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The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom; a good understanding have all that do His commandments; His praise endures forever.  Psalm 110:10

Congratulations on making it to day 40!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Today, it is time to look back over the past 39 days (or however long it took to get through those dares) and write about one situation that happened over these many weeks that shows you how God is at work in your life.

Nina Roesner suggests writing in the first sentence who was there, when it happened, where you were… then talk about what happened.  And end with advice for someone else.

DARE 40:

Share your story in the comments to bless many other wives!

15 thoughts on “DAY 40 – YOUR STORY

  1. For a long time, I have been enslaved to feelings. A bad feeling would pore over me, and I would respond by searching my mind and surroundings for the source of it- for the explanation. This would lead me to anger with my husband for not making me happy.

    I recently realized that not every feeling that I feel is mine. I looked at is as a whisper of the devil, not as intuitive truth of the heart, and suddenly, I was free. If not every feeling is “mine” then I do not have to pursue or allow myself to feel them. I do not even have to examine them. They don’t belong to me.

    But then I was reading Scripture and Jesus says, “For it is from within, out of a person’s heart, that evil thoughts come”. So perhaps thinking that these feelings are not actually my own is not Biblical… which led me to the verses about the old and new man warring within us in Romans. The carnal mind at emnity with God generates feelings that the new man within me rejects.

    So, not every feeling I feel belongs to the bondservant. It sounds funny, but saying to a feeling “no, you don’t belong to me” helps strip it of its power. I will go for days battling a sad feeling, denying its right to belong or be examined, and then it disappears. It seems that over time, my strength to fight these things is growing.

    Somehow, I think Christian men “get” this as they are accustomed to battling with feelings of lust. They rightfully see it as both outside them (the new them) and within them (the old them).

    1. Love this!!!!! Thank you Renata! I need to do a post on this topic again. Would you please allow me to quote you?

      Search “My Demon” on my home page if you haven’t read that post yet!

      Much love

      1. Have u done a post on this yet, Peaceful Wife, The battle of feelings. Any topics that can relate?

  2. Please consider any of my comments to be open source- no permission necessary.

    I read that one… pondered it for a while. I think it spawned this whole “freedom”.

  3. One thing I feel God has helped me with over the past few weeks is trust – trusting my husband and trusting Christ to lead my husband.

    One example – I am a nervous nelly. I don’t even like my husband hanging Christmas lights outside, because I don’t think it’s safe. I even used to take anti-anxiety medications. So when my husband decided he should get up on our very steep roof to clean it, I wanted to freak out. The days leading up to the event, I did mention other options, such as paying someone to do it. But my husband doesn’t believe in paying someone to do something that he can do himself. So, of course it came down to him getting up there. On that day, I was outside with him, I held the ladder when he went up and down, and I prayed for his safety. But, ultimately, I felt a lot calmer than I would have in the past. All the self-help books they have out there don’t compare to Jesus!

    Another example – My husband decided we should move to a different house in a different town. But I didn’t want to move. I like our house, and I am the type of person that gets attached to a home. Many of the houses we looked at weren’t as nice as our current house. I wanted to cry after we looked at each one. Over the past couple of weeks, we came down to the wire. Our current house is under contract, so we had to find something quick. Fortunately, God has been working on my heart. So I am now semi-ok with moving to a different town. But my husband wanted to get one house and I wanted to get a different one. I did let him know my opinion, but I tried my best to keep my mouth shut and allow God to lead him. A few days ago we decided to make an offer on the one that he chose. All night I couldn’t sleep. I think I only got about two hours of sleep that night. I got up, praying and crying out to God to intervene, unless it was His will. Then over the next couple of days, it looked like we wouldn’t get that house. So we kept looking at houses, but they were all in worse shape than that one. So during those couple of days, I believe God was showing me that things could be a lot worse, and that I was being a brat. I felt guilty and apologized to God. (Fortunately, my husband didn’t know the turmoil I was going through on the inside.) So as it stands right now, it does look like we will be getting the house my husband chose.

    I am learning that God does guide my husband, even though things might not appear that way to me, because it doesn’t match up with what I want. And I am learning that even if my husband does choose to do the wrong thing – it will still end up ok, it’s not the end of the world, and God still has me in the palm of His hand.

    Thank you for allowing me to be open and honest. I don’t have any female friends who I can be this “real” with. So I really appreciate this blog! 🙂

  4. I know this late but God has blessed with a very busy summer (3 different summer camps). I say blessed because what better way to learn how to delegate, learning personal limtations, and budgeting.

