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“Can I ‘Have It All’?”



From a wife and sister in the Lord, Veronica Alejar, from the Philippines – with her permission:

I used to think that I “had it all”. I was a TV news anchor/mother of 3/wife/businesswoman-baker, etc. etc. People always stopped to ask how I could multi-task and well, have it all!

I thought that I was glorifying God by being so busy.

After all, it was Him who gave me all these talents, right? I can sing, dance, act, do newscasts, bake/decorate, etc… and I felt that everybody wanted a piece of me. And I gave it my all to all, which made for a “spread-too-thin” woman. Thing is, I think I was able to fulfill all roles to the max, as in 110 percent. But I knew for sure, something or somebody was suffering amidst all that busy-ness.

But, weirdly enough, it is now that I have given up my career in broadcasting and am focusing on our 4 kids including an infant, and submitting to my husband, that I feel most at peace and dare I say it, happy and fulfilled.

I am not closing doors to going back to a career in broadcasting. But I have lost my desire to be a “superstar.” Praise God! I  have realized my deepest fear before was to be deemed “a nobody“. Being that busy in my career made me feel like “somebody.” But that was a fluke. That’s a deception by the devil. That was my idol — pride in self disguised as low self esteeem —  adding onto the self to make me feel that I mattered. 

I know now that I don’t need to add onto myself any accolade or achievement. I mattered simply for the mere fact that I am a Child of God. 🙂

My journey is just beginning and already I am reaping the benefits of following God’s lovely Design for Marriage! I feel so loved by my husband. I feel so protected under his leadership. I feel so peaceful. 🙂

Guess what? I have barely been practicing submission for two months, but just yesterday, while hubby and I were shopping for furniture for our new home, he said out of the blue,

I want you to blog about your journey. Write your own version of the Peacefulwife’s blog for the Philippines. Our country is in dire need of role models to follow. I am sick and tired too of hearing about husbands and fathers saying that the worst thing that can happen to a man is to get married and have kids. Why do most men feel that way? Shouldn’t we feel happy that we got married and have children?

He also said something that made my heart leap. 😀

“I am enjoying this, whatever it is you are doing. I am reaping all its benefits. I wish for more married couples to experience this.”

Praise God!!!!! April!
My husband is enjoying my submissive spirit, to the point that he wants me — ex-controlling, scared-to-death of the submissive journey, but obedient daughter of God, to minister to the women in our country through the net! Like you!

I am still discerning this, April, but I will follow my husband when I am ready to start writing. All this is sooooooo new and alien to me, I am daunted to be honest, to write anything about it, but if the Lord so wills (after much prayer), I will have to do it. Please pray for me too, okay, sis? 🙂

Your posts are truly a rich find and not just written for the sake of writing. They are well thought of, discerned, and full of love.

God bless you dear sister in Christ. You are a joy to us wives. 🙂 God surely is pleased with your ministry.



It’s important for us to look at the messages we have been consuming all our lives and question them in light of God’s Word before we just swallow what we hear and build our lives on ungodly premises – which is what I did for a long time, sadly.

The truth is  – it can be almost IMPOSSIBLE to do all of these things well all at the same time – being a wife, a mom, work a full time job, take care of a home and have any kind of quality of life and enjoyment.  That can be an extremely difficult balance to try to achieve.

Younger ladies, before you go down this path – talk to some women in their 40s or 50s who tried to have it all and see where they ended up.  There is only so much time in the week and in each day.   If you are working 8-9 hours/day, then you actually only have supper and bedtime with your children (if you work from 9am-5pm on week days).  You will be rushing ALL the time.

  • You rush in the morning to get yourself ready for work, your children ready for school.
  • You rush home and try to handle supper as quickly as possible.   When you have young children, many of them go to bed by 7pm.  So you have to get them fed, bathed and put down for bed right away.
  • Time becomes the priority in preparing meals, not nutrition, enjoying each other’s company or keeping costs down.
  • You rush through supper (if you even sit down as a family together at all- many families eat fast food in the car on the way to the next sporting activity or musical lesson).
  • Then you try to get the children to rush through their homework.
  • You rush the children through getting ready for bed and then rush them to sleep.
  • You rush through trying to catch up with all the dishes, laundry, vacuuming, sweeping, dusting, bill-paying and chores once the children are in bed because there is no other time to handle all of this

Relationships and intimacy require TIME.


