Skip to main content

How a Wife’s Decision about Birth Control Pills Blessed Her Marriage Greatly

1205205_80089250

This story is from a wife I have been communicating with since last winter. I shared her story first in the post, “My Husband Wants to Go Where?!?!?!” I know that each of us are at different stages on this journey with God.  Different husbands are also at different stages.  The issue of fertility and birth control is something we will each answer to God for – no one answers to me.   Each couple’s story is unique.   This is one wife’s situation – I believe her story might bless you:

Dear April,

I just had to write you today after reading your post about birth control – part 1 and  part 2. I am so thankful that you were brave enough to take this on, because I know it is a very tough subject for many Christian women. I feel that your facts and explanations were dead-on.

In light of the recent emailing we had about this very subject, I also wanted to update you about what God had done in my marriage and family after convicting me about the truth of the birth control pills I was taking.

If you remember I had written to you because of the struggle I had physically and spiritually with taking birth control pills. My biggest issue at first was the complete loss of sex drive. After struggling with trying different pills for a year, I felt completely dead when it came to my libido.

(From Peacefulwife – hormonal birth control pills CAN definitely negatively impact a woman’s libido.  Other drugs can lower libido or prevent orgasm in women and even men, too – especially anti-depressants.  If you are suffering from a very low libido, talk to your doctor about the meds you are on and see if you might need to do something differently.  If you are taking anti-depressants, do not stop them all the sudden, or they can cause rebound depression and even suicidal thoughts.  Work with your doctor to see what you might be able to do to help your libido issues, please.)

The first time I wrote to you, you had mentioned a few other options and encouraged me as I wanted to follow my husband’s lead. At the time he had asked me to remain on birth control. I wanted to respect him, but in my heart something felt wrong. God fully convicted me when I read a blog post by a Christian woman who discovered what birth control pills were actually doing to her body. When I read that the pills can actually cause your body to reject a fertilized egg, because of how they affect the lining of the uterus, I was in utter shock. To me a fertilized egg is life, and all the years I was on and off birth control I may have actually unknowingly aborted a life that God had begun to create. I had always just thought that the pills stopped ovulation from occurring. I was really appalled by this knowledge. My heart broke and I prayed to God for forgiveness.

(From Peacefulwife – as a pharmacist, I know that USUALLY birth control pills do stop ovulation.  But they may not always stop it.  They also usually keep cervical mucus thick so that sperm cannot penetrate into the uterus.  They also prevent the lining of the uterus from building up as much as it would normally after ovulation so that a baby could implant.  Do pills cause an “abortion” in God’s sight?  I don’t know for sure.  If a woman on the pill did ovulate, would the cervical mucus also thin out?  I don’t know as a pharmacist.  No one knows for sure exactly what is happening when a woman is on pills on any given cycle.  Some women get pregnant when they are on the pill and the baby does implant.  Some women who are not on the pill may have an egg be fertilized and then it doesn’t implant.  I don’t know what God thinks about all of these things.  They are important issues for us to pray about, that is for sure!  I do know that God’s wisdom is best and that is what I pray we each might find.)

I knew I had to speak with my husband, because there was no way I could go on taking these pills now that I had this information. He was receptive to what I had learned, and told me that I needed to stop taking them right away. Thankfully this was the end to all of that.

I realized so much after getting off the pill. Once my sex drive did return, I actually was in tears one night after spending time with my husband. He asked me what was wrong, and I was so grieved, yet so happy at the same time.

I had really been missing out on what sex was supposed to feel like. I knew I felt numb, but it was unbelievable how I literally wasn’t feeling anything. This was really disturbing to me. I started to remember what it felt like to desire my husband physically again, and I felt like it actually made it easier to submit and respect to him.

I also noticed my mood toward him was much more positive… maybe I had been having mood swings and didn’t realize it.

God showed me that not only was I possibly rejecting a life He began to create, but I was also really affecting our marriage and the bond we were supposed to share.

I have been praying to God for a chance to share this situation however I can… maybe at church in this women’s group I am in or with a friend that comes to me at some point. The truth is I had no idea what I was doing, and how it was really affecting my marriage. Sex is an important part of the marriage, and when you kill off that physical part there are going to be repercussions. There definitely were many in our marriage. When I look at it all in terms of what I’ve learned about respect and submission, I am just shocked at what the pill did for me in this area. How many other women are experiencing these side effects and don’t even realize how it’s hurting their marriage? How many other women like me don’t even realize that a pill does much more than stop ovulation? I am willing to bet that there are very many of them.

When you spoke about some of the feminists who were completely anti-God that started the birth control craze, I think about how evil it all feels, and how it really has the potential to ruin everything precious that God intended for the family and for marriage.

I praise God that he convicted my heart and showed me the truth. I was listening to the radio this morning and it was about this very subject, and then when I read your blog, I was even more thankful to God. I am so glad to be not only reinforced in this teaching in many ways, but also that it is going out to others to hear.

I also learned that God was prompting me toward all of this, because he had a bigger plan for my family. Within a month of being off the pill, I discovered I was pregnant! We are so happy to welcome a third child into our family sometime around at the end of next May.

Wow,  if you could only have seen my husband’s reaction. He had been so iffy about having more kids previously, but he is so thrilled. He is talking about how wonderful it will be to have another little one around, and he has been so sweet to me.