    My avenue of growth stems from the idea not taking on “fights” that aren’t mines. Every wife to a point struggles with the hovering aka smothering syndrome.

    When I was a kid, my Mom would hover a lot to the point where she
    would heavily critique you so bad to quitting. Not to mention this
    accompany with idea that I am responsible for everything and I can fix it, right? Wrong.

    I have learned that my husband does not need me to hover, fix, be anything. When I finally had to courage to put my pride aside and asked

    would accompany guilt(the idea that you can fix everyone), ver

    1. Corronda,

      Many women are still going through different dares – no worries! I am so thankful for your story. What an important lesson about not hovering. We hate it when a mom or someone does that to us – I know I sure do! And our husband’s don’t thrive in that kind of stifling environment either!

      Much love to you!

  5. I was watching a secular TV show called Insight and the discussion topic was forgiveness. One man discussed forgiving someone for killing his son in a drink driving accident. This man was instrumental in giving testimony at the parole hearing to have the drink driver released early. He said that forgiveness was a process and that it is empowering. That resonated with me.
    I couldn’t understand why my husband felt so much resentment towards me even though I had tried so hard to change some destructive behaviour and had succeeded. Surely my excellent progress would empower him?. I realised I was so easily angered because I felt I had no power in pleasing him. A quick google search on “how can I empower my husband” led me to this blog.
    At first I read with my head and not wisdom. An intellectual understanding of sin isn’t enough to effect change.
    Then I was putting some things into practice but still being resentful on the inside. Simply faking it doesn’t work if its not real it shows.
    I cycled through the frustrated quiet phase for a long time. I didn’t get true repentance. How exactly do I nail sin to the cross? What does that really mean anyway? Why do I have to be humble while he gets to be mean and I’m not allowed to say anything about it?
    I started to be able to acknowledge my own sin but still couldn’t let go of judging others first. I saw mountainous plank piles in others but couldn’t see my own. Biting my tongue because it was right but not because it was in my heart and I prayed and prayed.
    When you started The Respect Dare I was determined to be brutally honest and to post my progress publicly so there would be no hiding. Once it’s out there online it’s there forever.
    It has been a painful and scary journey but I have learned much about staying silent in peace.

    About showing love and respect through actions and not words.

    How my hormones rule my emotions and my emotions lie to me.

    Love is action and respect is a verb.

    Gods love and forgiveness for us is immeasurable.

    He gave us his only son who died an awful death so that we could be freed from sin.

    Christ is my strength and my goal.

    I’ve only just stated to grow in this journey. There is still much work in me to be done. But I am on the road now.

    My advice is focus on Christ over and above everything including your husband and our culture. When you do that miracles happen.

    I have grown so much and I’m not scared of the work still to come. Being a respectful wife seems more attainable now. I’m not up to the wisdom bit yet. But I’m getting there.

    Thank you April and Nina for this journey. Your responses are always so supportive and encouraging. I am closer to God and my man through this.

    Much love Tam

    1. Tam,

      I am SO thankful for you and for your determination to share how you are doing with the dares. I LOVE what God is doing in your heart. I believe we ALL go through those stages you described. I know I definitely did! I am thrilled about the plans God has for you. I hope you will continue to let me know how you are doing. You are such a blessing to me!

      1. April,
        Thank you for your support again; this has been a powerful experience and God is working mightily!!
        Tomorrow is my 16th wedding anniversary and we’ve been living together for nearly 18. This time last year I didn’t see us making it till Christmas.
        He is at work in us and I am so thankful for the changes ahead.
        I thank God for your ministry He is using this to bless many women.

        Is there anything I can pray for you?

        Much love Tam

        1. Tam,

          God is SO VERY GOOD! 🙂 I thank and praise Him for all He is doing and will do in your life! WOOOHOO!

          Please pray that God might empower me to do all that He desires me to do – that I would speak His Word boldly and with His love and compassion. Please pray that I would be faithful to Him above all and that my life might bring Him the greatest glory possible. Please pray for God to protect my husband and family and myself from the attacks of the enemy and from temptation. Please pray that I might continually make myself fully and totally submitted to Christ and that I might hear His voice and be quick to obey Him in all things.

          And, please pray for all the women who read my words – that God’s Spirit might speak through me to them. And that He might work powerfully in each of them for His glory and His will to be accomplished in their lives. 🙂

          Thank you so much, Tam!

          I appreciate you being my sister in Christ – and my co-laborer in Christ – blessing so many wives by sharing your journey. Please keep sharing! 🙂

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