A woman who works full time or even part time, who is a believer in Christ, who is married, who has children and a home to take care of has to let things go somewhere.  She cannot do everything.

Usually here is what goes:

  • patience – when we are rushing – we are NOT our best selves for anyone.
  • time with God – We say God is our priority.  But relationship with Him takes TIME.  Serious time.  We can’t spiritually starve ourselves, never talk to Him and never be still and calm and quiet and listen to Him and have a strong, intimate, dynamic, powerful, Spirit-filled relationship with Jesus.  But “the tyranny of the urgent” takes over and all the urgent things that need to be done so quickly consume our time at the expense of our greatest priority in life.
  • time with our husbands – we are so exhausted and stressed that we are up late helping kids with homework, finishing chores, walking the dog, cleaning up from supper, ironing the clothes for tomorrow – that we collapse exhausted into bed at 10:00 or 11:00 or 12:00 at night and have ZERO energy left to give our husbands.  We don’t have time to hear about his day.  We don’t have time to hear about what he wants in his life or about his dreams.  We don’t have time to connect emotionally – and then because we are so exhausted and don’t have time to connect emotionally – we would rather sleep than connect sexually.  And we miss out on building those times of spiritual, emotional and sexual intimacy that keep our marriage going strong.
  • time with our children – (Working moms – if you are not able to change your situation right now – please do not read this next part – I am targeting women who have not had children yet so that hopefully they can think about these things before having children – I don’t want to add an ounce of guilt to women who are working and already struggling with balance and don’t feel there is a choice for them right now.)   When we are working full time or even part time – there are so many little precious moments that we miss out on because we aren’t there.  That first smile, the baby’s first steps, her first word, his first tooth, her first wave.  But we miss out on more than just the milestones.  We miss out on that daily interaction, reading together more, going on walks, going to the zoo, cuddling, talking about God, teaching our children to love God’s Word, singing together, making forts together, building train tracks together, discovering the Robin’s nest on the front porch together, talking about what the bully said at school, visiting her at lunch each week, the ride home from school when he is most likely to share all the details about his day.  We also miss out on monitoring friendships and priorities and hurt feelings and misunderstandings in our children’s hearts.   We aren’t there and it is much harder to control the worldly influences they are exposed to after school before we get home.  It’s super easy for working moms to feel overwhelming guilt.  Our children grow up so quickly.  We don’t get another chance at this life.  This is our one shot.
  • time for friends – When we are so crazy busy – we lose touch with godly girlfriends and even our own mothers and sisters and extended family.
  • time for self –  Another thing that is very difficult to fit in when we are working a lot is time to exercise.  Time to just relax.  TIME TO SLEEP!  Time to eat healthy meals.  Time to savor nature.  Time to enjoy a book.  Time to do a hobby.  We miss out on these self-nurturing, important things that replenish and rejuvenate our hearts, minds, souls and bodies.

When our time is limited because we are working so much – we cannot give everything we want to give to our jobs, our children, our husbands, God or ourselves.  We end up spreading ourselves VERY, VERY thin.

Sometimes we don’t have a choice.  We just have to do the best with what we have.  God is able to use that – even if it is a painful time – for our ultimate good. He is sovereign – even over situations we don’t want to happen that we can’t change.

But sometimes – maybe we have more choices than we think we do.

Or – maybe God might be able to open doors or change circumstances in ways we never imagined if we begin to pray for His will in all of these important areas and seek His power to move our lives according to His desires, His priorities and His greatest glory.

My husband didn’t want me to stop working 24 hours/week part time as a pharmacist in 2009.  I wanted to be home more with our children.   Three days before Christmas that year (and 1 week before our daughter’s birthday and 2 weeks before our son’s birthday) – Walgreens cut my hours from 24/week to 8/week without warning.  Then last April, my 12 hour/week job at an independent pharmacy suddenly got cut to 3 hours/week.  Soon my job will be back to 12 hours per week and my husband is very thankful.

God is sovereign.  

I can trust Him.  I want to seek His will – even when things look impossible or I can’t see what the answer might be.  He will move mountains when we put all our faith in Him and seek to obey and honor Him and submit to Him in everything.  And even if our circumstances don’t change, He will change US.  Sometimes that is the most important thing.

