read with interest the comment above about the woman’s friend who justified literary erotica.

    This is an outgrowth of feminist thinking that trains women to look at their own behaviors as somehow higher and more noble than men.

    My #1 mission is to help men rediscover their backbone so that they can call out and oppose such convenient and patently false thinking.

    Men should be less worried about keeping the peace than speaking the truth. So what if she throws a fit because you call her out on her hypocrisy?

    One thing I have learned – if you don’t back down, you will earn almost any woman’s respect. Women respect confidence, backbone, and power. Display these attributes, and she will have a hard time withstanding them.

    Speak the truth in love, and then don’t flinch when the carnal mind comes after you.

  9. I added this to the post this morning…
    ONCE WE KNOW CHRIST JESUS AND HIS SACRIFICE FOR US – WE CANNOT GO ON DELIBERATELY SINNING!

    This is a VERY sobering warning from scripture for us all!!!

    If we deliberately keep on sinning after we have received the knowledge of the truth, no sacrifice for sins is left, 27 but only a fearful expectation of judgment and of raging fire that will consume the enemies of God. 28 Anyone who rejected the law of Moses died without mercy on the testimony of two or three witnesses. 29 How much more severely do you think someone deserves to be punished who has trampled the Son of God underfoot, who has treated as an unholy thing the blood of the covenant that sanctified them, and who has insulted the Spirit of grace? 30 For we know him who said, “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,”[d] and again, “The Lord will judge his people.”[e] 31 It is a dreadful thing to fall into the handsof the living God. HEBREWS 10

  10. Wow! April, I was really wondering if there were any godly women left in America. I wish my ex-wife would read your blog. But she would NEVER “hear” what you are saying until she bows her knee to Jesus Christ first. Thank you for your courage.

    1. Steveatjuno,

      I couldn’t hear any of these things until God opened my eyes 5 years ago… 14+ years into our marriage. I couldn’t open my own eyes. But also, no one confronted me about my sin. I do wonder sometimes how different things could have been if they had.

      This is absolutely something where a woman would need to be convicted by God and learn to submit to Him fully, and He would then regenerate her spirit and transform her mind.

      Praying for you and your ex wife.

  11. Reblogged this on praying wife and commented:
    Thank you peaceful wife for giving us women the resources and direction into God’s word to be the wife, the woman, the believer that God intended for us. I personally need accountability and insight into what God designed for me. This isn’t the poplar road, but I believe it is the God commanded road.

    1. prayingwife79,

      It is painful to hear and to face our sin. We aren’t used to anyone addressing these things – I sure wasn’t! But – this is the pathway to God. It is the pathway to knowing Him more and to experiencing the power of His Spirit working in us and radically transforming us. This is part of what it means to truly be a disciple of Christ.

      Much love to you!

  12. Great post, as usual. I have noticed this in my own ministry and the ministry of others. I think a lot of it has to do with the mood of the culture in protecting and lifting up women. It’s a very tight line preachers and teacher must walk because both men and women are so easily offended these days. But I have noticed when I preach on sins more relevant in women that it has been received fairly well (at least outwardly). However, in one on one talks with women in and out of the church, the information/advice is not received as well. Just some thoughts from my experience.

    1. CJ,
      I can appreciate that no one likes being confronted about his/her sin. It is painful!!! There are many difficult aspects to being a pastor that would require incredible wisdom from God.

      This is all the more reason why we need to lift our pastors up to God for him to protect, direct, empower and guide our pastors as they seek to do His will and honor Him.

      Some of these things, I think women receive a bit better from other women – in the Titus 2:3-5 model.

      Thank you for sharing!

My grandmother is on hospice and won't be with us much longer (11-30-16). I will get to comments when I am able to but I need to be with family right now. Thanks for understanding.

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