A wife’s response to “But I’m right! I’m the better leader. I should be in charge.”
A SISTER IN THE LORD:
I saw myself (thankfully how I used to be) in your post. I, too, saw myself as always right and the better person in my marriage. The fact that my husband and I have just celebrated our 30th anniversary is, first, because of God’s love and mercy, and second, because my husband is such a good, gracious man. For the last few years I have been learning more and more about how to be the woman God wants me to be. Your blog has so much God inspired wisdom. I truly thank you for sharing!
It feels so wonderful and, yes, PEACEFUL to release my death grip of control and relax in God’s and my husband’s care. I am truly feeling “the peace that passes all understanding.” My husband is smiling now and being sweeter to me more and more every day.
Congratulations on celebrating your 30th anniversary! What a blessing!
I am so excited about what God is teaching you and all that He is doing in your heart.
Tell me something, please, many women in the early stages of this journey are terrified to give up control – looking back now – do you feel like you had to sacrifice anything that was actually valuable to do this God’s way? It sounds to me like it has been more than worth it to you.
I love that you are living in God’s supernatural peace and resting in His love and your husband’s love. I know I NEVER want to go back to my old ways of doing things! You could not PAY me to do that stuff anymore!
A SISTER IN THE LORD
The changes in me did not happen overnight. You speak of a journey. That is exactly what it is and the destination is personal joy and peace.
As far back as I can remember, being in control of my own life was prominent in my attitudes and actions. My father left my mother for another woman when I was five. I was home and witnessed the horrible verbal and physical fight that culminated in his squealing car tires as he left. I saw my Mom weeping and begging him not to leave. I guess this was my first lesson in self-reliance.
I’d never put myself in a position with anyone where I would need them so much I’d fall apart if or really WHEN they left.
I truly thought that self-reliance was evidence of personal strength and was a laudable trait. Asking for help was a sign of weakness. Being too attached to someone was just asking for trouble. I was saved by Christ and believed the Bible but I had no understanding of my own sin: arrogance, pride, and distrust of everyone INCLUDING God. I was blind to my own sin and was convinced I was better than most people.
This spilled over into my marriage in a poisonous tide. I “grabbed onto the steering wheel from the passenger seat” all the while thinking I knew better. And the most incredulous thing? I thought my husband would be pleased that I wasn’t a needy woman, that he would be happy that he didn’t have to see after me! Boy, oh, boy.
So, have I given up anything of value?
No, I think I have FOUND that treasure in a field that Jesus spoke of. I have traded my ashes for beauty. I have a growing relationship with Jesus that is real. I trust God to take care of me. My realization that I am as you said a “wretched sinner” was the best thing that ever happened to me! Because of this, the poisonous tide in my marriage has changed to the sweetest water. I am not perfect in this journey but I want my life to be a testimony to what following God’s plan can do in a marriage. My husband responded positively almost immediately to the changes in me. Where before he never mentioned God, now he occasionally reaches out to take my hand to pray over our meal. Where before he was sullen and absent, now he plans things for us to do TOGETHER.
But the greatest change has been in me.
I am calmer and more joyful. I have discovered that from the passenger seat one can truly enjoy the scenery! I can rest when I get tired or dance in my seat if I want to! I look forward to the rest of my journey.
I am thankful for your blog. It is such a blessing to have this helpful resource readily available. You and your husband are on my list of people I thank God for in prayer.
Wow! Your experience with your parents BREAKS MY HEART!!!!!!!
You learned to expect men to leave and to expect to have to take care of yourself. That dramatically impacted your understanding of God, men, marriage, masculinity and femininity… I can’t begin to imagine how big the scars would be from that devastating experience. Thank God He is working in your life!
I LOVE your story! Gives me chills!
I am so excited about what God is doing in your life and marriage!!!!! WOOOOOOOHOOOOOOO!
Yes – this is the treasure Jesus was talking about- it is worth giving up everything else in the world to have it.
That part about you describing enjoying the scenery, resting if you want to or dancing in your seat – makes me smile. What a beautiful picture!
Much love to you my precious sister! Thank you for shining for Him and allowing Him to work in you!