My part as a disciple of Christ is – am I willing to lay it all down and be content in Him no matter what happens in my circumstances?

If you are interested, I will add a little bit in the comment section about how God tested my greatest fear when I began to submit to Greg’s leadership.  My greatest fear was that Greg would want me to work more.  I believed God wanted me to be home – ALL the time.  I didn’t think Greg would listen to God back then.  Every month for the first 6 months or so that I was committed to honoring Greg’s leadership, I got a new job offer for more hours out of the blue – that I didn’t want or ask for!  If you’d like to hear what happened-  let me know and I’ll give you the details.  It was pretty interesting!  And terrifying for me at first.  But God tested me to see if I would trust Him to lead me through Greg or not.  And He tested me again… and again… and again…  Eventually, I learned to live in His peace even in uncertainty.  I am sure I will have many opportunities to do more of that in the future!


The truth is – wives and moms NEED time to spend with God, time with their husbands to relax, time with girlfriends, time to exercise, time to sleep, time to take good care of their own spiritual, mental, emotional and physical health!  That’s just how we are made.  We are NOT above the limitations of our bodies.  If we ignore our needs and don’t take good care of ourselves, we’ll run ourselves into the ground and be pretty useless to everyone!

***  Younger ladies, please keep in  mind that your body is designed to be most fertile to have babies in your 20s and early 30s.  If you decide to have your career first and think you’ll have time for babies after you are 35, you may be set up for huge heartbreak!  I pray that believing women might work with their biology when making plans!


I am definitely not in any position to tell you what God wants you to do with your life. 

My desire is for each woman to seek God and be in the center of His will for her life.  As believers in Christ, it is our job to lay every part of our lives and ourselves before Him in total submission and surrender – allowing Him to lead us however He thinks is best.  He is our LORD.  He is in charge now, not us.  It is about what He wants now, not what we want.  We die to self and seek His priorities and His honor and pleasure now.  That means, we seek what God wants even if it is unpopular or weird or anti-cultural or not politically correct.  If He is Lord – only His opinion matters to me.

  • If God wants you to work full-time – awesome!  Be in the center of His will for you and bring glory to Him there and in your marriage and family!
  • If He wants you part-time – wonderful!  Be in the center of His will for you and bring glory to Him there, in your marriage and family!
  • If He wants you home all the time – terrific!  Be in the center of His will for you and bring glory to Him there!

No matter where He calls us to be – the key is what HE wants – not what we want.

These are things that each woman and each married couple must hash out with God and between themselves.

When I was making career choices and decisions about what I would want in the future as a young woman, I didn’t see much information out there about how to prioritize and strive for balance and keep the important things central.  I see God use me in the pharmacy to minister and bless people.  My husband wants me to work 1-2 days per week – so I do.  I’m thankful for my job and I am thankful for the chance to be home so much with my children.

I pray that you will be able to find just the right balance and fulfillment in your life that will most honor Christ and most bless your husband, children, marriage, and those in your sphere of influence.

Much love to each of you, my precious sisters in Christ!


The Life Ready Woman by Shaunti Feldhahn is a GREAT book about seeing God’s will for His people, for women in particular and then for us as individuals and about how to keep our priorities truly our priorities in practice in our lifestyle.  I HIGHLY recommend this book to ALL women – single and married.

God’s Spiritual Authority Structure

23 thoughts on ““Can I ‘Have It All’?”

  1. Wow, what a great post April. I sometimes want to say, “I wish I had known all of this 25 years ago”
    But God can use all of our circumstances, even mine.
    Thank you and bless you.

    1. Stephanie,

      NO KIDDING!!!!!!!! I wish I had known this before college. But yes – God is sovereign – even over any mistakes/poor choices we may have made and He can use it all for our ultimate good and His glory. 🙂

  2. I definitely needed to read this today. I appreciate your wisdom to young women who are married without kids yet. I’m married and 24, meaning I only have a few years to build my career if I want to have kids. Yes, tell us about how God tested your greatest fear!

    1. Catherine,


      The first few months that this happened, I absolutely PANICKED! I did not want MORE hours! I wanted to be home!! I had been studying respect/biblical submission/godly femininity for over a year. I felt even more convicted than ever that my place was to be home with our children. Our daughter was 3 and our son was 8. I had just learned about giving up control and honoring my husband’s leadership and decided to completely commit to trust God to lead me through my husband that December. I was working 8 hours per week at Walgreens and HATED it. The job was EXTREMELY stressful. I got cussed out a lot. Our tech help was cut in half. Our prescription volume had gone up. We also began to start to have to give a lot of different vaccines and do blood pressure screenings, cholesterol and glucose screenings. I would often be by myself in the pharmacy the first 4 hours of my shift and have 150 rxs to fill, 3 phone lines to answer, 2 drive through lines to take care of and two cash registers to run. I wanted to QUIT! I began to dread going to work and started crying when I came home every shift. All night I would lie awake remembering specific prescriptions and wondering if I filled it correctly and I would worry that I was so rushed that I was going to really hurt someone.

      Greg didn’t want me to quit. I was able to earn quite a bit of money per hour. But the stress was killing me.

      Walgreens offered me some more hours one month. I didn’t want to tell Greg about it. But I did. Then I cried for about two weeks. He didn’t really say anything. I would pray and pray and beg God not to make me work more. I wanted to be home. I wanted to be with my little girl the last 8 months before she started 4K. I decided, very begrudgingly, to trust God’s sovereignty and to cooperate with whatever Greg thought was best. But I tearfully told him that I did not want to work more, and I really wanted to quit altogether. He eventually said, “I’ll leave the decision about the extra hours up to you. I do want you to keep working 8 hours/week, though.”

      I was in shock. This was the same man who ALWAYS wanted me to jump on extra hours – the same man I thought didn’t value me being at home at all. There were times I felt like he only wanted me around for my paycheck. I know now that was not true. But he was always so excited about me working more – and I was NEVER excited about working more. Sometimes I resented that I had a pharmacist license and degree. I would imagine how blissful it would be to not be able to earn so much money so that it wouldn’t be worth me working outside the home. I was willing to give up heat in the house, going to restaurants, the TV, cable, vacations, sell our house and move to a double wide trailer – I wanted to be HOME. I didn’t want to be at work. It took me away from my children. AND we ended up buying luxuries I didn’t even want or think we needed. So I would sometimes feel really resentful. Not a good ingredient in a wife’s heart if she wants to be respectful.

      The next month, an independent pharmacy called me out of the blue and offered me 24-30 hours or something. I was horrified. What was happening!??!?! I didn’t want to tell Greg. But I decided that would be dishonest. So I told him. He looked really interested. I cried and cried and prayed and prayed. Everything was up in the air for another 2 weeks. Finally, he said, “I’m going to leave the decision up to you about if you want to take that job or not.”


      I was SURE that if I honored Greg’s leadership, he would say to me, “I want you to take that job with more hours.” And I thought he wouldn’t care one lick what I wanted. And I believed he couldn’t hear God like I could and I believed he didn’t value me being a wife and mom at all.

      The next month, another offer from a different company.
      The same the next month.
      The same the next month.

      Eventually – I learned to share with Greg about the offer. I learned to say, “God, not my will but Yours be done. I will trust You EVEN IF I must work more. I really DO NOT want to work more. But I will trust that You know best and I don’t. I will trust YOu with my children. I will trust You with my career. I don’t even want to be a pharmacist anymore. I am SO STRESSED at my job. But if You want me there – I trust You to give me the power to do the job.”

      At first, it was REALLY, REALLY hard for me to freely say, “Not my will but Yours be done” to God.

      The last 2-3 months of this time of testing… I was able to begin to rest in God’s peace and not freak out. I began to truly trust God and know that He WAS able to speak to Greg’s heart and that He IS sovereign “enough” to lead me through my husband and that if something is His will He is able to make it happen.

      The 6th month, I had a particularly wretched day at work and asked Greg if I could call a guy I knew and ask him if he would hire me part time. He did! I have been there the past 2.5 years. It is a much less stressful job – and I have time to counsel my patients. I like it a lot more. So I don’t dread going to work anymore. That is a BLESSING!

      The offers stopped after that.

      I had to keep repeating the lesson until I was able to TRUST God and live in His peace in the midst of uncertainty.

      I am SURE I will have more testing in the future. But the awesome thing is that if I am willing to learn from God during those testing times – my faith and trust can grow and I can become more and more mature in Him.

