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Being Married to a Laid Back, Quiet Type – a Wife Shares about Her Marriage

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A huge thank you to this wife for answering my questions about being married to a quiet man. 🙂

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1. How has God shown you how best to bless your husband?

Give him understanding when he needs “space” – that took me awhile to learn, because to me “space” meant avoidance. But what he really is needing is alone time, and when I understand that – he feels like I’m not guilting him when he needs to recharge.

2. How do you handle your needs for emotional/spiritual connection in a godly way?

When I need to get something important across to him, I write notes, emails, letters so he has a chance to process them at his own speed.
I tend to want an answer “NOW!” but he just cannot work like that, and will more often than not, get frustrated.

3. How do you make it safe for your husband to share his feelings with you?

I shut my mouth. When DH decides to share feelings, he’s already pretty much decided how he feels and isn’t really looking for input. He just wants me to listen, not challenge him on his feelings or decisions. 

4. How does your husband show his love to you?

DH shows his love in unconventional ways – he’s not a flowers/chocolate type, it’s in his nature to watch, see what I need and provide it.

  • The most romantic gift he ever gave me was a chair.

He had watched me drag a kitchen chair to my desk everytime I wanted to sit at it, then one day he came home from work with a beautiful antique wooden chair. Someone had been tossing it, he dragged it to the shop he was working at, at the time, gave it some TLC and gave it to me.

Not traditional, but EXTREMELY romantic and caring.

5. When did you learn to accept the ways your husband shows you love instead of expecting him to show it verbally?

I’m still learning – but then again, so is he. He knows I enjoy verbal communications of love, and he tries to remember to communicate that way, and I try to be understanding and secure in his love, that when it slips his mind to pay me a compliment, I don’t become upset.

6. Did you think marriage would change his personality and that he would talk more once you were married? If so, why?

I did think he would talk more when we got married, because I believed that intimacy would open that up for us, and while that’s true to an extent, I’ve since had to learn that his quiet personality is just who he is. And  I accept that.

7. What challenges have you faced in your marriage with communication?

Misunderstanding!! Oy! That is our BIGGEST communication problems! He says one thing, meaning the complete opposite, or I say something and he doesn’t respond the way I think he should, and we get into a huge argument because of a dumb misunderstanding! It’s happened more times than I could count!

8. What makes your husband feel most loved/respected?

DH feels the most loved and respected when I back his decisions. When he feels that something should be done a certain way, and I back him on that – he feels that respect for him and his ability to lead. ((That and backrubs! lol!)

9. How have you been able to use your verbal/communication skills to adapt to your husband’s unique personality and needs?

I’ve had to!  I’m a real “get up and go” person, and DH is a “sit back and think” person. We drive each other nuts sometimes because of our different approaches, but learning to quiet myself, listen to him and not dismiss his opinions or ideas, to respect him and actually GIVE him a chance to lead, are not things that come easily to me.

But when I actually do them, I see many positive things that come from it.

RELATED:

The Introvert Husband – by the Genuine Husband

Being Married to a  Man Who is Emotionally or Spiritually Shut Down

Being Married to a Man Who Doesn’t Talk Much – by Peacefulwife

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