The Respect Dare, Day 7 – A New Tongue

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.  Ephesians 4:29

Ok, ladies – this is a TOUGH one!!!!!  We have GOT to be abiding in Christ, feasting on His Word daily, praying humbly for ourselves and our husbands and seeking God with all our hearts, asking Him to fill us with His Spirit or we cannot have victory in this area.

God has given us incredible verbal abilities to use our words to give life, affirm, encourage, bless, support and build up our men (and children and others around us, as well).  But when our sinful nature is in control, we can use our verbal abilities to attack, insult, gossip, slander, tear down, destroy and kill our husbands (and others).

Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing.  My brothers, this should not be.  James 3:10

The tongue holds the power of life and death.  Proverbs 18:21

  • It is time for us to decide to lay down the weapon of our tongue.
  • It is time to stop using our words to fire verbal bullets at our husbands.
  • It is time to stop using our words to tear down our husbands to other people and to destroy our marriages and our husbands’ reputations on Facebook, to our friends, to our other family members, to our coworkers.  (If we have serious problems, let’s only talk to a godly mentoring wife, a Christian counselor or pastor  about it – but even then, let’s be respectful, truthful and not try to slander our husbands or destroy their reputation in our church, neighborhood or community.)
  • It is time to stop negativity, complaining, arguing and a critical spirit.
  • It is time to begin to speak of the GOOD things in our husbands to others (Philippians 4:8).
  • It is time to praise our husbands and talk about what we admire.
  • It is time to learn to use our mouths to bless our husbands at all times.

A minimum requirement of respecting our husbands is that we do not tear them down in public.


It is SO VERY EASY today to get together to chat with our girlfriends and to listen to everyone else bash and ridicule her husband and then to join in.   Sadly, disrespecting our husbands has become normal today.  In fact:

  • if you choose NOT to insult your husband to your girl friends, you will be “weird.”
  • if you go so far as to actually say GOOD things about your man – many of your friends, even ones who claim Christ, may look at you like you are from another planet.
  • if you talk about respecting your husband – you can expect confrontation and anger from many other women.
  • if you have the gall to talk about biblical submission (Ephesians 5:22-33, Titus 2:2-5, I Corinthians 11:3), well… you might just have rotten tomatoes thrown at your head.  Even in your own family.  Even among women who say they are Christians.  That is how deeply poisoned even the church has become with the world’s messages about femininity, masculinity and marriage.  God’s Word is often not tolerated even in “Christian” circles.  How awful is that!?!

Keep in mind that you will become like those friends you hang around.  If your friends are tearing down their men, these are not friends you can spend much time with.  Not if you desire to be a godly wife who honors and obeys Christ and who respects and honors your husband’s God-given leadership.


Let’s make a covenant with our lips not to tear our husbands down verbally to other people out of respect for our husbands and reverence for Christ.


This was a really big struggle for me for the first year or two of this journey of respect and biblical submission.  I wanted to learn wisdom.  I wanted to have discretion.  But at first, I realized that almost every word out of my mouth was negative, critical, complaining, contentious, gossip or hurtful.  At first, I got really quiet as I tried to stop all the negative and disrespectful words from coming out of my mouth.

For me,  I personally had to take a few steps back emotionally from extended family, friends and coworkers because I did not trust my mouth.  It took a long time before I could confidently sit in a group of women and NOT blurt out something hurtful about my husband.  Seriously.  I don’t know that you will need to be that extreme.  Or, maybe you will have a group of wives who will support you in your efforts to stop criticizing, blaming, shaming and complaining about your husband and who will keep you accountable if you slip up.

It takes time to learn to stop the bad stuff.  And at first the positive and good stuff feels awkward, weird and foreign on your lips.  But it becomes more natural as you practice and keep doing it.


Nina Roesner has some REALLY good questions on today’s dare.  I dare you to check them out and really do some soul searching with them if you have the book!

I have a few questions to ask you as well:

1.  Do your family members and friends encourage you to say negative things and complain about life and others in general, and specifically about your husband?  What do you believe you may need to do when you are with these people to honor Christ and your marriage covenant?

2. Does your husband feel you support him and show respect to him in the way you speak with others?  Want to ask him and see what he thinks?  If you do this – please just listen and really focus on hearing his heart on this issue.  Whatever you do – do not attack him or list all of his failures.  Just listen to his answer and pray for God to give you wisdom about what you may need to change.

3.  Do you tend to say every thought that comes into your head?  Or do you filter your words wisely with discretion and wisdom – making sure that your words will benefit and bless those who listen?  What do you believe God would like to change in your life in this area?


Our Words Can Cause Catastrophic Damage

Finding the Hero In Our Husbands – Youtube video