      1. April,

        Thank you very much for sharing this story! 🙂 The part about giving things up and moving into a double wide trailer if necessary made me smile. 🙂 It’s interesting how convictions can change our hearts and make us willing to sacrifice deeply because we see what’s more important. 🙂

  3. Hi April,

    Although my life looks a lot different, this is a problem for me too. I don’t have children. (Not that I don’t want any, but that’s another, painful story.) My husband and I work at the same company, so we ride to and from work together. We are at work for at least 10 hours Monday through Friday. Our commute is 1 hour each way.

    When we get home, I’m lucky if I have time to throw together dinner and take care of the dishes. Most days after work we don’t go straight home. There are errands to run or we have to pick something up at the store. When we go to the grocery store, my husband wants me to hurry and just grab what we absolutely need. Then if I “put my foot down” and tell him I need to do some real grocery shopping, I feel like I am being disrespectful.

    Then the weekends are swept away with things my husband has on the agenda. Pretty much everything he does he wants or needs my help or company. Although the past two weekends I was able to squeeze in some time to throw a couple of different meals in the Crock Pot, so that we would have left overs for the week.

    This is an embarrassing secret, but maybe it will show some perspective on how busy my schedule is – little things like tweezing my eyebrows, I do at work when I am on conference calls. Things like reading my Bible and reading your blog posts, I do on my phone as I walk to my desk, or walk to meet my husband for lunch. It’s dark when we are driving to work, so I pray during that time. On the way home, I try to study or read, while talking to my husband.

    I often pray that things get better. But then I feel guilty for complaining to God, when I know things could be much worse.

    Thanks for sharing this story. It’s wonderful that Veronica has grown so much in such a short time. You are both gifts from God!

    Every day is a gift!

    1. Bridget,

      That is a BUSY schedule!!!!!! Goodness!

      I’m glad you use some of that time in the car to pray.

      I wonder, would you be able to say, “Honey, it would mean so much to me if I could have 2 hours on a Saturday morning or Sunday afternoon each week for me to be able to do the grocery shopping all at once. I’d rather do that than try to stop by the store just for essentials for a day or two. Thanks!”

      Then let him think about it.

      It IS POSSIBLE to ask for what we want and need without being disrespectful or demanding, thankfully! 🙂

      You can also say, “Honey, I have a problem. I feel like I am rushing all the time. I want to try to slow my life down a bit. I need more time to get things done around the house and to recharge. What do you think I could do differently?”

      It sounds like you have gotten really good at using your time very wisely!

      It’s wonderful to hear form you!

      Being busy is something our culture values – but it can make having deep relationships with God and people VERY DIFFICULT. Not to mention – getting everything done.

      And, I don’t know about you – but – if I am in a hurry – that is the time I am going to snap at my children or be more tempted to say something with an angry tone of voice.

      Greg and I try to clear our schedule and not over schedule so that we don’t have to rush as much. It makes a HUGE difference in our family!

      Much love to you!!!

      Praying for God’s wisdom for you both. 🙂

  4. April, my kids are grown but God just delivered me from a very stressful job. Unfortunately, he had to beat me over the head in order for me to listen. I kept praying that He would help me get out of the job but I knew my husband appreciated my help financially as we are in a very expensive phase of our lives….just finished paying for one’s college education and wedding and #2 is in college at a private school. My health has been compromised the last few years. I’ve had weird symptoms, but it appears it is the end of perimenopause. I wanted to make it one more year with my job because then my son would be out of college but my health didn’t hold up. Like you, I was tested. I was an administrator and my boss wanted to promote me to an even higher position with more stress. My husband said it was my decision but I could tell he wanted me to take it. After my health worsened, he really said he trusted me to make the best decisions. He supported me when I brought up resigning. I’ve been praying for God’s wisdom about what to do next. My husband and I just had the conversation and I told him I just want to do PRN work for a while and asked him what his thoughts were. He was very supportive. He said any money I can bring in will help until we get our son through college.
    Things are looking up. Balance is huge….it took me years to figure it out.

  5. What a great post – thank you for sharing. I really needed to read this. I stay home with my kids, but I feel like since becoming a mother to two I am always rushing around and don’t have much time to really enjoy their presence. I have recently been loosening my cleaning standards and my new goal now is to get to bed at a decent hour (and not 1-2am every night). Please pray for me that I may find the balance that God desires for my life. Thank you!

  6. Awesome post. I am truly blessed by this. As I am a Mom of 3 (all three are under 4 years old) with a full time job and in my mid-thirties, I most times RUSH and it is a struggle. I must say here that though there are times I have resented my job in sales and times I have felt like resigning, God has shown me such mercy and compassion. Without God’s help, I would have been a wreck by now… The income is great and I get other benefits + I get to be home to feed my youngest who is a few months old so yes, Kisses to my ABBA Father who makes all things beautiful. We may not understand now, but we should always pray that God helps and bless us in Jesus Christ name, amen in accordance to His holy will…

  7. Hi April,
    This post could not have come at a better time for me. I work 24 hours a week, but those 24 hours usually turn into more like 28…I am really struggling with finding balance, and I feel so guilty and whiny saying so, because I am only part time. My children are 5th and 7th grade, and I’m thankful that I can usually be arriving home just as their buses arrive. Still, as you said, there is the rush to get some sort of dinner prepared, the rush to drive to and from their extracurricular activities, the rush to try to squeeze in some exercise, the rush to occasionally call my aging parents to check in on them, etc. My husband and I don’t even have a chance to have a conversation until after the kids are in bed, and then we talk while I prepare lunches for school the next day or while he pays bills. I have been so stressed since school started back. I know that areas of my life are suffering because of this ongoing “pressure.”
    I am going to begin praying super hard and consistently for God’s leadership. I too feel such a pull to be at home and be more mentally, spiritually, available to my family. As you said, this does not happen when we rush around all the time.

  8. I can definitely relate to this… Right now God is telling me that I am doing too much. I am stressed, tired, angry, bitter, and so unsure of myself right now because I have a lot on my plate. It, I think, contributes to my disrespect since I have so much to deal with. My husband does a lot too, but compared to what I have to do, it sometimes isn’t very much. That angers me. I don’t like it. I don’t like that I work, go to school, cook, clean, and STILL have to have time for homework, sex, etc. (Can you tell that this is still all fresh?)

    God is moving though… He is bringing me to where I need/want to be. I’m scared because it’s not how I was raised. I was raised/trained to be able to do it all. I’m finally realizing that I don’t want to. I want my husband to take more of this. I want to be able to focus on what God designed me to be! And it’s beautiful… I dropped a class yesterday and it was like a burden was lifted from my shoulders. I’m finally looking at classes that I WANT to take. We’re trying for a baby. I’m calm…

    There is still a lot to work out… But… This gives me some form of hope. 🙂

  9. We have just transferred residences on the day this post came out and I have only found time and an internet connection to read this now! 🙂

    My ‘divine appointment’ with April couldn’t have come at a better time. I am infinitely grateful to our Creator for removing the scales of disrespect from my eyes. Please pray for me dear sisters as I embark on my new submissive journey in life. It is exciting, scary but redeeming!

    God bless us all. 🙂

  10. Hello April!
    Today I’m commenting on a different page LOL. The truth is, as an ambitious person its hard for me to admit but yes, if we’re to be completely honest sometimes we take on too much as women because we feel the need to prove ourselves. I want you to know that my friend told her husband and they are keeping it! They are currently undergoing biblical marital counselling and my friend has decided to let go and trust God’s plan. Yay!!! I am so excited! I mean, she got pregant on the pill. Doesn’t that prove that God intended for this to happen?! Anyway, thank you so much for helping me out! I hated your message at first, but now I love reading your articles! Although I do not yet understand everything-it’s still hard for me to hear the word submission without imagining abuse/slavery-I am a lot better than I was at first

    1. Mia,

      It’s great to see you again, Mia! 🙂

      Yes, we do often take on too much and then make ourselves and others miserable because we want to prove ourselves. I don’t believe this is necessary or honoring to Christ. Let’s seek to only take on what He calls us to take on at the moment. 🙂

      PRAISE GOD that your friend told her husband and that they are planning to keep their baby! I AM SO THANKFUL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

      I know that what I talk about is difficult at first – especially for those who have very preconceived notions about “submission.” I wish there was another word to use!

      I’m so glad you are here, my dear sister!

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