God worked it all out for the good. His plan was to bring the truth to us, so that we could step out of the way and submit to his will. His will for us right now is this little baby, and I think because we know it is so meant to be, we have so much peace and joy surrounding the situation. I am so thankful to God.

I just wanted to share what God did for us with you, because I know you knew some of the story, but I wanted to get you the end result! 🙂 Also, my husband took us to church twice… if you remember he had asked me to wait on him to initiate. Praise God for that as well! God’s way is the best way, and for wives that truly is submission, and lots and lots of trust in God. Oh, and lots and lots of patience, too! 🙂

Thank you for always listening and for your wonderful blog that touches my life again and again every day. 🙂

13 thoughts on “How a Wife’s Decision about Birth Control Pills Blessed Her Marriage Greatly

  1. Wow! So happy that this couple has been blessed. I only wish that they and so many others didn’t need to “figure this out” on their own or try and “reinvent the wheel” with what the Church has been shouting from the rooftops all along. I love seeing the Truth set people free from their chains! Thanks for sharing this. Perhaps more people will see and understand.

  2. Birth control pills make a mess of a lot of things. She was luckily she regained her libido, many never do. Often the physiological changes to the brain in that area are permanent. It took about 5 years for my wife’s to return.

    Sadly, the FDA doesn’t consider loss of sex drive as a reason to warn people against a drug. It’s “not a health concern”.

    Just one of the myriad of reasons not to take them.

  3. Dear PW, I have a little question, I feel a bit confused.

    DH refuses for me to use birth control. Now, we don’t live together for now, we are waiting for him to get his visa.

    I go visit once a month for a few days. I make sure that I go visit when I think that I am not in a place to become pregnant. I count my days and I cross my fingers.

    I few months ago, I brought the subject of contraception, he didn’t want to hear about it. He says that he heard of some that took them and it messed up their bodies and they couldn’t conceive when they wanted to (I think he is referring to the pill).

    Anyhow, I explain there were other ways besides the pill, he just said no. Plus, he gets really quiet, and since it is not his type, I just drop it.

    Now, the month after, I brought some condoms with me, for him and I strongly suggested he would use them. Need I say, he didn’t want to.

    So, I became pregnant.

    Earlier, he wanted a child, I didn’t want to, then I wanted one, he didn’t want to. Now, we had agreed that we would wait for us to live under the same roof before multiplying. So it was a big shock and confusion for me when I found out, but I thought that there are so many who want children and can’t have any, I should be happy and see this as a miracle.

    Now, dh said I tricked him, because I knew I could conceive and I came to see him. I explained that it was my vacation from work that I don’t pick and that I did offer him protection, which he refused. So, even though I knew there was a possibility, I thought I couldn’t fight him and I would take a chance.

    Yet, I do feel bad that he feels that I tricked him to have a child. It sounds crooked.

    Yet again, he says he is happy… but I’ m not sure. But, I read in maternity books that it is ok to have mixed feeling about a pregnancy.

    He did give me a substantial amount of money for expenses and knowing that he doesn’t have a good salary, I know it was a big sacrifice and I choose to see this as love.

    Finally, I don’t know for others, but this topic is a very sensitive one in my marriage.

    1. Yas,

      This is probably a very sensitive topic in most marriages.

      There are often mixed feelings at first. Greg did NOT respond well when I first got pregnant. But after a few days – he came around.

      So – I vote to just offer grace to him about the “you tricked me” line. You didn’t trick him – from what you described.

      Accept that he says he is happy. Thank him for his generosity and praise God for this precious baby. 🙂

      Congratulations!!!!!!! 🙂

  4. There are natural ways to monitor fertility like with the Marquette Method that uses the ClearBlue Fertility Monitor or the Ovacue Fertility Monitor. Pharmaceuticals are not the only way to postpone pregnancy. Check out the Mamma Natural blogs on YouTube too.

    1. Joseph, you are correct!

      I have a post about birth control that lists all the different methods I could find. There are a number of methods for monitoring cervical mucus and ovulation that can be quite effective, of course, you would have to abstain from sex certain days around ovulation each cycle.

      I like the Billings Ovulation Method a lot. Some people mix that with checking basal temperature daily and monitoring with the ovulation monitor as well.

  5. Thank you for sharing this story! I myself just got off birth control 2 months ago. After having some reaccuring female issues I went on a search. I found out the birth control could cause the issues I was having so we decided I would no longer take it. To think when I got on it back as a teenager “to regulate hormones” for anxiety that it could have done these things I don’t know if I would have ever gotten on it in the first place.

    1. Cassie,

      A lot of women get on BC pills as teenagers. I did – for suspected endometriosis.

      But BC pills fool the body into thinking it is pregnant. Have you ever been around a pregnant woman? Emotions can go crazy!!!! And anxiety, too, sometimes.

      Let me know how you are doing! 🙂 Thanks for sharing.

  6. This is a good reminder for wives who are taking pills and a good thought to ponder on in advance for those who haven’t or are not yet married like myself. Thanks for sharing this story on to us! I’ve heard from a couple women at my home church and some of my married friends take pills without even thinking about this side of things. God bless you!

My grandmother is on hospice and won't be with us much longer (11-30-16). I will get to comments when I am able to but I need to be with family right now. Thanks for understanding.

%d bloggers like this: