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Being Married to a Laid Back, Quiet Type – a Wife Shares about Her Marriage

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A huge thank you to this wife for answering my questions about being married to a quiet man. 🙂

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1. How has God shown you how best to bless your husband?

Give him understanding when he needs “space” – that took me awhile to learn, because to me “space” meant avoidance. But what he really is needing is alone time, and when I understand that – he feels like I’m not guilting him when he needs to recharge.

2. How do you handle your needs for emotional/spiritual connection in a godly way?

When I need to get something important across to him, I write notes, emails, letters so he has a chance to process them at his own speed.
I tend to want an answer “NOW!” but he just cannot work like that, and will more often than not, get frustrated.

3. How do you make it safe for your husband to share his feelings with you?

I shut my mouth. When DH decides to share feelings, he’s already pretty much decided how he feels and isn’t really looking for input. He just wants me to listen, not challenge him on his feelings or decisions. 

4. How does your husband show his love to you?

DH shows his love in unconventional ways – he’s not a flowers/chocolate type, it’s in his nature to watch, see what I need and provide it.

  • The most romantic gift he ever gave me was a chair.

He had watched me drag a kitchen chair to my desk everytime I wanted to sit at it, then one day he came home from work with a beautiful antique wooden chair. Someone had been tossing it, he dragged it to the shop he was working at, at the time, gave it some TLC and gave it to me.

Not traditional, but EXTREMELY romantic and caring.

5. When did you learn to accept the ways your husband shows you love instead of expecting him to show it verbally?

I’m still learning – but then again, so is he. He knows I enjoy verbal communications of love, and he tries to remember to communicate that way, and I try to be understanding and secure in his love, that when it slips his mind to pay me a compliment, I don’t become upset.

6. Did you think marriage would change his personality and that he would talk more once you were married? If so, why?

I did think he would talk more when we got married, because I believed that intimacy would open that up for us, and while that’s true to an extent, I’ve since had to learn that his quiet personality is just who he is. And  I accept that.

7. What challenges have you faced in your marriage with communication?

Misunderstanding!! Oy! That is our BIGGEST communication problems! He says one thing, meaning the complete opposite, or I say something and he doesn’t respond the way I think he should, and we get into a huge argument because of a dumb misunderstanding! It’s happened more times than I could count!

8. What makes your husband feel most loved/respected?

DH feels the most loved and respected when I back his decisions. When he feels that something should be done a certain way, and I back him on that – he feels that respect for him and his ability to lead. ((That and backrubs! lol!)

9. How have you been able to use your verbal/communication skills to adapt to your husband’s unique personality and needs?

I’ve had to!  I’m a real “get up and go” person, and DH is a “sit back and think” person. We drive each other nuts sometimes because of our different approaches, but learning to quiet myself, listen to him and not dismiss his opinions or ideas, to respect him and actually GIVE him a chance to lead, are not things that come easily to me.

But when I actually do them, I see many positive things that come from it.

RELATED:

The Introvert Husband – by the Genuine Husband

Being Married to a  Man Who is Emotionally or Spiritually Shut Down

Being Married to a Man Who Doesn’t Talk Much – by Peacefulwife

9 thoughts on “Being Married to a Laid Back, Quiet Type – a Wife Shares about Her Marriage

  1. What a great interview. At first, I thought her answer about the most romantic gift was filled with sarcasm, “The most romantic gift he ever gave me was a chair.” But as I read her explanation, I had to agree that it was very romantic. It was not a gift that traditionally conveyed romance by most peoples’ definition. However, he was clearly thinking about her, went out of his way to add his personal touch by doing the refinishing himself and presented her a gift that she appreciates everyday. Now that’s romantic!

  2. Portions re-blogged at RomanticHusbands.com

    http://romantichusbands.com/talent-romance-hall-fame-inductee/

    The following excerpt is from one of my favorite bloggers The Peaceful Wife. The Peaceful Wife interviews one of her readers who shares her story of her marriage and her romantic husband.

    http://peacefulwife.com/2013/10/22/being-married-to-a-laid-back-quiet-type/

    “4. How does your husband show his love to you?

    DH shows his love in unconventional ways – he’s not a flowers/chocolate type, it’s in his nature to watch, see what I need and provide it.

    The most romantic gift he ever gave me was a chair.

    He had watched me drag a kitchen chair to my desk everytime I wanted to sit at it, then one day he came home from work with a beautiful antique wooden chair. Someone had been tossing it, he dragged it to the shop he was working at, at the time, gave it some TLC and gave it to me.

    Not traditional, but EXTREMELY romantic and caring.”

    I couldn’t agree more. This husband was extremely romantic and caring. He used his talents to show his appreciation for his wife. It was not a gift that traditionally conveyed romance by most peoples’ definition. However, he was clearly thinking about her, went out of his way to add his personal touch by doing the refinishing himself and presented her a gift that she appreciates everyday. Now that’s romantic! Congratulations, whoever you are, on being elected to the Romantic Husbands Hall of Fame.

  3. that’s me and my husband remarried 2.5 yrs…..still learning how to live and communicate together…….now he’s “done” and wants out……I felt he should handle something one way and he didn’t (son’s mother ex still flirts and crosses the line) I need verbal “i love you” he doesn’t praying to hold on and praying for him that the wounds we’ve caused each other isn’t to much…..praying that God shows himself to both of us and that we don’t run anymore from what He has for us……

    1. AW,
      Oh goodness, that sounds really painful.

      Would you want to talk a bit more about what is going on?

      How may I pray for you?

      Would you be interested in doing a spiritual checkup with me?

      Much love to you!

    2. AW,

      I can understand how that would be painful if his son’s mother still flirts with him. How does he try to handle it?

      Are there ways he shows love without words? A lot of men believe that words are fairly meaningless and they try to show love in more important ways, to them, by actions. 🙂

      How are you doing in your walk with Christ, my dear sister?

      Here are some posts that may be helpful. You are welcome to search my home page for:

      – when your husband says I’m done
      – control
      – fear
      – husbands share what is disrespectful to them
      – signs your husband is feeling disrespected
      – what is respect in marriage
      – insecurity
      – security
      – contentment
      – lordship of Christ

      Much love to you!

My grandmother is on hospice and won't be with us much longer (11-30-16). I will get to comments when I am able to but I need to be with family right now. Thanks for understanding.

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