This is a continuation of a series about How Husbands Process Emotions. Thank you to this husband for sharing! I am extremely grateful for the men who have been willing to sacrifice their time and put forth a lot of effort to answer these questions. I pray God might help us all as wives to better understand our own men. As we make comments, it is my desire for us to be sure to honor the men who shared and to honor our husbands. It is a great privilege to me that these men are opening their hearts and sharing this kind of information with us.
- How affected are you by your wife’s emotions (good and bad)?
a) Her emotions are just that …Her emotions… I try never to let my emotions get the better of me simply because I know that people who think with their emotions tend to be overdramatic and go a bit over board with things and usually let any given situation get the better of them other than the other way around… meaning them taking control over the situation…
b) When her emotions are good then obviously I am glad for that, when they are bad, they’re usually really bad and it then becomes a whole new dynamic. Regardless of the circumstances surrounding her bad emotions… things can usually be worked out.
- If your wife has been disrespectful for a long time, how does her disrespect alter how much her emotions affect you?
a) Regardless of whether or not she disrespects me, which I have to say, she is mostly very respectful towards me, but on the odd occasion that she might disrespect me , her emotional state during a conflict would actually not sway me either way… I understand she is an emotional person and that’s just how she deals with things. I simply let her go on about whatever it is she feels the need to go on about then when she’s done I’ll say something.
- How important is your wife’s happiness is to you when you feel respected vs. disrespected?
a) My wife’s happiness will always be important to me regardless of whether or not she respects me, or not.
4. If you have a serious disagreement and your wife verbally attacks you and accuses you of things like being unloving, hating her, being a horrible husband, never listening, etc… what do you have to do in your mind to process that kind of negative emotion?
a) Without fail, I always seem to find myself asking …”Why can’t she see that all I have done since we’ve been together has been for her and our family” … The I realize she is a person who needs things like, someone to listen and talk with, validation, and to feel needed. I, on the other hand, do not and I have to tell myself that from time to time and then act accordingly.
5. Do you think with words when you are working through how you feel or what your emotions are about a conflict with your wife?
a) Well I can say that I have in the past asked (out loud) “Lord what am I supposed to learn from this?” when I am dealing with something she may have said to me but for the most part I just think internally about it until I can come to some resemblance of certainty as to what she was talking about or what she was really trying to get across to me.
6. How difficult is it to put your emotions in words? Do you need time to be able to do this, or can you talk about emotions immediately during the conflict?
As I just mentioned in the last question… I tend to need the time to go over it then I can say what I am feeling about it. However, there has been times when I just come right out and say what exactly is on my mind, usually ending up in a less than desirable outcome…
7. How safe is it for you to be genuinely honest with your wife about your emotions? What makes you feel emotionally safe or unsafe with her?
Extremely Safe – Honestly …my wife is the only one whom I trust with any of my emotions. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I can trust her explicitly when it comes to that.
8. How would it affect your communication with your wife if you knew that your wife would be on your team and support you even if you were honest about your negative emotions and feelings?
THIS is how I want our husbands to feel! Most men don’t share their emotions with anyone but their wives. If they can’t share safely with us – they have NO ONE in their corner usually. I want us to be this haven and sanctuary of peace, acceptance, empathy, comfort and understanding for our men.
I want them to know they are safe with us and that we will do them good and not evil all the days of our lives. I want them to know they can trust us. This means – that we must be trustworthy! I want them to know that we are on their side and that we have faith in them and that we support them no matter what happens. This is the kind of marriage I pray for Christians to experience. It is a win/win for both the wife and the husband.